RUSH: Are you ready for this Newsweek headline, folks? You ready? “Elderly Americans Are Dying Without Getting to Read Mueller’s Report – and they’re Not Happy About It.” The people dying, they’re not happy. This is in Newsweek, not The Onion.

The article cites World War II veteran Mitchell Tendler as the prime example. At 93, this guy had survived many historic milestones, says Newsweek. The Korean War. Vietnam. Watergate. Somehow, he survived Bill Clinton’s impeachment too, at the hands of dastardly Republicans.

But as 2018 ended, Mr. Tendler was dying. He was on painkillers in the hospital, like Obama suggested. Then he sat up in bed, and said the “S”-word. “I’m not going to see the Mueller report, am I?” he asked. Those were his last words, according to his doctors.

Now Newsweek says that Mr. Tendler isn’t alone. Other seniors on the verge of departing feel the same way. Their final thoughts are not of their loved ones. Oh no, they have no parting pearls of wisdom for those they will leave behind. In the end, they are thinking of Robert Mueller and his report.

Thank God, they’ll never find out that Trump didn’t really collude with the Russians. That might have killed them.