BRETT: So let me just share this with you: “A tiger is a tiger.” Here’s Rush talking about a tiger is a tiger.

RUSH: Snerdley is going back into the archives here. A tiger is a tiger. It’s just a reminder that these are not pets. These are not trainable. They’re… Well, they are somewhat, but they’re not tamable, and they don’t love you. They’re wild animals! They’re predators. A lion’s a lion.

BRETT: A lion’s a lion. A tiger’s a tiger. It’s one of the great lines from Rush Limbaugh, and in just a matter of minutes — you’re gonna stick around here . We’re gonna come back and all back together here and you’re gonna get to hear the great analysis from Rush Limbaugh, a tiger is a tiger, on the EIB Network.

BREAK TRANSCRIPT

BRETT: I love pets. I love animals. I’m an omni-animal lover. I love cats and dogs and fish and birds. I even love the big cats, you know, tigers and lions and bears. Oh, my! But one story has had me transfixed for the last week or so: The missing tiger in Houston, Texas. Imagine looking out your window on a Sunday morning and seeing a tiger sitting in your front yard.

A tiger! That’s how this next story started. “A Bengal tiger that went missing a week ago in Houston was turned in to authorities over the weekend and is safe. The tiger, named India, is allegedly owned by Victor and Gia Cuevas,” which, by the way, is illegal. The tiger ownership is illegal.

“Concerned neighbors called the police after seeing the big cat roaming around the neighborhood. The husband then fled in his Jeep with the tiger in the back seat. At the time, the police did not pursue a chase,” considering the fact that there was a tiger in the back seat of the Jeep. A tiger that’s just a baby tiger, like nine months old, but weighs in at 175 pounds.

“When they eventually caught up with Cuevas, who was also out on bail on a 2017 murder, the tiger was gone. He’s reported to have been passed around a series of homes in an effort to elude law enforcement.” Tiger safe houses? “A friend of the wife who was concerned about the tiger since it was in a cage that was far too small tipped the police off and brought him to an animal shelter.”

During a live Saturday night press conference, Houston police commander Ron Borza repeated the obvious that owning a wild animal is dangerous.

BORZA: In no way, shape, or form should you have an animal like that in your household. That animal is only nine months old and already weighs 175 pounds. Full-grown, that animal can get to 600 pounds. I work out every day. That animal was extremely powerful. If he wanted to overcome you, he could do it instantly. No doubt about it.

BRETT: Not only would Rush agree, but he would take the opportunity to remind us as he often did that a tiger is a tiger.

RUSH: I’m an animal lover like everyone else is except I do not think they’re human. You know, I have fun playing with my pets. But a lion isn’t a pet and it never will be, neither is a tiger, neither is a giraffe. They’re not pets. It’s impossible to make them pets. There are exceptions. You can take a lion, remember Clarence, the Cross-Eyed Lion, the old TV show, way, way back in the seventies? It was funny. It was a comedy show and there was a cross-eyed lion that was the star.

His name was Clarence.

He was genuinely cross-eyed and they had it rigged so the lion drove a Jeep around, looked like the lion was driving. It was a cute-as-it-could-be show, and I remember the star of the show was a guy, his first name is Marshall, and I can’t remember his last name. He had a daughter, and they ran some sort of game preserve. Or, not a game preserve, a hospital area for injured animals and so forth. And this particular lion was only usable for a very short time.

Chimpanzees are the same. Chimpanzees, when they’re little babies, are cute. You do not want to get anywhere near an adult chimpanzee. No. They’re nothing like when they’re a kid. The story of this crazed woman in Connecticut that had a pet chimpanzee and her friend came over, I don’t even want to describe to you what happened. It’s sickening what the chimpanzee did, but the chimpanzee was just doing what chimpanzees do.

You know, a chimpanzee is a chimpanzee; a lion’s a lion; a tiger is a tiger. You know, ask Siegfried and Roy. They had this act in Las Vegas with I think Persian tigers. From the moment the lions in their act were born, or tigers, Persian tigers, from the moment they were born they slept with them. They tried to raise them as pets. They were constantly with them. They tried to get these tigers as docile and take the predator out of ’em, and one of these guys, Siegfried or Roy, not sure which of the two, ends up nearly killed.

And, by the way, he knew right where to go. He went for this guy’s carotid artery. He was wounded, then had a stroke in recovery or shortly after, and that was the end of the act. I remember the tiger’s name was Montecore. They wanted to put the animal down and Siegfried and Roy, whichever one was still conscious, “No, don’t put the animal down.” They knew it wasn’t the animal’s fault, a tiger is a tiger, does what it does.

BRETT: So, thankfully, the story out of Houston has a happy ending. The tiger, India, was transferred to the Cleveland Amory Black Beauty Ranch. It’s a sanctuary for animals, including other tigers. As for the husband? Well, he’s now gonna be kept where that tiger was kept: Behind bars. (laughs) We’ll have to see how this story develops over time.

I’m always fascinated by these sorts stories for the logistics involved in these sorts of stories. You look at somebody who has a tiger or a lion, something obviously huge and loud, because they roar. How do you muffle that in your house, how do you keep that from being noticed by neighbors? We’ve all lived in the neighborhood with the bark dogs that barks at 3 o’clock in the morning, just will not stop, wakes you up.

What are you doing when that tiger starts roaring? What are you doing when the doorbell rings and that tiger starts scratching at the front door because you’ve got your Prime package coming in — or, heaven forbid, a steak delivery or whatever. ‘Cause, you know, these animals eat a ton of food.

They don’t literally eat a ton of food, but they eat like 10, 25 pounds of food when they’re growing up and as they get older they usually eat like 10% of their body weight. Where are you going out to get it? You’re like, “Honey, we’ve gotta go over to the big box store and grab 25 pounds of chicken for India.” “O-okay.” “For today. Then we have to go and get 25 pounds for tomorrow and 25…”

You have to feed these things. You’re exactly right. A tiger is a tiger. This is not the sort of thing you play games with because when they… Look I’ve had cats, I have cats, I like cats. I love dogs. I’ve parakeets, I’ve had fish. Like I said, I’ve had every kind of pet you can imagine that’s a domesticated sort of pet. But the reality is if you’ve ever been around a kitty cat, right?

A regular old house cat, you know you get three pets on the belly and then they’re gonna go for it. What are you doing with a tiger that’s coming in at a buck ninety? That is a wide receiver, that is a defensive back in pro football that has got that kind of strength except he’s got like Ginsu knives for claws when he comes at you. How are we processing that?

Hear going to vacation? Get a little Persian cat. Okay, you’re gonna go away overnight or two days; you leave a bowl of food, some water. What are you doing with the tiger? You leave ’em tied to the bedpost? Like, what are you doing? Not to mention litter. My gosh, a little tortoise shell can positively gas out the room. What is this tiger doing? And are you putting litter down for this guy?

And, by the way, what was he doing in that week interval that was out there on the road in Houston? Who was setting him up? What was hooking him up in the safe houses? How was he getting the food? How were they transporting him from here, there, and everywhere? I am so happy he’s now in the sanctuary, because this just goes to show the complete, profound lack of common sense that criminals (and regular people) have, thinking that, “Oh, just such a cute little tiger. Let’s keep it.”

You’re not a Russian oligarch. What are you doing?

You have no idea what you’re doing. These people with these giant animals, it’s just remarkable. Luckily they never went to California and tried to use it as an emotional support tiger on an aircraft because I think the airlines would have been forced to take ’em. And if you complained, you’d get in trouble with the federal government. They’d go, “Hey, hey! That is his emotional support Bengal tiger, India. Don’t you worry. He’s very friendly. No, he’s just… He’s not tasting you. (chuckling) He’s just licking you.”