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“Vladimir Putin is KGB — and nobody ever leaves the KGB.”

“I’m about to share with you a profundity, my friends: People who don’t know what they don’t know are fools, people who are in power and don’t know what they don’t know are very dangerous, and Obama doesn’t know what he doesn’t know.”

“I am convinced, ladies and gentlemen, that they have a bunch of female directors and camera people now at NBC, because during the events featuring female competitors we were not getting the same camera angles that we used to always get.”

“Our first caller referred to Saakashvili as a sack of excrement. You, George, have referred to him as ‘a prostitute looking for a better john.’ You’re all making this guy sound like a Democrat.”

“The ‘Hymn to the Motherland’… That’s probably the one time Obama does clasp his heart: when the ChiComs sing the ‘Hymn to the Motherland.'”

“When a guy comes out and says, ‘This does not comport with the Olympic ideal,’ the Russians know they’re dealing with a patsy. I mean, Putin is looking at this useful idiot, Barack Obama, and salivating.”

“Do you know who Edwards’ mistress looks like? In some pictures, she looks like Camilla Parker Bowles. I’m wondering if Edwards has Prince Charles envy.”

“The parade of nations… Did you see the US team? Every damn one of them dressed alike in unisex outfits designed by Ralph Lauren! Slacks, blue blazers, and whatever else; I mean, that’s official Palm Beach yacht wear.”

“The women loved the swimming relay the other night because, ‘Look-how-muscular-those-swimmers-looked-when-they-came-out-of-the-pool-in-those-tight-fitting-little-swimsuits.’ And the men were saying, ‘Screw you, French! Screw you, frogs!’, because the French were talking smack about us.”

“Edwards is still a doofus and has always been a fraud, and that hasn’t changed, so lighten up.”

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“If Sarah Palin said half the things that Biden is saying, what do you think the media would be doing to her?”

“If the American people understood how complicit the Democrats are in this financial crisis, there would be accountability, let me tell you. And there’s still time for accountability: it’s called Election Day on November 4th.”

“Hillary said, ‘Congress should not give the treasury a blank check to straighten out the problem.’ Well, now… How many people gave millions to her torun her campaign, and she’s how much in debt?”

“We have the Great Society, Medicare, Medicaid, Medicare Part B, OSHA, FOSHA, screw you! We have all these different acronyms out there — we have FDR times 30! And look where it got us!”

“We have Islamofascists blowing up hotels in Pakistan, we have the Russians helping the Iranians build an anti-missile system, and Chuck Schumer is afraid of… the lowly mortgage. Chuck Schumer: afraid of documents.”

“Those of you out there who receive these flash e-mail blasts that go out… If you think I haven’t seen it yet, change your mind. I have seen it so many times I have practically thrown the computer up against the wall.”

“We need Operation SOB: Save Our Biden. The operation’s objective would be to keep Biden on the ticket — if for no other reason than programming assistance for this program.”

“A little news flash for you Democrats: you had oversight! You were oversight! And it was your oversight and Bill Clinton’s proposals that created these so-called toxic loans in the first place!”

“Nobody in the media knows anybody like Sarah Palin. They don’t know anybody with five kids, who’s shot a moose, who has a husband who wear a hard hat. They think people like her are so far beneath them that they’ve been totally blown off their equilibrium.”

“Don’t doubt me on how the liberal mind works. They are about control over as much of society as they can get — that’s power.”

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“I am Jack Bauer. My own government’s coming after me at every turn. It happened again yesterday, with that bumbling idiot Bob Gibbs.”

“Obama’s teleprompter told him to say yesterday that these AIG executives are greedy and selfish, and now what? We have death threats being phoned in to the AIG headquarters in New York! And all this time we’ve been told that it’s talk radio that ‘incites this kind of hatred’.”

“Chris Dodd’s own amendment exempted the very AIG bonuses that he and others are seeking to tax. This is a comedy of errors! This is the Keystone Cops! Folks, we are being played for the biggest suckers on earth.”

“I am who I am because of many things, and one of those things is how I resist the tug of popular sentiment. I’m not part of the conventional wisdom. I’m not even wearing green today on St. Patrick’s Day.”

“Chris Dodd says we have to figure out a way to ‘get the money back’ from AIG. Get the money back? Senator Dodd, I speak for millions of American citizens when I say I would loveto ‘getthe money back’ that you people in Washington have wasted on the war on poverty.”

“Now these people who are getting these bonuses are being singled out and personally targeted by the United States Senate. No equal treatment under the law here. This is just a Stalinist-type intimidating power grab!”

“What you would rather have? Twenty-eight boom years like we had after Ronaldus Magnus, with that little correction that we had in the 2000-2001 period, or would you rather have 28 doom years, which is the path that we’re on now?”

“This $500,000 limit on executive pay…let me tell you why it won’t work: because New York City will die. New York City needs a whole bunch of people being paid a whole lot of money so they can tax their butts off so that the city can maintain its stupid streets, potholes, and welfare state.”

“Barney Frank and Chris Dodd… these are your saviors. These are the people — along with President Obama’s teleprompter — who are going to lead you to the Promised Land of prosperity. God, what a bunch of idiot jerks we are in this country! What have we elected for ourselves?”

“You must not listen all day every day, Carol, because we have liberals call here all the time. Although, I can understand why you’d want to forget them.”

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“I don’t negotiate contracts. I make demands that are met.”

“I don’t care what people think of government spending and how important it is, if you don’t have people investing in things they think are going to show a great profit or return, then you’re not going to have any growth of any kind to speak of.”

“The Obama regime is blazing a trail of destruction throughout this country, and now it has spread and gone viral to Europe.”

“The whole house of cards us now teetering with the worst possible president leading the way. Not only is the worst possible president leading the way, the worst possible president is the architect of all it is.”

“Obama now is in campaign mode trying to set himself up as an outsider, saying Washington is out of control when he is the architect of this downward spiral.”

“Without structural change all the bailouts in the world are not going to matter.”

“Obama is totally delusional. But that’s not the half of it. Leftist ideologues are always delusional. That’s how they are able to ignore all the facts and knowledge around them.”

“You have a leech society in Greece. You have a political class that wants to service the leeches so they continue to be reelected. What is that? It’s liberalism. Socialism, statism, whatever it is you wish to call it. Whatever it is, it’s not complicated.”

“Somebody show me where our deficit’s come down since we passed health care.”

“If I don’t tell you that I told you, you might not remember that I said it in the first place — and nobody else is going to tell you that I told you. So I have to be the one to tell you that I told you.”

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“When you set yourself up as the messiah, you had better be able to turn water into wine — and Obama can’t do that.”

“Now, Obama is demanding that Israel tell him exactly what happened. You know what Netanyahu ought to do? Netanyahu ought to say, ‘I want details about the 22 people killed in Chicago over the weekend, and I want to know what you’re doing about it.'”

“We’re doing it here, but, frankly, not enough attention is being paid to what Chris Christie is doing in New Jersey. He’s the antidote to everything being done in Washington and many of the states. The guy is courageous, the guy has got guts, and he is fearless.”

“It’s amazing to listen to environmentalist wackos talk about us. On the one hand, we’re no different than a sea turtle. On the other hand, we are this all-powerful species that can wipe out our own climate and planet.”

“Where are the stories of people who have said, ‘I am where I am today because of Barack Obama. I was down on my luck, I couldn’t get anywhere, I couldn’t put one foot in front of the other, and Obama said, “You can walk,” and I began to walk, and look at me now, I’m jogging’?”

“Those who fell for Obama’s favorite prop — hope — should only be disappointed in themselves because they fell for a totally unaccomplished leftist who delivered nothing but platitudes and deceit with great passion.”

“Regarding the Algore divorce: Who gets the Internet? Well, it’s a legitimate question. And Algore told us that they inspired Love Story, so will there be a sequel to Love Story? Sounds like Gorbal cooling out there.”

“You can try to make it look like you’re on the case, but you can’t do that when you traipse off to Chicago to shoot hoops while you’re on vacation.”

“Sarah Palin, Jan Brewer, Michele Bachmann… Who else? Marsha Blackburn. Look at where the gonads are in this party. Well, Chris Christie, yeah. I don’t mean to slight Chris Christie; I mentioned him earlier. But, man!”

“I mean, when a kiss-butt like Dana Milbank starts dissing you, you know you’re in trouble.”

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“If you work for government, you don’t get paid until somebody in the private performs a service and is taxed for doing it.”

“Where did Rove say I was, a clandestine meeting of the right-wing conspiracy? Not true, folks. I mean, if Karl wasn’t there, there wasn’t a meeting of the vast right-wing conspiracy.”

“How about this flight attendant for JetBlue? He had a Howard Beale moment. You know, the American people can relate to this. That jet is Obama’s economy — people want to deploy the escape chute and get out.”

“Are women really that close to their gynecologists that when their gynecologist’s father dies, they need a vacation in Spain?”

“I wonder who sold more General Motors products, me or Jennifer Granholm or Moochelle Obama? I would venture to say I probably have.”

“Why are you frowning, Dawn? You’re worried I’ll have to correct myself? My staff is so loving and protective; they’re just convinced that one of these days I’m going to put my foot in it and it’s going to be cement.”

“Everybody forgets that Hillary’s as big a fan of Saul Alinsky as Obama is. I mean, what’s the bonus we get with Hillary? What’s the big change?”

“So now we have this story, ‘Obama’s economic team is exhausted’. Why? They didn’t even have to come up with the ideas — Karl Marx did all the heavy lifting here.”

“You might want to say, ‘Well, Obama’s naive and young and inexperienced and arrogant and doesn’t know what he’s doing.’ I’m sorry, but I refuse to accept that. I think that he’s put policies in place here that are purposely damaging the country.”

“I don’t know if it’s possible to crash Facebook. But we might.”

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“I would love to see a debate on economics between Trump and Obama. Mr. Faculty Lounge Extraordinaire versus Mr. Real World Builder.”

“One of the great things about golf is that wherever you go to play it, it’s a beautiful place.”

“Did you see that the Bamster has come out in support again of the unionistas in Wisconsin? And so has the labor secretary, Hilda Solis? This, by the way, is not the job of the labor secretary, but it is indicative of the way this regime operates.”

“Speaking of denigration, is Obama not the same guy who likes to refer to his opponents as ‘tea baggers’ while scratching his nose with his middle finger?”

“You better not assemble anything with a screw made in China, or you’ll be screwed.”

“Say whatever you will about Donald Trump, but there’s one thing nobody can deny: he has a good old American can-do spirit, and Trump’s can-do spirit is backed up by Trump’s can-do action. It really is.”

“Some people still might agree that Obama’s not what he seemed to be during the campaign, but they’re not yet ready to admit that the guy’s doing purposeful destruction to the economy — they just don’t think that’s possible of an American president.”

“The Obamas of the world never go away, so it’s an ongoing, never-ending battle. These people are like cockroaches: they just keep coming back.”

“We have Moammar Khadafy warning America and Obama that the Middle East uprisings will come to America. That’s no surprise to America; I don’t know why he’s warning him.”

“I don’t know of anything more destructive than wanting fame, and it pains me when I see it.”

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