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“I’m actually as proud of the people who hate me as I am of my friends, because they hate me for a good reason — I’m a problem.”

“‘UN peacekeepers andinternational aid workers from 23 organization have engaged in sexual exploitation of children, including some as young as six.’ Meanwhile, these clowns send somebody to this country to inspect racism? Screw these people! This is the left’s Abu Ghraib!”

“I just know Scott McClellan from his work, which I never thought was anything spectacular. I thought the guy was a little wussy in front of the press; my memory is that he was a little doughboy standing up there on the pedestal.”

“What’s happened to our patriotism? Liberalism. Why do we have to have hatred for the country as well as hatred for the president? Liberalism. Liberalism is the greatest threat the country faces.”

“The liberals won’t even say the era of Jimmy Carter is over. In fact, they’re not even embarrassed about that because they’re going to nominate a guy who’s going to give us Carter’s second term!”

“Say, folks, do you think Obama knows that Allen Brothers steaks is in Chicago? Is that right, Snerdley? His uncle used to work there? Oh, cool! We’ll put that in the next commercial.”

“If Mike McCurry or some other spokesman in the Clinton administration had done something like what McClellan has done… Let your mind wander, folks, and think what would happen to that guy.”

“What? Are you guys still laughing about the last caller? Folks, as I say, it’s very fortunate that I am the only member of my staff who has a microphone. Because H.R. was saying things like, ‘Hey, think she’s single?'”

“Have you noticed how many Republican and Democrat strategists these cable TV people come up with? I think they just grab good-looking people off the street and say, ‘Do you know what the difference between a Republican and Democrat is? Okay, you’re a strategist on this next segment.'”

“Thank you, Mr. Snerdley; it was a very good show today — even though some of the callers think I’m ready for the little men in the white coats to come take me away.”

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“Johnson quit the Obama VP search team. We’ve nailed another one, but the guy can’t quit because Obama said the guy wasn’t working for him.”

“Have you been watching the television and seeing pictures of this flooding in Illinois and Cedar Rapids, Iowa? Where is FEMA? Where’s the president? Where’s somebody to go out there and hug some people?”

“My friend’s Windows machine froze on him; he couldn’t start it. So he asked me, ‘Do you know anything about Windows machines?’ And I said, ‘Pbbbt! Are you kidding?'”

“I’ve never called Obama a Marxist; maybe some other people have, but I haven’t. Snerdley just said, ‘Why haven’t you called him a Marxist? We’ve been waiting!'”

“I think it would be a smart thing for Obama to get some vetters on these vetters — you know, to vet the vetters.”

“So George Soros’ business partner is helping select Obama’s veep. How interesting that Obama just keeps coming up with friends and appointees with very dubious associations who are no more than Democrat Party hacks. Some ‘change’, eh?”

“That’s the problem with mylar balloons — if the doves come into contact with them, you could have a disaster.”

“McCain has done it again, ladies and gentlemen. He said that he opposes drilling in ANWR for the same reason that he opposesdrilling in the Grand Canyon. There’s no comparison! Nobody goes up to ANWR to take tours! It’s barren!”

“This happens every time I’m on the air. You tell ’em I’ll deal with it on my own time and not to expect it to be any time soon! I’m fed up with this! I don’t want to hear any objections! Oh, the microphone was on? Oh, gee, that’s great.”

“Murray Head, One Night in Bangkok. Although, one night’s not enough in Bangkok.”

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“The Messiah, Jesus, walked on water, but Obama walks on a cesspool and is untainted by it.”

“Can you imagine the conversation between Jesse Jackson, Sr., and Jesse Jackson, Jr.? ‘Son, when I did these shakedowns, it was 30 years before somebody went public on me. The first time you try this, and look what happens!'”

“We know damn well that Barack Obama is not Abraham Lincoln, and it’s about time people stop insulting our intelligence by trying to draw that comparison — because, frankly, it is putrid and it is sick.”

“There is so much anger for this bailout out there that if the Republicans do not stand up to this, I don’t care how much Obama screws up — nobody’s going to have the guts to vote Republican anymore.”

“All these wizards of smart in Washington want what? The electric car, right? Well, the sale of electric cars has plummeted in Europe — and they’re a bunch of wusses in Europe! I mean, Europe would sign onto any of these stupid newfangledmoves to ‘protect the climate.'”

“Mr. Snerdley said, ‘How long have the Daleys owned Chicago?’ I said, ‘Probably since the fire, which they probably started.’ Joking, joking!”

“We’re being run by corrupt politicians who, with the help of propagandists in the media, are destroying the private sector. We’re on the way to becoming a socialist country. We’ve come a long way, baby.”

“Of course Obama is untainted, even though a felon arranged the purchase of his home for him at below market price. I mean, that’s brilliant. That shows he understands how the system works.”

“Folks, you know what would be really cool? If Bill and Hillary Clinton held a joint press conference and announced that they are just not comfortable with the apparent level of corruption that might be tainting the Obama campaign, and as such she has decided not to accept a nomination as secretary of state.”

“Which would you rather be: Senate candidate #5 or Love Client No. 9?”

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