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“The new conservative ‘methaners’ are always looking for opportunities to advance themselves at the expense of the movement. They’d be the first to pounce if one of us had said what the Reverend Jackson did.”
“The followers of the Reverend Jackson have to wonder: Is a castrated Messiah more effective than an endowed Messiah? I can just see Chris Matthews asking his panel of experts if a high-pitched Obama could get the support of Hillary’s voters.”
“I have to issue a thanks. I mean, I have been getting gardenia-scented candles sent to me out the wazoo here ever since I mentioned them a couple of weeks ago. We’re fully scented here at the EIB Network.”
“Am I right, my friends? I am talking about you. You know I’m right; I’m right even when I think I’m wrong! That’s why my accuracy rating is documented to be almost always right 98.8%.”
“Poor Martha MacCallum on Fox is doing her roundtable discussion today, and there’s no men there. They’re talking about Jesse Jackson and his desire to cut Obama’s nuts out, and I’m thinking, ‘Finally! They have some people who have experience in what they’re talking about!'”
“I’ve just been made aware that Ralph Nader has sent me an open letter. I have read this letter, and I’m convinced that this is a plot designed to make Barack Obama look intelligent.”
“It could well be that Obama hasn’t got a set to begin with, if the Official Obama Criticizer’s translation for the EIB brothers and sisters in the ‘hood is to be believed — and I have no reason not to believe it.”
“Conservatism is a daily applied intellectual achievement or activity; liberalism is not. Liberalism is one of the most gutless choices you can make. I mean, you just sit around, you know, and feel bad about your country.”
“I was listening to some of the tunes on the radio at summer camp, and my parents were getting reports back that I wasn’t socializing with the kids. That’s damn right! They were out there kicking stupid balls around and avoiding cow chips!”
“We have not seen anything from Mrs. Clinton on this testicle comment from the Reverend Jackson, but I imagine she might feel her turf’s been invaded.”