Rush Limbaugh

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RUSH: I am ecstatic to realize we’re talking to millions of survivors who no doubt took all of the tips that we offered last Friday on surviving the snowflakes that fell, the snowstorm that fell in the Northeast. Millions of you, had you not listened here, had you not taken our advice, would have died. The fact that you didn’t die, the fact there were no reports of mass death over the weekend indicate that everybody listening to the program followed the advice that we gave and therefore you are alive and we’re happy.

We were hoping that you would survive. Education means so much. Education is so important, and our program last Friday stands as a monument to the importance of education to the survivability of the human race, and we take a lead role here in that, very happily, very proudly do it.

Also, I have been urged — probably not necessary for most of you — but I have been urged to make an announcement to the Democrats in the audience to assure you Democrats I am not stepping down. With the reports that the pope is resigning, there were millions of confused Democrats, I’m told this morning. It was the last thing they thought I would ever do. I have no plans to step down. They read TIME Magazine. They read that I was a pope last week, and so today the pope said he’s quitting, doesn’t have the energy to fulfill the duties required, and that certainly is not me. I clearly have the energy to fulfill the duties that are demanded because I define them. Whatever or how much or how little is required, I’m capable of it, and as such, it’s not me, El Rushbo. That was the other pope who retired.

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