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“I knew that it would be the Republican Party that first had a woman who works at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.”

“I would have loved for Senator McCain to say, ‘All right, Governor Palin and I are heading out on the campaign trail now. We think that Senator Obama should head to Louisiana and stop Hurricane Gustav.'”

“I heard Barack Obama gave a speech last night. Did he? I can’t find much about Obama’s speech today. Sounds like just a rumor.”

“‘We are a great nation at risk in a dangerous world,’ but Obama never talked about that last night. He never talked about the dangerous world we face. He talked only about himself.”

“Sarah Palin doesn’t have to wear pantsuits, ladies and gentlemen, and her husband is not a crook. This woman’s nickname is Barracuda. She takes no prisoners.”

“Sarah Palin’s speech was not about promises and platitudes, it was about achievements and about accomplishments. She has a story to tell. Her story is real, and her story is America.”

“By the way, the feminists ought to love this babe, Sarah Palin: She has a toddler and she goes to work. But we know the feminists will not like her because she’s pro-life and she has her babies.”

“I have to tell you, the McCain campaign the last six weeks has seen a huge turnaround. And you know what’s responsible for it? Conservatism.”

“If they ever got together, sample questions that Obama might have for Sarah Palin are, ‘Governor, are all NRA members as pretty as you are?’ and ‘Governor, when you found out that your baby would be born with Down syndrome, did you consider aborting it before or after the due date?'”

“Sarah Palin. Babies. Guns. Jesus. Hot damn.”

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“John McCain is who he is. It’s Sarah Palin’s party now.”

“You liberals have to understand something: Sarah Palin courted us guys, too. Sarah Palin is courting Americans. We on the right don’t group-ify everybody. We don’t do this identity politics stuff. I knew Sarah Palin was talking straight to me when she was giving her speech. She was talking to Americans.”

“When the economy is strong, liberals want to grow government. When the economy is weak, liberals want to grow government. There is no business cycle in government, there is just growth.”

“They want to ban sex in Maryland. Snerdley, did you hear that?”

“Obama right now is vulnerable. Obama favors high gas prices. Obama favors infanticide. Attack, attack, attack! This is a great time, if old general Limbaugh here will be followed by the Republican Party!”

“This whole convention gave us rich, full, American lives of meaning, confidence, accomplishment, and achievement from both our nominees: McCain and Palin. By contrast, Obama doesn’t have a thimbleful of life experience that he wants to share with us.”

“I have a new name for Sarah Palin: ‘The Lorena Bobbitt of Republican politics’.”

“You want to go after Todd Palin for flirting with Alaskan secession? Fine. But Obama and Biden voted for a bill that could lead to that very thing in Hawaii by the sponsor’s own admission, Daniel Akaka.”

“John McCain went to the Hanoi Hilton as a McCain-first pilot, but came out as an American-first man. I don’t care how he delivered it — the performance aspect might have been low — but the words were penetrating, and they were from the heart and they were from the soul.”

“When I hear about 150,000 coconuts, I think of how many pina coladas you could make.”

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“McCain has no idea what he’s up against. McCain is Al Davis. Al Davis still thinks the Oakland Raiders compete for the Super Bowl every year.”

“Sarah Palin came off as more experienced, qualified, and personable and able to connect than Obama does. She was knockout gorgeous, charming, pleasant, likable, witty, and she was on point last night.”

“Has Joe Biden done something to his eyebrows? I thought I was looking at a Klingon last night! I hate to make these kinds of observations, but I can’t help it.”

“You know, if Sarah Palin weren’t shackled to McCain and didn’t have to mirror his talking points, do you realize how great this woman could have been? How great she can be when she’s turned loose to be herself? I’m optimistic about that.”

“If you’re a fan of Missouri University football, Missouri University football hasn’t mattered for 40 years.”

“What are you laughing at in there? I realize I’m a funny guy, but I haven’t said anything funny here — unless Katie Couric’s name makes you laugh.”

“My friend said to me, ‘The thing is if McCain wins, at least we won’t be surprised we’re getting screwed. Better to get screwed knowing you’re going to get screwed than to be surprised when you’re getting screwed.'”

“Liberals still know how to slash the tires of Republican get-out-the-vote vehicles on Election Day, so don’t sell ’em short.”

“I’m looking at this honestly, and I’m seeing parallels to 1976 that are dramatically close. You have a moderate Republican who, while a nice guy, has no passion and no ability to articulate policy positions, and Barack Obama is Jimmy Carter.”

“Joe Biden’s never been in a Home Depot unless he went in there to see if he could get a repair kit for his cuff links.”

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“We’re all in a giant sitcom. God is writing it, and we’re going to be laughing our way through the Obama-Reid-Pelosi depression.”

“Regarding Barbara Walters’ question about my new contract… I could have thrown it back and said, ‘Well, wait a minute, Barbara. Want to talk about how much you make?’ I could’ve done that, but the bottom line is, folks, that it was harmless and she ended up being charmed.”

“They’ve all got it in for me. Whenever you’re at the top, everybody’s gunning for you. It’s 1993 all over again, Snerdley.”

“The reason Al Franken won’t quit is because he doesn’t know how to get a real job. He cannot make any money unless he uses somebody else’s name to do it. He’s a pathetic figure. You people in Minnesota, I am stunned that it even got this close.”

“O.J. Simpson, 15 years in jail. There. I’ve said it and covered the story.”

“Why the hell did Hillary Clinton take the secretary of state job? Remember how she had been ‘working for 35 years’ for universal health care and children? Now all of a sudden it’s, ‘Pfft you, health care! Pfft you, kids! I’m off to Foggy Bottom!'”

“It’s bad enough to be henpecked by your wife, but to be bribed by a hybrid car dealership? Where has our self-respect gone?”

“I have a correction. Debbie Stabenow’s husband was nabbed in a prostitution sting not in Big Beaver, Michigan, but on Big Beaver Road in Michigan. There’s probably a Little Beaver Road, too; Michigan’s a big state.”

“I want to say something to those of you who were recently laid off. I want you all to realize that the vast majority of you have been laid off not because of current economic circumstances, but because of what the people you work for fear is going to happen starting next year. In other words, you are the first Barack Obama layoffs.”

“I challenge you Obama voters to spell ‘Poughkeepsie.'”

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“It’s a mistake for the left to pit me against the president, because I don’t buckle.”

“When Ronald Reagan took office in 1981, the top marginal tax rate was 70%. When Ronald Reagan left office in 1989, the top marginal tax rate was 28%. The only way you can say his tax cuts didn’t lift us out of a recession is if you want to lie like Bill Clinton did.”

“Stop trash-talking the economy, Obama. Stop using people’s emotions to further your political ambitions.”

“If government spending is the salve, then why stop at $1 trillion? It’s sort of like the same argument I make about the minimum wage. If $10 an hour is so great, why not $20 and hour? In fact, why not $50?”

“I don’t want to appear overly confident here, but they may try for their Gang of 14, but I have a gang of 20 million. And our gang of 20 million will overwhelm their Gang of 14.”

“I’ve been using the Heritage Foundation since the first moment I discovered them, when I learned that they were heavy architects behind Reagan administration policy. They’re quality, class people: they’re us. They’re scholars, but they’re not eggheads.”

“It’s part of being sophisticated: liberals care about their jawline as much as they do their waistline.”

“You want to know how to teach socialism to a kid that doesn’t understand it? ‘Give me all the toys in your room. Why? Because they’re not yours. Why? Because some other kid doesn’t have any.'”

“The president is having a Super Bowl party at the White House. Was I invited? No! And why? Because he knows I’m not going to change my mind about anything. He also knows I have a better theater with a better TV than he has in the White House.”

“There’s not a fire hydrant around that could put me out.”

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“This administration is a joke. It’s not the kind of joke you laugh at, though; it’s a joke that makes you cry.”

“I’m recalling all of these instances right now — such as when Peggy Noonan said that Sarah Palin was somewhat vulgar and David Brooks talked about the elegance of Barack Obama — and I can’t help but think, ‘What a bunch of dupes.'”

“We live in a world in which we are told that the American left are the compassionate ones, that they’re the ones who care about the downtrodden and the little guy — when in fact they make fun of them and use them for their own advantage.”

“I’m having trouble describing how I feel without uttering any profanities. I’m mad not just about the administration’s behavior, but saddened at how damned easy it’s been for these people to mislead this country — that’s what’s scary.”

“They say that Barack Obama’s such an elegant man, he’s so suave and debonair. Yup. He gave away region one DVDs to Gordon Brown.”

“This is not about politics as usual. This is about an ideology or a psychology — whatever you want to call it — finally implementing every dream they’ve ever had to destroy this nation as it was founded.”
“Each time I got fired in the past, the person that fired me said, ‘You really don’t have what it takes to succeed here. You really just don’t have that much talent.’ And I’d say to myself, ‘How would you know? You’ve never let me exhibit it!'”

“The president’s a cold, cold guy; it takes the prompter to createan aura of feeling and compassion around him. Now, think about that: it takes an electronic gizmo with a binary code to give Obama humanity.”

“So Obama makes a joke making fun of disabled people, apologizes for it, and everybody accepts it: ‘Ah, teachable moment, because we all know he really didn’t mean it.’ Sorry. He did mean it. You can tell what’s in people’s hearts when they’re not on the teleprompter.”

“A reminder, ladies and gentlemen: I am not here on Monday, but Mark Steyn will be here, and you love Steyn, so everything is cool.”

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“I saw the Japanese are going to put some robots up on the moon. So? Obama’s got 300 million robots in America! Who needs them on the moon?”

“Oh, no: sad news. A judge today has rejected Madonna’s request to adopt another child from Malawi. It’s just very, very sad. Madonna is just going to have to go out and find a different kind of accessory, I guess.”

“The ChiComs and the Russians are probably saying, ‘Can we be this lucky? The American people elected this dunce? And all we gotta do is pretend we’re going along with this?'”

“See, I think groupthink is the absolute antithesis to smarts and intelligence, and that’s what Ivy Leaguers come out with.”

“Do you realize just in how much contempt the Democrat Party holds you? Do you realize what a bunch of brain-dead idiots they think you are? Of course, a bunch of brain-dead idiots voted for them — why would they not think it?”

“Understand something about liberals: they never stop until they get what they want, and when they get what they want, it’s still never enough.”

“You know, folks, I am convinced that Geraldo Rivera is the grim reaper: every time I see him on Fox, somebody has died.”

“The thing that irritates this White House the most is to laugh at them, to ridicule them, to make fun of them. I mean, he’s the supreme leader — you don’t do that.”

“Whatever happened to the idea of inspiration and motivation? Yeah, it’s one thing to be sympathetic for somebody who’s down on their luck at the moment, but after that, what do you do? Do you join them in their circumstance so they won’t feel as bad? How is that helping you or them?”

“Of course I’ve tried different mattresses before — I’m 58 years old!”

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“The Democrats are always going to pose one degree of socialism or another in a candidate. Obama is just the most extreme.”

“All the merchant marine organizers want is money from evil capitalists with big boats — same as the community organizers harassing and protesting AIG executives in Connecticut and New York.”

“This story says the Obamas may feel ‘pressure to go to a black church, so as not to anger the black community.’ That makes me sad. Why should that matter? I thought you picked a church for other reasons. I guess we haven’t made any advances.”

“Not everybody is destined to become a Bill Gates or Warren Buffett or whoever, but I do think that the vast majority of people are much more capable than even they know. It’s just that our society beats it out of them.”

“Nobody, at any time when I was growing up, thought I had any talent. I was the one my family was worried about because I quit everything they made me do. They didn’t think I had the ability to do anything, but I knew what I loved; I knew what my passion was.”

“Union leaders exist today to elect Democrats and they will take your dues and spend them for that purpose. And as such, union leadership, by definition, is working against the interests of the companies they owe their existence to.”

“The Democrat Party way is to destroy the US culture in order get votes for power — why would the Republican Party want to go along with that? But they do, because it’s the path of least resistance.”

“I’m not thinking about retirement. I don’t go into a job saying, ‘How much are you going to pay me when I’m not working?’ I don’t ask, ‘What are my vacation days? How many sick days do I get? How many days do I get to go feed the dog?'”

“Mrs. Clinton said, ‘We don’t know what to believe about the Iranian program.’ How about believing Ahmadinejad? Believe what the lunatic says, Mrs. Clinton. If he’s lying, it’s a bonus. If he’s not, and we’re not prepared for it, we’re cooked.”

“Even though Newsweek magazine says we are not a Christian nation anymore, I nevertheless want to wish everybody a happy Easter or happy Passover, whichever is the case for you. Or happy piracy.”

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“Monday is Memorial Day, folks. It’s also 40 days from Obama’s birthday. 40 days and 40 nights until we celebrate the birth of The Messiah.”

“Now, this is the second day in a row Obama’s assured us that he will do whatever it takes to protect the American people. If you have to say it, there must be some doubt. You know, I think Vice President Cheney has put Barack Obama on total defense.”

“You rookie NFL coaches… Obama is showing you how to survive if you come out of the gate 0-4 like he’s brought the country out of the gate: just blame the previous coach.”

“So Obama told these kindergarteners to go home; the buses were sent away from the White House with the little children in tears. My friends, the long-term effects of this might be incalculable.”

“I couldn’t wait until I got out of school. To me that was freedom! There was America out there, there was my place in it out there, and there was my opportunity waiting.”

“It’s not hard to make mincemeat of liberals — all you have to do is don’t cop to an attitude that they’re better than you. They’re not grounded in any substance whatsoever, folks. Liberalism is itself in quicksand.”

“I’m keeping a tally of who can outdo who, Obama or Chavez, in nationalizing industries. Dollar for dollar you have to say Obama is ahead here.”

“I just checked the e-mail during the break: ‘How come you haven’t discussed Maureen Dowd’s plagiarism?’ I didn’t bring it up because Maureen’s unhappy enough, folks, without piling on.”

“I was Liz Cheney’s dinner partner one night out in Wyoming — it was a social thing, but as you could expect, political things ended up being discussed… and she was on fire! I mean, this woman is committed. She is informed. She’s a warrior.”

“My life is blessed. That’s why these kids coming out of college being depressed irritates me: there’s no reason for it!”

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“It’s our job — yours, mine, ours — to do everything we can to resist the false promises of dependence and to cherish the virtues of independence.”

“This is the craziest damn recession I can remember being in. Look at that movie Transformers 2 — that thing is going to rake in $400 million worldwide, in, what? Two or three weeks? And I’ve read a review of it, and it makes no sense.”

“I know how much it irritates Democrats and a lot of Republicans to mention Reagan, so I mention Reagan often because I like irritating people.”

“People try to write me and tell me when I’m grammatically incorrect: ‘Rush, he was hung, not hanged.’ No, ‘he was hung’ means something entirely different that’s almost inappropriate for a family-oriented radio show. The proper way to say this is, ‘Saddam was hanged.'”

“People are more frightened of going a day without health care in this country than they are of getting on an airplane with one wing. The psychology of the left has succeeded.”

“Describing charts on radio is a challenge that very few broadcast professionals would ever take, but I, my friends, will take it because I am a great chart reader — and I also happen to tell a great story.”

“To Obama, wealth and profit are injustices. They are immoral. And the more wealth, the more prosperity he can wipe out, the more he thinks he’s doing a morally good thing — and I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt saying that.”

“Now, ladies and gentlemen, there’s one word that describes that sound bite from Colin Powell, and that is, ‘incoherent’.”

“The objective with Obama is just to simply exert power and control over people. And once health care is the single responsibility of the government, not you, they will have that infinite power to regulate the way individuals live and work and play.”

“The whole thing in Philadelphia with the Declaration — and later the Constitution — was a miracle. There’s no more perfect form of government that’s been devised.”

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“Honor Ted Kennedy by putting his picture on the $100,000 bill. With hyperliberal policies, we’re going to end up with hyperinflation.”

“There’s actually a piece at the Huffing and Puffington Post on what Mary Jo Kopechne would have thought of Ted’s career. The last line: ‘Who knows — maybe she’d feel it was worth it.’ Are we to believe now that liberal young women like to die for the cause of advancing Kennedys’ careers?”

“That is sick. Folks, that’s just not normal. I’m sorry. You’re in a car, it goes off a bridge, a woman dies, you don’t report it and you try to get out of it, and you want to hear jokes about it for the rest of your life?”

“Sad news today, according to the latest Gallup poll, ladies and gentlemen: 19% more Americans are racists. Well, Obama’s approval number was 69% shortly after the immaculation, and now it’s dropped to 50%.”

“I want to revise and extend my remarks on Ted Kennedy, man of the people. He certainly was a man of the people — especially if they had big boobs.”

“By the way, did you know that Obama’s buddy, Bill Ayers, dedicated one of his books to Sirhan Sirhan? Did you know this? You had forgotten that, but I hadn’t forgotten because I have a flawless memory.”

“E-mail: ‘Rush, many of us want to know what specific steps could be taken to take control away from the insurance companies and return it directly to the patients and providers.’ Very simple: Pay for it yourself!”

“The minute the Democrats started talking about health care as a right… I mean, that was the death knell. Something cannot be a right if the government can take it away from you.”

“The Alinsky trick is to use words and language that fit within the experience of your audience, the people that you’re trying to screw — and we’re being screwed. No, we’ve already been screwed, we’re just trying to prevent the pregnancy.”

“Bud, I have a question: How has the supply of Chicken McNuggets been in Port St. Lucie lately?”

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“Barack Obama’s head is getting so big now that his ears look like they fit.”

“You Blue Dog Democrats, let me tell you something: You have to vote against this socialist, fascist agenda because it’s the right thing to do. You Blue Dog Democrats are inexorably tied to those of us who want to save this country from the direction it’s headed.”

“When a person in power believes he is more important than the nation he leads, and believes his power is derived from his own special stature (and not from the people), we have a dangerous situation: tyranny.”

“CNBC probably has a hotline from Jeffrey Immelt at the headquarters of GE, and whenever anybody starts going the wrong way about Obama, I’m sure that little red phone starts going off.”

“Trying to own an NFL team is like the Secret Service and the FBI coming after you: they vet everybody in the group. Well, I guess they don’t anymore because Fergie, who wets her pants on stage, is a Miami Dolphins minority owner.”

“Forty-nine percent of voters nationwide say that passing no health care reform bill this year would be better than passing the plan currently working its way through Congress. Something is happening out there, folks. It’s palpable. I can feel it.”

“I don’t do Halloween. It’s not that I’m afraid, it’s just… Folks, I can’t do it. Some four-year-old from Chicago might show up with a razor blade.”

“Story: ‘Students often passed up free condoms at school because they thought the brand was more likely to break. Students said they preferred other brands.’ Well, how about some of you students reject the brand of American history that they’re teaching you and demand something else?”

“By the way, I’m surprised Major Garrett’s alive. Did you know that Major Garrett had swine flu last week? I don’t know if he got a vaccine or not, but I know he knows how to sneeze right because he was there when Kathleen Sebelius demonstrated how to put snot on your sleeve instead of in a Kleenex.”

“I’ve railed against this notion that you can’t win the presidency without the female vote, because conservatism will attract women. Conservatism will attract everybody. Conservatism is America!”

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“One of the biggest cultural and economic problems we have in this country is single mothers. Households without fathers.”

“If there are any surviving members of Waldo de los Rios’s family, they’re probably asking themselves, ‘What the hell has gone on this week?’ And you watch –somebody will say, ‘Oprah was plugging him.'”

“You House Democrats, listen to me on this: You know the polling. You know you’re going down in flames regardless of what you do, but you’re really going to go down in flames if you pass this.”

“So according to Pelosi, quit work, indulge your fantasies, become an artist or a documentarian, and let the rest of us pay for your healthcare bill. And, by the way, if you happen to get pregnant and want to have an abortion, no worries — we’ll pay for that, too.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if they try to cram amnesty into this bill, too. Why not? If you’re trying to get everything done in the Senate with 51 votes, why leave anything out of this? I probably shouldn’t have said that because I’ve given them an idea. Oh, well!”

“In this culture of ours, people have this insatiable desire to be known, insatiable desire for fame: Facebook, MySpace, Space-Butt — whatever it is.”

“Snerdley, we’re about to get creamed. Look at that squall line coming in. Holy smokes, we’ve got a tornado watch out there! I didn’t even know that. Cool! Flood watch, too? Oh, this is great! Count me in! I love inclement weather like this!”

“Story: ‘A union representing Dutch nurses will launch a national campaign today against demands for sexual services by patients who claim it should be part of their standard care.’ Why didn’t Bill Clinton think of this?”

“I love these guys at Gawker. They make up stuff about me all the time and they’re as snarky as they can be about me, but for some reason, I love these guys. You guys at Gawker? You’re priceless. We love you here at the EIB Network.”

“Oliver, have you ever said to this guy, ‘Zeke, have you ever stopped to think that it’s people like me paying you to do nothing like this?'”

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“We were told during the campaign that Barack Obama would be the first postracial, postpartisan president of the United States. Well, let me tell you what he is. Barack Obama is the first post-American president of the United States.”

“Jimmy Carter was a bumbling, stumbling fool. These people are bumbling, stumbling fools, too, but they know exactly what they’re doing — that’s the scary thing.”

“So here’s the bottom line, according to the Democrats: We cannot check whether people are in this country illegally, but we can damn well make sure that everybody’s bought health insurance. Okay.”

“This should show you how confident I am. I mean, here I am talking about another show on at the same time this one’s on, and I’m not worried at all that you’ll go watch it and abandon this. I know you never would.”

“Folks, the president of the United States used the body of Felipe Calderon to flip us off. That was a life-sized bird that we were flipped yesterday.”

“It’s so bad. Everything Obama is doing is backfiring. Key nations like Brazil and Turkey are supporting Iran, not the United States. So right now it’s Iran two, Obama zero.”

“It’s been posited that the world likes us but they don’t respect us anymore. Well, they never liked us, but they used to fear us. Now they no longer even fear us.”

“My question is, if America is so racist and discriminatory against Hispanics, if we’re so terrible on human rights issues, then why do they all want to come here?”

“Have we ever had so much blatant dishonesty from the White House in the history of this country? I mean, even Clinton backed down when he found the blue dress. Well, the Arizona law is the equivalent of the blue dress, and Obama’s not backing down.”

“Would you two stop playing kissy-face in there? We have a program to execute”

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“You know, we were promised a messiah. All we got was the mess. We’re still waiting on the -iah.”

“Now, look at what’s happened here. The administration goes to Bill Clinton because he’s famous for getting people jobs. I mean, isn’t it great, folks, that they’ve found a guy who they know will commit perjury to carry their water?”

“If what the White House is now claiming is true, that it’s business as usual that people are offered jobs to give up something else, well, didn’t Obama pledge to change business as usual in Washington? Wasn’t that part of the campaign?”

“Today Peggy Noonan, who was one of the early Obama supporters, said of Obama, ‘I thought he was supposed to be competent.’ So it’s taken her a year and a half to learn what all of us knew since 2007.”

“Ben Stein said, ‘You can’t blame Obama. He’s not Superman.’ All well and true, but he portrays himself as such, from the moment he started campaigning. Obama was the guy who was going to lower the sea levels, remember?”

“Words are failing me here to describe the impact George Kennan had on the whole concept of diplomacy. He was sort of like John Maynard Keynes and economics, and we’re paying the price for Keynesian economics all over the world today.”

“I guarantee you that these little elves on the left are going to come bopping out of their little mole holes because of what I said about the Marshall Plan. To the left, criticizing that is like criticizing the virgin birth, you know? You just don’t do it.”

“There’s one reason why the political class wants illegal immigrants here, and it’s not complicated. In fact, it’s so simple that it’s unbelievable: They want their votes.”

“What was Amy Carter at the time, eight? Nine? And the most important issue for her was nuclear weaponry? And, of course, Malia Obama: ‘Daddy, did you plug the hole yet?’ You know, if I lived and worked in Vegas, I’d take odds on whether that actually happened.”

“I know what you think about it: We redefine hip on the radio.”

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“Republicans have to stop thinking that circumstances are going to get them elected in November. They better start giving people a reason to vote for them — and it better be economic growth.”

“We played a sound bite of Obama saying that the quintessential American quality is the capacity to change. Let me ask you a quick question: Has Obama changed his views on a single issue since he’s been in the national spotlight? No.”

“So is Nancy Pelosi really this stupid, or does she think we are? It is not that easily answered, Snerdley. Snerdley is in there: ‘It has to be she’s that stupid!'”

“I think we face something we’ve never faced before in the country, and that is, we’re now governed by people who do not like the country, who do not have the same reverence for it that we do.”

“Obama says he’s going to do everything in his power to help our economy create jobs. You mean like shutting down offshore drilling in the Gulf of Mexico and Alaska, which is going to wipe out a hundred thousand jobs? Is that what you mean, Obama?”

“You know, a wonderful genre of love song pass away when Barry White passed away. What a set of pipes! And Barry White was great for fat guys everywhere.”

“Robert Byrd voted against Thurgood Marshall and Clarence Thomas, he filibustered the Civil Rights Act of1965, and he was a Democrat the whole time. That’s absolutely correct. I’m sorry, folks, but I just can’t sit here and let it pass by.”

“The Democrats have lost millions of votes since Obama was immaculated, and they want to try to get some of those votes back with amnesty, one way or the other.”

“Story: ‘A significant portion of recent applicants failed to show that they could read and understand math at a ninth grade level. The company has been disappointed by the quality of graduates from local training programs.’ But I’ll betcha the graduates know all about conflict resolution and have read Heather Has Two Mommies.”

“This still is the United States of America, and we’re not going to become a nation of mediocrity without putting up a fight to stop it.”

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“Obama is so out of touch, living in such a self-created fantasy world, and so full of himself that he’s starting to believe all of his own BS.”

“Michelle (My Belle) had a beach closed down in Spain after taking 40 of her best friends there and leasing 60 rooms in a five-star hotel (paid for by you) because they deserve it. But you have to pay up. The Obamaspreach against capitalism while living off of it.”

“I think it’s the 65th anniversary of Hiroshima today. So we’re going from the A-bomb to the O-bomb — the O-bomb being Obama.”

“Almost everybody who has guest-hosted this program ends up with their own show, so I wonder how long it’ll be before Karl Rove has his.”

“Let Obama invoke Bush all he wants. George W. Bush had 52 straight months of job creation.”

“When taxes actually go up, when energy actually becomes more expensive, and when the monstrosity that isObamacare actually takes effect, the name ‘Obama’ will be worse than ‘Herbert Hoover’.”

“Obama is out there praising himself for 9.5% unemployment, foreclosures, and bankruptcies. So here is the deal: If you like where the economy is and you want more of it, vote Democrat.”

“I think the Republicans — and there are exceptions — want to be part of the Washington culture. They don’t want to be dismissed, criticized, disrespected, or any of that. They just do not want to make a whole lot of waves.”

“I didn’t know that the White House knew it was my birthday when President Bush invited me over there, but I guess at the White House they know everything — you know, Patriot Act.”

“I’m watching Obama praise Kagan at the White House. This is the biggest bunch… I feel like I’m going to have an insulin reaction! So much syrupy BS here!”

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“Thank you for indulging me today in my love for the NFL and the occasion to use my show to talk with these guys to which I would never otherwise have a chance to talk.”

“On Fridays, if I’m not interested in your call, I’ll either say so and go with the flow or fake it. Well, that got Wendy laughing — ‘faking it’. Hmm. Interesting.”

“Mike, somebody like you just has to be defeated. There’s no crossing the aisle and finding common ground with you. You’re free to be who you are — don’t misunderstand, I’m not trying to be insulting — but you just don’t want to be reached.”

“The Muslim Brotherhood does not equal democracy to me. Sorry, I just can’t get there. They want an Islamic state.”

“Wow. Now, there is a true illustration of brevity being the soul of wit. Did I hear that caller right — don’t name a ship after Obama, but name an anchor after him? That’s brilliant.”

“What are you screaming about in there, Snerdley? What are you so upset about? You didn’t hang up on Farrior, did you? Whew. Snerdley is in there screaming at the callers again. It’s not worth it.”

“What does a woman want? You know, it’s an interesting question because oftentimes you have to figure that out with a wild guess. But what a woman wants is the final word. Whatever the final word is, a woman wants to have it.”

“You should hear some of the comments I’m getting about The Haney Project: ‘I had no idea you were so funny.’ Really? I’ve been doing this radio show for 22 years now!”

“They’re telling us there’s now a 26-year low in the workforce participation survey. A 26-year low. What that means is opportunity is at a 26-year low. And we talk about the United States as the land of opportunity. Breaks my heart.”

“I am the inimitable El Rushbo, the all-knowing, all-caring, all-sensing, all-feeling, all-concerned Maha Rushie. Admit it: you wish you were like me.”

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“Did you see where James Carville is one of the new spokesmen for Miracle Whip? You never know what you’re going to get when you start dragging $100 bills through the bayous.”

“You are coerced into giving money to the Democrat Party via your taxes via public employees. You don’t even know it, and there’s nothing you can do to stop it.”

“Essentiallywhat we need to do is take the public sector unions’ ATM card away from the taxpayers’ ATM machine. I mean, the taxpayers’ ATM machine is empty.”

“Our last caller seems to have converted from being a taker to a maker, which means, ladies and gentlemen, that it can happen. People are redeemable, and there are no lost causes.”

“I’m just getting a note here: Spitzer has prevailed, and the Ditzer is gone at CNN. You know, CNN… I still can’t figure them out. What a sexist move: Get rid of the lady and keep Client No. 9.”

“Moammar Khadafy is trying to buy off the protesters in Libya, offering them $400 per family. What a cheapskate! I mean, look at how much Obama spent for every public sector union job: $228,000. Khadafy doesn’t stand a chance.”

“Intellectually, I don’t understand how anybody claiming to be an advocate for African-Americans can sit idly by while half of black pregnancies in New York City are aborted.”

“The Recovery Act program has a $650 initiative called the Communities Putting Prevention to Work, or CPPW. That sounds communist-like.”

“The Honolulu city council has passed an official resolution condemning me over my so-called impersonation of Hu Jintao. Honolulu! My in-laws live there, for crying out loud! They’re afraid to show their face anywhere, outside the hotel.”

“I saw a picture of Mick Jagger the other day, and I thought, ‘My gosh, man, iron your face.’ I was stunned.”

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