RUSH: As you know, we are here in Los Angeles this week, and just about ready to wrap up the week. It’s been good, been a lot of fun, nice change of pace.

You saw that? You saw that? I ran into the paparazzi last night, folks. They were from TMZ, but I didn’t know that, and they were there when I got here. I rolled in around, I guess, it was six minutes after seven. I told the driver I wanted to be six minutes late to be stylishly about it, so I got in there at six minutes after seven, Toscana in Brentwood. I walk in, there’s this video camera guy and a still camera guy, and I just walked past ’em. They’re dogging me, and, if they’re saying anything to me, I can’t hear it.

I wouldn’t have answered anyway. I just kept walking. I was in there for a couple hours and walked out, and there they are. So I’m walking to the car, and they ask me some inane question about people I don’t know. I didn’t know who they were asking me about. That’s why I said, “I don’t know who you’re talking about. Who?” and I got in the car and drove off. I didn’t know they were TMZ.

I didn’t find out they were TMZ until this morning, when somebody sent me the link. How did you see it, Snerdley? How did you run across it? (interruption) Which website? You go to the TMZ website? (interruption) Oh, you heard the fact that I was on there, you don’t normally daily visit the TMZ website. So, anyway, yeah, it’s the number two story there. It’s just a short little video, five or ten seconds. (interruption) Oh, yeah, they are very nice. It was, “Mr. Limbaugh…?”

But they’re just… (sigh) I don’t know. Look at how these guys live their lives. They live their lives by following everybody else around and watching them live theirs. The number one story at TMZ is that Kim Kardashian’s big butt is back. So I came in second to Kim Kardashian’s butt. Now, would that have happened 10 years ago? I don’t know, but I’ll take it. It was harmless.

BREAK TRANSCRIPT

RUSH: Adrian Peterson. It turns out there’s a couple of more kids. I didn’t finish that yesterday, and that was my bad. That was an utter lack of professionalism yesterday. I totally misjudged how much time I had. I had 25 minutes left in the program and I figured, “Okay,” and by the time I got to it I didn’t have enough time to do it right. So I’ve gotta revisit that today. This Phil Mushnick controversy over Adrian Peterson.
Another baby mama from Houston has popped up and said, oh, “No, no, no, no, no! There’s a couple more here.” So he has seven kids total now. It’s what it says here. He’s fathered seven kids, not five. Adrian Peterson’s baby mama — another one — she’s a former dancer. (interruption) Oh, look, Snerdley, it’s a TMZ story! So I made the same network as Adrian Peterson’s baby mama. Now, I think this I find funny, too. I’m sorry. I’m actually in a giddy mood.

BREAK TRANSCRIPT

RUSH: So Cookie says, “Now you mentioned the TMZ thing and people want to know what it sounded like.” So she sent me the audio, and I don’t like doing this. I don’t like playing this stuff that’s about me. As you know, I delay this as long as I can. I mean, there are sound bites. I got CNN London blamed me for the shutdown. I have that in the sound bites. I’m moving that to later on so that not everything here’s about me. But here’s what it sounded like — and, by the way, as I read the transcript, I didn’t hear half of what these guys said. My hearing is such that it’s a real blessing in disguise sometimes.

So here’s what it was. It’s just 21 seconds. Here it goes, folks…

RUSH ON TMZ: (outdoor noise) Take care, you guys.

MAN: Bye, Bye, Rushbo.

PAPARAZZO #1: Rush, I’m a Dittohead.

PAPARAZZO #2: Heh, heh. Hey, Mr. Limbaugh, how do you feel about, uh —

RUSH ON TMZ: That’s good for you.

PAPARAZZO #2: Huh, huh. How do you feel about Howard Stern and, umm, Jesse Ventura in 2016?

RUSH ON TMZ: Who?

PAPARAZZO #2: Howard Stern and Jesse Ventura in 2016.

RUSH ON TMZ: I don’t know who you’re talking about.

PAPARAZZO #2: Huh, huh.

PAPARAZZO #1: Hey, were you celebrating the reopening of the government? The Republicans kind of caved in.

RUSH ON TMZ: (door closes)

RUSH: I didn’t hear him say that. I was in the process of getting in the car, shutting the door, I didn’t hear ’em taunt me about the shutdown, and I didn’t hear the kid lie and say he was a Dittohead. But, anyway, that’s what it was. It was just that fast. As a highly trained broadcast professional, some people woulda hung around and done an interview and then tried to find it. (interruption) Yeah, or gotten in a fight with ’em.

If I’da been Alec Baldwin, I’d have beat ’em up, and then I woulda had some bank call and ask me, “Do you want to be our spokesman? We love the way you beat people up, and we don’t want to have any conservatives speaking for us, but if you’re gonna beat up photographers, we’d love to have you!” What is it, Bank One? Bank One loves spokesmen… Capital Bank? They love to have spokesmen who beat up the paparazzi.

So I probably coulda gotten an endorsement account, had I beat up these little guys. But I just left. The evening was over. Get in there and get out.