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“Obama has rejected the American people, and that’s why Obama and the suckers in his party who followed him are being rejected by the people.”

“I finally figured out that The Golf Channel is not going to use any video of me hitting good shots, that this is all about me stinking. I mean, this is Drive-By golf coverage. ‘Great TV’ equals me looking bad.”

“America was built by people who believed in individuality, rugged individuality. I love saying that because it so ticks off the left.”

“Obama said, ‘We didn’t become the most prosperous country in the world by just rewarding greed and recklessness.’ So who the hell are you, sir? You’re flying off on vacations to Martha’s Vineyard paid for by everybody else!”

“Every time I talk about my dogs, I get hate mail: ‘What about Punkin? You never talk about Punkin anymore!’ Punkin’s fine. Punkin’s cool. Punkin will not leave my side.”

“Joy Behar just cannot let go of the fact that Elton John performed at my wedding. She just can’t let go of it! It’s like a box of old tampons! She just can’t get rid of it!”

“Obama looks through the prism of racism at this world, and he sees an America founded as unjust and immoral. ‘White man’s greedruns a world in need’ — that is what Reverend Wright said, and that’s what Obama believes.”

“Barack Obama is the biggest presidential failure since James Buchanan. He is! I don’t care how you slice it: he has not served this country — he has failed it.”

“They asked me, ‘Did you ever think that you’d be on The Golf Channel getting lessons from Hank Haney?’ But the real question is: Did Tiger Woods ever dream that some day his former coach would be giving lessons to me? I mean, Tiger must be bragging about that to every woman he meets!”

“Can you imagine going up and criticizing greed to a bunch of union members? How does Obama do that?”

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“People often tell me what a great interviewer they think Greta Van Susteren is. Why do you think they say that? She asks a question and she lets the guest answer it.”

“So the same guy who has taken at least eight vacations in the last year is calling his own voters lethargic. Yes, Barack Hussein Imam Obama, trying to buck up the Democrat base by telling them they’re lethargic. Okay.”

“Let me make sure I read this correctly: ‘A bill to provide healthful school lunches for low-income children.’ Don’t we have about 25 of those already?”

“So Emanuel’s leaving town, Axelrod’s leaving town, Romer’s leaving town, Orszag’s not only leaving town, but getting married, and Summers’ leaving town. The only person left is Geithner, and nobody likes him.”

“Getting health care coverage after you are sick — that is, with a preexisting condition — is not insurance, it is welfare. This whole preexisting condition stuff has always been a joke.”

“I don’t think I’ll be invited to election night coverage on any of the newscasts. Well, I wouldn’t do it anyway. I have a party to host.”

“‘Making change happen is hard,’ Obama said. No, it’s not! It’s easy as pie! We have seen how easy it is for you to destroy the American private sector. I mean, it’s been a year and a half — it hasn’t taken that much.”

“Rahm Emanuel wants to move back into his house, but somebody’s renting it and won’t move out? Can you imagine the F-bombs be tossed around here?”

“Hey, Axelrod? Instead of skating out of town, you need to take credit for all that you and your boss and your party have done. You need to take credit for destroying the American health care system, job creation, and home ownership.”

“Sarah Palin is our Xenia Onatopp.”

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“The trouble is, the Obama administration has met the enemy, and it is us. It’s not one person. It’s all of us.”

“One of the things that many people were upset with Bush about was how he would never defend himself, he would never get down in the gutter with these people on the partisan political stuff, but Obama apparently has no concern about that whatsoever. He will sink to whatever level he must sink.”

“Hey, CNN, I hate to tell you this, but we’ve known things are worse than what the government has been saying to us because we are living it — and so, now, is Rick Sanchez.”

“Obama’s left-handed, and, by the way, left-handedness in males, they’ve now found out, is an indication of poor potty-trainingduring the formative years.”

“I’m still laughing at the idea of Obama being sent into Delaware because it’s an opportunity to show Delaware what a nutcase Christine O’Donnell is. Delaware already knows what nutcases are. I mean, where does Biden come from?”

“Where are all the articles Obama wrote while president of thelaw review at Harvard? Where are all the transcripts? Where’s the evidence of all the high standards?”

“I always said that I didn’t want to be number one because of buzz. I didn’t want to be perceived as number one because somebody in media said I was. I wanted to be number one with the way we measure it, i.e., ratings and revenue.”

“Obama’s a disgrace under pressure, and if the teleprompter bombs out, it’s even worse.”

“You know what Obama is really saying by going to Delaware to campaign for Coons? ‘Bill Maher, we love you, but you’re not cutting it. Saturday Night Live, we love you, but you’re not cutting it. Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, we love you, but you’re not cutting it.'”

“George Soros said, ‘I can’t stop the Republican avalanche.’ This is the danger of putting all your eggs in one rich guy’s basket.”

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“So Michael Moore is contributing to the bail of Julian Assange. Who knew that Moore was such a fan of serial rapists out there, my friends? Of course, he would help a thousand rapists if it would mean that one America-hater might go free.”

“It’s a great point: If you wanted your congressman to compromise, you would have voted Democrat. I love that.”

“When liberalism was rejected, liberals called themselves progressives, and now that progressives are being rejected, progressives are now calling themselves the No Label group.”

“‘Mr. Limbaugh, everyone knows that CO2 emissions are responsible for global warming.’ Really, Mr. New Castrati? Well, then don’t we need more of them? I mean, it’s colder than a witch’s upper torso out here!”

“It’s the mind-set of the No Labels crowd that leads us to submitting to strip searches at airports while young men with one-way tickets go untouched.”

“I have been trained now over these many years to spot those who are staring daggers at me.”

“Whether they’re rich or not, they’re people who want to keep what they’ve earned. And who are the Democrats? The Democrats are people who want to take what others have earned. So now, to whom does the definition of greed more properly apply?”

“If the Columbia student newspaper is going to jump for defending incest, then we have a problem.”

“You know, we have been characterized as conservative, far right, right wing, and what have you… but what if we’re the center? In fact, I would maintain, ladies and gentlemen, you and I are the mainstream of this country.”

“You people may not know this, and you may not believe it, but I am a softy. Deep down, I am sentimental to the core. I mean, at this time of year, I practically melt.”

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“I somehow have hijacked this from Sarah Palin. Over the weekend, Sarah Palin was responsible for the shooting. Now it’s me.”

“Liberals live in a fantasy world. They believe utopia can happen, they believe they are the architects, and they cannot deal with anything that happens in reality that illustrates there’s no utopia and that they can’t make it happen.”

“The left cannot accept reality of their rejection in the last election. Really, I’m talking psychologically, a huge rejection. They just got blown off by every girlfriend they’ve ever had.”

“I’m a big believer in the Constitution. In fact, I have a fetish about it, as you know.”

“This killer’s getting exactly what he wanted: attention out the wazoo. He’s sitting there in jail, he knows what’s going on, and he knows if he plays his cards right, he’s just a victim.”

“Sheriff Dupnik issupposed to be the chief law enforcement officer of Pima County, but he keeps running for the microphone and spewing uninformed opinions like he’s the mayor of New York City or something.”

“‘Dittos’ is one of those things that even if I wanted to erase it, I wouldn’t succeed. It never goes out of style; it’s part of the fabric of the program.”

“It’s very rare that anybody ever corrects me, and it never happens by someone who’spolite, but you have been polite, Eric.”

“Unlike most media, Sheriff Dupnik didn’t even make something up about me. At least when the media wants to accuse me of stuff and it’s not there, they make it up — like during the ill-fated attempt to be part of the St. Louis Rams ownership group.”

“I couldn’t do what I do if I weren’t a good listener — that’s how you learn things.”

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“Obama is the architect of this spending, and he opens his presser saying we have to live within our means. This is like Col. Sanders saying, ‘We gotta stop killing chickens!'”

“One of the reasons for this press conference, I think, was to try to cover up Obama’s incompetence in foreign affairs with his incompetence in economics. With him, we have incompetence on display, whatever the subject matter.”

“When the evidence is clear that your way doesn’t work and yet you keep doubling down on your way, what does it say? Does it say that you’re stupid, naive, ignorant, and unaware, or does it say that you are an arrogant, egotistical guy?”

“We’ve had two years of Obamaism, and we know that none of it works. Point-blank, let me ask you a question: What has Obama done for you?”

“The bottom line is that oil is not the energy source of the past. It is the energy source of the present and it is the energy source of the future, and there’s nothing that Obama can do to change that.”

“It’s insulting to my intelligence to have this thing — this commodity, oil — attacked as some form of evil by a bunch of know-nothing, do-nothing, never-got-their-hands-dirty little lame leftists who live in a theoretical utopia.”

“Obama said, ‘You can’t maintain power through coercion. There has to be consent.’ Tell that to the Kims. Tell that to the ChiComs. Tell that to Fidel Castro. Tell that to Stalin. Tell that to Lenin. Tell that to Hitler.”

“Big Bird is a freaking puppet, for crying out loud!”

“Jean Kennedy Smith just received the Medal of Freedom at the White House, and she was introduced this way: ‘Jean Kennedy Smith, the eighth of nine children of Joe and Rose Kennedy, joined the family business to improve the lives of American people.’ I didn’t know that was the Kennedy family business.”

“My mother was exactly right: I do like pepper now.”

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