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“Folks, this is very simple: If you want health care run like the financial mortgage system, vote Obama.”

“Joe, you are illustrating the hopelessness of the Obama campaign. I hit you with facts, and you still want to try to use this program to present a false illusion. You really take the cake, you and your gang, because this mortgage scandal? You own it.”

“I’ll make a prediction: Joe Biden will say, ‘When Christopher Columbus got off the airplane in 1492, he knew that we needed tax increases.'”

“Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac are simply branch offices of the Democrat Party, and you can see what happens when the Democrats get their hands on something: they destroy it!”

“I’d like a little more collateral on a presidential candidate than justhaving Bill Ayers and Jeremiah Wright and Tony Rezko as cosigners on Obama’s presidential application.”

“How do you tell the difference between Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Barack Obama? One of them needs a translator.”

“If the government really wants to do something here, they haveplenty of ammo. If you cut corporate and capital gains taxes, drill everywhere, drill now, and keep Obama out of the White House, look out — we’re going to be booming.”

“Folks, like I’ve always said, if we’re going to have a recession, don’t participate. You’d be surprised at the power of attitude.”

“Bottom line about the polls right now — don’t ignore them, but don’t give them a whole lot of credibility either or let them affect your attitude. The purpose right now is to have you all depressed, but I’ll tell you when it’s time to panic.”

“I have a survey out from Clairol that says women who dye their hair are more sexually confident. Has this been your experience, Mr. Snerdley?”

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“Whether McCain wins or loses, we are going to rebuild the conservative movement.”

“I’ve never understood how you make poor people rich by making rich people poor, but this is the standard operating philosophy of the Obama campaign.”

“I’ll say this even to you people in the Drive-By Media: you don’t care who Obama is, and you don’t care what he stands for, and you don’t care who his friends are. You know all that and you know it would hurt, and so you’re covering it up.”

“To the media, if Obama loses, it’s due to racism and voter fraud, but if he wins, he has a mandate to transform our society into some kind of European-socialist authoritarianism.”

“There’s nothing wrong with western Pennsylvania. Just a bunch of racist rednecks there — according to Jack Murtha, their congressman.”

“A lot of people on our side say, ‘Just go ahead and let Obama win; show the American people how rotten he’s going to make the country.’ But the problem is that Barack Obama is going to have four years to repopulate the federal judiciary.”

“To this day I still don’t know whose mouth is bigger when it’s open: Morton Downey, Jr.’s or Susan Estrich’s. I’m just talking about size, not what comes out of it.”

“You may have even dabbled in that counter-culture yourself back in the sixties. We all did a little — except for me. I wanted no part of it, ever. I, to this day, do not own a pair of blue jeans because of it.”

“I don’t consider myself on the intellectual side at all, and neither do they — the intellectuals. You see, intellectuals are people that have what they think is IQ and educational commonality, and, of course, I’m disqualified from any of that (thankfully so) because I don’t have a college degree.”

“All the Democrats are talking about how it’s going to be a landslide, but, man, they’re not acting like it. I mean, they’re having to cheat with ACORN!”

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“Style is not going to take our country back. Conservatism articulated in a way that’s inspiring is what’s going to take the country back.”

“The Constitution and capitalism have been under assault by liberal Democrats right in front of our eyes for decades, and the idea expressed by David Brooks and others that we need to somehow emulate this in our own smarter, more constructive way just to get votes is… puzzling.”

“Obama’s speechwriter can write a speech that promises socialism while sounding conservative. Do you realize what a tough challenge that is?”

“Last night Obama said, ‘We need to understand how this economic mess happened,’ and right then the camera turned on Chris Dodd! Now, I don’t expect the Nimrods of our society to get that, but I thought it was funny.”

“Let me just say it right out: I love Bobby Jindal, and that did not change after last night.”

“Last night, Obama said wealth was ‘transferred to the wealthy’; that same old line. Funny, I thought wealth was earned — except if you’re a Kennedy.”

“Really, Obama? Dropping out of high school is ‘no longer an option’? Well, we’ll find out what kind of loyalty the dropouts of America have to Barack Obama, because I’ll guarantee you that they thought they were going to have handed to them a plate load of goodies.”

“So here’s a woman who’s listened to me one time, and she thinks I’m pompous. This woman is a menace to society.”

“Friedrich Hayek said (paraphrase), ‘The only thing I can conclude is that for intellectuals, the excitement is in controlling things, and you don’t control things in capitalism.’ That was brilliant; he laid it right out. It’s all about power. It’s all about control. And that’s what Obama’s all about.”

“If you make less than $250,000 right now, let me give you a piece of advice: Stop at $249,000 on your way up the ladder.”

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“We need to stop calling it health care ‘reform.’ It’s not about reform. Like everything else in Obama’s agenda this is about health care destruction.”

“I played baseball all the way up until high school, when I got cut. Well, I don’t know why I got cut. I complained to my dad because my dad knew the coach, but he just said, ‘Well, life lesson, son. You must not be good enough. That’s it.'”

“Okay: eyewitness report. My cousin Jim and his son were at Busch Stadium last night for the game. The pitch bounced. So there. I mean, if you trust me, you have to trust everybody in my family. Don’t doubt me.”

“There is one question that they haven’t asked Sotomayor, and that is, ‘What videos doyou rent?’ I want to see the list of DVDs that she rents. Until we know that, we can’t have the vote.”

“A recent Gallup poll says 41% of Americans identify themselves as conservatives, 21% liberal. Now, there’s no reason we should be losing elections. The only reason we are is because the Republican Party is dominated by people who think like McCain and Colin Powell.”

“It’s time to choose sides. Are we going to remake America and destroy the elements that made it great and have permanent poverty disguised as ‘fairness’, or are we going to maintain this country as it was founded — as a beacon of freedom and liberty?”

“It’s time for the Republican Party to put aside its primary calculations of, ‘How can we win elections,’ and instead focus on, ‘How can we save America?’ They’ll win elections if they are oriented toward saving the country.”

“Obama called it ‘Cominskey Field,’ but it was actually ‘Comiskey Park’. There’s no ‘N’ in there, but this guy was brought up by communists, so all these ‘inskys’ have made an indelible impression on his mind.”

“Call your congressman or your senator and say, ‘Hey, babe, are you going to give up your current plan for the public option that you are mandating that we join? You going to do that?’ They won’t.”

“You’re right, Snerdley: I’ve probably done more for the Michigan economy in the last three minutes than Jennifer Granholm has done in two terms.”

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“The media, promoting White House propaganda, tries to make me the story. I’m the story? I can’t do anything to your health care!”

“Yes, I wanted Obama to fail, and I think everybody understands now what I meant. Actually, I think most people understood what I meant at the time, anyway, but they were just too shocked that anybody would have the gonads to say it.”

“I knew all of this was coming down the pike before it happened. Why? Because I know socialists. I know liberals. I know what Bill Ayers stands for, I know what Reverend Wright stands for, and I know who Obama is. None of this is a mystery.”

“If the Democrats want a shot at getting what they want, they need to pull Obama off the circuit. He’s an idiot. He displayed that yesterday. There’s a reason that David Axelrod has him wedded to a teleprompter — he’s a disaster.”

“Dr. Poole, you dare to challenge our Dear Leader on the most listened to media program today of its kind? And you’ve identified yourself by name? You, sir, are very brave.”

“I’ve never had a friend like Rashid Khalidi, who hates Jews. I’ve never had a friend like Reverend Wright. I don’t hang around with sick people who hate aspects of the United States. I don’t hang around with anti-Semites, and I don’t hang around with racists. But they’re all over this administration.”

“From state-controlled Associated Press: ‘US Official Gropes to Explain Clinton’s Outburst.’ US officials are groping for Hillary. This is something none of us can see.”

“Senator McCaskill, let me tell you what your problem is. Your president is on record as saying he wants a single payer system! So when you tell your constituents at a town hall that it isn’t going to happen, they don’t think you’re honest.”

“Headline: ‘For Macho Men, Doctor Visits are Less Likely’. Now, what this tells me is that conservative men (who are real men) are putting far less pressure, financial or otherwise, on the health care system.”

“I’m not answering that, Snerdley; you’re not going to trap me. Snerdley just asked, ‘What does she look like?’ We all know that women’s looks have nothing to do with anything. That’s such a Neanderthal question.”

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“Liberal jihadists say, ‘Death to the Constitution.’ If they have to blow themselves up like the Islamic jihadists, each liberal gets 72 interns in paradise.”

“The elected Republicans are scared to death of having happen to them what happened to Joe Wilson. But even after all the campaign contributions Joe Wilson has received, they still don’t see that there’s an army of people willing to back them up if they would just lead.”

“With nationalized health care, if you’re sick, you’ll do anything — especially if it involves your kids — your government asks you to do. The Road to Serfdom is paved in Obamacare, folks.”

“It never ceases to amaze me that a nation founded on the notions of individual liberty, private property, and limited government is currently being run by politicians who reject it all, but that is Barack Obama and this administration.”

“Liberals believe that there are a handful of them smart enough to manage your life so that you don’t keep screwing things up. This is what the left really believes, but they’re too power-hungry to risk having their political asses handed to them to be open and honest about it.”

“Democrats look at the private sector as nothing other than an entity that provides them with the money they need to rule. And, sadly, these people now control every branch of the government.”

“There’s nothing smart about what Obama is doing. He’s a pure product of brainwashing. His mentors hated this country, and one of them even tried to blow up the Pentagon.”

“I got some snarky note: ‘How are you going to deal when Sarah Palin sells more books than you do?’ I hope she sells five million copies because I want to see the lunatics jump off the cliff!”

“What do you see anywhere in the world where liberal Democrat socialists have total unchecked power to run things, be it a country, a city, or a state? You see abject poverty. Marxism and socialism create poverty. I know it’s hard to believe that it’s somebody’s design, but it is.”

“Everybody is sending me e-mails: ‘What are you smoking?’ Doesn’t matter, folks — it’s a premium cigar. Actually, it’s a Montecristo A, if you want to know.”

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“The era of Reagan will never be over because it is the era of our founding, of individual freedom, of American exceptionalism.”

“Folks, this is the 45th anniversary of Ronald Reagan’s Barry Goldwater speech, the ‘rendezvous with destiny’ speech. I remember watching it, and I remember saying, ‘Get this guy on the ticket.’ I was 13 years old.”

“Nobody’s going to measure up to Ronald Reagan because there’s only one Ronald Reagan. The only person who could come close would be me, and I don’t want the pay cut. I’m just kidding.”

“Alan Grayson, if you would’ve said ‘K Street ho’, the National Football League might have asked you to become an owner of one of their teams. But no: you went out there and used the word ‘whore’.”

“In 1960, it was all about keeping communism out of this country — JFK didn’t want a communist country. But now we have an administration with members saying their favorite philosopher is Mao Tse-tung. Next we’re going to learn that somebody else in this administration admires Josef Stalin.”

“What do I think is going to happen in 2010? I think there’s going to be an uprising. I think the American people are going to show up in droves. And if I didn’t think this, folks, I wouldn’t be doing what I’m doing.”

“Folks, the battle that we face today is the same battle that we faced in 1964. Theonly difference is that the biggest threat to our freedom was external in 1964; today it’s internal.”

“Everything is a scam or has a scam aspect to it. See, I have a general distrust of government, folks. And this is why, when Kathleen Sebelius said, ‘You must get the flu vaccine,’ I said, ‘No, ma’am.'”

“The vast majority of people who have ever lived on this planet have lived in tyranny (or some sort of relationship to it). The concept of American exceptionalism is that we are — and have been since our founding — the lone outpost for freedom, and if we lose it here, there’s no place else in the world to go to have it.”

“When you boil it all down, liberal women are unhappy because liberal men treat them like dirt. Besides, liberals, by definition, can’t be happy. Period.”

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“The moment Obama took his focus off the leak in the Gulf and focused on McChrystal, BP took the cap off the hole and let the thing start gushing oil again. Obama can’t multitask.”

“Of all the assaults that Obama and his team are making on every institution we have, the assault they’re making on the rule of law is the most crucial. The rule of law is what holds this country together.”

“Do you realize that Planned Parenthood gets government grants? That is an outrage in the first place. Do you know they have lost $1.3 billion? The Planned Parenthood Federation of America has lost $1.3 billion. They can’t account for it.”

“Anybody with half a brain knows the damage they’re doing to the Gulf economy by having this moratorium, and by extension, the Alaskan economy. This is why people like me think these people are not stupid. They are committed ideologues.”

“Democrats run around and make you think they’re for the little guy, the downtrodden. It’s just the opposite. They create the downtrodden. They create little guys. And they prevent little guys from growing. That’s who they are.”

“This is the playbook, as we say: reward liberal activists, punish conservative constitutionalists. Maybe the State-Run Media, the Drive-By Media needs a name-change. Maybe we need to call ’em the Hugo Chavez Media.”

“When’s the last time the media rose up against this president en masse over his abuses of power? When? When will the media talk about this president abusing his office, grabbing too much power, as they do with every single Republican president?”

“When will this wonderful media ask why Congress holds no oversight hearings into the things this president and his regime do? Why? Because they fear the public might get upset with this kind of one-party rule, this kind of authoritarianism, which they, in the media, support and eagerly accept being part of.”

“We’re living now where there are no checks and balances on the president’s power. Not Congress, not the media, and barely the courts.”

“One federal judge says, ‘Wait a minute. You don’t have the power to destroy an entire region and thousands of jobs and businesses by presidential fiat,’ and the media attacks the judge.”

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“How about McCain, Mr. McCain-Feingold, spending $21 million to beat JD Hayworth? Boy, it’s a good thing we really got money out of politics, isn’t it?”

“We’re refighting the Cold War all over again, but instead of the communists, we’re now fighting the militant Islamists, and this guy, Feisal Abdul Rauf, is Alger Hiss Version 2.0. I mean, history is repeating itself like I haven’t seen.”

“Nobody knows who the Hasaras are, yet the country wouldn’t be what it is or remain what it is without them and people like them — they epitomize American exceptionalism.”

“Remember when the media said that publishing the Danish cartoons would offend Muslims sensibilities and sensitivities, and we don’t want to offend the Muslims? Well, when’s the last time they were worried about offending you?”

“Put aside the subjective term ‘moderate Islam’ for a moment, and let’s just focus on an uncontested fact: there is no separation of church and state in Islam.”

“TheHill.com: ‘Unemployed group blasts Geithner’s handling of the economy’. Now, when the unemployed can’t be bought off with taxpayer money, then you know the Democrats are in deep doo-doo.”

“Chad Ochocinco… he’s a funny guy. He’s hilarious. I don’t think I’ve ever run into anybody who enjoys being fined any more than Chad Ochocinco does. I mean, he’s turned fines into an art form.”

“If the Pew people want to do another poll, I have the question for them: Who is it that hates America more — Muslim clerics, or Jeremiah Wright?”

“Lieutenant Colonel Mark Hasara and his family epitomize people who make the country work. They are unsung; they do not seek fame in any way, and they don’t compromise their values for any temporary, fleeting, surface gratifications.”

“As they say, nobody kicks ass without tanker gas.”

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“We need to really be excited about last night’s primaries. This is the start of taking our country back and our party back one candidate at a time.”

“I was saying to myself last night, ‘If Karl Rove had just gotten this mad at Democrats during the Bush administration, why, who knows how things would be different today.'”

“For crying out loud, when did we ever hear about the ‘character’ of Ted Kennedy? When do we ever hear about the ‘character’ of Barack Obama — and he’s destroying our country!”

“At the end of the day, we’re going to have one less RINO in Washington, and so it was a great night. I feel like George Patton, folks — I love the smell of battle out there!”

“We’re already living with a soft tyranny, and if anybody in Washington on the Republican side does not understand this, they’re going to go. It’s not politics as usual anymore.”

“Look, folks. I workedfor the Kansas City Royals when women were admitted into the locker room, and I’m not going to get into great detail, but I’ll tell you this: the players didn’t like it.”

“This is not about getting the enemy to respect us. This is about beating them. The political enemy has a fundamental difference in the way they think this country ought to be structured, and they are hell-bent on making it happen.”

“When Snerdley tries to spell phonetically, you would not believe what words look like.”

“The Tea Party has transformed a lot of boring, hardworking American men and women into a bunch of racist, homophobic, Islamophobic hatemongering insurgents who want their country back, and it’s a great thing. Media Tweak of the Day, folks. Wait ’til you see what they do with that!”

“I don’t like poetry. Most poetry is a bunch of pansy little rhyming.”

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“Who’s doing as good a job to undermine what this country stands for as the terrorists? Dingy Harry, Nancy Pelosi. If they call us hostage takers and gangsters, then why can’t we call them what they are? They are terrorists.”

“This budget is the Democrat Party saying, ‘Go to hell, people! This is what happens when you don’t elect us! We don’t care about you, and we never have cared about you!’ This is a spite budget.”

“Whenever I hear Jon Bon Jovi’s name mentioned, I always say, ‘Yep, he’s dedicated his life to social innovation. By gosh, that’s right, that’s Bon Jovi!'”

“If you want to hear the moral argument towards tax cuts and taxes, the best way to do that would be to call income ‘property’. Because it is! Whether it’s your money or what you’ve bought with your money, it is your property.”

“Why would Obama want to weaken the national security of the United States? Simple: Consistency. Why change now?”

“We’ve often heard that journalism is the first write of history. Well, journalism is the first revision of history. I mean, journalists are trying to tell us that what happened in November didn’t happen and that what happened didn’t happen for the reasons it did.”

“To have the Senate read aloud the START treaty before they ratify it is a political stunt, says the White House. I’d call it a public service.”

“With the Republicans, it’s fear of the media. It’s fear of being criticized. It’s fear of being called obstructionists. It’s total fear about what somebody’s going to say about them, and nothing irritates me more than to have behavior guided by that kind of fear.”

“This Christmas, you should avoid gifts that can chew through paper. I mean, you don’t want to give anybody a little hamster or something because you don’t know when they’re going to stop chewing.”

“The Constitution matters to me, but that’s just me. I’m just an old fuddy-duddy.”

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