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“Fidel Castro wants Barack Obama to succeed. Fidel Castro wanted George Bush to fail. What does that tell you?”

“The worst thing that could happen to the global warming people is for their solutions to work. It’s the same thing in the race industry — if we actually ended racism, do you realize what a disaster it would be for the Reverend Jackson and Reverend Sharpton?”

“The Drive-Bys are not reporting on the tea parties now, and they’re not going to report on them as they happen. They just fly in the face of the notion the Drive-Bys put forth that this is a country in unified enthrallment of the Obama administration.”

“Being an American is to be uniquely individual as ordained by God and chronicled in our founding documents. And it is this individuality — this recognition that no two people are the same — and self-interest that propelsthe individual to do extraordinary things.”

“The Somali pirates, who we haven’t heard from in a while, have hijacked a ship and have American hostages. Is this 1979 all over again? Less than 100 days in?”

“The Somalis are hijacking ships, the Iranians are taking time out from building their nuclear weapons to file death penalty charges against Americans, the North Koreans are firing off missiles, and what’s Barack Obama worried about? Islamic sensibilities.”

“How can you say that Cuba is what it is simply because we don’t trade with them — when the rest of the world does? Cuba is what it is because of the Castros. Cuba’s what it is because it is a communist dictatorship with no freedom and no free market.”

“From AP: ‘Just a week after the White House scolded Chrysler for relying too much on gas guzzlers, the company is heading to a marquee auto show today to unveil a new SUV.’ You gotta love these guys at Chrysler!”

“The American people actually believe that their cars are destroying the planet. If they don’t, their kids do, and when your kids believe you’re doing something to destroy the planet… ‘Mommy, mommy! Our car is killing the polar bears!’ ‘Shut up, kid! Okay, we’ll get a little lawn mower so you’ll be happy!'”

“Most people who are obsessed with telling everybody how they feel don’t get anything done. They become bureaucrats.”

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“If the Republican Party is not willing to pick up what happened in California and run with it, it may as well have not happened.”

“The Republican Party today is not the Republican Party of Ronald Reagan. The Republican Party today is led by people who think tax cuts are a bygone issue, and they’re going to look at these results in California and see a problem.”

“Do you think the feds are going to allow California to go bankrupt? California’s ‘too big to fail’. So what Obama will do is simply bail out California and all of the debt will be absorbed by all of us in the other 49 states.”

“The only thing emerging here is Colin Powell’s ego. Colin Powell represents the stale, old, worn-out GOP that never won anything: the party of Gerald Ford, Nelson Rockefeller, Bill Scranton, and Arnold Schwarzenegger.”

“Robert Gibbs is saying that Obama will not make any decision that will place our security at risk. Ha! Imagine having to say this!”

“I left New York in 1997 strictly to get away from the onerous taxation. I don’t want to talk numbers, but it was humongous. By leaving, I could spend that money on things that I considered more worthwhile than propping up the New York state welfare state.”

“Chris Shays, you say I’ve never won an election. True — I’ve never run for election — but I was made an honorary member of the victorious House of Representatives in 1994 because they thought I won about 30 elections.”

“The truth of the matter is that Ron Gettelfinger and the UAW don’t have a clueas to how to run a sustainableprofitable business — they only know how to leech from one.”

“The news today is that the Democrats in the Senate are not going to give Obama the money to close Guantanamo Bay. Now, some people think that the Democrats realize that there are some really dangerous people down there, but that’s not it — it’s to cover Obama’s ignorance!”

“Frankly, I’m more interested in what Giselle Bundchen has to say than Colin Powell, but we’ll take that up some other time.”

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“The greatest tribute would be that every American would get the same health care options that Ted Kennedy got. Tedcare for all, forever.”

“Senator Kennedy is a perfect example of the redeeming aspect of liberalism. If a politician is liberal, and if the politician uses the government to take money from people who work to give it to people who don’t work, then they are redeemed for every bad act they commit on earth.”

“If we were a nation of Christines, we wouldn’t be functioning, and I’m telling you: Obama wants a nation of Christines.”

“Will a single liberal come forward and embrace Senator Kennedy’s example of seeking and securing the best medical care available? For those who truly respect and admire Ted Kennedy, the man, I ask you: put politics aside today, forget the words, and embrace the actions of Ted Kennedy.”

“God bestowed on each of us the miracle of life. It’s a gift that is personal, and it is priceless. And the suggestionof Obama’s that there’s a partnership between government and God in life and death is vulgar. It’s a debasement of life, and it’s un-American.”

“The media attempted to resurrect Camelot with the Clintons, but that went to shreds when Bill got caught doing what Jack never got caught doing. Of course, it’s also tough to have Camelot with Nurse Ratched in the White House to begin with.”

“At this town meeting, John McCain said we have to ‘take Washington back from the special interests.’ Folks, that is just vacuous psychobabble, in my humble opinion. We need to take this country back from the liberal Marxists that have taken over!”

“It must be something in the air today… I just got a note from a friend of mine, Cheryl Ladd of Charlie’s Angels fame: ‘You were superb today.’ I wrote her back: ‘I’m not finished.'”

“If I were a CIA agent, I would tell the attorney general: ‘You start the trial this week! I want a jury of 12 Americans to tell me that while I sweated in Iraq and Afghanistan making ridiculous wages, I was committing crimes against my country!'”

“The Obama administration — and I hate saying this, folks — sees its job as protecting those who have and will wage war against American citizens.”

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“Liberals in power are a threat to Western civilization. They’re ruthless in pursuit of power, and weak in the face of evil.”

“Have you ever seen so much bad news and evidence that Barack Obama has the inside track on becoming the worst president in the nation’s history? America will once again succeed when Obama admits his policies and his arrogance have failed.”

“I’m reading all over the place about how I don’t matter. I have David Brooks saying I’m irrelevant, I have Howard Kurtz echoing Brooks today… and yet I have the government preparing to make a law to shut me up.”

“I have warned you people several times over the years about this: I don’t care whether the poll is presidential approval or what — the purpose of polling today is to create news to further the agenda of the network doing the polling.”

“We’re $12 trillion in debt, and now you tell us we have to start saving, Secretary Geithner? Save what? Why don’t you get your buddies in the room and say that to them, instead of preaching to us! These geek heads! They’re ticking me off today, folks!”

“I’m reminded of that early town meeting in Florida, where some woman actually stood up and asked Obama when her new kitchen was going to be installed. Hey, we sit here and laugh, but she’s a model citizen, as far as Obama is concerned.”

“Why does the government have to come up with these screwball names and acronyms? I mean, this bomb is called the Massive Ordnance Penetrator. That sounds like something you’d see in a porn movie.”

“I myself flip off these two skeletal nerds at Center for Science in the Public Interest every time I pop popcorn for my guests — I use coconut oil. And I search the globe far and wide to find it, too. Screw these people!”

“I love the smell of ballparks. The only thing you can’t smell at a ballpark anymore is a good cigar. I used to go to Busch Stadium when I was a kid, and just the aromas of the guys sitting there smoking cigars and the hot dogs and everything… It was just fabulous.”

“You know, a conservative vegetarian is a conservative vegetarian. A liberal vegetarian is a vegetarian that demands you be one, too. They’re militant, these people.”

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“Here’s the dirty little secret. People are sick of Obama’s speeches. People want jobs.”

“It’s not the Muslims who need protection — it’s us! We conservatives! Oklahoma City, blame us! 9/11, blame us! Hurricane Katrina, blame us! Some lunatic shoots an abortion doctor, blame us! Swine flu, blame us! Donovan McNabb has a lousy season, blame me!”

“I don’t care what your politics:How you cannot mention Ronald Reagan, a former president of the United States who was instrumental in the fall of Soviet communism, at the Brandenburg Gate is beyond me.”

“Obama also used the term ‘extremists’ to talk about people who act as Nidal Hasan did. They are not extremists. They are mainstream in their sect of Islam, and there are hundreds of millions of them.”

“Maybe we need to call President Obama The Ice Man. He has no emotion. Look at how he reacts to unemployment: he’s utterly unaffected. It’s like it doesn’t bother him at all.”

“Note how socialists do things. As blackouts hit energy-rich Venezuela, the president tells people to cut back: ‘You idiots have to take shorter showers and turn the lights off, and if you don’t, I’m going to do it for you!’ Life in socialist countries is miserable.”

“Folks, you do not understand the narcissistic ego of this man, Obama. The hardest thing for him to do every day is to turn away from the mirror after he gets dressed.”

“The military knows the score: it’s Islamic terrorists 13, Fort Hood 0. The soldiers know it, and most Americans know it. The only people who do not are the media and their boss, Barack Obama.”

“The tea parties are protests by Americans who object to an intrusive government — a government which is confiscating private property under the threat of punishment. These people, you people, people like me, Sarah Palin… we have to be destroyed. We represent something very dangerous: individualism and American exceptionalism.”

“I’m not going anywhere until every American agrees with me, which probably will be never — which means I’ll be around forever.”

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“I want to settle something once and for all today: I, Rush Limbaugh, am not a racist. I dislike Mr. Obama’s white half just as much as I dislike Mr. Obama’s black half.”

“Well, it’s our Dear Leader’s birthday today, ladies and gentlemen. I wonder: How many of you got off work today in celebration of Obama’s birthday, in addition to the 14.6 million people who are out of work?”

“Obama’s slogan, were he to have been honest during the 2008 presidential campaign, would have been, ‘I’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got.'”

“Liberalism doesn’t deserve to advance. It deserves to end. Liberalism has failed. It fails every time it’s tried, and yet, for some reason, people keep giving it another chance.”

“I wonder if President Obama, faced with these new plummeting approval numbers, will have the audacity to say he inherited his bad poll numbers from Bush.”

“How do I think Kagan would vote on same-sex marriage? Don’t make me laugh, Snerdley; it’s not a softball question.”

“‘An informed source in Iran’s presidential office has rejected as false the reports of a grenade attack on President Ahmadinejad.’ They’re saying it was a firecracker. Whatever. Obama, if you are going to try to take somebody out, I mean, don’t do it Jimmy Carter-style.”

“I’ll tell you: If Obama gets a 5?4 Supreme Court his way… whew! Well, I’m not going to say it’s over, but it’s over for a while.”

“Was the media played with the oil spill? I mean, were they taken for a ride, or were they willing accomplices? I suggest they were willing accomplices. They’re also dunces and they’re predictable. And they’re uninformed and they’re ignorant and they live in a small little world.”

“I doubt that Obama could feed himself if there wasn’t arugula at the grocery store.”

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“The Red Chinese underwrite this government. I, El Rushbo, am therefore making a charge: Imam Obama’s salary is being paid by the Communist Chinese. Prove me wrong.”

“Can you imagine how my day starts? I get up, and I find out that some ancestry group claims that I am a tenth cousin of Barack Obama, which means I also have a half tenth cousin brother living in a hut, and I haven’t sent him anything.”

“What in the world is wrong with an organization that seeks to promote education, civil discourse, and activism that’s focused on protecting the core founding principles of the US? Why in the world does that threaten the American left? Answers itself, I know.”

“I mean, you go after the Chamber of Commerce, you’re going after the Boy Scouts, for crying out loud. You’re going after people who have America’s best interests in their hearts.”

“So Obama says there’s no shovel-ready jobs, and now the White House says that Obamacare may cause senior health care costs to go up. So what can we learn from this? Very simple: Obama sees seasoned citizens as shovel-ready jobs.”

“Our future is being printed away and borrowed in debt. The opportunities for people’s children and grandchildren to achieve prosperity… they can see them flittering out the window, and whether it’s being done on purpose or due to incompetence is irrelevant.”

“So there’s good news and bad news regarding the Chamber of Commerce smear by Obama. The good news is he’s rallying the base with his smears. The bad news is it’s the wrong base.”

“Never before in my life has one political party been structured in such a way that its success is entirely based on governing against the will of the people, but that’s the modern Democrat Party.”

“Everybody knows that the Chinese are one of the largest underwriters of our debt, and on what is it being spent? Left-wing activists, people who do not have the best interests of this nation at heart. Now, that’s a fact — not an empty accusation — and Obama ought to explain it and defend it.”

“Zach, you are, I have to say, the first guy who’s ever referred to a sponsor on this program as road kill.”

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“Put Obamacare defunding in the budget, make Obama veto the budget, and make him do it repeatedly. That’s what I’d do if I was running the show.”

“Obama doesn’t even care about the far-left fringe, though they always thought he did. Hey, that’s your problem, not his. If you’re stupid enough to think that a mortal human being is actually messianic, it’s not his fault — it’s yours.”

“You know, my taxes for one day in New York City would pay Sheila Jackson Lee’s taxes for the full year.”

“What’s so bad about being a lesbian? What’s wrong with that? You know, Oprah’s pretty forceful here: ‘I’m not gay. I’ve said that enough times. I’m not lesbian. I’m not even kind of lesbian.’ Okay, we get it!”

“You know, talking about money is a very uncouth thing to do, not classy at all. But, boy, the wonders that I, that people like me, do for the economy… Sheila Jackson Lee would be absolutely stunned.”

“Did you know that this country created jobs after the Bush tax cuts went into law for 53 months? Fifty-three months in a row! And the Democrats take over and we have lost jobs every month.”

“The left really doesn’t like Walmart because Walmart does a better job of servicing the poor than the government does, and the Democrats want to be known for that.”

“Media Matters was founded to discredit me and my reputation. The left wouldn’t exist without me! Would George Soros have bought those 100 reporters for NPR if it wasn’t for me?”

“A beautifully decorated Christmas tree is a really nice thing to see, and we have all kinds of them outside the EIB offices. Snerdley, what are you laughing about now?”

“Barney Frank needs two drains in his mouth by now.”

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