RUSH: Yeah, we got the Al Smith stuff here, and it’s very important that we’ll get to the Al Smith dinner sound bites, because once again, ladies and gentlemen, the regime is out there portraying Mitt Romney as some fire breathing anti-this, anti-that, mean-spirited rich guy that doesn’t like anybody, eats everybody’s kids, that kind of stuff. Once again he just nailed it last night. He was just spot-on. It was fun. I hate to have to say this, it irritates when it’s said about me, but for people who have this wrong impression of Romney, people who listen to this or see it, it’ll go a long way towards humanizing him.
Doesn’t it bug you that we conservatives have to be humanized? I remember a left-wing sportswriter once did a profile of me, a favorable, favorable profile. He got beat up like you won’t believe. After the thing ran — this is 10 or 15 years ago — after the thing ran, I said, “What are they mad at you for?” He says, “Because I humanized you.” First time I’d ever heard the term. “I humanized you. See, they’ve created this caricature of you as racist winning bigot, sexist, homophobe, no heart, you don’t care about anybody just like no other conservative does, and I come along and I write a story about what an average golf-playing nice guy you are, and that they can’t stand.” And they can’t stand when that kind of stuff’s written about Romney or said about Romney, and that Al Smith dinner last night went a long way to establishing that all these concoctions are full of it.
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RUSH: Now to the Al Smith dinner at the Waldorf “Hysteria” in New York last night. The guests were the presidential candidates and their wives. Although Moochelle was not there. Moochelle was out. I don’t know where she was last night. I read earlier in the day she gave some great speech at some place on Park Avenue and talked about how great her guy is, her “baby daddy,” some such thing.
But Mr. and Mrs. Romney were there, and I looked at the dais. It was all media people back there. I wondered what happened. Katie Couric was sitting back there. Did you see that? She was the first media person I recognized. “How did this woman end up there? Wherever Tony Bennett is, she is. How does this happen?” I looked around, I saw Roger Ailes and said, “Whoa.”
I looked around. “There’s Chris Matthews sitting there. My gosh, what’s going on? The whole thing is a media thing now?” At any rate, Romney. It’s white tie. For those of you in Rio Linda, that means it’s a tuxedo with a white bow tie that you tie yourself. They don’t let you in if you have a clip-on white tie, which means you couldn’t get in. In fact, I don’t think most people would even know where to go to get a white tie. Not just Rio Lindans, anybody. (interruption)
(interruption) Do you know where…? Where would you go to get a white tie? (interruption) I don’t know. (interruption) You can get a white tie at Jos. A. Bank? (interruption) You can? Really? (interruption) Okay, cool. (interruption) You like white tie better? I think everybody looks like a waiter in one, but that’s just me. When you can’t tell the difference in the shirt and the tie, it looks like some Nehru jacket with a white tie. It looks like a waiter.
Anyway…. (interruption) Oh, it was tails. It was tails. It was tails. Chris Matthews when he stood up his front shirttail was untucked. I said, “They let anybody in.” That was probably, by the way, him trying to rekindle the tingle up the leg and figured the shirttail untucked would be a more direct route. Here is Mitt Romney, 67th Annual Alfred E. Smith Memorial Foundation Dinner last night. We got a bunch of sound bites. Here’s the first one.
ROMNEY: A campaign can require a lot of wardrobe changes. Blue jeans in the morning, perhaps. Suit for a lunch fundraiser. Sport coat for dinner. But it’s nice to finally relax and to wear what Ann and I wear around the house.
AUDIENCE: (sustained laughter, whistling and applause)
RUSH: I told Cookie… See, normally we edit the applause out of sound bites like this for the sake of time. We don’t have a whole lot of it here. But I told her today, “If the applause adds to the power of the bite, leave it in. If there’s a lot of applause for Romney, just leave it in. If there’s not much applause for Obama, leave it in. It’s an indication.” This was wonderful self-deprecating humor. And, by the way, it’s comedic timing, Romney was great. I watched this, and it was almost Reaganesque at times, I thought.
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RUSH: We are reviewing highlights at the 67th annual Alfred E. Smith Memorial Foundation dinner at the Waldorf “Hysteria” last night. Here is more of Governor Romney. By the way, if you listen to this stuff, this stuff would work on the stump. A lot of this humor is aimed at Obama big time, and it hits the mark. It’s accurate, in the old rule of comedy. Real comedy is funny because it’s edgy where the truth is concerned. There’s always truth in great comedy. Here’s the next bite.
ROMNEY: Of course we’re down to the final months of the president’s term. As presidents —
AUDIENCE: (sustained laughter, whistling and applause)
ROMENY: — as President Obama surveys the Waldorf banquet room with everyone in white tie and finery, you have to wonder what he’s thinking. So little time, so much to redistribute.
AUDIENCE: (laughter)
RUSH: Yes. See, I told Cookie, “Leave the applause in. The applause gauges the reaction here, rather than edit it out”. By the way, if you see this, and maybe you have, Obama, he doesn’t like some of this stuff. When you go to something like this where everybody’s roasting, you’ve got to laugh at yourself. Even if you can’t or don’t like to, you’ve got to. If you get caught acting like this stuff bothers you, that’s not good, and he got caught a couple times. It’s obvious some of these zingers from Romney bothered him. And if you’re Barack Hussein Obama, Messiah, you’re not supposed to be made fun of. You’re not supposed to be laughed at. This is not supposed to happen. I mean, the press can do it, a comedian, maybe at the White House Correspondents Dinner, but even that’s tightly controlled. But a thing like this where Romney’s coequal, ain’t supposed to happen. It clearly got under his skin a couple of times.
ROMNEY: People seem to be very curious as to how we prepare for the debates. Let me tell you what I do. First, refrain from alcohol for 65 years before the debate.
AUDIENCE: (laughter)
ROMNEY: Second, find the biggest available straw man and then just mercilessly attack it. Big Bird didn’t even see it coming.
AUDIENCE: (laughing)
ROMNEY: And, by the way, in the spirit of Sesame Street, the president’s remarks tonight are brought to you by the letter O and the number $16 trillion.
AUDIENCE: (laughter)
RUSH: Right on. Right on. Right on, right on, right on. Now, I think sitting right behind Obama was some blond guy, don’t know who he was. And he didn’t laugh at a whole lot of it. I think we had an Obama fan right behind Obama, the top row there in the center of the screen. And then there was a deaf guy sitting next to him ’cause the blond guy was having to tell the deaf guy, had to repeat every line. And then the deaf guy would start laughing after everybody else already stopped laughing. Well, you notice the deaf guys in the room. You notice the people that can’t hear. Here’s the next one from Mitt Romney.
ROMNEY: Some in the media have a certain way of looking at things. When suddenly I pulled ahead in some of the major polls, what was the headline? “Polls Show Obama Leading From Behind.”
AUDIENCE: (laughter)
ROMNEY: And I’ve already seen early reports from tonight’s dinner. Headline: “Obama Embraced by Catholics; Romney Dines With Rich People.”
AUDIENCE: (laughter and applause)
ROMNEY: Of course the president has put his own stamp on relations with the church. There have been some awkward moments. Like when the president pulled Pope Benedict aside and shared some advice on how to deal with his critics. He said, “Look, holy father, whatever the problem is, just blame it on Pope John Paul II.”
AUDIENCE: (laughter)
RUSH: Right on, right on, right on. Yes. See, I think this stuff would work on the stump. I mean this humanizes Romney, that old term, but it’s funny stuff. And of course you’re not supposed to laugh at the liberals. You’re not supposed to make fun. I’ve learned that in my 25 years, you can’t laugh at them. They don’t have a sense of humor. They really don’t. You know, when you boil it down, liberals do not have a sense of humor. There’s not a funny one. You don’t even see them smiling. It’s not in their nature to be enjoying things. They have to constantly be wringing their hands angry about something or somebody. Those are the Romney highlights. There were some other things, but those are the highlights.
And now let’s move on to Obama, who seemed — I don’t want to say obsessed, but, well, he wanted to talk about that first debate loss.
OBAMA: This is the third time that Governor Romney and I have met recently. As some of you may have noticed, I had a lot more energy in our second debate.
AUDIENCE: (laughter)
OBAMA: I felt really well rested after the nice long nap I had in the first debate.
AUDIENCE: (laughter and applause)
RUSH: We did not edit the applause. Here is Obama again making fun of Chris Matthews.
OBAMA: Although it turns out millions of Americans focused in on the second debate who didn’t focus in on the first debate, and I happen to be one of them.
AUDIENCE: (laughter)
OBAMA: I particularly want to apologize to Chris Matthews.
AUDIENCE: (laughter)
OBAMA: Four years ago I gave him a thrill up his leg. This time around I gave him a stroke.
AUDIENCE: (laughter)
OBAMA: Of course, there’s a lot of things I learned from that experience. For example, I learned that there are worse things that can happen to you on your anniversary than forgetting to buy a gift.
AUDIENCE: (laughter)
RUSH: Ah, the women will like that. Women will like that. But still, he was obsessed on that first debate. So those are the Obama highlights. That’s pretty much it for Obama. Am I forgetting anything? Did you watch it, Snerdley? Yeah, I thought he had less written material. If I didn’t know better, I’d say he was just making it up. He got more time than Romney at the debates, so I figured he’d let Romney have more time here, even things out. Here’s Romney’s close at the Alfred E. Smith Memorial Foundation dinner.
ROMNEY: No matter which way the political winds are blowing, what work goes on, day in day out by this organization and you. You answer with calm and willing hearts and service to the poor and care for the sick, in defense and the rights of conscience and in solidarity with the innocent child waiting to be born. You strive to bring God’s love in every life. (applause)
RUSH: Right on. Right on. Right on, right on. So he ends with a pro-life message at a Catholic dinner. It was greatly appreciated, except a liberal at the Huffing and Puffington Post was not amused. Last night after all this, CNN Piers Morgan Tonight, his guest — oh, he had a fill-in host. Wolf Blitzer filling in, you know, probably punishing Piers Morgan, because Piers Morgan — I’ll bet Axelrod got him thrown off the air last night, ’cause, you know, Axelrod was on yesterday, and he told Axelrod, (paraphrasing) “You know, you guys are kind of silly focusing on this binder business. I mean, everybody knows what Romney meant. Don’t you think it’s a little silly, binders and Big Bird?” And then interesting that night Morgan’s nowhere to be found? Instead they got the guest host Wolf Blitzer speaking to the Huffing and Puffington Post blogger, Tanya Acker, about the speeches. Blitzer said, “Tanya, what did you think of both these candidates? How did they do out there?”
ACKER: The governor’s speech was really pretty pointed. I think, Wolf, you said at the outset that you didn’t expect either of these candidates to talk about abortion. Governor Romney made a very — it was really clear that he was trying to point out to this audience that this was a pro-choice president who’s having a — a battle right now with Cardinal Dolan over reproductive access and reproductive freedom for women, and so I think that certainly it was not totally apolitical. We weren’t expecting that.
RUSH: Why not? It’s a Catholic Church organization. You’ve got the archbishop of New York there. You’ve got the Democrat candidate forcing them to ignore religious freedom and implement policies they don’t agree with, and all Romney did was say that he stands with them in their protection and support of innocent life yet to be born. And you woulda thought all hell broke loose. This blogger from the Huffing and Puffington Post starts sputtering about how this broke the format, supposed to be apolitical, we weren’t expecting abortion. You weren’t, at a Catholic dinner? If not there, where? It’s a presidential campaign, and you’ve got the regime out spreading all these lies about Republicans and Planned Parenthood? Lies being spread by literally bird-brained actresses, by the way, on Twitter. Groupie actresses, Eva Longoria, she goes from one athlete to the next. Hey, Eva, Hulk Hogan’s available. I heard that.
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RUSH: So I’m being accused of not playing the best Obama sound bites from the Alfred Smith dinner. People in the e-mail. “You purposefully left out Obama’s best stuff. I knew you would. You just can’t stand when Obama smokes Romney.”
Yeah, right, Obama smoked Romney last night. All right. I’ll tell you the two things I left out. I’m actually trying to spare Obama some embarrassment here by not playing these things. He said, “The unemployment rate is at its lowest level since I took office. I don’t have a joke here. I just thought it would be useful to remind everybody that the unemployment rate is at its lowest since I took office.” I mean, this is a lighthearted, self-deprecating, make fun-of-yourself kind of night. It’s a tradition, presidential candidates show up, they tell jokes. And Obama stood up there and said, “The unemployment rate’s at its lowest level since I took office. I don’t have a joke here. I just thought it would be useful –” which tells me he’s living the lie. He wants to sit there and brag about 112,000 jobs being created.
By the way, you know what we’ve learned? You know what we’ve learned? The official in California that did not report California’s unemployment numbers that week is an Obama donor. California didn’t report their numbers that week, didn’t get ’em in on time. As such, a state with really high unemployment didn’t get its numbers in, and so it wasn’t as bad. That’s how they got the number down to 7.8%. And it turns out that the guy who screwed it up is an Obama donor. How convenient? Shazam.
So you think I’m cheating Obama by not playing the high points of the dinner? Okay, I’ll do it again. “The unemployment rate is at its lowest level since I took office. I don’t have a joke here. I just thought it would be useful to remind everybody that unemployment rate is –” and I’m telling you, people are looking around at each other going, “Yeah, right, he bragging about that? Jeez.” And then the other high point that I’m being accused of shielding from you is, “Everybody is looking forward to the next debate coming up on foreign policy. Well, spoiler alert. We got bin Laden.” That was it. And when you boil it down, that’s all he’s got. This is it. Unemployment rate 7.8%, and I got bin Laden. So you Obamaites, I thought I was doing you a favor by not playing those sound bites. I thought I was being fair. But, you know, he’s not called an empty chair for nothing.
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RUSH: Okay, we went back, Cookie now has furnished me with the actual audio of the two Obama sound bites from the Alfred E. Smith dinner that Obamaites in the e-mail accused me of not playing, the high points. We played Romney. We played three or four Obamas and I got hateful e-mail, “You purposefully left out Obama’s best. It shows you’re not fair. It shows you’re biased against Obama.” Really? What’s your first clue? But here they are, with the applause not edited, the laughter not edited. Here we go. Here’s the first. We’ve got two of these.
OBAMA: Of course the economy’s on everybody’s minds. The unemployment rate is at its lowest level since I took office. I don’t have a joke here. I just thought it would be useful to remind everybody, that the unemployment rate is at the lowest it’s been since I took office.
AUDIENCE: (laughter and applause)
OBAMA: And we’re getting to that time when folks are making up their minds. Just the other day Honey Boo Boo endorsed me.
AUDIENCE: (laughter)
OBAMA: So that’s a big relief.
AUDIENCE: (laughter)
RUSH: Okay. There you have it. There’s one. Didn’t edit anything there. Honey Boo Boo is a new cartoon or doll or stuffed toy —
(interruption)
Reality show, that’s what it is, it’s a reality show. But what is Honey Boo Boo? Honey Boo Boo is a little bear? It’s a little girl, Honey Boo Boo is a little girl? A human girl or an animal girl?
(interruption)
You gotta be kidding me. Honey Boo Boo is a little girl with a trailer park-like mother? What network is this show on? I’ll find out. Okay, so that’s your target audience, the endorsement of Honey Boo Boo. I’ll guarantee you the guys in white tie and tails at the Alfred E. Smith dinner probably didn’t know who Honey Boo Boo is, either. They might have thought it’s a new running back for the Giants, for all they know. Okay, and here’s the next one, bin Laden, here’s the next sterling moment of Obama from the Alfred E. Smith dinner that I was accused of being unfair because I didn’t play earlier.
OBAMA: Monday’s debate is a little bit different because the topic is foreign policy. Spoiler alert. We got bin Laden.
AUDIENCE: (laughter and wild applause)
RUSH: Right on. Right on. Right on! Obama! Obama!
OBAMA: Of course, world affairs are a challenge for every candidate. After — some of you guys remember, after my foreign trip in 2008, I was attacked as a celebrity because I was so popular with our allies overseas. And I have to say I’m impressed with how well Governor Romney has avoided that problem.
AUDIENCE: (laughter and applause)
RUSH: Okay, what problem has he avoided? Being liked or being a celebrity? ‘Cause if he’s avoided being a celebrity, that’s good. But with the Bamster you never know.