RUSH: I don’t believe this. I’m sitting here in stunned bewilderment, and I guess I shouldn’t be. I have this silly notion that our nation is going to progress each and every day, that we’re gonna get better. I don’t mean economically. I’m talking about sophistication, things that work in political campaigns. I guess I’m gonna have to lower my expectations. And the problem with lowering expectations is that I’m perpetually disappointed. And if I don’t watch it, I’m perpetually depressed. The idea that Mitt Romney is a felon is still active. It’s still the centerpiece of the Obama campaign. That Mitt Romney is a felon. Here you’ve got Barack Obama who veritably grew up with them. His house financed by one. His campaign announced in the home of another felon, the guy that tried to blow up the Pentagon, Bill Ayers.
Obama is surrounded by dubious characters his entire life. His home is financed by a felon and the regime is still putting out that Romney was a felon based on when he left Bain. Here is the biggest milquetoast white bread guy that’s ever run for president, who might not be able to define felony if you asked him, is how far away from one he is. And Jack Welch and his lovely and gracious wife Susie have a column out today in the Wall Street Journal. I can understand it if this was in People or if it was on TMZ or if they did a special commentary on the E! Entertainment network, but in the Wall Street Journal, the Bible of American business newspapers. 
I have it right here in my formerly nicotine-stained fingers. “It’s True: Corporations Are People.” We have come to this, ladies and gentlemen. Jack Welch, renowned CEO extraordinaire in his day, General Electric, has to write a piece in the Wall Street Journal guaranteeing that the people who need to see it will not, that corporations are people. We are that far gone that we have to explain this. It has come to this. This is no different than the Wall Street Journal running a piece explaining to their readers what the stock market is. “Here’s a new party trick,” is how the Welch column begins.
“Want to be accused of being a member of a satanic cult? Like to be called the kind of person who would steal candy from a child, or harm a puppy and start a forest fire — all in the same day? Do you want to be described as evil, heartless and stupid? Then just do this: Offhandedly mention in public that you agree with Mitt Romney — and that, yeah, you think corporations are people. Oh, how that notion sets some people right off their rockers! Take, for instance, the scene last month when senatorial candidate Elizabeth Warren introduced President Obama at a big fundraiser in Boston: ‘Mitt Romney tells us, in his own words, he believes corporations are people. No, Mitt, corporations are NOT people,’ she pronounced. ‘People have hearts. They have kids. They get jobs. They get sick. They love and they cry and they dance. They live and they die. Learn the difference.’ The audience went wild.”
They did. Welch is right about this. If you find yourself in a pack of liberals, all you have to say is corporations are people, and you might cause two or three heart attacks. And if you’re devoted to the cause do not call EMT when the heart attacks happen, let ’em die. Just kidding. It works. You tell a bunch of liberals that corporations are people, they go nuts. Now, folks, in the Wall Street Journal. This means that the Wall Street Journal must conclude that some of its readers don’t know that corporations are people. This is akin to explaining to a 55-year-old that one and one equals two. Yes, after a lifetime of confusion, we can finally tell you factually one and one equals two. Yes, corporations are people. This depresses me. We’ve come to this. Take the politics out of it. This embarrasses me to read this. I can’t imagine how embarrassed Jack Welch was to write this.
“Of course corporations are people. What else would they be? Buildings don’t hire people.” Duh. Really? Yeah, last time I interviewed with that building it didn’t do me any good. I interviewed with that desk and I could not get a response whatsoever. Yeah, and then I went and I talked to the White House. And the White House put out a statement. The White House isn’t people. It’s just a building. If corporations aren’t people, how the hell can the White House be people? How can Congress be people? It’s a building, and a bunch of rotten stuff goes on in there. The Senate. That’s not a bunch of people. It’s a building. But I like the White House is not people.
This is the Wall Street Journal where Jack Welch is informing readers that buildings don’t hire people. I wonder how many Wall Street Journal readers will go, “Wow, I never looked at it that way before.” “Buildings don’t hire people. Buildings don’t design cars that run on electricity.” Yeah, buildings are smarter than that. “Buildings don’t discover DNA-based drug therapies that target cancer cells in ways our parents could never imagine. Buildings don’t show up at a customer’s factory and say, ‘We won’t leave until we solve your inventory problem.’ Buildings don’t encourage their employees to mentor inner-city kids in math and science. Buildings don’t fund homeless shelters in Boston or health clinics in Rwanda. People do. Corporations are people working together toward a shared goal, just as hospitals, schools, farms, restaurants, ballparks and museums are.”
No, no, no, no. The Pittsburgh Steelers did not beat the St. Louis Rams. Heinz Field beat the Edward Jones Dome. (laughing) Folks, it’s depressing. I mean, Romney’s a felon? This is absurd. We could chalk it up, maybe, to a slow summer. If you want to look at it the optimistic way, the Obama campaign’s got nothing. They’ve literally got nothing, if this all they’ve got. But, they’re getting mileage outta nothing like nobody I’ve ever seen. At least in the media, which I know is less popular.
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RUSH: Folks, if corporations are not people, then why are people blaming Romney for what happened at Bain Capital? Bain Capital’s a corporation. Bain Capital, therefore, is not people. Romney is a people. He’s a person. How can Romney be blamed if corporations are not people. No, no, no, I’m serious. I’m trying to make a point, and I don’t think that I’m exaggerating. I find this to be pure sophistry. It’s a indication of how pathetic the Obama campaign is, and it’s a double indication of how pathetic Obama’s supporters are, and of course the piece de resistance sound bites, Obama’s out there parroting Elizabeth Warren that successful people did not do it themself.
Basically what Obama believes is that business owners are people who stole somebody else’s property or unfairly used other people’s work, didn’t pay them appropriately. That’s what he believes. He’s out there parroting Elizabeth Warren. I can’t tell you how shocking it literally is. Jack Welch, Mr. CEO in the Wall Street Journal, has to write a piece explaining that corporations are people. And who is it that’s making these claims? Supposedly Mr. Intelligence, smartest guy ever to serve as president, “Barack Hussein Obama! Mmm! Mmm! Mmm!” Most intelligent, the brightest, most sophisticated. This guy is a walking gaffe machine. Friday night, Roanoke, Virginia, speaking at an historic fire station, he said this.
OBAMA: I see a couple folks slumping down a little bit. Make sure you’re drinking water. Bend yours knees, don’t stand up too straight. The paralegals will be — or the — (laughter) uh, the “paralegals” — you don’t need lawyers.
RUSH: Paralegals. He meant to say paramedics. But this guy and all these people fake fainting at his events. And here he is giving medical advice. You know, bend your knees, bend your knees. Don’t stand up too straight. Can you get us some water out there? They’re supposedly fainting in record numbers now.
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RUSH: And here’s another question: If corporations are not people, why did we bail out General Motors and Chrysler? Why did Obama care? Why did we bail out General Motors and Chrysler if corporations aren’t people? They’re just General Motors and Chrysler. They’re a bunch of cars, a bunch of evil cars that people shouldn’t be driving. We bailed out a bunch of cars? I tell you, the nonsense here is just overwhelming.