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“Joe Biden wets himself when Palin’s name is mentioned, and Obama isn’t any better.”
“Some of the things that I have heard Obama say on the campaign trail over the weekend… I’m beginning to question not just this whole messiah thing, but what’s genuinely up there between the ears.”
“Why in the world would I feel pessimistic or defeated? My parents wouldn’t understand my life. They wouldn’t believe it! It is blessed. I’ve got nothing to complain about.”
“Don’t just ask; do something! Look at Sarah Palin. Can you believe this? She’s where she is today because she decided she had to go to a PTA meeting to straighten out her kids’ school. You know how many potential Sarah Palins there are out there doing just that?”
“There is no way that MSNBC can define itself as a success… unless you want to say that they make more people mad with genuine, irrational, insane stupidity every night than any network ever has.”
“I’m all for shaking up Washington, but not in how it’s presented in a political campaign. I want to shake up Washington by getting as many liberals out of there as possible.”
“Poor old Chris Matthews. I know he’s in the tank and I know he gets tingling things in his leg when he sees Obama, but this poor guy has a respectable Sunday morning show. Well, compared to MSNBC, it’s respectable.”
“I think Kim Jong Il must be terribly ill because he never misses the gay pride parade, which is held every year in North Korea in Judy Garland Memorial Park in Pyongyang.”
“Once again, ladies and gentlemen: 30 lawyers and opposition research people are in Alaska digging for dirt on Sarah Palin. We just have to remind everybody here that no personal attack ever lowered the price of gasoline or added a point to the gross domestic product.”
“You shouldn’t have worried about the Secret Service talking to you, Curt. This is not the Clinton administration.”