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“Obama is Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter rolled up into one candidate: Clinton speak, Carter policy.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it — that the Democrats are not going to have all these parties.It’s not likewe’retalking about a bunch of destitute people. We’re talking about filthy rich limousine liberal Democrats. Somebody’s going to throw a party!”

“I mean, the word ‘gravitas’ is not even appropriate for a messiah like Obama. He’s just the latest, greatest new thing.”

“Obama issued a statement yesterday saying, ‘This isn’t the Tony Rezko I knew.’ But Obama knew Rezko as a close friend for over 20 years, as Rezko rose to become Illinois’s top political fixer. So what Tony Rezko did Obama know if he didn’t know this guy?”

“These guilty white liberal plantation owners… they almost expect black failure. Why else is there something called affirmative action? They almost expect blacks to not be able to achieve things.”

“I said to my chef, ‘Father’s Day is coming up.’ He said, ‘But, Sir, you’re not a father.’ I said, ‘BS! Punkin’s there! She’s my daughter!'”

“‘Congratulations, Obama! Welcome to politics, the first black presidential nominee.’ What an insult! The reason you congratulate Barack Obama is because he’s the guy who took on and beat the pantsuit off the Clinton machine — even if he did crawl across the finish line.”

“They tell us conservatism needs to reform and adapt to the times. Nope. Personal liberty and freedom is for all time, and it’s the foundational building block of what we believe in.”

“A year or so ago, as a United States senator, Barack Obama voted against listing the Iranian Guard as a terrorist organization. Then yesterday he goes to AIPAC and announces they should be listed as a terrorist group. The Drive-Bys all but ignore this.”

“Hot off the presses today, the June issue of the Limbaugh Letter: ‘Oil is Not the Enemy’. And there’s me, wearing a ten-gallon hat, looking just like J.R. of Dallas.”

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“I sense the real Obama coming out here, and it’s a very sensitive, angry, uptight little guy.”

“The medical malpractice insurance is courtesy of the tort bar, led by estimable people such as John Edwards… when he’s not hiding out in the basements of hotel bathrooms avoiding reporters from the National Enquirer.”

“One of my favorite stories of the day comes from the UK; basically, a rich Arab sheik sent his Lamborghini on a 6,500-mile round trip to Britain for an oil change. This is my kind of guy!”

“I know there are people starving in the Middle East, sure. Sure there are. But don’t give me this — you’re just trying to play devil’s advocate liberal with me, Snerdley!”

“Obama has carried himself around as an arrogant, elite, out-of-touch politician who looks down his nose at voters — of course he has to throw down the race card! He’s having a very bad few weeks here, folks!”

“Senator McCain said, ‘I respect Speaker Pelosi. I think she’s one of the great American success stories.’ Senator McCain, Nancy Pelosi will want to castrate you if you become president.”

“Clarence Thomas is one of these people I wish everybody could know the way he is, rather than the way he’s constantly portrayed. He’s one of the happiest, the most jovial, most intellectually engaged people I know.”

“We have a Democrat presidential candidate who is a child. He may be The Messiah, but he’s a child. He’s a baby! He only repeats what he has been taught!”

“Now, you might be asking: Where is Rita X today? I would suspect that Rita X is actively involved in the Obama campaign today — perhaps community organizer, perhaps a voter registration drive precinct captain. Something like that.”

“Before it’s over, Obama and the Democrats are going to be telling us when to poop when not to poop based on environmental damage.”

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“Among the remembrances of the dead and the recollections of seven years ago, not one more attack on American soil has occurred. Remember that.”

“We’ve been through some of the characteristics that Sarah Palin possesses that the liberals hate; some of it is personal, but it’s larger than that. She is likable, lovable, and causing people to embrace her… and this is what liberals want for themselves.”

“The Democrat Party seized, after a couple of weeks, the opportunity of the attacks on 9/11 to politicize everything so as to reacquire their power — and they have not stopped for seven years.”

“By the way, folks, let’s not forget one thing, on this, the seventh anniversary of 9/11: the Reverend Jeremiah Wright from the pulpit of his church in Chicago, saying we deserved it and ‘America’s chickensare coming home to roost.'”

“Senator Obama, I know Jesus Christ. I pray to Jesus Christ all the time. I study what Jesus Christ did. And let me tell you something, Barack Obama: you are no Jesus Christ.”

“Senator Obama, I’ve been searching the Gospels a lot lately for any evidence that Jesus Christ supported infanticide as you do. I’m still looking, sir, in the New Testament, but I’ll let you all know if I come up with anything.”

“The liberals’ over-the-top reaction to Sarah Palin has done more to unite the Republican conservative base than I’ve seen it united in 14 years — and a united, active, involved Republican conservative base does not lose.”

“I’ll tell you what, old Matt Damon old buddy: I’d rather have Sarah Palin staring down Vladimir Putin than Barack Obama agreeing with Putin that the United States of America is the problem in the world, you little jerk.”

“Obama thinks that by the power of his messianic personality, all these people are just going to become our friends andnobody will be wringing their hands together because it’s all going to be one perfect world of peace and love and harmonic convergence at Mount Shasta, ooooohmmmm.”

“A two-hour massage? Now you got me interested here, Kelly. In your basement, did you say? Wow. That’s very kind of you.”

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“My voice is the voice of millions of God-fearing American conservatives. I’m not going it alone here. I have an army.”

“We’re celebrating what the Republicans did today, but we lost. The bill passed, and the Senate’s going to pass this, too. We can’t stop it. But what we’re doing here is setting the table to win seats back in 2010 and the White House in 2012 after all this overreaching takes place.”

“The thing that frustrates me is what’s right in front of everybody’s eyes: the destructive nature of liberalism. Somehow itisn’t seen, though, and I think it’s really nothing more than public relations.”

“You know what I’m hoping? I am hoping that when it comes time to vote, the Illinois state senators will all vote ‘present’ on Blago’s impeachment, in honor of President Obama.”

“The House Republicans had to say no to a bill that has nothing to do with jump-starting the economy, and they did, and they did so unanimously, and for this they deserve a standing ovation. See, folks, it’s really not that hard to do what’s right.”

“If Republicans and more Democrats are unwilling to stand up against this kind of abuse of power and abuse of the taxing and spending authority of the federal government with this ‘stimulus’ bill, then they are unwilling to stand for anything of consequence.”

“Coach Dungy, thank you so much. This has been a real thrill for me. I’ve wanted to meet you and talk to you forthe longest time, and I can now say I’ve done it.”

“Nancy Pelosi said, ‘I didn’t come here to be partisan, I didn’t come here to be bipartisan, I came here, as did my colleagues, to be nonpartisan, to work for the American people.’ She and Harry Reid are among the most partisan people in that town! This is deceit!”

“I’m telling you in the media: you are destroying your own reputations and your own credibility. It is so obvious that you’re in the tank for Obama. Newspapers are dying left and right, and your ratings at MSNBC are now in the tank — except when you talk about me.”

“Are conservative ideological and philosophical ties enough to keep the Republicans in the House loyal to their voters? Yesterday, we found out, ‘yes’.”

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“We’re going to prevail over this. There are too many of us and the country is too strong. We’re going to beat it back.”

“We have the Russians helping the Iranians, and what is our policy? Our policy is Obama telling them we’re no threat. He’s hoping that telling them there’s a new day here in the United States will make them nicer. It’s first grade conflict resolution.”

“Porkulus won’t lead to job growth. Cap and trade won’t lead to job growth. Ditto nationalizing the health care industry. But that’s not what Obama wants. He wants power, not jobs.”

“David Paterson said that if he had known Rush Limbaugh would leave the state of New York, he would have raised taxes sooner. Now, Governor Paterson, if this is the case, if you don’t care about the revenue that you confiscate from me, then call off your audit dogs!”

“I’m just not going to be doing business in New York anymore, and if the governor is happy about that, then he can go tell the wards of the state that I’m supporting that they’re going to have to find somebody else to provide the tax revenue.”

“The people that are wrecking London at the G20 — these are future leaders of our country. In fact, President Obama ought to be out there with them, giving them pointers on how to agitate. Well, that’s where he comes from.”

“I knew it was all over when the militant vegetarians in Berkeley forced a Burger King to sell a veggie burger. You don’t go to Burger King for a veggie burger! You go to the grocery store for one of those things and you load up on it so it doesn’t taste like the cardboard that it is.”

“I’ve always assumed that anybody listening to this program has a brain. You have to, to understand what happens here and keep up with it.”

“You ‘don’t resent the rich’, Obama? You just sent your goon squad ACORN after people who got bonuses at AIG! Don’t resent the rich? Your whole career has been built on making people resent the rich!”

“See, young people are the soul mates of true conservatives and individualists. We want them to grow up, to screw up, to learn from the screw-up, and then be the best they can be. We don’t want them to suck up.”

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“I started the year by saying, ‘I hope Obama fails.’ But now I’m actually asking myself, ‘Is it possible that Obama wants America to fail?'”

“There is a conservative ascendancy happening out there — that’s what’s happening on the streets of America — and it’s not a Republican ascendancy. Again, it’s a conservative ascendancy, and to have it defined as something else is going to inflict great harm.”

“We’ve been through this before with the national hemorrhoid, Jimmy Carter. And you know what the answer to a weakened America was? Two words: Ronaldus Magnus.”

“We’re keeping the legitimate president of Honduras out of the US, we’re making nice with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, and now I come along and announce an exercise regimen. I can understand if America is profoundly confused today.”

“You know, we ought to come up with a feature: the daily State-Controlled Media tweak — guaranteed to be used incorrectly, no matter how often and laboriously we explain it to them!”

“This charge of racism is being shouted out to give Obama cover for being a failure, and this is a seminal point, folks. In fact, this is a profundity.”

“We just got a couple new pieces of equipment for my gym — I usually get it for guests and so forth — and I said, ‘I’m going to go over there and use one.’ So I got on the treadmill. Now, there is not film of this. You’re going to have to take my word for it.”

“All right, so Pelosi is choking up here, but we all know that’s fake because you can’t cry when you’ve got Botox all over your face.”

“Breaking news from the AP: Experts at the world’s top atomic watchdog group are now in agreement that Tehran has the ability to make a nuclear bomb, and is on the way to developing a missile system to deliver it. And we are taking down our missile shields in Europe. Way to go, Barack!”

“Obama is ACORN, and ACORN is Obama. And even if they shut downthese ACORN offices, they’ll just open up again as PEANUT or ALMOND.”

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“I’m very honored. I now have something in common with Justice Thomas: I, too, have had my high-tech lynching.”

“It was fascinating to watch my e-mail when it first leaked that Dave Checketts was kicking me out of the group. I started getting requests from media people: ‘We’d like to have you on; could you tell us what you think?’ I’m saying to myself, ‘Why should I say another syllable to these people when they make it up anyway?'”

“I tell you with absolute sincerity that I am more sad for our country than I am for myself. These are dark days that we face, and I’m not talking about the National Football League or me — I’m talking about my news stack today.”

“I still love professional football, but those people who enabled this event for their own racial reasons are going to be just as unhappy as they were before this happened.”

“The US Chamber of Commerce is launching an advertising campaign to extol the virtues of free market enterprise; they feel the need to spend $25 million to tell the American people what capitalism is. Dark days, folks. Dark days.”

“I met Ken Hutcherson on a fishing trip, of all places. I really, really got to know him well. I didn’t catch any fish, but I caught the Hutch as a friend.”

“I don’t know if the NFL realizes it yet, but they’ve really gone down a slippery slope. They have now allowed Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson and DeMaurice Smith to have a say in who can and cannot own a team, based on what that person might think or say.”

“I think journalism is forever gone as we’ve known it. It’s been corrupted by people who have no character, no integrity, and very little, if any, concern for the truth. It’s all about advancing an agenda and protecting Obama.”

“I’ve always gotten frustrated with people who say, ‘Rush, we’re never really going to make any progress until the media starts reporting the truth about us.’ That’s like saying, ‘We’re never going to make any progress until Obama becomes a conservative.'”

“Bob Costas is a very unhappy little diva.”

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“I said I’d have a beer with McNabb. How about a beer summit? Show how great a unifier Obama is, a beer summit with me and McNabb.”

“Nancy Pelosi’s never cared about economic reality before because she’s insulated from it. She is wealthy. Her husband is wealthy. They are wealthy beyond their wildest dreams. She is George McGovern on hormones, steroids, and everything else.”

“Barack Obama today was talking to small business owners about health insurance reform and the economy, and I actually think every sentence that he said to these guys began with ‘F-you’. They don’t know it, but it did.”

“Joe Biden said (paraphrase), ‘If we get this wrong, I’m dead.’ Remember him saying that? Joe, you haven’t gotten anything right since you went the plug route.”

“The administration’s out there touting 30,000 jobs saved, and now we learn that that’s fraudulent, that it was overstated. Folks, I’m rarely rendered speechless, but at those moments when I am rendered speechless, it’s only because I am on the verge of profanity. So, let’s take a little break.”

“This Obamacare bill ought to be renamed the Move Back in with Mommy and Daddy Act of 2009 when they get it passed. This is not a joke, folks.”

“The whole idea that government’s going to spark competition is another one of those assertions that gets me very close to the string of profanity. The government can run deficits — you can’t!”

“I don’t want to slight anybody, but I don’t recall ever being defended like this at such a high level of power. I’m not used to it, and it just hit me hard in a grateful way. So I want to thank Steve King, and I want you all to know what he did.”

“Snerdley just asked me if I’ve ever met Roger Goodell. Yeah, I have met Roger Goodell. It was in Pittsburgh back in January, at the AFC championship game. No, he didn’t say, ‘Well, Mr. Divisive, how are you?'”

“If I had a trillion bucks, how many jobs do you think I’d create? Two. I’d pay myself all but a hundred thousand of it, and hire an assistant. Ha, ha! The staff is shocked.”

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“Obama says his presidency depends on the tax deal? If I’m a Republican, I say ‘bye bye.'”

“I’ve always said that most of the limitations that we have are those we put on ourselves. Everybody learns different things from their own experiences, and mine tell me that there is a whole lot of human potential untapped because too many people have it drilled into their heads that they can’t do stuff.”

“It’s weird when women call themselves by their first two initials. You know, that’s generally for fat cat business guys or pseudo-intellectual writers.”

“Just to rehash some old territory that you people who have been here regularly know: I’ve been unemployed a lot of times, and I came out of it better. And when I was unemployed the first time, I didn’t want unemployment checks. It was embarrassing to me.”

“The so-called war on the rich is nothing more than a war on employers and small entrepreneurs, and until more Americans understand that, the left will continue this destructive job-killing agenda.”

“You know, it’s old car smell that I hate. I love new car smell! I’d buy a new car every six months if I could just for the smell of it.”

“You know, you never hear the Democrat Party talking about the greatness of this country because they don’t see it. I mean, look at this little waif, Julian Assange, who just got bailed out. And by who? A bunch of American-hating liberals.”

“So, bottom line, this guy runs over an annoying bicyclist — and, let’s admit it, we all find these clowns annoying. We do! Oh, come on, Dawn! Don’t try to escape out of this!”

“In my heart and in every ounce of my intellectual existence, I do not comprehend — and I cannot comprehend — hatred for this country. I don’t care how hard people want to try to persuade me that there’s a justification for it. I’m just never going to understand it.”

“Government shutdown? Hell, that’s like a cruise ship leaving, if you ask me.”

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“Why are they granting these Obamacare waivers? I thought this law was a panacea. I thought the president said that if you like your health care coverage, you keep it… Is it only if you have a waiver?”

“Those of you stranded in all this snow, how does all the talk about windmills and high speed rail sound to you today as a solution to all your problems, hmm?”

“By the way, ladies and gentlemen, the ratings for the Obama State of the Union Show were down over last year, significantly down. Meanwhile, the Golf Channel ratings for the same time, I just heard this morning, were a record high.”

“I’m not familiar with the details out there, Mike — what damage to the oral cavity of Dennis Kucinich did this olive pit do?”

“The number one objective of the left has been to revise Reagan history — he didn’t care about AIDS, he was a cold-hearted, a mean-spirited extremist. Now all of a sudden when their little Obama can’t get any traction whatsoever, where do they go? Reagan.”

“Like I’ve told you, the only difference between regular TV and reality TV is that the reality TV writers are nonunion. Don’t get me started on reality TV, folks — I’ll end up saying things I don’t want to say.”

“I moved away from home when I was 20 to Pittsburgh, and that’s why I’m a Steelers fan. When I was there in the early seventies, their dynasty was forming, and they just captivated the town. I mean, you got caught up in it.”

“Guys, Valentine’s Day is come up, and listen to me on this. Don’t believe any woman who tells you that she doesn’t want anything on Valentine’s Day — just don’t believe her.”

“I have been behind the Golden EIB Microphone for coming on 23 years, and I do not recall a single time when the NAGs were happy about anything, not a single time. And if Obama can’t make them happy, I don’t know who can.”

“It really is a highlight of my day — highlight of my life, actually — to be able to do these three hours with you, and I look forward to each and every day.”

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