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RUSH: Missing Afghanistan soldiers, Massachusetts. “Three Afghan National Army soldiers, who were in Massachusetts for training, have gone missing after a trip to a shopping mall, authorities said. It’s the second time in a week that Afghan security trainees in the United States have disappeared. The three soldiers do not appear to pose any threat to the public, the Massachusetts National Guard said.”

Really? Exactly how do they know that? What are the odds that they are Muslim? What are the odds that they are Islamic? What do you mean they don’t pose a threat? How is it known right off the bat that they don’t pose a threat? Why’d they go missing? Why did they leave? They’re here on a training mission so they’re at a mall? Why are they at a mall, in the first place? Why are they at a mall in a way that they can disappear?

“Earlier this month, two Afghan police officers training with the DEA wandered off during a sightseeing trip to Georgetown… They decided they wanted to stay in the United States, but authorities found them and sent them home.” Oh. I see. They defected ’cause they want to stay in America. They want to become Americans. Well, that may be going a bit far. They want to stay. They don’t want to get sent back home after training.

“The three men currently missing in Massachusetts are Afghanistan National Army Soldiers,” and their names are mentioned here. But there’s no way they’d be a threat to America. We are assured that there is no way they could ever be a threat. Nobody should even think that. Don’t even go there. Forget what you’re being told about ISIS. The best evidence is that there is no ISIS identity or cell here in America.

So don’t waste your time being worried about it.

“The three … arrived in the United States on September 11 for Exercise Regional Cooperation, an annual event, the guard said, and were quartered at Joint Base Cape Cod. … Troops from six nations are participating in the exercise, which runs through Wednesday and will go on as scheduled, the guard said,” despite the three that are missing. “Roughly a dozen Afghan soldiers are still participating.” What could possibly go wrong?

Don’t worry, folks.

You can trust the word of the authorities here.

There’s nothing whatsoever to be concerned about.

Let me grab a quick call before we have to break. This is Al in Baker City, Oregon. Welcome, sir. Great to have you on the EIB Network. Hi.

CALLER: Sick ’em, Snerdley, dittos, Rush!

RUSH: Glad to have you, sir. Hello.

CALLER: Yes. I was watching CBS News this morning, and they were showing copies of the… There’s two captains and a major from the Afghan army, and they were showing pictures of their entry visa cards, so you would know what they look like. They got mustaches. But, anyway —

RUSH: Well, that’ll help find ’em.

CALLER: (laughing)

RUSH: I’m glad you told me that.

CALLER: And down to the lower right of the pictures it says, “Fingerprints,” and then it’s typed in below there, “waved.” So either Foggy Bottom or Homeland Security or somebody has decided, “Hey, no problem!” Of course we’ll find a lot of guys with mustaches, but we won’t be able to prove it because we don’t have on their fingerprints.

RUSH: Well, see, that just goes to prove, there’s nothing to worry about. We trusted ’em so much we didn’t need their fingerprints, ’cause we know for a fact that they’re not gonna do anything. That’s all that means.

CALLER: Before I got, Rush, I’d like to thank you very much. I bumped into you on the radio over in Marin County back in the nineties during the buildup for the first Gulf War. My son — actually two sons, a daughter, and my wife were all involved over there one way or another, and I stayed home to feed the dog, and you’re the guy that kept me alive. Thank you.

RUSH: Me and the dogs.


RUSH: Great company. Well, thank you very much. I appreciate that, Al. That was a magical time. That’s back when we were winning wars, like in two days, three days. Yeah, we had our parodies. Gulf War I, the cast of a miniseries that we put together. Speaking of Homeland Security, have you seen all the people leaving? I mean, people literally employees, Homeland, leaving.

Morale, apparently, is horrible.

But no reason to worry, folks. None, none at all.


In the meantime, the three Afghan soldiers? Nothing to worry about, folks. The governor of Massachusetts, Deval Patrick said today that the three Afghanistan army officers didn’t appear to pose a threat to the public at all. They found ’em at Niagara Falls, and Governor Patrick said that they may, in fact, “be trying to defect.” Defect where? If you’re…? Why would you leave Cape Cod and go to Niagara Falls, if you wanted to defect? (interruption)

Yeah, it’s the Canadian border. If you want to defect to Canada, maybe, you go to Niagara Falls, but if you defect to United States… (interruption) Is that what he means, defect to Canada? Anyway, somehow they knew enough to get to Niagara Falls, or maybe they didn’t know where they were going. They’d just come from a place there’s not much water, and they heard Niagara Falls has a lot, and they wanted to see it.

That could be it. For people that live in a desert, water is a big deal. Maybe they’re just tourists, enjoying tourism. Well, they were at the mall. They might have seen travel poster for Niagara Falls and said, “Hey, that’s really cool. You know, we don’t see that in Afghanistan. Normally we got blood that looks like in Afghanistan. We don’t have water that looks like that.” But the governor says there’s nothing to worry about.

Don’t sweat it.


RUSH: Okay, I am told that the three army soldiers… My crack research staff coming through here. (Ahem.) I’m told the three army soldiers did indeed want to defect to Canada, that that’s why they went to Niagara Falls. My instincts were again right on the money. They wanted out of Massachusetts. (laughing) Because it was the closest place they could get to out of Massachusetts.

They were trying to defect from Massachusetts. They wanted nothing to do with Cape Cod. Do you realize what’s on Cape Cod? There isn’t anybody with less than $500 million that lives there. They wanted out of there. They wanted… (laughing) Martha’s Vineyard, Cape Cod, it’s all the same. (interruption) The Hamptons, it’s all the same. They said, “This isn’t for us.” (interruption) From Massachusetts. The Vietnam War was the last time anybody… (laughing)

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