“We went into Afghanistan a full year before Iraq, so if anybody tries to tell you that Iraq ‘didn’t attack us’, you tell them it’s a regional effort — that Iraq is simply one battle in the war against terrorism.”
“A little quick question here, Mr. Snerdley: Do you know how many feminists it takes to change a bulb? That’s not funny! is the answer to that question.”
“This is why I could never be Oprah. She has made a career out of sitting around listening to whiners and then encouraging them to whine some more. I could never do that.”
“Life is hard — it has roadblocks, it has obstacles, it has liberals in it, and it has government. But the difference between liberals and conservatives is: We do whatever is necessary to get past these obstacles.”
“Frankly, I hated the seventies anyway. I just hated the music in the seventies! All this Seals & Crofts willowy little wimpy stuff… you can take that decade, boy, and just farm it out.”
“There’s a little joke running around the Internet about the title of Senator Kennedy’s memoirs — ‘Chappaquiddick: If I Did It.'”
“The Israelis are the most convenient whipping dog that the Arab states have: ‘The reason why the toilets aren’t flushing today is because of Israel.'”
“How in the world can thinking people spend ten years telling us that the sun is killing us, that cows are causing global warming — which is going to kill us — and then, after pummeling us with this, come back and tell us that our kids are getting rickets?”
“We conservatives are not whiners — we’re doers.”