Rush Limbaugh

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“The real statesmen in our society are not out to get votes or worried about fundraising. The real statesmen in our society are on talk radio.”

“John Edwards’ new theme is ‘Rewarding Work and Ending Poverty in America’? I sit here stunned at the brilliance of this little man. Why, what could we reward work with? A paycheck! And with a paycheck, folks, you could afford a haircut!”

“Do not forget this phrase: ‘Manage the news.’ That is what journalism is. I don’t care if the story is ‘Dogcatcher Ran Over a Cat’ — there’s an action line to every story.”

“I keep my phone on vibrate anyway because I hate the sound of a phone ringing. It can ruin the next 30 minutes of my life — all these weirdo Star Trek sounds sound like UFOs hovering over my house.”

“We’ve tried to get people’s hands wringing over every little thing that happens as a crisis except the one thing that really is: a worldwide movement of lunatics who are being very open and honest about what their intentions are.”

“Over Giant’s Stadium, there was a plane carrying a banner that said, ‘Don’t Believe Al Gore.’ Ha! People are not buying this, for some reason. Probably because of the power of me.”

“RushLimbaugh.com is a veritable conservative encyclopedia. You have to see it to believe it; it’s beyond description. Well, if I had 30 minutes here I could describe it in full, but it’s better if you just go there and take a look at it.”

“I read about Madonna and her performance over at Live Earth; apparently she simulated sex with a guitar. Now, that’s not Madonna. That’s going soft. And this concert called for boldness!”

“Why are the Drive-Bys trying to take Katie Couric down? They’re not trying to take down Brian Williams or Charlie Gibson, and they both do the same thing: read a TelePromTer for 20 minutes and play Preparation H commercials for the other ten.”

“Maybe Katie Couric’s just not a nice person. I might know a little bit about that, but I’m not going to say.”


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