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“Mikhail Gorbachev, Lenin, Stalin — they never got this kind of coverage from their media that Obama is getting now… and they owned it!”

“I can’t tell you how much I wish my mom and dad were alive to see all of this, to have a brilliant and independent scientist — a former NASA scientist — be discredited by a US senator simply because he has an association with me.”

“I am fuming today as I listen to these Obama sound bites. The Drive-Bys are propping this guy up, and he’s just being a jerk. There’s no other way to put this! He’s just being an ungrateful jerk, trying to take credit for all that’s happened over in Iraq.”

“Chesterton said, ‘If you don’t believe in God, you will believe in anything.’ And I’ll tell you, there are quite a few people in this country who apparently do not believe in God. They’re either orthodox Obama, fundamentalist Obama, evangelical Obama, or reform Obama.”

“I don’t think Kim Gandy was ever attractive, but Eleanor Holmes Norton… now, she — you’re damn right — was a looker.”

“See, Jacob, if I were your age or a little older, and there was a liberal babe out there that I wanted to meet up with and see where it went, I’d start talking about alternative energy.”

“I detest these people some days, folks, I detest them. To stretch credulity like this, to go so far out of bounds to avoid crediting your own country with success in Iraq… In a sane political environment, Obama would be a laughingstock.”

“I just heard from Cookie — she just told me that the full-length montage of all of Obama’s stutters in his 40 minute press conference runs eight minutes. Imagine eight minutes of this: ‘Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh.'”

“Obama hasn’t contributed one damn thing to this victory. I take that back. He has contributed one thing: He took off his American flag lapel pin. But aside from that, Barack Obama has not done one thing but try to secure defeat in Iraq.”

“Obama doesn’t have voters. He has a flock. He has disciples. And I’m wondering which one will become Judas.”

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“In her speech to the convention, Hillary Clinton will tell these delegates in her own inimitable fashion, just how royally they’ve screwed up.”

“I remember the old days of the Democrat Party… they may have been big liberals, but at least you respected them for their political acumen. But today? Harry Reid? Nancy Pelosi? Howard Dean? And we think this is a juggernaut?”

“I mean, if the dress looks like a tent then you got a problem, but all things being equal, the pantsuit is a compromise. I know this from my life experience.”

“Did you know that the Democrats even had to put the Pledge of Allegiance on television screens inside the convention so that the delegates could read the words? ‘I pledge allegiance to the — oh, yeah, flag.'”

“All these reports about media people getting tingles up their legs when they listen to Obama speak… what the hell kind of professionalism is that?”

“I thought Michelle was an example of a professional, independent, intelligent woman who deserved to be measured in her own right, but now she’s just a mom and a wife? Do you realize what she did for feminism last night? She erased it.”

“Before we return to our analysis of the Democrat convention, folks, just admit something: It is more fun to listen to me talk about what happened last night than it was to actually watch it.”

“The campaign’s line is that Barack Obama was only eight years old when Ayers tried to blow up the Pentagon. Maybe so, but he was 34 when he attended his first Ayers fundraiser.”

“Let me explain Nancy Pelosi to you: she is in a fantasy dream world. She is convinced that this whole country is just thrilled and in awe of her because she’s the first woman to become speaker. She doesn’t see that she barely sells 4,000 books.”

“It is a big deal for Democrats to get a baby home alive.”

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“Partisanship is tough because everyone comes after you. Bipartisanship is just like liberalism. It’s gutless.”

“I was going to say, ‘I can’t believe how wrong everybody’s getting this’, but then I thought, ‘Yes, I can believe how wrong everybody’s getting this, because the Drive-Bys are in the tank for Obama and they’re dumb and don’t understand economics.'”

“People disagree with me, and I understand this. Well, no, I don’t understand it. After 20 years plus, I don’t understand how anybody could disagree with me on anything.”

“Let me tell you something, you little squirrel. We can’t afford to have ten more years of the kind of disastrous monitoring of the mortgage and financial markets that your party has given us. We can’t afford a day of you, Senator Obama.”

“I am agitated today. I am sick and tired of our conservative intelligentsia media trying to balance things out by saying ‘both sides are at fault’. Both sides are not at fault! Stop trying to impress people who are going to hate you!”

“I want to dedicate today’s Dow Jones Industrial Average, that’s up at the moment, to the Republicans in the House of Representatives for their boldness yesterday.”

“The Dow Jones Industrial Average is up 270 right now. How can this possibly be, after yesterday’s near crash? Could it be, ladies and gentlemen, that people actually do believe in the fundamentals of the United States economy? Hmm?”

“We love the children here, Bob, even when they’re little mind-numbed robots being programmed by a bunch of socialist communist Hollywood people.”

“To the left, if Barack Obama loses, it’s strictly cause he’s black — it’s not because his policies are reckless and dangerous, or because he’s incompetent, or because his associations are nothing but extreme radical leftists who want to remake this country as socialist. Oh, no, no, no!”

“By the way, folks, I, your beloved and respected host, can fix the mortgage crisis with one word: rent.”

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“The Forehead, Paul Begala, he’s the kid that played the banjo on the bridge in the movie Deliverance.”

“You know, people don’t laugh anymore; people don’t understand sarcasm as a form of humor. Sarcasm is not permitted anymore. Sarcasm is considered mean. And I do sarcasm and irony aimed at liberals better than anybody.”

“My question to the journalists who are acting as total butt boys for this administration is: You all have your own degree of wealth… Is the idea of the remaking of America into a so-called socialist paradise so important to you that you will sit around and happily — without any concern — watch your wealth dissipate?”

“There was a CNN contributor who said that Obama’s speeches are like sex. I can see how that’s true: when Obama speaks, the American people get screwed.”

“Oppressors, people who would deny freedom and liberty and the pursuit of happiness, people that want power, people who have incredible egos who think they can do it better… That’s what we’re dealing with here. But I’m not going to cash in on the fight for liberty.”

“This is an ideal time for Republicans to set the stage for 2010 and to start running around talking about philosophy and principles, because, you know something, folks? When you live by your principles, the policy comes naturally.”

“The Democrats should be leery of me, because last time they came at me like this, I led the Republican Party out of the wilderness.”

“Robert Gibbs said, ‘I can only imagine what might have been said a few years ago if somebody might have said we want failure in the country or our endeavors overseas.’ For God’s sakes — the Democrat Party not only wanted failure, they proclaimed it!”

“When I listen to you people in the White House press corps, I actually come to the conclusion that you think that we’re just to surrender everything we believe in so Obama’s remaking the nation becomes a reality. Whatever Obama wants, he’s going to get. Well, I’m not giving up, and nor are any of the people on my side.”

“This mindless twit butt boy criticism is not going to drive me out of here.”

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“Obama told us he had all the answers. He didn’t tell us he was guessing. That bombshell comment from Biden is being treated like a wet firecracker.”

“I’m getting tons of e-mail today, folks, from people who are surprised and upset over the news that ABC is turning over their network to President Obama. What’s news about this? They did that back before Inauguration Day!”

“My cat is not a hater. My cat is just like every other cat: a superior being, indifferent to most everything, yet very loyal to me.”

“Obama says we’re not going to ‘meddle’ in Iran. What an amazing thing to say! It’s a rationalization, in other words, for not speaking out for liberty — and as revealing as anything about Obama.”

“When people like me are invited on those types of late night shows, it’s bare knuckles, clenched fists, who-the-hell-do-you-think-you-are kind of stuff. There’s no interest in showing the humanity of a guest such as me, and I have lots of humanity.”

“Can we just wait to see if anything else Obama does works before we mess up one-fifth of the US economy with his health care plan?”

“Boys and girls in the gay community, you have to understand something here: President Obama’s getting busy. I mean, he has some things that rank ahead of you and your marriage rights. He has to finish off the economy and destroy health care first.”

“Obama running around, talking about open and honest elections… What does he know about them? All he’s ever done is teach ACORN how to cheat in elections!”

“Obama’s ego is expanding faster than the Soviet Union was expanding back in the sixties and seventies, but there’s no telltale birthmark on Obama to indicate it like there was on Mikhail Gorbachev.”

“When you let liberals decide what’s going to be bulldozed, then anything is up for grabs.”

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“When the French come across as having bigger gonads than we do, it’s funny. It’s sad, but funny.”

“A good friend of mine just said, ‘Why are you playing sound bites of Bill Press? Who cares what he says anyway?’ Because I want to illustrate. Bill Press used to be some party leader in California. Then he went to CNN, and then he went to MSNBC. Now he’s on Air America. What’s next for Bill Press? Airport radar broadcasts?”

“These media guys live under the illusion that I came to fame only because of Bill Clinton. I kind of get tired repeating this, butwe started in 1988 with 56 radio stations. By the time Clinton was inaugurated, we had 500. I was already a phenomenon prior to Clinton serving in office!”

“Believe me when I tell you that Obama looks at the Constitution as an obstacle and a problem The Bill of Rights tells us what the government cannot do to us, and Obama doesn’t like that.”

“Now, in a normal, sane media world, somebody would track down Obama and say, ‘Mr. President, Moammar Khadafy was on Larry King Live last night, and he said his views are identical to yours and thinks you should be president forever. What’s your reaction?’ But, of course, that will not happen.”

“The left’s not afraid of Huckabee, of Mitt Romney,or of Rudy Giuliani, but they’ve gone out of their way to destroy Sarah Palin — like they’ve gone out of their way to destroy me.”

“By the way, a Rasmussen poll out today says that 61% of Arizona Republicans say that John McCain is out of touch with the party base. Well, duh!”

“Obama is among those making the case that American kids aren’t spending enough time in school, and so now he wants to get rid of the summer vacation and have kids in school year round. We all know why he wants this done: more indoctrination time.”

“Now, listen to this e-mail regarding my invitation to judge the Miss America Pageant: ‘Any second now, you’ll be announcing that you’re giving up cigars, football, and golf for tofu, sunsets, and yoga. I’m so sad to lose the last real man in the public arena. I’m going to start calling you Alan Alda.'”

“The rest of the free world knows they’re sunk if we check out. I guarantee you that’s why they’re scared to death of Obama.”

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“The governor of New York, David Paterson, says New York state will be broke by Christmas. Look what happens when I stop going there.”

“The purpose of this health care bill is not to get people insured. This is the Democrat Incumbency Forever Act. It is to create so much middle class dependence on government so that the Democrats will never lose power.”

“Just imagine, folks, if the Fort Hood shooter, Malik Nidal Hasan, was shouting ‘Jesus Christ!’ as he unloaded fire. Do you think there would be any of these calls: ‘Hey, let’s not rush to judgment here’?”

“Major Hasan attended the radical imam’s mosque in Falls Church, Virginia, along with two of the 9/11 hijackers. I guess that, just like Obama did not ever hear a word Reverend Wright said, Major Hasan never heard a word of his radical imam.”

“We stood for freedom around the world because we knew that if we didn’t stand for it around the world, we would eventually lose it for ourselves. Well, we now have an administration that doesn’t care a whit about that.”

“It is so important to the Democrats to get this health care bill done, because once it’s there, it can’t be undone — it won’t be rescinded. Besides, what government program ever is, may I ask you?”

“I tell you, these people running this country must have so much guilt and so much animosity toward this country… That’s the only thing that can explain this. Well, stupidity, too. I guess you could throw that in there.”

“Suddenly Obama is worried about money? He’s worried about 50 measly billion dollars to win a war? After $750 billion in TARP money? After a $1 trillion ‘stimulus’ bill that’s bombing out?”

“Obama said it was incumbent upon the US to provide hope for the children of the Middle East, but many children of the Middle East are having explosives strapped on them by their parents. It is not the United States that is killing them or destroying their hope: it is their own culture — but we dare not say that.”

“Everybody is asking, ‘Why did he do it?’ The real question is: How does a radical Islamist end up in our own military?”

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“The Tea Party people who are gonna win on Tuesday, they’re not going there to get along with the Democrats. They’re not going there to forge bipartisanship.”

“Just to get the list started, in no particular order, here are some things that the Drive-Bys are not telling you about: amnesty for illegal aliens, the status of the Arizona lawsuit, Iran’s nuclear weapons program, and the Ground Zero mosque.”

“So the mask, the camouflage, came off. This ‘back of the bus’ remark of Obama’s, this ‘punish’ your ‘enemies’ stuff… this shows just how race-obsessed Barack Obama is.”

“I have to laugh when I listen to people talk about how Obama’s not getting any credit for his legislative victories, like Obamacare. Not getting any credit? It’s just that nobody wants to remind anybody that it actually passed!”

“Obama was never going to cut taxes becausethat would have saved the economy, and that wouldn’t do. Yeah, I mean it.”

“The reason the Tea Party exists is to oppose standard operating procedure in Washington, be it in the House or the Senate. In essence, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington.”

“I’m thinking that the Democrats must have really given Obama hell. You notice how long it’s been since he and Moochelle took a vacation? It’s been, like, three weeks!”

“This song has a melody that you can kind of hum along to. It makes you happy. It doesn’t make you want to go do a line of cocaine in a club.”

“Arizona has attracted more than $3.6 million worth of donations to help defend its law to crack down on illegal immigration. Now, do you not find it sad that Americans have to give money to help a state defend itself from its own government?”

“Charlie Crist is a blemish.”

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“Democrats are doing everything they can to convince themselves, and as many people as possible, that Obama’s policies had nothing to do with their defeat.”

“Gallup says that Obama’s approval numbers have jumped four points. Don’t worry about it, folks. It always happens: Obama leaves the country, and the approval numbers go up.”

“Story: ‘Obama, who just lost control of the House of Representatives to the Republicans, unabashedly said the objective of his visit to India was to find jobs for his voters.’ What? What about the people who didn’t vote for him?”

“I don’t respond to critics, as I’m too famous. I’m just too big. I mean, if I responded to critics, all I’d do is make them bigger.”

“The message here is clear for the Republicans who now run the House of Representatives: You send a repeal bill up to this president every month, you debate it every day on the floor of the House, and you make the Democrats defend Obamacare.”

“Obama a ‘committed Christian’? I’m sorry, but you can’t say that somebody’s a ‘committed Christian’ when 30% of the country wonders whether or not he is a Muslim.”

“Would somebody on my staff find out what the Food Network is saying about why the Democrats lost last Tuesday? Then I want to know what the O channel and TV Land are saying, but first the Food Network.”

“President Bush, how many times a day in the last two years have you heard people tell you they miss you?”

“I’m telling you, it is uncomfortable as it can be to actually believe, much less say, that we’ve elected somebody who is happily presiding over our decline. I just don’t like thinking this, folks.”

“It’s always great to be with you, my friends. I never take this opportunity for granted. I love this. I love you, I love the familial relationship that we all have, and we’ll do it again in 21 hours.”

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“The House ethics panel found Charles Rangel guilty of ethics violations. Rangel is a real embarrassment to Democrats because he got caught.”

“I looked at the e-mail during the break: ‘You know, we’re being groped out here by all these TSA agents — you think you could talk about that instead of food?'”

“If there’s anybody that could top Dingy Harry at messaging — i.e., lying — it would be the always charismatic and charming Chuck Schumer.”

“I do drive. I drive myself. And sometimes I look out the window. And a lot of people wave at me as I go by.”

“I would trade Lisa Murkowski to the Democrats for Heath Shuler in a moment, and we’d be gaining a couple IQ points in that trade, too.”

“At one time Henry Waxman was a freshman. Now, do we really think somebody hit on him? Alan Grayson was a freshman, too. Do we really think women hit on him?”

“The dirty truth is that Obama’s base is tiny when you get right down to it. His base is professors, students, Hollywood, and the media. That’s his base.”

“Some magazine has named the Chevrolet Volt the car of the year. Folks, of all the cars… I mean, no offense, General Motors, but please!”

“One of the reasons we conservatives are so opposed to big government isbecause government deprives people of their humanity and their dreams and their opportunities under the guise of taking care of them. It’s one of the biggest swindles to come down the pike.”

“If Dick Blumenthal would just swallow, maybe our hunger deficit would drop somewhat.”

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“The Haves and Have-Nots are no longer the rich and poor. Today the Haves work for and run the government. The Have-Nots don’t.”

“We are not checking for terrorists, we are checking for things, and the real danger of all of this is that it shows the Muslim world that we will treat our own people like dog doo-doo to avoid even the smallest risk.”

“Who gets to tell the people working for Obama that they’re overstepping their bounds? Who? Nobody. Go to the airport. You are witnessing the destruction of your country and the rejection of individual liberty.”

“Ladies and gentlemen, we are treating terrorists with kid gloves, and we are treating innocent American citizens with rubber gloves.”

“If Obama had ever campaigned on the notion that all of this was going to happen, he wouldn’t have gotten more than 20% of the vote, but now we’re supposed to sit back and accept all this because, well, liberals have good intentions.”

“If Bristol Palin wins this thing tonight, you do not want to be a television set in blue America — you might get shot.”

“So here we have the government, the authoritarian government, the liberal government, telling an industry how it must spend its money. Try getting your arms around that.”

“Okay, Janet Napolitano said that she was concerned with homegrown, radicalized young men in the United States. So, my question is, why the molestation of children?”

“The bureaucracy, special interest groups, the unions… they are the ones who are benefiting from all of this authoritarianism — the individual is not. The people who make the country work are not benefiting from any of this. We are the ones losing everything we have.”

“They just don’t have a sense of humor at the New York Times.”

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“This is akin to Bush 41 promising not to raise taxes and then doing it. This is worse, because Democrats, as a matter of identity, have been ripping and bemoaning the Bush tax cuts as simply tax cuts for millionaires and billionaires.”

“If I praise the tax deal, the Democrats are going to find it very hard to vote for it. On the other hand, as titular head of the Republican Party, if I attack the deal, the Republicans will have to oppose it. So what am I to do?”

“See, when I say something, there’s nothing left to be said. When I say something, all there is for people to do is call up and pretty much say, ‘Yeah, you’re right.'”

“Ninety-three percent of men do not know what to buy their wives or girlfriends for Christmas. Now, I don’t have that problem because every day I get pictures e-mailed to me.”

“Another thing that bugs me: only certain people spend money in ways that count? I’m starting to resent this. I’m starting to resent the fact that I don’t spend my money in a way that’s approving to Obama.”

“I have a quick question here for F. Chuck Todd: Chuck, have you calculated how much your salary from NBC costs the government, and do you worry about it?”

“To be purely personal, I love the fact that my taxes aren’t going to go up with the extension of the deal here. I love it! I’m going to be totally honest about it.”

“At the end of all of this, paying people for three years not to work in the United States of America is not something I’m proud of.”

“I like the fact that the left hates Obama right now, and I like the fact that nobody’s taxes are going up. But placed in the context of the shellacking and of this huge election victory, it’s not nearly what we could’ve gotten.”

“It’s a little ironic, isn’t it, that Mr. Assange, who’s world famous for leaking, was arrested for not wearing a condom, of all things?”

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