RUSH: From the UK Telegraph. This story is back. “Men and Women Have Distinct Personalities.” I kid you not. “Previous research has claimed that that average personality differences between men and women are small.” This is by Nick Collins, science correspondent. “A new analysis of a survey of 10,000 people –” folks, I kid you not. I forget when the TIME Magazine cover was. But there was a TIME Magazine cover. We’ve talked about it on this story. A cover story, the editors of TIME were so shocked at this news they put it on the cover. “Men and women are actually born different.”

Did you hear what Stephen Hawking said the other day? Do you know who Stephen Hawking is? Seventy years old. He has survived decades with Lou Gehrig’s disease. He’s paralyzed. He’s this brilliant physicist at Cambridge, wrote a book called A Brief History of Time, which was actually a trick. I thought A Brief History of Time meant that it was going to be a layman’s explanation of what somebody like him knows. So I went out, I got the book, there was nothing layman about it. And there was nothing brief about it. I got tricked into buying that book. But anyway, I read it.

Stephen Hawking is reputed to be one of the smartest guys out there. He cannot speak but they have rigged up a system whereby a computer sensor is able to translate tics in his right cheek into words. He is able to create tics in his cheek that create the words he wants his computer to speak. It can take him ten minutes to formulate a sentence. It is hard work for him to communicate a sentence. He can’t type. It is a computer, robotic voice. But he came out the other day and said the biggest mystery in the universe is women. He’s been married twice, divorced once, I think. I’m paraphrasing, he said, “Everything I know about the universe, everything I know about quarks and quantum physics, the biggest mystery, the one that no one will ever understand is women.” Stephen Hawking.

I said, “Well, obviously he hasn’t met Snerdley, because Snerdley knows everything about women. Snerdley is a resident female expert, knows everything. You ought to see it, whenever women as a discussion subject comes up, Snerdley storms into the conversation as an expert. There’s no doubt, there is no indecision whatsoever when Snerdley starts talking about women. Stephen Hawking, who is smarter than all of us put together, said no matter what he learns about the universe he will never, ever, however long he lives, understand the first thing about women. So I find it fascinating. We’ve got two stories here, this one being the most recent in the UK Telegraph: “Men and Women Have Distinct Personalities,” as though this is news.

See, Hawking is right. And any normal human being knows that Hawking is right. Who are these people that think men and women are the same? Who are they? And how do they all end up in journalism? Listen to this story. “A new analysis of a survey of 10,000 people found that each sex has firmly entrenched characteristics.” No kidding. Now they tell us. Let me do the summary. Here’s the summary. Women scored higher in sensitivity, warmth and apprehension than men. Men got higher scores in emotional stability, dominance, rule-consciousness and vigilance, as in wariness. They surveyed 10,261 people, 5,137 females, 5,124 males, and the key differences are what I just went through. Women score higher in sensitivity, warmth, and anxiety. Men rule the roost in emotional stability, dominance, rule consciousness, and vigilance, or wariness.

Now, another way of putting it, if you don’t like it in list form, another way of summarizing this is that while men are more stable, dominate, rule conscious, and vigilant than women, the article ends with a female professor casting doubt on the study. The female professor claims that, “The scientific evidence still shows that, contrary to stereotypes, men and women are quite similar on a wide array of psychological qualities.”
But of course a woman would say that. This is the problem. So you still have to wonder, why is it acceptable to embrace stereotypes about the sexes but not about various races or nationalities or even — well, there’s a third sex involved here, homosexuality. So we’re supposed to accept these stereotypical differences, and then a woman comes along at the end of the story says, nope, nope, nope, nope. Contrary to these stereotypes, men and women are quite similar.

So we’re no clearer, we’re no further along at the end of this than we were when we started it. “The researchers measured behavioral traits in a broader fashion than previous studies did. They argued these broader definitions provide a more accurate description of personality characteristics.” I don’t know who these people are to whom it’s news that men and women are different. Who are those people? What are their lives like? What do they do when they get up? What do they do during the day? I don’t know how anybody in the world — you know, other than Alan Alda, how can you say that men and women are the same? Do you think that, Snerdley? Have you ever thought men and women are the same? Can you treat a woman the way you treat a man? You couldn’t get close to it. And women, I mean, the same question.