RUSH: Now, isn’t this a kick? The very people who are now criticizing all of the conspiracy theories about the supposed suicide of Jeffrey Epstein are the very people that perpetrated the Russia hoax, the Russia conspiracy! If you want to talk about a phony conspiracy and a phony hoax that everybody on the left and the media and the intelligence community, everybody else was in on, that is it!

And there is a whole lot more evidence that they knew they were participating in a hoax and a conspiracy than there is evidence that Epstein legitimately committed suicide. Well, come on, folks! Does anybody understand what being in jail means? This is a federal prison.

I have read and I have talked to people who’ve been in these cells. They’re eight to nine feet tall. That’s how high the ceiling is. There’s nothing protruding from the ceiling on which to hang yourself. There’s nothing. The sheets on the bed are practically made of paper. They are not made to bear the weight necessary to break somebody’s neck, which is what happens to you by hanging. It’s not that you suffocate out there. It breaks your neck. Just snaps it. That’s what happens.

Now, if Epstein was gonna commit suicide, he had to have assistance. And just coincidentally, there weren’t any cameras in there. Aw, damn it. Amazing how that happens. But, folks, there were cameras on the doors. There are cameras in the hallways. There are cameras on the doors. There ought to be video of anybody who went in and out of there in the immediate period before and after Epstein supposedly committed suicide.

They also are delaying the release of the autopsy report pending more information. It just so happens the guards were overworked and understaffed, they were on overtime. I mean, it was a perfect storm of everything that could have gone wrong. I’m tending to think the guy’s not dead.

I’m tending to think they got him out of there. He’s on a different island now that he bought before all this happened. They’ve somehow transferred some of his wealth so he has somewhere to live. I mean, if we’re gonna create conspiracy theories, let’s have at it. Let’s just have at it. We’ve gotten to the point in American society where nobody trusts anything that the government says, except the left.

And everybody doubts this. I mean, Rudy Giuliani’s original tweet was filled with disbelief and doubt and “come on,” and now Rudy is back, “Oh, wait a minute, now. Let’s wait for more information to come through.” The attorney general, Bill Barr, is saying, “Hey, if you are breathing easy, if you were an Epstein coconspirator or anybody involved and you think you can breathe easy now that Epstein’s dead, you better think again.”

So a message has been sent, if somebody murdered Epstein, a message has been sent to them that they are not off the hook here. How many of you predicted — I can’t tell you the number of people in my circle who predicted Epstein would never see the inside of a courtroom, would never, ever stand trial for this. That he would be dead before that ever happened, that there were too many people who are on the verge of being destroyed if Epstein’s facts ever became public. I had people tell me who know about prisons and so forth and know about people, high profile prisoners like this, people told me — and these are not kooks, by the way.

These are not people who are run conspiracy websites. And they said to me, “Rush, this guy is not safe in that jail in New York and they won’t be safe until they get him to a super max somewhere. He’s not gonna be safe. If somebody wants to take this guy out, there’s gonna be a way to make that happen. It’s not that difficult to do. Guards don’t make that much money. There’s any number of ways. In fact, if Epstein wanted to commit suicide and there’s no way to do it by hanging, you can do it with drug overdose, any number of ways that he could pay somebody to assist him to do this.”

If you’ve got a conspiracy theory that nobody’s thought of, I’d love to hear it. I mean, we may as well just have fun with this.

BREAK TRANSCRIPT

RUSH: My friends, we have a statement from former President Clinton on the death of Jeffrey Epstein.

BEGIN PARODY TRANSCRIPT

ANNOUNCER: Now a message of comfort and condolence to all those who knew Jeffrey Epstein from former President Bill Clinton…

CLINTON: My fellow Americans, let me be the first to say that all Jeffrey was is just a donor and random acquaintance that I accepted a flight or two from — we really didn’t have that much in common — and that Hillary and I had both hoped that all those women that said they were underage prostitutes but looked at least 18 at the time would get to testify against him in a court of law. Unfortunately, now he will never be able to corroborate their stories. So, yes, a sad chapter has closed. I only hope each of these women can find peace while knowing that they have come forward publicly, and given facts about what their real name is and where they now reside. Hillary and I both wish them well and encourage them to move forward from this awful moment to a new life of silent reflection and safety. Thank you.

END PARODY TRANSCRIPT

RUSH: Right. So a veiled warning there. President Clinton says, “You women have outed yourselves now. We know who you are and where you live. We hope you’ll be able to contemplate your future in silence and in safety. A safety from…” That, by the way (let there be no mistake here) is “white comedian Paul Shanklin” and a Bill Clinton impersonation, lest there be anybody confused. In this day and age, satire and parody are a lost art and a lost talent ’cause nobody can laugh anymore, especially people out on the left.

BREAK TRANSCRIPT

RUSH: So Attorney General William Barr has just concluded a press conference basically detailing the irregularities and the incompetence and the unbelievable lackadaisical attitude and behavior among the employees at the prison. He said it’s simply intolerable, unacceptable. Let me tell you what this means. The government is going to rely on what they know they can rely on: Incompetence. Everybody thinks government can do nothing right, including protect the life of a star witness.

I have to tell you, folks, I have opened the door: Any conspiracy theory you want to play in, think might have been the case, have at it today. But when you get right down to it, the fact that government incompetence may be the explanation is something that cannot be ignored. It just can’t be. Particularly when you’re talking about bureaucracies. We’re getting the excuse now that many of the guards were overworked, that some of them on this shift had put in 80 hours that week, that they were working on overtime.

Now, these facts are being shoveled out to us to explain — not justify, but to explain — the incompetence, to explain how the unthinkable could happen. They are relying on people ultimately accepting the idea that government doesn’t do much right, or that government screws up, because everybody has experience with it. I’m still struck by the idea that he hung himself. Sorry, hanged. You gotta be very careful when you start using these words.

“Hung” is not the right word for when you want to describe what somebody did to themselves. You want to say “such-and-such hung yesterday.” No, don’t. That describes something entirely different. Hanged is the correct word here. But in this prison, it’s not possible. In any prison! In a high-security place like this, a federal prison, there’s nothing in the ceiling to hang yourself from. There aren’t any bars on the windows. The beds and the toilet and everything are attached to the wall at basically floor level. It would be seemingly impossible — unless somebody was in there assisting.

But there was no video inside. There was only video outside. The autopsy results are not in. What could possibly be taking so long? The death happened on Saturday morning at 6:30. It was announced “dead by hanging,” “committed suicide.” What’s taking the autopsy so long? Why does the medical examiner say that he’s waiting on other information to be furnished? So now the attorney general — who has a lot of credibility, a lot of credibility — goes out and basically describes this as unacceptable. There’s gonna be an official investigation into this. And, you know, that’s where things go to die: Investigations.

Oftentimes that’s where things go to die. That’s where people who want to bury something bury it, in an investigation. Which may never end — which, in fact, may never really begin, and for which there may never be an announcement of its conclusions. But I think back to all of these crazy things that have happened in my lifetime where the government has been involved offering an explanation, and a number of people that refuse to believe it. Like remember TWA Flight 800?

It was just flying from JFK to Paris, and over East Moriches of Long Island the thing just blew up. Speaking of which, Brian Williams was on MSNBC that night, and there was video of debris hitting the ocean. He was actually doing a Don Lemon. He was asking guests, “Could the passengers have survived? Could we be watching some passengers holding onto seat cushions landing in the ocean?” What’s the guest supposed to say? The thing blew up at about 12,000 feet! Cameras were sweeping the skies looking for debris, trying to find evidence that there might be something who parachuted!

Parachuted? From a commercial plane?

So people’s minds start wandering immediately, and James Kallstrom of the FBI was the head of the New York office of the FBI at the time. He ran the investigation and concluded that because it was a 747, it did not have to fill the fuel tanks for that flight from New York to Paris. It did not require the fuel tanks to be filled. One of the tanks had no fuel in it, just fumes. Something ignited the fumes in a nearly empty fuel tank and bammo! That was it. But you remember all the people who claimed, “Ah, it’s not true! I saw a missile!

“Al-Qaeda did it! Terrorists did it! I saw the missile launched. I saw the missile hit the plane.” Kallstrom went nuts trying to refute all of these claims that people were making — and every one of them got a fair-share amount of TV time. There were the people who just refused to believe it. “Airplanes don’t just blow up” was the response. “It just doesn’t happen.” It was in the midst of numerous hijackings and other terrorist activity when TWA 800 blew up. It was not that long after Pan Am 103, whatever it was, was blown up by a terrorist bomb over Lockerbie, Scotland.

So when these things happen, the final conclusion is incompetence on somebody’s part. In this case, it was incompetence in the way the airplane was fueled. Nobody should have left a nearly empty fuel tank with nothing but fumes in there. It just should not have happened. There should not have been guards working 80-hour shifts in the Epstein prison corridor, all of this stuff. They’re just trying to rely on the fact that there’s government incompetence. They’re not using those words. That’s what you’re supposed to conclude.

Maybe a little bit short of incompetence, because the word is that the guards were so overworked, so much overtime going on, that they were not being properly observant of the Epstein cell. He had been on suicide watch and then came off suicide watch. There were stories just two days ago earlier that his attorney said, “Hey, he’s in pretty good spirits. He’s adapting to prison life here.” His attorneys put that out. People buy that stuff. Then two days later, he commits suicide. Why commit suicide if you’re just starting to adjust and adapt to prison life? Well, obviously he hasn’t had time to adapt to prison life.

There’s no way Epstein adapted to prison life. There’s no way. Do you know Epstein was meeting with his lawyers 12 hours a day? I guarantee you they were trying to figure ways to get him out of there. Within the legal system, I mean. I don’t think Epstein had yet come to the realization that his life was over. But if he had… Given the life he led, if he had suddenly had this realization that where he was, was it — there was not gonna be anything better, and maybe worse in a super max — then who knows?

But it’s just so convenient that all of the people who could have been identified now probably won’t be, meaning people who had visited him to partake in the pedophilia that he was engaging in and offered, ’cause that’s what he was. He was a pedophile, folks. The word’s not used much. They talk about “underage girls” coming in to do “massages.” It was pedophilia going on in there, and a lot of people were aware of it. There was obviously rampant drug use going on inside these places. If you ask me, that blue-striped temple down in the Virgin Islands was where really all of the hot-and-bothered activity was taking place.

This is interesting too. “Jeffrey Epstein’s Lawyers Have Hired Criminal Defense Attorneys — In the wake of Jeffrey Epstein’s death over the weekend, a report says two of the high-flying financier’s longtime lawyers are seeking outside legal counsel of their own. The New York Times reported Sunday that lawyers Jeffrey Schantz and Darren Indyke recently hired criminal defense attorneys to represent them. According to the Times, the pair were ‘involved with some of his trusts and other entities in New York and in the Virgin Islands.’

“Court documents show Epstein’s vast fortune is valued at least $559 million.” He had to have more than that to be living the way he was. For everything that is being reported about him to be true, he would need a net worth of more than $559 million — and the strange thing is, nobody can ever remember him working anywhere. Nobody can ever remember him trading stocks. He was supposedly a stock and investment adviser. Nobody can ever point to a single trade that he made for anybody. His ties with the founder of Victoria’s Secret, Leslie Wexner, are now widely reported.

Basically Epstein was in effect given the $77 million town house in New York and one of the private jets, was given those things to him by Wexner. All the girls and the lawyers and the household staff and the pilots all lived in the same Epstein-owned building elsewhere in Manhattan so that Epstein could keep an eye on every employee.

You know how much this costs? A, you pay these people, the pilots, whatever, then you have to buy a New York building and keep it up and maintain it. And everybody that works for you lives in this building. Then you have to put in the spy system to keep an eye on them. The girls that are the young pedophile victims, the masseuses, they live in these places too.

The way Epstein was living, the way it is portrayed, there’s no way he could have — I know you think this is, “Rush, you give me $500 million, you watch.” That’s my point, if his net worth is 500 million, it means that he’s not touching that. He’s living off whatever that earns. Because I guarantee you the amount of money he’s spending buying things — islands? Constructing things from scratch on islands?

It’s inconceivable the amount of money he was spending versus no known source of income for it all. This has given rise to what he was actually running was a gigantic extortion racket. That he had photos and videos of everybody that had come in to avail themselves of his underage women and that he was extorting all of them for all of these years.

Now, when I read that, I said, “That can’t be. One of these guys would have taken him out long before this.” But if it’s an extortion racket, think of the money that would be generating. Look, there are going to be questions about where this guy got his money, when nobody can remember him working other than for this Wexner guy in Ohio, which is the headquarters of the business that houses Victoria’s Secret and so forth. But even that guy says that he abandoned Epstein and cut him loose some years ago. Anyway, it just doesn’t pass the smell test on any number of levels. I’m talking about just the things that have been reported.

BREAK TRANSCRIPT

RUSH: To Baton Rouge, Louisiana, next. This is Mike. Thank you for your patience in holding on. Hi.

CALLER: Patience is a virtue, my child, is what my mother always told me. So here’s what happens. Secret Service comes in and extracts him from the cell. They put him in protective custody. He is the insurance to help drain the swamp. The Drive-Bys sweep it under the rug ’cause they ain’t gonna pay attention to it anyways, and then Trump, either before or after the election, gets to perp walk these people that need to go down.

RUSH: Okay. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. You launched there like a nuclear missile at me. Let’s go back to the beginning. You think the Secret Service went into the jail and got Epstein out of there?

CALLER: Correct.

RUSH: Okay.

CALLER: They know him by face anyway. They’ve been on his plane.

RUSH: Well, of course. Everybody knows him by face. So they went in, they got him, they somehow got past the guards or they had a note, they had a note from Trump saying please give Epstein to us, whatever, and they get Epstein out and where did they take him, did you say?

CALLER: He’s in protective custody now. You gotta hold your asset. He’s the one that can drop the bomb —

RUSH: He’s Trump’s asset for what purpose?

CALLER: To drain the swamp. To prove to ’em that it can be done. It takes a while. You can’t just pull the plug and everything goes down the hole.

RUSH: Well, but how’s Epstein gonna drain the swamp? ‘Cause of the dirt that he’s got on the swamp?

CALLER: He knows a lot of people that went down to the island.

RUSH: Well, yeah, but I’m walking through the actual footprints of your theory. The Secret Service — I like the CIA, but we’ll stick with the Secret Service, walks in and gets Epstein out of there. He’s in protective custody so that Trump can use Epstein’s knowledge of misbehavior by denizens of the swamp to eventually make it public and destroy them?

CALLER: Correct.

RUSH: That’s what’s going on. Okay.

CALLER: It’s genius. You know he’s smart. And thank you, sir. I appreciate —

RUSH: Wait, wait, wait, wait. We still have 30 seconds. One question. How, in your conspiracy theory, like every one of those Secret Service agents, how is their secrecy ensured?

CALLER: Ah, well, they get paid and they’re supposed to do it anyways. They’re selected by hand —

RUSH: Yeah. And the guards are supposed to make sure that prisoners don’t commit suicide in prison in their cells, either.

CALLER: Well, when you walk through at a higher pay rate, you’re gonna be able to walk in there and do what you need to do.

RUSH: I see.

CALLER: Somebody was told to shut up —

RUSH: All right.

CALLER: — and pull him out —

RUSH: I love it. I absolutely love it.

BREAK TRANSCRIPT

RUSH: Here’s Louie, Louie on the phone from Orlando, California. Great to have you.

CALLER: Hi. Hey, thank you for having me on the show, Rush. I’m a longtime listener all the way back to ’84 when you were here in California.

RUSH: Thank you very much.

CALLER: I just retired from the Department of Corrections after 22 years —

RUSH: State or federal?

CALLER: (crosstalk)

RUSH: State or federal?

CALLER: State.

RUSH: State?

CALLER: State. State of California.

RUSH: So you’ve had to put up with Kamala Harris as attorney general, then?

CALLER: (chuckles) Yes.

RUSH: Okay.

CALLER: I put up with a lot of things and kept going.

RUSH: That’s right. That’s right.

CALLER: A lot of things on us all the time. We’re always be scrutinized. But I can tell you right now, I’ve been in a reception center at San Quentin State Prison, and I’ve worked at Pelican Bay State Prison for over 17-1/2 years. But at the reception center, when you get new people in — and especially for child molestation charges — their world is turned upside down. So he was a man that had everything, and he was also the predator. Now in prison he’s gonna be the victim or however you might want to say. He’s gonna be the person being looked at. So —

RUSH: Well, you know… (crosstalk) Wait a minute, now. You’re highlighting something I’ve wanted to mention for a long time. I read things like, “Prisoners do not like child molesters. A child molester gets thrown in there and the prison population…” (laughs) We’re talking about criminals to begin with!

CALLER: Absolutely, but they have a code.

RUSH: A bunch of criminals don’t like child molesters?

CALLER: They have a code. There’s, like, a code with these guys, and child molestation is just one of the things they don’t do.

RUSH: Yeah, but Epstein’s not in gen pop.

CALLER: They call ’em “chomo.”

RUSH: In your lingo, Epstein was never in “gen pop.” He’s in an isolated cell. This is a high-rise prison here in New York that he’s in.

CALLER: Absolutely, but he knew what he was facing. He’s facing 40 years, and he’s not gonna be in a high-rise prison for the rest of his life.

RUSH: Well, I know. But I’m talking about accessibility. The general population couldn’t get to the guy.

CALLER: Well, I can tell you this, Rush. The inmates that come to us, they’re not in general population when they first come in. We put ’em in segregated housing units, and they kill themselves in there. I’ve dealt with many suicides in my own unit. I was the lieutenant of it.

RUSH: What’s the most, shall we say, popular method of suicide in your experience?

CALLER: Hanging is the most.

RUSH: All right. That’s what I’ve read. Ninety percent are hanging.

CALLER: Yes.

RUSH: But in this prison cell there was… According to somebody with experience in this jail, an inmate, there is nothing in this cell on which to hang anything. There’s not a chandelier for Bill Clinton to swing on, a coat hanger. Nothing!

CALLER: Well… (laughs)

RUSH: There’s nothing, and it’s a nine-foot tall, eight-foot tall, floor-to-ceiling height.

CALLER: Yes.

RUSH: There’s nothing to hang oneself with in there. So how’s it done?

CALLER: Well, this is another thing, Rush. All it takes is seven pounds of pressure on the neck to deprive your veins and (crosstalk) —

RUSH: Okay. So now it’s easy.

CALLER: — so he could have just leaned across something to force it on his neck, if you would put anything in the cell with him. He could lean over on that until he goes to sleep and eventually he’s die on from it. So you could put something to hang from. I’ve had… Not personally had. But in the Department of Corrections they’ve had where all they had was a little drain in the center floor ’cause it’s called the rubber room. They gave ’em a shirt or a sheet, and he took that, put it around his neck, and weaved it through that drain, and he turned himself on the floor several times so it tightened around his neck and he committed suicide that way.

RUSH: Yeah, here’s the thing. The thing about this, Louie, is that the equipment… The New York Post had a column written by — well, it was dictated — a former inmate, somebody had served time in this prison who said nothing like this. You’re right about rubber room. Everything in the cell is rubber. There’s nothing. There are no bars. There’s nothing to hang anybody on anything with anything. Nothing. Zip, zero, nada.

There’s nothing protruding were the ceiling, nothing protruding from the walls. The sheets, he said, are paper. They’re not nearly strong enough to contain or do anything with somebody. He said Epstein weighs 200 pounds, but even people that weigh much less than that. This guy made it sound… The purpose of his piece was to make it sound impossible that what we’re being told is true, that Epstein committed suicide by hanging. It simply is not possible in one of these cells in this particular corrections center.

CALLER: We don’t know how he got killed. Did he hang himself? Did he cut himself?

RUSH: Well, they say he hung himself. He had marks on his neck. But they haven’t released the autopsy report. (interruption) Well, I’ve been asking why the M.E… I know that means “medical examiner” ’cause I watch cop shows. The M.E. says that they’re still waiting on information, more information before rendering the — or making public the — result of the autopsy. And then there were two pictures of Epstein being rolled in there, supposedly, from his prison cell being rolled into the hospital. The New York Post had pictures.

There were two of them, and one of them it was obviously Epstein looking like he was asleep, sort of an ashen face. It was obvious. He was supposedly going in to hopefully be revived. This was before he had been declared dead at the hospital; this was upon arrival at the hospital. Then there was another picture of the body leaving the hospital on the way to the coroner, to the M.E., and was it shielded. And there were decoys. There was a black van and a white van both with a coroner and they left at the same time.

Nobody knows which one the alleged body, the alleged Epstein, the alleged suicide was in. So, absent photos, these conspiracy theories are gonna continue to propagate. (interruption) What, hmm? (interruption) Which story? (interruption) What story? (interruption) Which story? (interruption) Oh, oh, yeah, yeah. The names. (interruption) Yes, yes, yes. I saw that story. The names. Snerdley is trying to goose me here into mentioning some of the names. This is a key element.

On Friday, a bunch of documents were unsealed in court that mentioned nowhere near all, but a lot of names of men who had visited Epstein’s Pedophilia Emporium. Among those were George Mitchell, Democrat senator, Maine. Bill Richardson, Democrat governor, New Mexico. Who was the third name that you mentioned? (interruption) Oh, yes. Prince Andrew, who apparently will do anything to get noticed being overshadowed by everybody else in the royal family. So Prince Andrew. Those are just three of the names.

It was the next day, it was the next day that Epstein bought the farm in his prison cell where such a thing is said to be impossible. Look, I know the Clintons — folks, in fact, I’ve got this story — you’ve forgotten this. Well, no, maybe you haven’t. Stop and think of it. You remember — we detailed this — CBS News Las Vegas, August 10th — well, this is a story long ago. The most recent version of it is dated. But this story was from the Las Vegas CBS affiliate, and it is an email, claims to be an email that began to be forwarded in the mid-1990s.

It was an email that listed all of the names of all of the people surrounding the Clintons who are dead. Remember this? Now, that email had been circulating, but when CBS Las Vegas publicized it, it was kind of like CNN doing a story on the Steele dossier. It legitimized it, and so everybody started talking about it.

You know, when Comey gave Trump the golden showers story for the dossier, then Comey comes out, calls Clapper, says, “Mission accomplished,” Clapper calls CNN, says, “President knows. He’s been told about the golden showers.” They’re off and running with the Steele dossier as a primary news story now.

Well, when CBS Las Vegas ran a story on this email that was going around, it justified media coverage all over the place. And it is a long list. This email was called The Clinton Dead Pool. And it’s a list of names here of all the people who died suspiciously who had known or worked for the Clintons beginning in Arkansas.

In fact, there’s a word for what Epstein did in the jail. It’s called Arkancide. I mean, there’s a lot of people out there trying to link the Clintons to this, be which is why — grab our Clinton statement. In case you missed this in the first hour of the program, Bill Clinton issued a statement on all of this for this program, and we have it here in three, two, one.

BEGIN PARODY TRANSCRIPT

ANNOUNCER: Now a message of comfort and condolence to all those who knew Jeffrey Epstein from former President Bill Clinton…

CLINTON: My fellow Americans, let me be the first to say that all Jeffrey was is just a donor and random acquaintance that I accepted a flight or two from — we really didn’t have that much in common — and that Hillary and I had both hoped that all those woman that said they were underage prostitutes but looked at least 18 at the time would get to testify against him in a court of law.

Unfortunately, now he will never be able to corroborate their stories. So, yes, a sad chapter has closed. I only hope each of these women can find peace while knowing that they have come forward publicly, and given facts about what their real name is and where they now reside. Hillary and I both wish them well and encourage them to move forward from this awful moment to a new life of silent reflection and safety. Thank you.

END PARODY TRANSCRIPT

BREAK TRANSCRIPT

RUSH: Remember the first time Epstein was found almost dead on the floor of his cell? He had told people that somebody tried to kill him. Remember that? That’s just three weeks ago. Somebody tried to kill him three weeks ago. No video inside Epstein’s cell. So for all we know there could have been young girls going in and out of there.

But there were cameras on the doors. There are cameras on the hallways. So if somebody went in there, it’s known. Unless, as they do on the cops shows on TV, somebody got hold of the raw video and edited it, edited the loop and replaced it. There’s any number of things that we now think are possible because of cop shows on TV.

I, for myself, folks, I have no idea. But I’m telling you, if we learn someday the guy’s still alive, just remember that I have — I won’t be surprised if he’s not dead. You do not know, the dirt this guy has on people and the amount of money this guy had access to, this is the stuff that Washington and New York operate on.

Have there been any video evidence, aside from that one New York Post picture, of Epstein on the stretcher being rolled into the hospital, is there any video evidence? Okay. Well, let’s continue here, shall we? Wellington, Florida, just right outside down the road here where, by the way, Epstein had a rendezvous location out there. Here is Tom. Great to have you, sir. Welcome to the EIB Network.

CALLER: Good afternoon.

RUSH: Afternoon, sir. How you doing?

CALLER: Very good. I’m a retired police officer, had 41 years in the service. My last nine years was at the city where the EIB Network headquarters is located. I met you one time at a traffic accident. You weren’t involved in it. But I just wanted to let you know that when you talk about hanging, you don’t have to be hanging from a lamppost.

There’s a technique that the MMA fighters use. I’ve known some police officers that were good enough at it that they could grab someone by the collar and twist, it cuts off the blood to your brain and you pass out and then they can grain control of a larger person. It’s illegal to do that now. They consider that deadly force ’cause if you hold on too long they will eventually pass.

RUSH: That means die, for those of you in Rio Linda. You know, Robin Williams did this. Robin Williams, but he had a belt.

CALLER: Yeah.

RUSH: Robin Williams hung himself on a doorknob seated in a chair.

CALLER: Right.

RUSH: There are instructions on how to do it on the internet if any of you leftists would like to try it. But in a prison cell, what do you think — you’re a former corrections officer, you’re a cop, you had experience. When you hear that a guy in a fairly tightly controlled federal prison has committed suicide by hanging, what is your first reaction to that?

CALLER: It’s obscene. It should not happen. It shocked me when I heard it, I guess was Saturday morning on Fox. They can keep El Chapo in there, and he has billions of dollars to pay for an escape, but they can’t watch this guy? If you try to commit suicide, three weeks later —

RUSH: That’s a good point. El Chapo was right down the hall.

CALLER: Yeah.

RUSH: El Chapo was kept in this same prison, and if anybody had the means to get out of there with bribes, money, promises of lavish whatever, it would have been El Chapo.

CALLER: Correct.

RUSH: Well, this is one of these things where it seems impossible. It seems impossible because everybody ought to be looking out to prevent specifically this! He’s in this prison for, among other reasons, to be kept alive. And then when we are told what happened, everything that is told to us adds up to, “There weren’t a whole lot of people really concerned about it. You’re allowing guards working 80-hour weeks, working overtime and understaffed floor at the time.”

Everything that they’re telling us happened here, you have to conclude that the priority “keeping the guy alive” was not a high-ranking priority. But I’ll tell you, folks, in all seriousness, now, it’s really unfortunate that the most obvious explanation is probably the one that’s true: incompetence. Government incompetence.

That’s the sad thing about this. And that everybody is so accustomed to joking about it because it’s so common and frequent that it’s going to be accepted. You can investigate this ’til the cows come home and you have all of the cage-free eggs you can eat for the rest of your life and still not get to the bottom of it.

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RUSH: Yeah. See? There we go. Headline right now: “Epstein Death Sparks Federal Investigation.” That is where things go to die. Investigations are where you put things that you don’t want anybody to know anything more about. Look at this stupid Mueller investigation! It led to nothing! There never was any substance. There was no reason for that investigation. Now we’ve got an investigation of the investigation. Now Epstein shouldn’ta happened. There’s no way. The exact thing everybody was supposed to be preventing has happened, and what are we gonna do?

“Why, we’re gonna do an investigation,” and now this raises pressure to prosecute “associates,” meaning all of the guys in addition to Prince Andrew and Bill Richardson and George Mitchell (Democrats all, by the way) who are in there playing pedophilia whatever with Epstein. Supposedly now the pressure is gonna really be on to find out who those people were. It’s not that hard. If they’ve got all of Epstein’s stuff from searches, they know who it was. They know who it is. Now the debate’s gonna be, “Doesn’t this kind of end the case?

“I mean, if you can’t prosecute the guy because he’s dead, then…” That’s what the objective is here is to end this case. But now the question is being asked… Don’t you love this? I actually read something today where somebody’s asking, “Can the feds go get all of his money? Can the feds take it?” The feds! Why are the feds entitled to his money? Whatever it is, however much it was, why are the feds getting it? Does he not have a will?

Does he not have some kind of a trust? “Can the feds go get it?” The feds? What have the feds done to earn any of it? “Rush, they may be the ones that actually killed him!” Okay. Okay. We’ll take this as it comes our way. Anyway, there’s other things going on out there, and I would be remiss if I let the Epstein alleged suicide/alleged death just mask everything else happening out there.

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RUSH: Here’s David, Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Great to have you, sir. Thank you for waiting.

CALLER: What an honor, Mr. Limbaugh. Thank you so much for taking my call. You’ve kind of danced around the subject a little bit and stole my thunder, but you are the professor, I am but a mere student. So I would just ask for clarification, sir. What is the point in being a multimillionaire or possibly even a billionaire with his own island where he conducts illegal activities using his own airplane if he can’t just simply bribe a couple of guards and maybe a low level coroner’s office person to sneak him out of a prison, off to the airport to one of his private airplanes waiting to take him away?

RUSH: I think it would be very difficult to do without everybody involved being in on it, and then you’d have to make sure they’re bought for life. You’d have to make sure that they are – he’s saying I danced around it because I have been saying since the beginning of the program that I wouldn’t be surprised if somebody says that he’s not dead, that he’s still alive.

Remember, I started the program asking for every cockamamie theory anybody might have. But to explore this, for Epstein to get out of there alive would have to involve so many people doing their jobs exactly right, exactly on time, without one leak, and everybody involved would have to be trusted. You would need to trust an army of people to pull something like this off.

But you’re saying, “Hey, this kind of money talks.” In truth, I think it would be next to impossible, but not totally impossible. The idea of having this kind of money — see, you don’t just go to the airport and get on your airplane, folks. You have to file a flight plan. I guarantee you his airplanes are grounded, the tail numbers, his airplanes are absconded, they are not available for anybody to use. His lawyers can’t use it, nobody can get on ’em, they’re frozen wherever they are.

You can’t just call Teterboro and say, “Get EP’s plane ready, he’s coming.” So you’d have to use other plane. You’d have to charter it. That means somebody else’s airplane is involved, they’re gonna have to know. That airplane’s gonna file a flight plan. It’s going to go somewhere. There’s gonna be a record of where it goes, even if it’s to a place where there’s no extradition treaty. The people on that airline, the flight crew, the flight attendants and the pedophiles — well, the underage girls in Epstein’s case — everybody on that plane is gonna have to be part of this conspiracy.

Then at the jail you’re gonna have to have a phony autopsy. You’re gonna have to have phony EMS, phony this, phony that. You have to have a phony suicide. By the time you pulled something like this off, you would have to have a number of people that I dare say you couldn’t trust no matter how much you paid them to keep their mouths shut about it because somebody’s always gonna come along and offer something or threaten something to expose. Well, now, if you know Bill Clinton, that maybe could overcome all this stuff, but…