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“You don’t know how grateful I am to be hosting a program that has people like you in the audience.”

“The messianic characteristics of Barack Obama have been obliterated. He has been revealed to be nothing more than your average politician who hasn’t yet acquired the experience sufficient to let him get away with all the lies that he tells.”

“Mrs. Clinton is the embodiment of every woman everywhere, particularly on the Democrat side. She has been used, she has been abused, and she has been humiliated and kept down by sexist pigs like you, Dr. Dean!”

“This is a party that does not see human beings. The Democrats just see: ‘Ooh, you’re black. Ooh, you’re female. Ooh, you’re disabled. Ooh, you’re gay — at least I think soby looking at you.'”

“I didn’t give The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society phone number out for the first 20 minutes of the program, and we are still running ahead of last year. I love you people. I really do.”

“Democrat Party,when you have only one woman in your whole ranks who wants the White House and she can’t even wear a dress, it’s a problem.”

“I want to thank the US Army Band and Chorus for changing my life, along with the pope and the president and Kathleen Battle on Wednesday. If you’re a parent of one of the members of the band or chorus, you have to be really, really proud.”

“Obama can’t take a punch; he’s weak, and he whines. I’m sure some women find that attractive, but it embarrasses me as a man.”

“As with any war, there are battles, there are victories, and there are losses, but this is a successful war against leukemia and lymphoma we have found ourselves fighting. It’s the commitment and sacrifice and fortitude of you, the American people, to see things through that has resulted in victory.”

“Bill Clinton is sounding more and more like my impersonation of him every day. When that bite started, I thought, ‘Is that me?'”

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“When liberals make fools of themselves — however they do it — we conservatives just sit back and enjoy it.”

“Question, Senator McCain: What if the North Carolina Republican Party ran the same ad, but put Bill Ayers in it instead of Jeremiah Wright? Would you oppose that? Because there’s no difference between them other than skin color.”

“It’s obvious that Senator McCain has no interest in rebuilding the Republican Party as an institution. Instead, he intends to use it to achieve his ends and leave it in whatever state it’s inwhen he is done.”

“If you want loyalty from conservative Republicans, you have to earn it –and you don’t get it by demanding that we be loyal while you aren’t at the same time, Senator McCain.”

“Senator McCain, if you think Obama’s going to be honest about what his intentions for the country are so that you can knock them out of the park, I don’t know where you’re coming from.”

“‘Barack Obama today blamed high gasoline prices on Washington and a political establishment that he says hasn’t stood up to oil companies.’ The oil companies don’t set the price of oil, Senator! Senator… Stupid!”

“Twenty years they have known one another, and Reverend Wright and Obama ‘don’t talk about politics’? That’s a lie! It has to be! I’m sorry, I’m sorry, too harsh: that has to be a ‘misstatement.'”

“There’s a chapter dedicated to the premise that I’m a liar in your journalism textbook? We are moving up! It used to just be a couple pages; now it’s a whole chapter!”

“I think Senator McCain has a responsibility now to explain exactly what is racist about this ad. This is precisely what the Drive-Bys and the Democrats want: any criticism of Obama to be disqualified because it’s ‘racist’, and McCain’s falling right in line.”

“I can’t relate to the kind of ego that Senator McCain has, even though I have one of the most renowned egos in modern media.”

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“Who has more integrity, Obama or Hillary? Jeez! This is a case of two negatives. ‘Which is the least dishonest?’ That’s the question.”

“You know who I’m hearing is at the top of the list for Obama’s vice president? Michael Bloomberg. I kid you not: Mr. Anti-trans fat, Mayor of Nuevo York, liberal Democrat, calls-himself-a-Republican-to-ride-on-Rudy’s-coattails-to-get-elected Bloomberg.”

“This song’s by Paul McCartney before he met Heather Mills — that’s why the music’s good.”

“I wanted to interview Andy McCarthy earlier, but he’s been busy doing interviews on smaller affiliates with lesser hosts. I’m just kidding. I’m giddy. Folks, this happens. I’m here on two hours’ sleep.”

“I have spoken passionately on this program of my absolute love for this country and what I think would be best for this country, and it ain’t Hillary Clinton and it ain’t Barack Obama!”

“I’m worried. I try to do Ron Radio and Bill Clinton comes out. That means Bill Clinton is in my soul.”

“Barack Obama says that he would levy a $15 billion tax on oil company profits. We know who you are, Barry — we know what you’re all about. Just do a Hugo Chavez and nationalize the damn companies!”

“Andy McCarthy’s book — Willful Blindness: A Memoir of the Jihad — is a book that, if you don’t want to get scared too much, you should read.”

“Barack Obama and his wife said yesterday that the public is tired of hearing about Jeremiah Wright. Well, if that’s true, it took us 30 to 40 days to get sick and tired of this lunatic. By contrast, Barack Obama was listening to this clown for 20 years and didn’t get tired of it.”

“I’m going to call you Chris Matthews if you keep talking, Jane.”

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“Do you know that Hillary is ahead in superdelegates? She isn’t going to get out — and the dirty little secret is Obama doesn’t want her to get out.”

“We’re not supposed to call Obama a liberal — that’s an attack. Using his middle name is an attack. And now reminding people of his Hamas endorsement — why, that’s an attack. This is how messiahs operate: Everything’s off limits.”

“Welfare reform is humanitarian. It’s genuine compassion because getting able-bodied people into the workforce is the best way to encourage their self-esteem and to show them their true potential.”

“You want to talk about unity? I have it! I have forged unity with you: the audience of this program. It is an unbreakable bond because of mutual respect.”

“We do focus on the positive on this program; we try to be optimistic, of good cheer, enjoy life, and have fun. After all, we’re Americans.”

“I loved Marvin Gaye. Sexual Healing — what a song that was! That’s the kind of environmentalism I like: Sexual Healing.”

“I, ladies and gentlemen, want to come to the defense of Senator McCain. ‘Limbaugh, no! No, don’t do it. Don’t come to my defense. It will hurt me.’ I have to, Senator, I have to.”

“Cockroaches: You hate them, they’re underneath your sink. They’re like the Clintons: Not even a nuclear war could get rid of them.”

“Story: ‘In 2007, some 20% of Americans surveyed said they were feeling green guilt… Men actually felt less guilty this year [than women].’ This proves again that men are smarter than women. Did I just say that? I did. Let me take it back — men are less emotional than women.”

“Guess what? As the population grows and prosperity increases, we’re going to need more broomsticks.”

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“How’d we begin treating Congress members as special, when the evidence shows they’re like everybody else: morons half the time!”

“I actually don’t believe this: Barack Obama, in my own state raising money for his presidential campaign, called me xenophobic. I thought this guy was the unity candidate, for crying out loud!”

“What do you do with a card? You open it, you read it, you tell the personwho gave it to you that you like it when you couldn’tcare less, and you throw it away. Now Dawn just said she’s not getting me any more cards. Hubba, hubba!”

“I already have a bag. I have more bags than I know what to do with! Now, I know a lot of people don’t think my problems are problems, but everything is relative, folks. Don’t be so hasty to judge here.”

“When my younger brother and I were growing up, my dad would frequently ask us to refill his water glass while he was sitting there reading or watching TV. So once I poured a bunch of salt in it,stirred it up, and said, ‘Here you go!'”

“Where is Bikini Atoll? It’s an island, folks, in the South Pacific where Fox News breeds its blond anchors. Well, it’s where they come from. I talked to Roger Ailes about this.”

“Obama’s a sock puppet, folks. He is somebody’s marionette; somebody’s always pulling his strings. I don’t know if it’s Reverend Wright, I don’t know if it’s George Soros, I don’t know if it’s a combination of the two, and I don’t know if it’s his racist grandmother working behind the scenes.”

“Drive55.org could just be a couple of numskull little pimple zit-faced kids sitting in their parents’ basement because they can’t get dates, and they want everybody else to be as miserable as they are so they created this little website.”

“For those of you in Rio Linda, don’t look up the word ‘xenophobic’ because you won’t find it in the Zs.”

“The troops are doing a bang-up job. We here at the EIB Network salute them, celebrate them, and honor them each and every day, and I didn’t want to let the program end today without sending out a tribute to one and all who have ever served.”

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“News should be about what is, not a bunch of speculation about what might be.”

“People in government are the only ones who can say, ‘We need more money and we’re taking it from you.’ You and I, when our prices go up, there’s nowhere we can go to say, ‘I need more money and I’m taking it from you.'”

“Feminism created a bunch of linguine-spined men; they became a bunch of Michael Kinsleys.”

“How many of you, when you go to your church, hear your pastors uttering profanities? It seems like it’s a common occurrence at the church of Barack Obama.”

“My new opinion audit is in from the Sullivan Group; no change, still documented to be almost always right 98.8% of the time. When you get this close to perfection, you have to be perfect for a long time to move it up even one-tenth of a percentage point, so I’m not disappointed.”

“I watched a couple of episodes of Sex and the City, and I just, you know, quickly discovered that it wasn’t for me.”

“For those of you in Rio Linda, suffrage means votes — when someone can vote. It’s not what happened to R. Kelly’s house or 50 Cent’s house, okay? This is not what we’re talking about here.”

“Now, I took a lot of field trips as a kid. Well, I didn’t take a whole lot of field trips. I went to a slaughterhouse.”

“Bobby Jindal was just fabulous in our Limbaugh Letter interview, and the way he’s turned the state of Louisiana around is just superb, too. He’s a great guy, and he’s so right on about what’s wrong with the party.”

“You don’t have to call me sir. Call me dude.”

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“It’s just June. Strange things have happened in June. Even stranger things have happened in July. Inexplicable things have happened in August.”

“Look at that: Pat Robertson and Al Sharpton, sitting on a couch out on the beach for Algore’s global warming thing. I guess we’re supposed to get the idea that if we don’t act fast, the ocean is going to swallow them up.”

“Ladies and gentlemen, this is the 6th of June. And if all of adult Americans alive today do not know what today is, then there is something very, very wrong.”

“To the Democrats, Obama, the messiah, could simply have walked down to the delta of the Mississippi and put his arms up and redirected Hurricane Katrina right into Florida — you know, where Limbaugh lives.”

“I don’t believe this. The staff is asking me, ‘What were you doing playing Richard Harris songs when you were 16 years old? What kind of format was this radio station?’ It was like a small-town little radio station, okay?”

“Obama doesn’t like these town hall things because they’re not controlled events. I mean, how do you keep somebody in the audience from standing up and asking about Jeremiah Wright?”

“All right: The house I keep seeing on MSNBC is Hillary’s house, and she’s throwing a party there for her staff. You know, some of you people in there could have told me this so I wouldn’t have been asking about it for two hours, but no.”

“During the break at the top of the hour I heard Wendy say, ‘Ooh, $400 a night.’ So I said, ‘Wow, what’s his name?'”

“Why don’t the American people, en masse, figure liberalism out? They may have figured it out, but so many of them are now dependent on government doing something for them that that takes precedence over their ideological understanding ofits failures.”

“I’ve seen these cemeteries — I saw the one at Normandy. The sacrifice made by those in battle, those who passed and those who survived… be thankful for that, folks.”

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“It’s frustrating that we have callers to C-SPAN that know more about what’s going on than Larry King, and more about economics than Obama and McCain combined.”

“By the way, I am no baby’s daddy.”

“Snerdley said he’s heard that the Clintons have an enemies list based on this last campaign. I’ve read the same thing. Matt Drudge is on the enemies list, but I am not. How could I be? I mean, I sustained that campaign with Operation Chaos!”

“Did you hear that? Did you hear how they took my comment out of context? This is Michael J. Fox all over again! You people are pathetic!”

“The people in the Drive-By Media know this Michelle Obama tape rumor is a nonstory and that nobody on talk radio ever said it was real, and yet they continue to try to get mileage out of it. I think it’s a very defensive move on their part.”

“We need to let the word spread on how toxic these compact fluorescent lightbulbs are. Well, how many arguments take place between the husband and wife and the 2.8 kids where somebody gets mad, unscrews the lightbulb, and throws it at somebody else?”

“Larry King has been jealous ever since this national program started. He used to be the so-called king of talk radio — when nobody listened to it, from midnight to six in the morning. Hey, the gloves are coming off here, folks!”

“Obama accused people of taking ‘snippets’ of Reverend Jeremiah Wright’s sermons, did he not? And now the Obama people and the Drive-By Media are editing tapes of me! I’m under snipper fire from the Obama camp!”

“Oh, no! McCain! You idiot! Get somebody who understands economics talking to you, please!”

“The left says, ‘We can’t drill our way out of this.’ Yes the hell we can! It’s that simple! And yes the hell we should! Drill here, drill now, pay less! We’re the United States of America! We can do it!”

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“I don’t care that Obama sounds smart — I know he’s not. He may have the ability to learn things, but it’s what he’s learned that’s scary.”

“This guy — George Bush — is lied about and has been vilified constantly for seven and a half years now. He’s the one person that has taken the defenseof this country seriously, and yet you liberals think he’s a dumb ass and Obama is brilliant. In fact, it’s the other way around.”

“What’s obvious is that Obama didn’t care about seeing the troops — he just wanted a photo op.”

“Who does Obama know that thinks the same way about America as he spoke it yesterday? Well, Jeremiah Wright, his wife Michelle (My Belle), Jeremiah Wright’s replacement — this Otis Moss guy — and William Ayers.”

“Obamaapparently very much enjoys soaking up this image as The Messiah. He likes being portrayed this way, he cultivates it. And that’s a character flaw. That’s a personality trait that is dangerous, folks — to have no humility.”

“Maybe the media loved JFK like Obama, but even then they had to count some obscure phantom votes in West Virginia to pull that election off, and there wasn’t a Rush Limbaugh Show back then because I was only 9 years old. I was nothing but a star of the future back then.”

“I’m waiting for the ride at Disney World where people are put out on an island and global warming causes the sea level to rise, and all the kids on the ride drown.”

“By the way, do we believe the New York Times or the National Enquirer? That’s a toss-up these days.”

“You may not like Bush and he may not speak well, but you know that when it comes to pursuing genuine evil, you can go about your business and not worry about it because he’s going to take care of it along with his troops — the men and women of the US Armed Forces.”

“If Obama can’t have it explained to him, he can’t say it.”

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“The dollar is rallying, the stock market is going crazy, and there’s one reason for all this: The NFL is back. All is right in the world.”

“This ‘Gang of 10’ is unbelievable. Well, actually, it’s not unbelievable. This is the exact kind of thing, folks, that gave us campaign finance reform. Lindsey Graham and some of these guys… I just do not understand the tone deafness that they’re exhibiting here politically.”

“Hey, Snerdley, are you an organic food guy? You are? Yeah, I figured as much.”

“Every time there’s bipartisan garbage, our side caves in. You know, they once asked Jesse Helms why he didn’t compromise more. He said, ‘If the arguments are between freedom and tyranny, why the hell should I give away anything?'”

“Yeah, I heard that Brett Favre is playing for the Jets now. I don’t remember where I heard that, though.”

“Sports is the one thing in which you can invest total passion without consequence. Well, a dog will love you no matter what you do, but you can’t do that with a cat. A cat will take advantage of it.”

“People don’t think of New Jersey as having an agricultural community — just nuclear waste.”

“So here’s a seven-year-old saying to Michelle Obama, ‘Finish what we started in Iraq.’ And Michelle (My Belle) — you know — she was probably expecting some question about SpongeBob SquarePants.”

“The media is asking, ‘Why is Obama not doing better? We can’t figure it out.’ Well, the guy went to Germany and ripped his own country. Then the guy came back and ripped his own country to a seven-year-old girl. And he thinks elevating pressure in your tires replaces drilling for oil.”

“We conservatives look at legislative bodies not doing anything as a victory, because what do legislative bodies do? They write laws limiting freedom.”

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“Have you seen these pictures of The Messiah body surfing in Hawaii? Why doesn’t he just walk on the water?”

“Some friends of mine came by and screened a movie for me called Henry Poole is Here. I thought, ‘This is going to be boring as hell. Why can’t they bring me some shoot-em-up action flick?’ But I couldn’t take my attention away from it; I don’t think I’ve seen anything quite like it.”

“No wonder Obama had to pass on meeting with soldiers in the hospital in Germany to work out like a madman — he knew he was going on vacation and wanted to look studly.”

“Just ten days ago the Polish government was saying, ‘Ah, we don’t know if we want to put missiles in here. That’s just going to provoke people.’ Then here comes the move into Georgia by the Russians, and guess what? Yesterday the Polish government said, ‘Bring us those missiles!'”

“They really do have a lot of brand-new, rich Russians. One of them just bought a house up the road from where I live; $95 million from Donald Trump — and he may never even live in it. They’re just invading us here, Snerdley!”

“I’m continuing to suffer abuse over my recitation of the movie Henry Poole is Here: ‘Rush, you told us everything!’ I did not! Besides that, everybody who went to see Titanic knew damn well the boat was going to sink before they went into the theater.”

“We know who Putin is; he’s KGB. Do we think Putin is just going to say, ‘Oh, okay, you want us to stop bullying? Fine, we’ll stop bullying’?”

“The left says, ‘Every time you fill your tank, Big Oil fills its coffers.’ Well, hell yes! You’re buying their product, for crying out loud! I mean, every time you buy a surfboard for your vacation in Hawaii, Big Surfboard fills its coffers, too.”

“I tried to print checks last night at home, but the printer blew up on me; it just stopped right in the middle of the print job! So I went upstairs — which is a lot of steps in my house — to the secondary printer, and it blew up! So I started swearing and I kicked the hell out of one of the printers.”

“I’m proud to be an American. I love the fact that God made me an American, and I don’t understand anybody who doesn’t appreciate it.”

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“Obama didn’t even consider Hillary! This is the biggest sign of disrespect that anybody in the Democrat Party has ever shown the Clintons!”

“So once again, Obama compares our incursion into Iraq as a moral equivalent example of the Russians going into Georgia. You have to ask the question: Is he just stupid, or is he just pandering to his wacko nutcase fringe base?”

“It’s Chicago: everybody knows that Mayor Daley runs the bookstores and the magazine stands! Mayor Daley runs Obama, for crying out loud!”

“Chinese couples are allowed one child because they can’t feed all of their people, and most people want a son. So if they get pregnant with a daughter, what do they do? They abort! And they keep aborting until they get a son! Now, that’s a policy Obama can support!”

“Obama’s for infanticide; it is not an overstatement to say so. He’s has two daughters, I know, Mr. Snerdley. But all liberals exempt themselves from their own stupidity.”

“Okay, I have some questions for Obama: How many huts and ramshackle shacks do your blood relatives own or live in? Have you helped with payments or cosigned bank notes for any of those huts, thatched or otherwise?”

“Ladies, you have two things to do regarding Hillary’s diss: Don’t cry about it, and just suck it up and vote for us. Again, do not start crying. Get mad!”

“George Bush has done more for the people of Africa than you have done combined for all of your half siblings that live there, Obama. The ‘least among us’, sir?”

“John, John, John… You’re going to have to take one for the team here. What in the world would you want to foist Kathleen Sebelius on the whole country for? You keep her in your state and limit her damage to the boundaries of I-70.”

“At least here in America the river water isn’t chewy.”

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“I knew that it would be the Republican Party that first had a woman who works at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.”

“I would have loved for Senator McCain to say, ‘All right, Governor Palin and I are heading out on the campaign trail now. We think that Senator Obama should head to Louisiana and stop Hurricane Gustav.'”

“I heard Barack Obama gave a speech last night. Did he? I can’t find much about Obama’s speech today. Sounds like just a rumor.”

“‘We are a great nation at risk in a dangerous world,’ but Obama never talked about that last night. He never talked about the dangerous world we face. He talked only about himself.”

“Sarah Palin doesn’t have to wear pantsuits, ladies and gentlemen, and her husband is not a crook. This woman’s nickname is Barracuda. She takes no prisoners.”

“Sarah Palin’s speech was not about promises and platitudes, it was about achievements and about accomplishments. She has a story to tell. Her story is real, and her story is America.”

“By the way, the feminists ought to love this babe, Sarah Palin: She has a toddler and she goes to work. But we know the feminists will not like her because she’s pro-life and she has her babies.”

“I have to tell you, the McCain campaign the last six weeks has seen a huge turnaround. And you know what’s responsible for it? Conservatism.”

“If they ever got together, sample questions that Obama might have for Sarah Palin are, ‘Governor, are all NRA members as pretty as you are?’ and ‘Governor, when you found out that your baby would be born with Down syndrome, did you consider aborting it before or after the due date?'”

“Sarah Palin. Babies. Guns. Jesus. Hot damn.”

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“John McCain is who he is. It’s Sarah Palin’s party now.”

“You liberals have to understand something: Sarah Palin courted us guys, too. Sarah Palin is courting Americans. We on the right don’t group-ify everybody. We don’t do this identity politics stuff. I knew Sarah Palin was talking straight to me when she was giving her speech. She was talking to Americans.”

“When the economy is strong, liberals want to grow government. When the economy is weak, liberals want to grow government. There is no business cycle in government, there is just growth.”

“They want to ban sex in Maryland. Snerdley, did you hear that?”

“Obama right now is vulnerable. Obama favors high gas prices. Obama favors infanticide. Attack, attack, attack! This is a great time, if old general Limbaugh here will be followed by the Republican Party!”

“This whole convention gave us rich, full, American lives of meaning, confidence, accomplishment, and achievement from both our nominees: McCain and Palin. By contrast, Obama doesn’t have a thimbleful of life experience that he wants to share with us.”

“I have a new name for Sarah Palin: ‘The Lorena Bobbitt of Republican politics’.”

“You want to go after Todd Palin for flirting with Alaskan secession? Fine. But Obama and Biden voted for a bill that could lead to that very thing in Hawaii by the sponsor’s own admission, Daniel Akaka.”

“John McCain went to the Hanoi Hilton as a McCain-first pilot, but came out as an American-first man. I don’t care how he delivered it — the performance aspect might have been low — but the words were penetrating, and they were from the heart and they were from the soul.”

“When I hear about 150,000 coconuts, I think of how many pina coladas you could make.”

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“Liberals don’t believe ordinary people can do extraordinary things. If they wanted to promote that, there would be no need for liberalism.”

“The modern-day Democrat Party does not believe in the Bush Doctrine. They believe in us getting hit and reading the people who hit us their rights, and then giving them access to the US Constitution.”

“You know, the real change that’s happening in American politics is on our side of the aisle. The Republican Party finally has somebody who can effectively convey a conservative message and do it with authority and confidence and happiness: Sarah Palin.”

“The news media is the only business in the world where the customer is always wrong. If you complain about bias, they just get more biased and say, ‘Take this, you dunce! Screw you! You think we’re biased now? Try this!’ And then they start licking Obama.”

“Sarah Palin would not let Charlie Gibson put words in her mouth. She would not let him trip her up, and he tried 25 different ways to trip her up. She essentially said, ‘Screw you, Charlie! This is my answer, and I’m sticking to it!'”

“Both these guys — Obama and McCain — at this forum last night sounded like they were asleep. I’m not being critical of them, but it sort of sucked.”

“We in America do not think that we are better people. We are no different than people around the world, in fact; DNA is the same. What seperates us from the rest of the world is a miracle that took place in Philadelphia.”

“That was the esteemed Democrat intellect Pamela Anderson on Sarah Palin, saying, ‘I can’t stand her, she can suck it. Quote me.’ Don’t try to understand it, Mr. Snerdley.”

“Conservatism is an active intellectual pursuit; it requires a constant vigilance. It has nothing to do with feelings. Liberalism is the most gutless choice you can make. You just see suffering and say, ‘Oh, I feel so horrible!'”

“What are we supposed to do, watch Mr. Rogers reruns all day?”

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“You know why Bill Clinton said that we shouldn’t underestimate Palin and why he’s complimenting her? He wants a date.”

“Why the hell should we be worried about crossing the aisle and trying to break bread with people who would rather embarrass Sarah Palin than protest Iran? I’m sorry, but what is there that we have in common with these people?”

“Hillary refused to appear with Sarah Palin because she didn’t want to appear with somebody wearing a skirt. I’m not kidding!”

“Barack Obama is stoking racism; he personally is doing it. One of his mentors is a flaming, out-of-control, reactionary, radical racist named Jeremiah Wright. He and his wife have learned it well.”

“Sandra Bernhard… I wish I could repeat a joke somebody told me about her, but I can’t. I can’t even hint. It is too obscene — but it’s too funny, too. It’s so good!”

“There were attempts by President Bush in 2003 to come up with yet another regulatory agency to oversee these things at Fannie and Freddie, Obama. You are lying through your teeth. You are unfit for the presidency.”

“You know what Sarah Palin does? She simplifies everything; she brings it down to the basics so everybody understands what she’s talking about. It’s an amazing thing.”

“You know, I don’t care how powerful you think you are, there’s one principle, Senator Biden, you need to understand: it’s not your money.”

“Let me tell you what Obama’s line about ‘get with the brain trust’ means: it means, ‘Axelrod hasn’t written it for me yet. And until Axelrod writes it for me and it’s on the prompter, I can’t tell you what the plan is because I’m not even the guy putting it together.'”

“Oh, yeah! Funky Cold Medina, a little Tone Loc.”

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“Passionate love for country will trump hate for America in every election.”

“Dingy Harry and Barney Frank… all these guys make me sick. These guys make me physically angry watching them. They insult my intelligence. I mean, Dingy Harry is just a mean, bitter little man, and Barney Frank is just Barney Frank.”

“Well, now, isn’tthis interesting. When you don’t like the Dubai Ports deal, they listen to you. When you don’t like immigration, they get the message. But you don’t like this bailout, ‘So screw you!'”

“We have the Democrat Party’s presidential candidate, this magnificent man, this man who has graced us with his birth and his presence, the likes of which we have never seen trod the soil of the American political turf… and he can’t chair a meeting without it falling apart. Great unifier, ladies and gentlemen.”

“It’s very seldom that I say TGIF, but I need a break from this garbage. My skull is about to blow up. I’m that angry over what the Democrat Party is doing. I hate criminals getting away with it, and I hate liars getting away with it!”

“You all probably thought that Kerry was going to win this time back in 2004 because the media was carrying his water and lunch. Well, the media always tries to elect Democrats, but they don’t always succeed.”

“Barney Frank is, I think, responsible for this situation more than anybody else, and he twists it into the fault of the Republican minority in the House? Isn’t this is the guy who said that he didn’t know there was a male prostitution ring going on in his own basement?”

“I did something I rarely do: I picked up the phone last night and I talked to some people. I don’t use the phone much because generally there’s somebody on the other end.”

“Have you heard Obama support the bailout plan? I haven’t heard Obama say he supports it. You see, Obama votes ‘present’. Obama doesn’t make decisions. That’s why he doesn’t want to be there. He just wants to be on the phone, listening.”

“We’re being told that we’re in a crisis and it could lead to a depression. And yet, 20% of the $700 billion is supposed to go to a fraudulent Democrat voter registration group, ACORN? You want to pay for that?”

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“McCain has no idea what he’s up against. McCain is Al Davis. Al Davis still thinks the Oakland Raiders compete for the Super Bowl every year.”

“Sarah Palin came off as more experienced, qualified, and personable and able to connect than Obama does. She was knockout gorgeous, charming, pleasant, likable, witty, and she was on point last night.”

“Has Joe Biden done something to his eyebrows? I thought I was looking at a Klingon last night! I hate to make these kinds of observations, but I can’t help it.”

“You know, if Sarah Palin weren’t shackled to McCain and didn’t have to mirror his talking points, do you realize how great this woman could have been? How great she can be when she’s turned loose to be herself? I’m optimistic about that.”

“If you’re a fan of Missouri University football, Missouri University football hasn’t mattered for 40 years.”

“What are you laughing at in there? I realize I’m a funny guy, but I haven’t said anything funny here — unless Katie Couric’s name makes you laugh.”

“My friend said to me, ‘The thing is if McCain wins, at least we won’t be surprised we’re getting screwed. Better to get screwed knowing you’re going to get screwed than to be surprised when you’re getting screwed.'”

“Liberals still know how to slash the tires of Republican get-out-the-vote vehicles on Election Day, so don’t sell ’em short.”

“I’m looking at this honestly, and I’m seeing parallels to 1976 that are dramatically close. You have a moderate Republican who, while a nice guy, has no passion and no ability to articulate policy positions, and Barack Obama is Jimmy Carter.”

“Joe Biden’s never been in a Home Depot unless he went in there to see if he could get a repair kit for his cuff links.”

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“Why do we need a New Deal number two if the New Deal number one didn’t work?”

“The markets the way they are, I think I’m going to hire myself out as a guy that goes around to rich peoples’ houses and says, ‘For five bucks an hour I’ll drive your car around the block just so the tires don’t get flat.’”

“Italian prime minister Silvio Berlusconi said that political leaders are discussing the idea of closing the world’s financial markets while they ‘rewrite the rules of international finance.’ I still find this just fascinating that this is all happening 25 days before an election.”

“I’m going to tell you something else, folks: part of this sell-off is, I think, from smart people who are scared to death that Barack Obama is going to be elected president. I mean, he’s promising to raise taxes all over the place.”

“A friend of mine who is in the know on these kind of things said to keep a sharp eye on the Asian markets during election night, as they’re 12 hours ahead of us. If it looks like McCain’s going to win, he said, you’re going to see the biggest rally you have ever seen.”

“You have to understand: there are a lot of people in Barack Obama’s immediate orbit who are happy about what is happening here. There are a lot of people in his orbit who love seeing the capitalist system teetering like this, and it’s a scary thing, folks.”

“McCain has a golden opportunity here. McCain is the solution to the economic crisis. He’s talking tax cuts, he’s talking capitalism, and he’s talking economic growth. McCain should just tell everybody that a vote for McCain can save the market.”

“You know, Obama is lying through his teeth on his own website saying by saying he never had anything to do with ACORN. We have the data! We have the documentation. We have pictures of him! He represented ACORN in lawsuits!”

“Jimmy Carter today, ladies and gentlemen, blaming all of this financial mess on Bush. And why wouldn’t he? Jimmy Carter famous for covering his own rear end.”

“Now, I don’t know about you, folks, but if I were running for president of the United States, the last person I would want endorsing me is Calypso Louie Farrakhan.”

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“Would somebody explain to me how it is that you make poor people rich by making rich people poor?”

“Obama may as well be insulting every working person in this country when he asks, ‘How many plumbers do you know making $250,000 a year? Huh, huh, huh?’ The truth of this guy is coming out, and Joe the Plumber caused it.”

“I always thought that college campi were supposed to be citadels for the free and open exchange of all ideas, and maybe in the past they were, but they’re no longer that. They’re just indoctrination centers for radical leftism now.”

“So, basically, Jennifer Brunner, the secretary of state for Ohio, went to the Supreme Court and said, ‘Let my people cheat,’ and the United States Supreme Court said, ‘So ordered; your people can cheat.’ What a great country!”

“Obama’s so cold, he can stand by and sign legislation supporting innocent babies who survive abortions being killed. That’s cold, folks.”

“Obama started whining about Fox News, saying if there weren’t any Fox News, he’d be up three or four points higher. Not the way to look at it. If there were no CBS, NBC, MSNBC, ABC, CNN, New York Times, Washington Post, Reuters, AP Obama, or LA Times, there would be no Obama.”

“You have to understand something here, Richard: Barack Obama is more afraid of somebody like me than he is Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.”

“Of course McCain’s fighting for plumbers; he’s fighting for everybody. He has fought for everybody, Obama. Name one time you’ve fought for anybody — other than a bunch of leftist radicals who want to overthrow the country as it exists?”

“Somehow because this guy Joe the Plumber doesn’t really earn $250,000, he’s a fraud — but he never said he did. He said he thought the business did, and he wants to buy it and grow it. So here’s guy, who, to the best of his ability is articulating the American dream, and the Democrat Party is trying to squash him like a cockroach.”

“I’ve been on with Letterman, and you may as well be talking to a wall as there’s literally no curiosity there.”

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“Joe Biden said, ‘Their pensions go first!’ He’s going to take away people’s pensions! If you let that happen, he can take away yours.”

“I don’t think that Obama understood what capital gains taxes were when he started talking about making them progressive, and I’m not sure he knows right now that payroll taxes are taken out of workers’ paychecks. And furthermore, I don’t think he cares.”

“The intellectuals say, ‘The Republican Party has to have a big tent.’ That’s code for: ‘We have to have some pro-choicers in our party to get rid of the influence of these hayseed hicks in the south who are pro-life.'”

“These ‘moderate’ Republicans who wanted the ‘big tent’, they have taken the party exactly where they said they wanted it to be, and when it got there, these little cowards jumped the ship. I have lost all respect for these people.”

“If economies are built ‘bottom up’, Obama, wouldn’t Mexico be the number one economy in the world? Wouldn’t Cuba be an international superpower?”

“This guy Obama is a pure, unadulterated socialist, and he is unapologetic about it no matter how far back you go in his adult life. Plus, almost all of his beliefs are grounded in a rage and anger over racial division.”

“If you think the liberals’ ideas of ‘change’ involves you getting happy, forget it — unless you want to be happy because other people are getting screwed.”

“The minute you say that conservatism includes people who are pro-choice, you’ve destroyed conservatism, because conservatism stands for life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, and without life, there is nothing else, is there?”

“I wish to ask all of you influential, pseudo-intellectual conservative media types who have abandoned McCain (and you know who you are): What happened to your precious theory that only John McCain could enlarge this party by getting moderates and independents?”

“The dirty little secret is that the vast majority of the people in this country live their lives as conservatives, and given conservative leadership, they’ll respond to it in landslide droves.”

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“It’s very simple: This is a turnout election. It ain’t over. And as I said, my gut’s talking to me: ‘This is doable.'”

“The media’s all talking about how a growing number of voters have concluded that Sarah Palin is not qualified and weighing down the Republican ticket. McCain has been chipping away at Obama’s lead with Palin! It’s Biden who is the drag — Palin is carrying this ticket!”

“If Obama loses, forget the riots — the Democrat Party in general is just going to go totally insane.”

“PBS… Are they doing their pledge drive yet? Because, you know, without your Pledge, we cannot dust.”

“Your aunt, Obama, has been living in a slum for five years and your brother is living in a hut in Kenya, and yet you say, ‘I am my brother’s keeper’. This kind of stuff matters to me because there are so many people in this country who think Obama is going to take care of them.”

“Thomas Sowell’s fabulous. That could be all that anyone would need if they could read Thomas Sowell.”

“Charlie Rose and Tom Brokaw admitted last night that they know nothing about Obama. It’s called ‘assigning a reporter’, you guys.”

“You know, something that irritates me… We always hear about ExxonMobil profits. Have you heard about Zicam profits?”

“Barack Obama, who made an effort to go to his church every Sunday for 20 years, said, ‘I never heard Wright say all that stuff.’ Once again, folks, common sense and reality somehow escape Obama, and yet he gets away with creating an illusion that people somehow swallow.”

“Okay, so Obama said that his favorite justices are Souter and Breyer. He’s just admitted it, folks: The Constitution is not for Barack Obama.”

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“Barack Obama is my president of the United States, but it is his ideas I am terrifically, tremendously worried about.”

“I am praying that they name the haughty John Kerry, who served in Vietnam, secretary of state. I want Lurch going all over the world, stepping in it every place he goes. You put a bag of manure in front of John Kerry, and he’ll step in it, folks.”

“I just had a chance to listen to a little bit of Obama’s press conference. Look out, folks: government just grew by about 40% here in the last — oh, I don’t know two minutes.”

“I eagerly anticipate the day where the lights of realization go on inside the dimwit skulls of so many of these people who unwittingly –or for the stupidest of reasons — voted for Obama.”

“So we have Jennifer Granholm, architect of a state-wide recession, named to Obama’s economic team. This is like naming Eliot Spitzer your attorney general. I mean, this is too good.”

“I don’t know what to say to Chris Shays, except good riddance.”

“Ninety-one percent of Republicans have a favorable view of Sarah Palin, including 65% who say their view is very favorable. So all of you intellectualoids on our side who think that Palin was a drag, the party loves Sarah Palin.”

“If there is any ‘right-wing rage’ today, it is at the moderates in the Republican Party who are responsible for taking this party down a sewer.”

“Sarah Palin is not the only one; Bobby Jindal can do it, too. Just these two people that I’ve mentioned have the ability to go on television and get over the heads of the media and communicate articulately the conservative point of view with people.”

“Get off your duffs out there and find out just what the hell you elected.”

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“Baba Wawa’s first question cited the figures of my new contract, and she asked, ‘Are you worth it?’ I said, ‘Hell, yes, I’m worth it!'”

“This election was about something else, too. The Drive-By Media lost their monopoly in 1988, and this was a chance for them to prove that they could still move public opinion and make the candidate of their choice win. And how did they do it? By hiding every bit of information about Obama that was damaging.”

“Exit polls of Obama voters show that they know diddly-squat about anything. Obama voters are the new Rio Lindans! Hey, it’s exit poll data, and not mine.”

“We are not going to let these Obama people get away with lowering expectations like this. Promises were made, Obama. What was that mindless chant at that creepy acceptance speech? ‘Yes, we can’? And now all of a sudden it’s become ‘No, we won’t’?”

“Turkeys are among the dumbest birds roaming the earth, and I don’t want to hear from turkey farmers about this — they always call to defend them when I mention this.”

“I know it’s very unseemly and not very classy to remind people ‘I told you so,’ but, I told you: There’s no change. Obama’s a hack liberal Democrat.”

“Is this is a human baby you’re considering naming after me? Because if it’s a dog, please don’t do it, because eventually you’re going to have to say, ‘Hey, Doc, I got Rush here, and he needs to be neutered.'”

“The entire Democrat Party looks like morticians. We have the Obama Funeral Home, and it’s called the United States of America. I mean, they’re presiding over the death of the American capitalist system! And where is Obama? He’s embalming somewhere down in the basement.”

“Someone asked me, ‘How long is it going to be before the Drive-By Media turns on Obama?’ I said, ‘They never will. They have too much invested in him. He’s too big to fail, and they have four years to blame Bush for everything that goes wrong during his administration.'”

“Obama is voting ‘present’ right now on the financial crisis, and this is his track record: Avoid the tough things for as long as you can.”

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“We’re all in a giant sitcom. God is writing it, and we’re going to be laughing our way through the Obama-Reid-Pelosi depression.”

“Regarding Barbara Walters’ question about my new contract… I could have thrown it back and said, ‘Well, wait a minute, Barbara. Want to talk about how much you make?’ I could’ve done that, but the bottom line is, folks, that it was harmless and she ended up being charmed.”

“They’ve all got it in for me. Whenever you’re at the top, everybody’s gunning for you. It’s 1993 all over again, Snerdley.”

“The reason Al Franken won’t quit is because he doesn’t know how to get a real job. He cannot make any money unless he uses somebody else’s name to do it. He’s a pathetic figure. You people in Minnesota, I am stunned that it even got this close.”

“O.J. Simpson, 15 years in jail. There. I’ve said it and covered the story.”

“Why the hell did Hillary Clinton take the secretary of state job? Remember how she had been ‘working for 35 years’ for universal health care and children? Now all of a sudden it’s, ‘Pfft you, health care! Pfft you, kids! I’m off to Foggy Bottom!'”

“It’s bad enough to be henpecked by your wife, but to be bribed by a hybrid car dealership? Where has our self-respect gone?”

“I have a correction. Debbie Stabenow’s husband was nabbed in a prostitution sting not in Big Beaver, Michigan, but on Big Beaver Road in Michigan. There’s probably a Little Beaver Road, too; Michigan’s a big state.”

“I want to say something to those of you who were recently laid off. I want you all to realize that the vast majority of you have been laid off not because of current economic circumstances, but because of what the people you work for fear is going to happen starting next year. In other words, you are the first Barack Obama layoffs.”

“I challenge you Obama voters to spell ‘Poughkeepsie.'”

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“Caroline Schlossberg went up to Harlem for lunch yesterday. She’s probably stunned to know that there are streets north of 110th.”

“It’s been learned, ladies and gentlemen, that Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg has not voted very much since 1988. But it’s ok because she was out there being a good mother at the time, and caring about a lot of things.”

“My friends, I don’t want to divulge too much of what I know here, but… you can smoke in the White House. It’s a big, big place.”

“I refuse to believe that a God who creates this kind of beauty would create human beings with the ability to destroy the planet while enhancing their lives. That’s not the God that I know.”

“Obama wants to make sure that everybody’s insured and that everybody gets heath coverage with the illusion that nobody’s going to be paying for it. Well, you are going to be paying for it, and so am I.”

“I look at my life and all my friends, and I say, ‘What in the world do I have to be negative about? And why do I want to create a negative future in my mind when it may not happen?'”

“Did you see that Burger King has launched a beef-scented body spray? That’s actually pretty brilliant. I will wait for the French fry-scented body spray, though. I might get interested in that.”

“While I appreciate all of you who call in and say, ‘I’m a big fan,’ it’s not that unique anymore to be a big fan, so don’t expect any extra credit for telling me you’re a big fan.”

“Put yourself in the position of a boss, and on a Friday during the Christmas season an employee approaches you and says, ‘Can I have Monday off to do Christmas shopping?’ I granted the day off, folks, for one reason: to spur economic activity and justify my positive vision of the future of this country.”

“Genuine achievement through work is one of the most self-rewarding things, and I don’t have resentment for those who aren’t trying — I have pity.”

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“There’s one reason why Obama will not seek a meeting with me: I’m the only guy who might be able to change his mind.”

“I wonder if the average Zicam cotton swab has enough medication to treat Henry Waxman. Regardless, I’d love to see him try.”

“On one hand, I think that Obama is literally clueless and has no idea what he has put himself into, but on the other hand, I am convinced that Obama is a radical, extreme leftist. So the conflict is, does he not really know what he’s doing, or does he know what he’s doing?”

“Obama doesn’t care who gets the credit? Ha, ha! That is big-time BS in a brown paper bag! Actually, forget the ‘B’ — it’s just big-time ‘S’ in a brown paper bag!”

“John Zogby has a poll out that says the majority of Americans want somebody to do something about that economy. That’s not a good sign. In the old days of America, if you needed something done, you did it yourself.”

“I would love to say that the American people won’t take too long to figure out that Obama is bogus, but it took four years for that notion to materialize with Jimmy Carter, and Jimmy Carter ain’t no Barack Obama — in terms of being able to hypnotize people while he speaks.”

“I’m sorry, but there is a time to be polite and there’s a time to be assertive, and I want to be assertive: I’m not going to talk up the GOP when it’s not led by conservatives. It’s the party that has to change — not me.”

“If you think a demagogic, flowery-spoken president with an accomplice media can’t convince people things are great when they’re really bad, you got another think coming.”

“Organic food — what a scam. Don’t even get me started! I opened one of my refrigerators the other day to grab a bottle of water, and I saw four cartons of different kinds of milk, and it was all organic. So I said, ‘My gosh! My own house is being taken over by these nuts!'”

“Somebody must have talked to Hugo Chavez, because he’s reinitiated the free home heating oil plan for Joe ‘You know’ Kennedy in Massachusetts. I mean, how bad must your charity be when a South American dictator pulls out of it?”

“The way to win elections is not to win arguments, sad to say. If winning arguments won elections, I would’ve been president for the past 20 years.”

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“Where are the insane people in this society? They’re working in cable news.”

“If the Steelers lose on Sunday, then a bird is going to win the Super Bowl — either a cardinal, a raven, or an eagle — and after that plane accident, folks, I don’t know if we want a bird of any kind winning anything.”

“I’ll bet you that there are a lot of animal rights wackos who are extremely conflicted about this airplane accident yesterday. After all, God made the sky for birds, not us. A lot of birds would be alive today if not for us invading geese space. Damn us!”

“So there you have it: Rick Davis,John McCain’s campaign manager, dumping the reason they lost on my shoulders. This is so wrong on so many levels, but it explains why this campaign was so inept.”

“I want to win. Even if my party doesn’t, I do. And if my party has sacrificed the whole concept of victory, well, sorry: I’m now the Republican in name only, and they are the sellouts.”

“You Republican consultants, you’re going to have to learn something very fast: Republican voters that you need to win elections think the mainstream media is as much the enemy as any Democrat candidate, and so sidling up to them is not the way to engender support.”

“Obama is a cult, man. He is a cult! This is a guy who could get people to go to the Hale-Bopp comet with him Tuesday afternoon, if he said that’s where he’s headed.”

“I disagree fervently with the people on our side of the aisle who have caved and who say, ‘I hope Obama succeeds. We have to give him a chance.’ Why? They didn’t give Bush a chance in 2000!”

“The dirty little secret is that the race industry isn’t going to go away; it’s too big a business for the left. They need to keep all those things alive that divide the people of this country into groups that are against each other.”

“Well, I agree with you, Ann Coulter: I don’t apologize. Ever. Of course, it helps that I’m never wrong.”

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“Do you know what the best stimulus to the economy would be right now? Doing nothing!”

“We have now all learned that the classical music quartet that played a special composition by John Williams at the immaculation on Tuesday faked it. Milli Vanilli may as well have been on stage. So I have a question: Was anything on Tuesday real?”

“The Drive-Bys are reporting on my failure to drink the Obama Kool-Aid when it’s their job to do exactly what I am doing: it is their job to be skeptical!”

“Right now the American people are not thinking, and so we have to find a way to reach them by virtue of emotion. I just don’t think reason is the way to approach these people right now.”

“What it really comes down to is that the Republican Party is made up of a bunch of elite, moderate, Rockefeller-types. Plus, these liberal Republican guys… their wives are always nagging them about abortion.”

“I won’t be surprised if Blago weasels out of this, and, frankly, I wouldn’t be disappointed. It would serve as a great daily reminder of just what you get with Democrat power politics.”

“I would counsel Obama to not sweat this little stuff. On the big issues, like socializing the country, these Drive-Bys are going to be right there with you, Barry.”

“The United States will now pay aid money for abortions around the world during the Obama era of responsibility. Let’s hear it for responsibility! Do I hear an ‘attaboy’?”

“Governor Paterson said Caroline Kennedy was never seriously considered once the vetting process was complete because she was mired in some ‘potentially embarrassing personal issues’. As though that’s a liability? That’s a requirement if you are a Kennedy! In fact, a badge of honor.”

“I have two commodes in my dining room, and not one person has ever said, ‘Wow, Rush, what’s a toilet doing in here?'”

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“It’s a mistake for the left to pit me against the president, because I don’t buckle.”

“When Ronald Reagan took office in 1981, the top marginal tax rate was 70%. When Ronald Reagan left office in 1989, the top marginal tax rate was 28%. The only way you can say his tax cuts didn’t lift us out of a recession is if you want to lie like Bill Clinton did.”

“Stop trash-talking the economy, Obama. Stop using people’s emotions to further your political ambitions.”

“If government spending is the salve, then why stop at $1 trillion? It’s sort of like the same argument I make about the minimum wage. If $10 an hour is so great, why not $20 and hour? In fact, why not $50?”

“I don’t want to appear overly confident here, but they may try for their Gang of 14, but I have a gang of 20 million. And our gang of 20 million will overwhelm their Gang of 14.”

“I’ve been using the Heritage Foundation since the first moment I discovered them, when I learned that they were heavy architects behind Reagan administration policy. They’re quality, class people: they’re us. They’re scholars, but they’re not eggheads.”

“It’s part of being sophisticated: liberals care about their jawline as much as they do their waistline.”

“You want to know how to teach socialism to a kid that doesn’t understand it? ‘Give me all the toys in your room. Why? Because they’re not yours. Why? Because some other kid doesn’t have any.'”

“The president is having a Super Bowl party at the White House. Was I invited? No! And why? Because he knows I’m not going to change my mind about anything. He also knows I have a better theater with a better TV than he has in the White House.”

“There’s not a fire hydrant around that could put me out.”

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“For liberalism to prevail, liberals have to find demons, and they have: the demons now are the achievers in this country.”

“The Constitution and the facts of any story are Obama’s two biggest enemies. I mean, the Constitution was written by founders who feared precisely what’s happening: they feared a never-ending growing government.”

“Did Obama and the Democrats hope Bush succeeded? Do they hope Republicans succeed now? Does Obama hope I succeed? You people in the media, answer these questions for me.”

“I’ll say it again: not only do I want Obama to fail, I want this Porkulus packageto fail.I want this to blow up in their face. I want, once and for all, the American people to see full frontal nudity on what liberalism is and what a lie it is.”

“When I started my program in August of 1988, there were 125 radio stations doing talk radio. Today there are 2,010. It’s not our fault we have succeeded, it’s to our credit: we’ve done so in the free market.”

“One of my greatest regrets is that my father died before we acquired EIB One. He would not have believed it! I would not have been able to get him out of the cockpit jump seat.”

“We in talk radio, Mr. President, don’t engage in crooked real estate deals. We don’t bring in people to our studios for coffee, promising not to criticize them if they will just pay us off. And we don’t bring in interns here and start using cigars in nefarious ways.”

“Bob Michel was the most compliant loser on the face of the Earth. He just accepted the role of minority, and the Democrats loved him for it.”

“If it becomes established that the federal government and the federal government alone can manage the economy and take over the private sector, then forget it, folks: I’m looking for property in New Zealand, and I’m putting my money in Singapore.”

“Does anybody in his or her right mind think that the biggest spending spree in history has to be voted on before anybody reads it today orelse the economy will collapse?”

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“I think the Obama people are trying to make the economy worse. They’re trying to sink the stock market. It’s hard to conclude otherwise.”

“When you listen to Obama, you have to assume the opposite on veritably everything he says. Does anybody really believe that he’s going to call out any federal agency that wastes any money? His whole plan is to waste money!”

“Terry Moran, you are embarrassing. You don’t know anything about Barack Obama, and you and your network and all the others purposely and studiously avoided any investigation to find out who he is.”

“Rick Santelli is on the hot seat. I feel sorry for the guy. How long is it going to be before planeloads of liberal lawyers and reporters sweep into his neighborhood and start going through his trash?”

“I want to ask those of you liberals — and especially you moderates — in the audience who voted for President Obama on the basis that you thought we’re getting somebody truly different and magnanimous… Do you think that’s what you’ve gotten here?”

“Despite all of this PC BS that the left has tried to shove down people’s throats, most people still understand the traditional value of hard work and living within their means. Andso now they’re starting to ask: ‘Why in the hell should I pay for somebody else’s bad decisions?'”

“The dirty little secret is Obama can say he opposes the Fairness Doctrine all day long, but if the FCC can get three votes to reinstitute it, it’s done. So we’ll see who he appoints to the FCC to head the thing up.”

“Have they capped Brian Williams’ salary at $500,000 yet? You have a relation with him over there, Kit. Call him up and ask him. Because if they haven’t, they should.”

“I’m sensing the pulse of a backlash, of a revolution. The people, the mob, the great unwashed, the people who make the country work — they’re going to turn. They turn slowly, but after they’ve made the slow turn, it’s going to be like the tide coming in. It’ll be unstoppable.”

“I’m sorry to laugh, but this HUD portion of the stimulus bill… This is beyond welfare, folks: this is pure redistributionism.”

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“The dirty little secret is that every Republican in this country wants Obama to fail, but none of them have the guts to say so. I do.”

“I am a man with whom you could and would totally trust your wife, your mistress, your daughter, and your little pets overnight in a quality hotel suite while you are out on business.”

“I can remember when I first got to New York, and people that I had great respect for, if they got a phone call from Tina Brown, might as well have had an orgasm: ‘Tina Brown wants to have lunch with me!’ ‘Who’s Tina Brown?’ ‘Well, she’s Vanity Fair!’ ‘Oh, okay.’ I never understood it.”

“Understand something: no income tax rate anywhere in the tax code is going down — they’re going up. This is not a tax cut for 95% of the people or for 1% of the people; this is simply a redistribution of wealth.”

“You know what? I find that when people are mad as hell, one of the things that helps is playing a Barney Frank sound bite.”

“Liberals are not, in their minds, trying to destroy America — they’re trying to rewrite it. The only problem they have is that liberalism doesn’t flourish in the free market, which is why Obama has to go out and sound like he’s Ronald Reagan while promising socialism.”

“Obama has not been challenged. He has not been investigated. He has not been questioned. He’s not been doubted for going on two years, now. That’s a lot of solid time to propagandize people, and that’s where we are.”

“When I was growing up, women loved John Wayne, and there was nothing wussy about John Wayne. John Wayne wasn’t out there taking polls on whether the pioneers ought to go after the Indians.”

“They say politics is show biz for the ugly. I didn’t invent that phrase, but it’s true. I mean, I don’t care where the camera turned in the audience during Obama’s speech the other night — it looked like the Star Wars bar scene.”

“Bipartisanship only happens after one side has been defeated. Ask the Japanese after World War II. Ask the Germans.”

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“I want to thank all of you who have sent such wonderful notes of congratulation and encouragement after my CPAC speech last Saturday.”

“It breaks my heart to see all the lives destroyed by Democrat Party policies — all the potential that so many Americans have that they’ll never know of because they were told they can’t get anywhere without government help.”

“Oh, I know it hurts. Football makes you puke. The average citizen — especially on the offensive line — would not last one play without going to the hospital.”

“So Sanjay Gupta turned down the Surgeon General’s job. Makes me wonder what his tax problems are.”

“Sure, it won’t work, but how long is it going to take for dummkopf American voters who voted for Obama to figure that out? ‘Hey, Rush, that’s really the way to reach out to those people: call ’em dummkopfs.’ Sorry, folks. I’m a talk show host, not a politician. I tell it like I see it.”

“Whoever said, ‘government has no role in solving the economic crisis’? Government has a clear role, and that’s rolling back its involvement!”

“Okay, let’s see. We had a $1 trillion stimulus package, and today Barack Obama proclaimed that it saved 25 jobs. So that means we spent $40 billion per job. Yes, I know it’s worth it. I mean, those people will eat for a year.”

“Congressman Frank, why should we pay for people to stay in their houses when they lied on their loan applications? Although, Barney’s definition of ‘affordable housing’ is, ‘If you can’t afford it, it’s yours.'”

“You know those 25 DVDs that the president gave Gordon Brown? I wonder what those 25 are. What do you think Michelle and Barack Obama’s favorite 25 American movies are? Don’t say it — this is just a think piece.”

“If the Democrats get national health care, folks, the country as you and I have known it is over.”

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“This administration is a joke. It’s not the kind of joke you laugh at, though; it’s a joke that makes you cry.”

“I’m recalling all of these instances right now — such as when Peggy Noonan said that Sarah Palin was somewhat vulgar and David Brooks talked about the elegance of Barack Obama — and I can’t help but think, ‘What a bunch of dupes.'”

“We live in a world in which we are told that the American left are the compassionate ones, that they’re the ones who care about the downtrodden and the little guy — when in fact they make fun of them and use them for their own advantage.”

“I’m having trouble describing how I feel without uttering any profanities. I’m mad not just about the administration’s behavior, but saddened at how damned easy it’s been for these people to mislead this country — that’s what’s scary.”

“They say that Barack Obama’s such an elegant man, he’s so suave and debonair. Yup. He gave away region one DVDs to Gordon Brown.”

“This is not about politics as usual. This is about an ideology or a psychology — whatever you want to call it — finally implementing every dream they’ve ever had to destroy this nation as it was founded.”
“Each time I got fired in the past, the person that fired me said, ‘You really don’t have what it takes to succeed here. You really just don’t have that much talent.’ And I’d say to myself, ‘How would you know? You’ve never let me exhibit it!'”

“The president’s a cold, cold guy; it takes the prompter to createan aura of feeling and compassion around him. Now, think about that: it takes an electronic gizmo with a binary code to give Obama humanity.”

“So Obama makes a joke making fun of disabled people, apologizes for it, and everybody accepts it: ‘Ah, teachable moment, because we all know he really didn’t mean it.’ Sorry. He did mean it. You can tell what’s in people’s hearts when they’re not on the teleprompter.”

“A reminder, ladies and gentlemen: I am not here on Monday, but Mark Steyn will be here, and you love Steyn, so everything is cool.”

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“We don’t need to worry about infiltration from foreign enemies. It’s being done from the White House.”

“Warren Buffett, I hold you responsible. Paul Volcker, you, too. Lawrence Summers, Christina Romer — your names are going to go down in history. A spending bill that will triple our national debt, and you say nothing? Of course, what can they say? ‘Vee ver just follow-zing orders.‘”

“Story: ‘Among other things, officials said that Obama planned to recast the Afghan war as a regional issue involving not only Pakistan, but India, Russia, China, the United Arab Emirates, Saudi Arabia,’ and countries in central Asia. Well, good luck with that!”

“I can tell you that whatever number of troops Obama’s adding to Afghanistan, he’s doing it on the cheap because, while he’s doing all this, he’s cutting defense spending. I’m telling you: Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton are disasters.”

“Now, if the North Koreans reply to Greta Van Susteren, that’s great news for Greta. That means she has an audience in a nation with no electricity, which means they’re making a special effort to see her.”

“Hillary Clinton is incompetent. Going on Greta and begging the North Korean communists to call her? The scary thing is, she’s twice the man Obama is.”

“I understand the tradition of inviting newly elected presidents to Notre Dame, but do none of our institutions value their principles anymore or their religious foundations? Are they so easily discarded for public relations?”

“The Obama administration’s back to releasing Guantanamo Bay prisoners into this country! Mind-boggling! So all of you libs who were just hell-bent on shutting down Guantanamo, are you okay with those 250 detainees beingreleased into the neighborhood?”

“I know this is going to perhaps be offensive to some of you who are new to this program, but the truth is the truth, and this program is about truth. And the truth is that President Obama, by virtue of his votes, is the most anti-life president we have ever had in American history. This is a man who three times voted for infanticide in Illinois.”

“At least we can get rid of Harry Reid in Nevada if the peoplein Nevada have the guts to do so — or the brains.”

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“I saw the Japanese are going to put some robots up on the moon. So? Obama’s got 300 million robots in America! Who needs them on the moon?”

“Oh, no: sad news. A judge today has rejected Madonna’s request to adopt another child from Malawi. It’s just very, very sad. Madonna is just going to have to go out and find a different kind of accessory, I guess.”

“The ChiComs and the Russians are probably saying, ‘Can we be this lucky? The American people elected this dunce? And all we gotta do is pretend we’re going along with this?'”

“See, I think groupthink is the absolute antithesis to smarts and intelligence, and that’s what Ivy Leaguers come out with.”

“Do you realize just in how much contempt the Democrat Party holds you? Do you realize what a bunch of brain-dead idiots they think you are? Of course, a bunch of brain-dead idiots voted for them — why would they not think it?”

“Understand something about liberals: they never stop until they get what they want, and when they get what they want, it’s still never enough.”

“You know, folks, I am convinced that Geraldo Rivera is the grim reaper: every time I see him on Fox, somebody has died.”

“The thing that irritates this White House the most is to laugh at them, to ridicule them, to make fun of them. I mean, he’s the supreme leader — you don’t do that.”

“Whatever happened to the idea of inspiration and motivation? Yeah, it’s one thing to be sympathetic for somebody who’s down on their luck at the moment, but after that, what do you do? Do you join them in their circumstance so they won’t feel as bad? How is that helping you or them?”

“Of course I’ve tried different mattresses before — I’m 58 years old!”

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“The Democrats are always going to pose one degree of socialism or another in a candidate. Obama is just the most extreme.”

“All the merchant marine organizers want is money from evil capitalists with big boats — same as the community organizers harassing and protesting AIG executives in Connecticut and New York.”

“This story says the Obamas may feel ‘pressure to go to a black church, so as not to anger the black community.’ That makes me sad. Why should that matter? I thought you picked a church for other reasons. I guess we haven’t made any advances.”

“Not everybody is destined to become a Bill Gates or Warren Buffett or whoever, but I do think that the vast majority of people are much more capable than even they know. It’s just that our society beats it out of them.”

“Nobody, at any time when I was growing up, thought I had any talent. I was the one my family was worried about because I quit everything they made me do. They didn’t think I had the ability to do anything, but I knew what I loved; I knew what my passion was.”

“Union leaders exist today to elect Democrats and they will take your dues and spend them for that purpose. And as such, union leadership, by definition, is working against the interests of the companies they owe their existence to.”

“The Democrat Party way is to destroy the US culture in order get votes for power — why would the Republican Party want to go along with that? But they do, because it’s the path of least resistance.”

“I’m not thinking about retirement. I don’t go into a job saying, ‘How much are you going to pay me when I’m not working?’ I don’t ask, ‘What are my vacation days? How many sick days do I get? How many days do I get to go feed the dog?'”

“Mrs. Clinton said, ‘We don’t know what to believe about the Iranian program.’ How about believing Ahmadinejad? Believe what the lunatic says, Mrs. Clinton. If he’s lying, it’s a bonus. If he’s not, and we’re not prepared for it, we’re cooked.”

“Even though Newsweek magazine says we are not a Christian nation anymore, I nevertheless want to wish everybody a happy Easter or happy Passover, whichever is the case for you. Or happy piracy.”

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“When capitalism screws up, you get more government. But when government screws up, you don’t get more capitalism. You get more government.”

“Every year when we have this Cure-A-Thon, the people we work with at the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society are in tears by the end of the program, as am I.”

“Obama’s apologizing for us because he wants people around the world to have their hate for this country confirmed by no less than the President of the United States — because, to him, the more people inside and outside this country who disapprove of it, the more opportunity and power he will be given to reshape it.”

“We’re talking about people who cut people’s heads off, for crying loud! Why are we getting so concerned about putting somebody in a little box with a caterpillar?”

“We are way ahead of last year for our Cure-A-Thon in both number of donors and dollars. I’m just in awe of this. The relationship that you and I have, this audience… it has to be probably the most unique audience/host relationship out there today.”

“If everybody just gave a dollar in this audience, it would set a record. Folks, there’s no donation too small for you to think that it’s irrelevant or not important.”

“Our two friends from the state of Washington have issued a really difficult challenge, and that is that if I will increase my $250,000 donation to $300,000, they will match it. So I’m going to think about this, because I’ve had a tough tax season. Hee, hee — of course I’ll do that!”

“If I’m parked next to a Prius at a stoplight, and thelight turns green, I peel rubber and give it an enema just to show the driver that I don’t mind destroying the planet.”

“Everybody talks about blue jeans and say they love how comfortable they are. I’ve never found a pair of those to be comfortable. I don’t care if they’re brand-new, prewashed, or acid-treated — they just aren’t comfortable.”

“Why are you frowning at me, Snerdley? Is there no critical thinking left anymore? Is it always all going to be up to me?”

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“I refuse to be a sheep! I refuse to be a lemming, and I refuse to accept stupid, idiotic, erroneous premises.”

“So now we have to get a female Hispanic on the Supreme Court? I just sit here and laugh about it, because it’s a great illustration of what the left has done to our entire culture. Merit doesn’t matter; pandering to minorities is everything.”

“Even if somebody throws a pie or a shoe at Karl Rove, he’ll dive in the audience after them. Karl Rove doesn’t take this stuff from anybody.”

“Obama listens to all sides, supposedly, and all sides end up thinking Obama agrees with them. But, after listening to all sides, he then plays Solomon and pronounces what’s fair — and if you don’t accept his fairness, then you are dispatched to Messiah Park.”

“When I was in Sacramento and I got a raise to $45,000 a year, I reveled in being able to buy enough toilet paper at one time that I would not have to go to thegrocery store every week or so for that.”

“I somehow made TIME Magazine’s list of the ‘100 Most Influential People in the World’. They have me in the ‘Artists & Entertainers’ category. They also have a ‘Heroes & Icons’ category, which is where Michelle Obama’s found. I think that’s where I should be, but nevertheless, I’m on the list.”

“When you look at politics as a matter of getting policy passed, you have to have a totally different view of it than I do, and you have to pander to certain people and groups. Sometimes, even, you have to say things you don’t really believe. I couldn’t do it.”

“After I first spent $10,000 on a Rolex, I said, ‘Oh, my gosh, am I being stupid to spend this much money on a watch?’ That lasted about five minutes.”

“So Obama’s apologizing for the country, and nations around the world are very appreciative that we’re acknowledging our weaknesses and our mistakes, blah, blah, blah. Meanwhile, it’s the deadliest month in Iraq since September. Something for you to ponder.”

“Hey, James Carville, we don’t have any tea baggers here! They’re all on CNN! Well, they are.”

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“Millions of stimulus checks sent to dead people? I’m not surprised. Obama’s from Chicago. Dead people do all kinds of things in Chicago.”

“Pelosi’s finding out what it’s like to be me every day. You know, these Democrats get such softball treatment that when they get a true question-and-answer session from the media, they don’t know how to handle it. These people couldn’t last one day with the scrutiny I get!”

“Pelosi yesterday was flustered as all get out. What, Snerdley? She was shaking? Well, that could be Botox withdrawal. I don’t want to be too hard on the shaking.”

“This ‘green’ house here in Troy, Michigan looks like a model trailer at a trailer park! Nothing against trailer parks — please don’t misunderstand — but if you have 900 grand, you don’t live in one!”

“Productivity has skyrocketed in America for one reason: because only 8% of the workforce in the private sector is unionized!”

“The gap between the earnings of the average Hollywood movie star and the average moviegoer is the widest it has ever been. So, according to the union thugs, this should mean massive tax increases on Hollywood actors, right? I mean, if the theory works, the theory works.”

“Next thing you know, we’re going to go back to the horse and buggy and our streets are going to be dirt with horse manure in the middle of them. That’s what’s idiotic and insane about Obamanomics: we’ve been there, and we didn’t like it.”

“Make no mistake about it: pro-choice means pro-abort. All you have to do is tell a pro-choicer that you’re pro-choice, too — you just choose life — and they won’t let you in the door.”

“Now that this Gallup poll says that 51% of the American people say they oppose abortion, can we now say that the debate over abortion is over? Just like Algore says with regards to global warming?”

“Don’t be fooled by the sound of voices, folks. We in radio learned long ago that voices don’t match faces. Just trust me on this.”

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“Monday is Memorial Day, folks. It’s also 40 days from Obama’s birthday. 40 days and 40 nights until we celebrate the birth of The Messiah.”

“Now, this is the second day in a row Obama’s assured us that he will do whatever it takes to protect the American people. If you have to say it, there must be some doubt. You know, I think Vice President Cheney has put Barack Obama on total defense.”

“You rookie NFL coaches… Obama is showing you how to survive if you come out of the gate 0-4 like he’s brought the country out of the gate: just blame the previous coach.”

“So Obama told these kindergarteners to go home; the buses were sent away from the White House with the little children in tears. My friends, the long-term effects of this might be incalculable.”

“I couldn’t wait until I got out of school. To me that was freedom! There was America out there, there was my place in it out there, and there was my opportunity waiting.”

“It’s not hard to make mincemeat of liberals — all you have to do is don’t cop to an attitude that they’re better than you. They’re not grounded in any substance whatsoever, folks. Liberalism is itself in quicksand.”

“I’m keeping a tally of who can outdo who, Obama or Chavez, in nationalizing industries. Dollar for dollar you have to say Obama is ahead here.”

“I just checked the e-mail during the break: ‘How come you haven’t discussed Maureen Dowd’s plagiarism?’ I didn’t bring it up because Maureen’s unhappy enough, folks, without piling on.”

“I was Liz Cheney’s dinner partner one night out in Wyoming — it was a social thing, but as you could expect, political things ended up being discussed… and she was on fire! I mean, this woman is committed. She is informed. She’s a warrior.”

“My life is blessed. That’s why these kids coming out of college being depressed irritates me: there’s no reason for it!”

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“I am now the new passkey for RINO Republicans. I am the passkey that opens the door for them to get unchallenged media coverage from the left.”

“The fact of the matter is, ladies and gentlemen, that my wit and wisdom and brilliance is being drowned out, and I have learned over the course of many, many moons that if you don’t stand up for yourself, nobody else will, either.”

“Now, a day is going to come here when reality hits. A day is going to come when each and every American looks up to the heavens and says, ‘Why didn’t somebody warn me?’ Well, I am that someone. I am that someone warning you.”

“Travis, I do appreciate that. Now, most people would be filled with false humility, but I’m willing to accept your compliment because I know you mean it.”

“The idea that honestly characterizing the words and attitudes of Sonia Sotomayor is going to infuriate Hispanics and forever doom our chances with their vote… Who are we as a party to insult Hispanics by assuming they all think alike? As conservatives, we don’t think that about anybody.”

“When a nominee for the United States Supreme Court makes an overtly brazen racist comment about tens of millions of American citizens — while she is a judge — I don’t need lectures from any columnist about decorum.”

“I will say this again: The left, from Barack Obama on down, are committed to a divided country. They are committed to people in this country at war with each other over race, over gender, over sexual orientation, or whatever else they can promote.”

“Politicians really don’t think that they can survive with voters hating them. I, of course, have proven that you can prosper when people hate you. But then again, I’m not a politician.”

“I do not understand how we gain by tying both hands behind our back and putting duct tape on our mouths. I do not understand how we gain, politically or otherwise, by shutting up. You cannot go through life worrying about appeasing your critics, because you’ll never succeed.”

“Trust me on this, folks: You do not want lubrication failure.”

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“It’s our job — yours, mine, ours — to do everything we can to resist the false promises of dependence and to cherish the virtues of independence.”

“This is the craziest damn recession I can remember being in. Look at that movie Transformers 2 — that thing is going to rake in $400 million worldwide, in, what? Two or three weeks? And I’ve read a review of it, and it makes no sense.”

“I know how much it irritates Democrats and a lot of Republicans to mention Reagan, so I mention Reagan often because I like irritating people.”

“People try to write me and tell me when I’m grammatically incorrect: ‘Rush, he was hung, not hanged.’ No, ‘he was hung’ means something entirely different that’s almost inappropriate for a family-oriented radio show. The proper way to say this is, ‘Saddam was hanged.'”

“People are more frightened of going a day without health care in this country than they are of getting on an airplane with one wing. The psychology of the left has succeeded.”

“Describing charts on radio is a challenge that very few broadcast professionals would ever take, but I, my friends, will take it because I am a great chart reader — and I also happen to tell a great story.”

“To Obama, wealth and profit are injustices. They are immoral. And the more wealth, the more prosperity he can wipe out, the more he thinks he’s doing a morally good thing — and I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt saying that.”

“Now, ladies and gentlemen, there’s one word that describes that sound bite from Colin Powell, and that is, ‘incoherent’.”

“The objective with Obama is just to simply exert power and control over people. And once health care is the single responsibility of the government, not you, they will have that infinite power to regulate the way individuals live and work and play.”

“The whole thing in Philadelphia with the Declaration — and later the Constitution — was a miracle. There’s no more perfect form of government that’s been devised.”

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“What we got from Obama on this Gates thing on Wednesday night was not a presidential reaction. We got the reaction of a community agitator.”

“There’s also some news that another governor has been tagged as a client of the same hooker that Eliot Spitzer used. Well, I know who it is, but I don’t have a source that’s firm enough. Yes, it’s a blue state, Snerdley, and there’s lot of eagles in this state.”

“We will know when theWhite House’s internal polling on this Gates issue is a disaster because, at that point, Obama will throw Henry Louis Gates overboard — just as he threw his grandmother overboard.”

“It’s too soon to say Obama’s in trouble, but this is not where they thought they were going to be, and it’s safe to say that the magic of the Obama cult-like personality is not enough to get him over the hump now.”

“Do you remember that story from the Associated Press not that long ago about how Eric Holder, the nation’s first black attorney general, said that the United States was a nation of cowards on matters of race? So… are we braver now?”

“Is there some prejudice here that the cops in Massachusetts drink beer? Where’s the Kobe beef that other people get when they go to the White House?”

“Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to offer a slight correction to something stated by the Official Obama Criticizer. He said that there was no racial profiling in Cambridge, Massachusetts. There is. It’s in the admissions policy at Harvard University.”

“This article says Obama ‘raised eyebrows’ at the All-Star Game because he was wearing a White Sox jacket. That’s not what raised eyebrows! The girlie toss is what raised the eyebrows!”

“So Barack Obama said that he doesn’t like the word ‘victory’ being tossed around when discussing things in Afghanistan because it reminds him of Emperor Hirohito coming down from the mountains and signing a surrender agreement with MacArthur. When I read that, I said, ‘What the hell?'”

“I just want to remind everybody: I did that Greta Van Susteren interview for a full hour, and I did it without a teleprompter.”

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“How many of you today can honestly say that you trust used car salesmen more than congressmen? I can.”

“Cash for clunkers? We’ll soon have health care for clunkers. You could almost say they’re the same plan: in one, you get rid of your old clunker car, in the other, you get rid of your old clunker grandparents.”

“I’m really practicing mature, professional broadcast restraint in not telling you what I really think of people like Debbie Stabenow. Talk about clunkers… and that’s just being mild about it!”

“My father told me many times that one of the best ways to judge someone’s character is to watch how they treat people who can’t do anything for them. If they treat people who can’t do anything for them like dirt, then you’re dealing with a lowbrow, plastic banana, good-time rock ‘n’ roller phony.”

“That’s the foundation of liberalism: You’re too stupid, you’re too ungrateful, you’re too obtuse, you’re too stubborn, and you’re just dumb. So therefore Andrea Mitchell and Obama have to do everything for you.”

“The exception to human nature and world human history is the United States of America. The people who want to limit liberty around the world? They’re all over the place. They surround us. That’s why we’re despised and feared — because we represent the only opposition to them.”

“Well, now, it’s getting serious. President Obama is very close to losing the support of Larry Flynt. I’ll tell you: when you start losing Larry Flynt, you’re in deep, deep doo-doo.”

“The point is we have a president of the United States who will not tell us who he is. He spends 20 years in an insane pastor’s church who practices black liberation theology — which is basically African socialism — and he says, ‘I didn’t hear what he said.'”

“I’ve decided I’m not going to stop my diet; I’m going to go to 200 and see what it’s like. You think I’ve lost enough, Snerdley? You do? Well, see, I want to lose even more to give myself five years to put it back on instead of the usual three. Just kidding.”

“This is how government works: it doesn’t. They can’t even manage a measly $1 billion program? What do you think this national health care program is going to be like?”

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“The problem the White House has in trying to make the case that all of you are an ‘unruly mob’ is that the polls agree with you. You’re the polls!”

“Mr. President, two million people have lost their jobs since your stimulus bill was signed into law. You have almost doubled the federal deficit this year, and who knows what’s going to happen to the national debt. And yet, you don’t ‘want the folks who created the mess to do a lot of talking.'”

“Folks, this is Mussolini-type stuff. This is a president of the United States who cannot deal with opposition. With him, there will not be any. He is going to silence it.”

“We’ve always known that Democrats are anti-war, and we’ve always known that we can’t really count on them when it comes to national defense. But we have finally seen with whom they will go to war: the American people who disagree with them.”

“You folks remember how much crap and abuse I, El Rushbo, took when I was six months ahead of the game and said I want President Obama to fail? Now do you know what I meant?”

“Forget what you have heard about the most popular car in the cash-for-clunkers program: Do you know what the most popular purchased new cars are? The top three are SUVs and crossovers. Take that, Mr. President!”

“Do you realize that there was no violence at any of these town meetings until Obama’s thugs from the unions showed up? And now Harry Reid accuses you of trying to ‘sabotage the Democrat process’? Stop and think about that!”

“You idiot! We are trying to prevent a disaster here! And if you had any gonads whatsoever, Dylan Ratigan, you’d learn what’s in this healthcare debacle and you’d warn people about it yourself!”

“I can’t sit here and express to you how shocked and stunned that this is happening in the United States — that we have a president who has abandoned the office for the campaign trail. His speeches are cocky, nasty, and arrogant, and he’s out there inciting violence. It’s the Chicago way.”

“Obama’s healthcare logo looks damn like the Nazi logo! I’m sorry, but it does! I didn’t create either logo, but I have two eyes and I can see!”

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“There is no bigger supporter of Israel than me. Not Obama, me. It was Barack Obama who surrounded himself with anti-Semites, not me.”

“I’m getting chills up my back; I feel like I’m listening to my dad listening to these Reagan bites. Ronald Reagan and my dad — they grew up in the thick of the Cold War. They knew who communists were, and they knew what their intent was, and they were scared to death for what would happen if they weren’t defeated.”

“Liberty comes from our creator, and there are people who, for their own aggrandizement and power, want to snuff that liberty out. That’s just the way it is, and they’ve never gotten as close to realizing their dream as they are now.”

“You don’t compromise with socialists. You beat them. And you don’t compromise with people who want to take your freedom away. You beat them.”

“When Norman Thomas said the American people would never vote for socialism, but under the name of liberalism the American people would adopt every fragment of the socialist program, that’s no different than Rahm Emanuel saying, ‘We have to take advantage of this crisis.’”

“Obama’s opponents are not debated, they are swept away. Obama clears the playing field. This is the natural tendencies of an authoritarian — of an egoist — and he is both.”

“Obama is campaigning for an issue with health care, and in a campaign, you have opponents. And right now, strange as it is to say, the opponent Barack Obama faces is the American people. Stop and think about that.”

“Had he gotten this monstrosity,Obama would have signed it: ‘I’m taking the family on vacation to tour the national parks while you can barely afford to leave the house, but I’m president, and you’re not. So screw you — I got health care!’”

“These efforts by the White House to make every one of these town hall attendees a potential assassin or part of a militia is shameful. This is 2009, and this is also the EIB Network, a place where there is no fear of standing up for the United States of America.”

“The left and the socialists never stop, and that’s why I can’t tell youit’s time to get giddy. I’ll tell you when it’s time to feel giddy,but we’re not there yet, so keep on.”

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“What is the big differencebetween Reagan and his recession and Obama and his recession? Very simple: Reagan was trying to end his.”

“Obama’s amazing. He has the White House, the Senate, the House, and every news network, and yet talk radio — which means me — manages to ruin everything. What a crybaby! What an absolute crybaby!”

“The president of the United States has finally identified his true enemies: straw men, doctors, rumormongers, that lone voice overpowering the sensible and the civil, bitter clingers, angry mobs, and Dittoheads. Mr. President, can we just talk about substance?”

“Everybody is asking me: ‘How did it go with William Shatner yesterday?’ Folks, it was like everything else this week: I simply had a blast.”

“Snerdley’s threatening to resign, and I just want to say, Snerdley you want to make this public? Fine. I’ll tell you what they told me at the Kansas City Royals when I was making $13,000 a year: ‘If you quit, we have people who will do your job for nothing.'”

“Harry Reid is expendable. They can always find some other soft-spoken little nerd to run the Democrats in the Senate.”

“The left keeps using the word ‘progressive’ here, and it’s ‘liberal, statist, socialist’. There’s nothing ‘progressive’ about these people! They want to take us back to the Stone Age!”

“We have the most leftist, radical president in our history behaving as a leftist radical, and the other leftist radicals think they’ve been ‘punked’. They probablydon’t like being called bed wetters, either.”

“So there he is: President Obama, out there pooh-poohing the notion that there are death panels in his own health care reform plan, while complaining that the nation’s wee-weeing itself all over the place in August.”

“Moammar Khadafy said Obama ‘should be proud of his African Muslim identity.’ To me, that qualifies Khadafy as the original birther.”

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“Honor Ted Kennedy by putting his picture on the $100,000 bill. With hyperliberal policies, we’re going to end up with hyperinflation.”

“There’s actually a piece at the Huffing and Puffington Post on what Mary Jo Kopechne would have thought of Ted’s career. The last line: ‘Who knows — maybe she’d feel it was worth it.’ Are we to believe now that liberal young women like to die for the cause of advancing Kennedys’ careers?”

“That is sick. Folks, that’s just not normal. I’m sorry. You’re in a car, it goes off a bridge, a woman dies, you don’t report it and you try to get out of it, and you want to hear jokes about it for the rest of your life?”

“Sad news today, according to the latest Gallup poll, ladies and gentlemen: 19% more Americans are racists. Well, Obama’s approval number was 69% shortly after the immaculation, and now it’s dropped to 50%.”

“I want to revise and extend my remarks on Ted Kennedy, man of the people. He certainly was a man of the people — especially if they had big boobs.”

“By the way, did you know that Obama’s buddy, Bill Ayers, dedicated one of his books to Sirhan Sirhan? Did you know this? You had forgotten that, but I hadn’t forgotten because I have a flawless memory.”

“E-mail: ‘Rush, many of us want to know what specific steps could be taken to take control away from the insurance companies and return it directly to the patients and providers.’ Very simple: Pay for it yourself!”

“The minute the Democrats started talking about health care as a right… I mean, that was the death knell. Something cannot be a right if the government can take it away from you.”

“The Alinsky trick is to use words and language that fit within the experience of your audience, the people that you’re trying to screw — and we’re being screwed. No, we’ve already been screwed, we’re just trying to prevent the pregnancy.”

“Bud, I have a question: How has the supply of Chicken McNuggets been in Port St. Lucie lately?”

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“Blitzer thought he knew lots of stuff, and he got it wrong to the tune of minus $4,600, almost a ‘Jeopardy!’ record.”

“What a day! It’s just incredible! We’re getting sneezing lessons at the White House from the Health and Human Services secretary, and apparently the new way to sneeze is the way the Clampetts did on the Beverly Hillbillies.”

“Do you know what the real name of Tuscan kale is? It’s cavolo nero. And do you know what that means? Black cabbage. So Michelle Obama went to the farmers market to buy some racist cabbage.”

“Look what I have done for Rio Linda, California. Before I discovered the place, property values out there were nothing. Now it’s a big deal to say you’re from Rio Linda. It’s still not a big deal to be from there, but it’s a big deal to say you are.”

“Look, it’s a well known fact — proven in John Kerry’s case, by the way — that people who Botox up can’t cry.”

“I always tell people that whatever it is you want to do, talk to the people who have succeeded at it. Don’t talk to the failures, because they’ll bebitter about it and they’lltell you that you can’t make it.”

“You know something, Michelle (My Belle) was almost in tears in that speech at the White House, and is that how you appeal to feminists? You cry?”

“The American people don’t want what your husband wants to ‘bless’ us with, Michelle, because your definition of blessed actually means screwed, and we don’t want to be screwed.”

“Did you hear how Olympia Snowe defined the Republican Party? She gave it a conservative definition — limited government, individual opportunities– yet says the party left her? Be still, my beating heart! She has expanded government beyond the scope of the party!”

“If women were happy, Oprah would be broke. I mean, she would have no audience. Even if she cried every day.”

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“This is the Media Tweak of the Day: You have to be brainwashed or mentally deranged to think that Barack Obama is good for America.”

“Every time a poll comes out and Obama’s down, he does something. I was thinking how there’s still that judge seat on American Idol. How about another round of Sunday shows? Or how about hosting Letterman this time with Ahmadinejad as a guest?”

“Jay Leno talked to me about all the money these Wall Street people make… You know what I should’ve said? ‘You own over 200 cars, Jay. Don’t you have enough?'”

“Left-handed underwear for left-handed men? This reminds me of the time that I called a bunch of sporting goods stores in Pittsburgh asking for a left-handed baseball bat. Now, that was funny.”

“I’m now being asked if I have any predictions on Iran and how it’s going to end. Yeah, I do: they’re going to get a nuke.”

“Obama says he’s stunned that Iran built a second nuclear facility without notifying anyone. What are we talking about here? Did Jesse James call the bank and say, ‘Hey, I’m on the way’?”

“Hugo Chavez said at the UN that now ‘it smells of hope’. Would somebody tell me what hope smells like? I want to go buy some and spray it in the bathroom.”

“Now, if I’m Barack Obama and I’ve got Mahmoud Ahmadinejad saying, ‘Hey, Obama agrees with me,’ I’m thinking: ‘I’ve got a problem.’ But I don’t think Obama’s bothered by it at all.”

“I wonder if Obama heard Netanyahu’s speech, because it was a real teaching experience on right and wrong, good and evil, leadership and sucking up. And I noticed that those who were the most embarrassed by Obama were the most inspired by Benjamin Netanyahu.”

“Actually, I would say Obama is worse than a broken clock. A broken clock is right at least twice a day. Obama isn’t.”

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“Oprah Winfrey is so distraught, she is now eating her way through the fjords, after consuming Norway.”

“The world rejected Obama, the world rejected Michelle (My Belle) Obama, and the world rejected The Oprah. And this is the guy who is going to talk Iran into giving up its nukes?”

“Obama and Michelle have such an ego that they thought they were going to pull this off just by showing up. Is he such a fool that he doesn’t realize that these people hate America more than they like him? Does he not realize that they are delighted to make him look foolish in order to take a swipe at his country?”

“It is not coincidental or insignificant that Chicago was eliminated first. I mean, this was a bitch slap, folks, upside the head!”

“I never understood why Obama went to Copenhagen in the first place to lobby for the Olympics to come toAmerica. I mean, we have 4% of the world’s greatest athletes, and yet we win 25% of the world’s gold medals. It’s just not fair.”

“Mr. President, America inspires the world just by being. America inspired the world long before you were born, and we will inspire the world long after your presidency — despite your efforts to impugn this nation.”

“Like I always say, folks, Obama cannot win in a fair vote. If he had ACORN representation stuffing ballot boxes, then maybe Chicago would have had a chance.”

“I, ladies and gentlemen, want to take this occasion to tell you that I have never had sex with anyone on my staff. What? No, not because you’re all ugly. It’s because I have standards of decency — and yet here’s Letterman being laughed at and applauded for it!”

“Steve Schmidt has said that Sarah Palin in 2012 would be a ‘catastrophe’ for the GOP. This is one of the things that I was asked to comment on today, and here’s what I wrote back: ‘I think it’s time for the McCain crowd to acknowledge that they’re losers and pack it in.'”

“How soon before we see the new Obama bumper sticker — ‘No We Can’t’?”

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“Apparently, Obama’s not only the first post-racial president, he’s also the first post-accomplishment president as well.”

“A shocking announcement today from the National Football League: the Kansas City Chiefs have been named the winners of this season’s Super Bowl. Well, the NFL decided to reward the Chiefs for their good intentions at rebuilding a lackluster franchise.”

“George Bush liberates 50 million Muslims. Ronald Reagan liberates hundreds of millions of Europeans, saves parts Latin America. Any awards? No. Just derision. Meanwhile, Obama gives speeches trashing his own country, and he gets a prize for it.”

“Mr. President, you are totally at home with the likes of Jimmy Carter and Algore and Yasser Arafat and everybody else who’s won the Nobel Prize. What a club! I would have refused the Nobel, by the way, had I won the award, because I wouldn’t want to be in that club of thugs.”

“You know, Obama got his Nobel Peace Prize based on 11 days of work. And what was the most talked-about event in Obama’s first 11 days? Me saying I wanted him to fail. This man owes me.”

“F. Chuck Todd does his show prep every morning in his underwear at his mother’s house, and here he is worried about me. I think he has Drive-By envy. I think he just can’t stand that I have a mansion.”

“I understand that people in the pork business do not want me to call this the ‘pig flu’ or even the ‘swine flu’ — and I don’t want to take the time to say ‘H1N1’ every time I have to talk about this — so I’m just going to call it ‘the Rosie O’Donnell virus’.”

“I probably do have power, but I don’t get up every morning and say, ‘Okay, how can I manipulate things to get the outcomes I want?’ That’s not at all what’s in my mind when I do this program. I’m broadcaster, and what’s in my mind is doing a good show.”

“I told Jamie Gangel that if I don’t succeed in producing a profit every year, then I would have to fire my employees, and then they’d have to go on welfare and depend on Obama for health care, and I simply wouldn’t tolerate that.”

“I’m turning over a new leaf: When the staff screws up fromnow on, damn it, they’re going to own up to it! I have covered for this staff for 21 years! Enough!”

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“The subject of race is being used as a sledgehammer to silence opposition to liberalism. It’s a cancer in our country, and it is growing.”

“If somebody calls you a racist, tell them, ‘I know what you’re trying to do — you’re trying to get me to shut up.’ Then tell them you’re sick and tired of their holier-than-thou arrogance and condescension.”

“How can I trick the media into dumping on Obama? Well, as you well know, I can play the media like a Stradivarius, and it’s all based on one simple reality: the arrogant SOBs refuse to listen to this program.”

“Make no mistake — the NFL is as politicized as anything else is in this country when DeMaurice Smith and Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson can pressure the commissioner into saying who can and cannot even apply for ownership.”

“Would Obama be allowed to buy an NFL team? Not according to current standards. Look at all the racially-tinged comments Obama has made: the bitter clingers, his grandmother being a ‘typical white person’, and the stupid cop up in Cambridge.”

“Obama just said, ‘Oh, I wish I could write you a check, New Orleans.’ Why don’t you? You’re writing checks for everybody else that matters to you!”

“Snerdley came in today, eyes half open, and so I said, ‘What’s wrong with you?’ He said, ‘I made the mistake of starting Vince Flynn’s book last night.’ By the way, Vince wants to meet you, Snerdley.”

“I have a question for Anita Dunn, who admires Mao Tse-tung as her favorite philosopher: Anita, is Mao your favorite murderer, too?”

“Media Tweak of the Day, folks: Most conservatives hate lotteries on moral grounds, but I happen to like lotteries — I figure it’s the one way we can actually get low-income people to pay taxes.”

“Everybody is out there talking about vaccines. Well, let me remind you of the one vaccine that works: EIB, an airborne phenomenon spread by casual contact. When you get it, you are inoculated against all strains of propaganda.”

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“Barack Obama’s head is getting so big now that his ears look like they fit.”

“You Blue Dog Democrats, let me tell you something: You have to vote against this socialist, fascist agenda because it’s the right thing to do. You Blue Dog Democrats are inexorably tied to those of us who want to save this country from the direction it’s headed.”

“When a person in power believes he is more important than the nation he leads, and believes his power is derived from his own special stature (and not from the people), we have a dangerous situation: tyranny.”

“CNBC probably has a hotline from Jeffrey Immelt at the headquarters of GE, and whenever anybody starts going the wrong way about Obama, I’m sure that little red phone starts going off.”

“Trying to own an NFL team is like the Secret Service and the FBI coming after you: they vet everybody in the group. Well, I guess they don’t anymore because Fergie, who wets her pants on stage, is a Miami Dolphins minority owner.”

“Forty-nine percent of voters nationwide say that passing no health care reform bill this year would be better than passing the plan currently working its way through Congress. Something is happening out there, folks. It’s palpable. I can feel it.”

“I don’t do Halloween. It’s not that I’m afraid, it’s just… Folks, I can’t do it. Some four-year-old from Chicago might show up with a razor blade.”

“Story: ‘Students often passed up free condoms at school because they thought the brand was more likely to break. Students said they preferred other brands.’ Well, how about some of you students reject the brand of American history that they’re teaching you and demand something else?”

“By the way, I’m surprised Major Garrett’s alive. Did you know that Major Garrett had swine flu last week? I don’t know if he got a vaccine or not, but I know he knows how to sneeze right because he was there when Kathleen Sebelius demonstrated how to put snot on your sleeve instead of in a Kleenex.”

“I’ve railed against this notion that you can’t win the presidency without the female vote, because conservatism will attract women. Conservatism will attract everybody. Conservatism is America!”

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“The GOP wants to offer an alternative health care plan, and that’s a waste of time. Just stop the Democrat plan. Nothing more, nothing less.”

“You see how politely I did that? The caller asked me if he could continue, and I said, ‘No.’ Now, most hosts would be yelling at him, and then yelling at their call screener — which I will do in mere moments. Hee-hee. Snerdley’s on the phone now giving the guy grief. You ought to see Snerdley!”

“Hoffman, Christie, and McDonnell in Virginia all teach the same lesson: Reagan Republicans win. You know, Sarah Palin is way ahead of the curve of the media and the party elites here.”

“Snoop Dogg, who has a rap sheet longer than my leg, has just been hired to do promo commercials for the NFL pregame show on ESPN, yet I, El Rushbo, am ‘divisive’. I’m thinking I better go out and commit some crimes and do some time — then maybe the NFL and the Democrat Party will have me.”

“Look, folks, you have to understand: leftists are propagandists, and they live by photo-ops. Vinny in Brooklyn had it exactly right.”

“There’s a big difference between Billy Mays and Obama: Billy Mays told the truth. If you bought something from Billy Mays, it worked. His companies all showed a profit. I mean, there’s no comparison.”

“I’m close to losing my temper here. Mr. Gibbs, your boss has destroyed millions of jobs, small businesses, and the lives of countless American families. What is this excrement about jobs ‘saved or created’?”

“The economic heart of America’s engine is its people; not Barack Obama. The intellectual heart of this nation is our people; not Barack Obama. And the last best hope of this nation is our people; not Barack Obama.”

“Please do not get caught in this trap, folks. Please do not allow any of your happiness or any of the validation of your own point of view to be brought about by the mainstream media agreeing with you. Forget it. You’re forever going to be miserable.”

“When the White House goes after somebody, it just makes me believe that somebody.”

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“Do you realize Barack Obama is tougher on insurance companies than he is on the 9/11 mastermind?”

“I talked to Sarah Palin yesterday about the future of the Republican Party, what she thought about New York 23, and how she deals with the character assassination of not just herself, but of her entire family. It was fascinating, and we’ll do it again on Tuesday afternoon.”

“This trial is going to be a soapbox for Al-Qaeda’s case against America, and if you don’t think that they can’t find some pro bono ACLU lawyer to go in there and make the case that America is guilty, you have another thing coming.”

“Can you imagine this poor guy, McChrystal? Here’s this four-star general, and he has to sit there and listen to this community organizer — who wouldn’tknow the butt end of an AK-47 if he saw it — tell him how to run a war?”

“Remember, it was just three months ago that McChrystal made his request for more troops, and we’re continuing to dither here. I have such empathy for all of you out there who are military families.”

“You want to hear a joke? Obama plans to announce a war on deficits in his State of the Union speech next year. I don’t believe a word of this! He’s all of a sudden going to become a deficit hawk? What moron is going to believe this?”

“People often ask me, ‘What can we do, Rush?’ The answer is this: Become my father. Become Roger Ailes. Become Snerdley. Become me. Become the person that your friends and family turn to when the subject turns to politics.”

“Remember, my friends: the left never will lay claim to the true legacy of socialism, which is utter disaster. It is we who have to hang the failure around their necks and ignore their good intentions and focus on the results.”

“Vince Flynn has been telling us for a while that one of his books is being made into a movie. They’re trying to cast the lead character, Mitch Rapp, and Brett has been joking that he wants the role. Yes: George Brett wants to be Mitch Rapp.”

“This is what makes this all a joke: that we’re to be comforted by the fact that Eric Holder has a back up plan in case the 9/11 guys are acquitted.”

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“Obama appeared weak and small on his trip, and he didn’t even leave with anything prearranged to be announced as a positive — which is hard to believe. Presidents usually don’t fly off and ad-lib.”

“You people don’t know this, but Snerdley doesn’t even start screening calls until about a half hour into the show because he knows I’m not going to take one right away. So he sits in there and fakes screening calls to make it look like he’s working when he’s not.”

“Sarah Palin has far more patriotism and love of country and decency in her than Barack Obama could hope to have. This woman would be so much better leading this country than what we have now because we are being led over the cliff into an abyss.”

“Snerdley thinks that I’m the reason The Oprah quit. See, I tell you this to show you how hard it is for me to keep a level head. If I believed everything my staff told me about me, I wouldn’t be able to fit in the door to get in here.”

“Everyone over a certain age always talks about how they were scarred forever by the little drills we had to do in case the Russians launched a nuke at us. I was not scarred by it at all because I had the sense to realize that a desk was not going to protect me from 10,000 zillion degrees.”

“You know, I was thinking about poor old Obama and his trip… Such a washout. And he didn’t even get to come back with one of those ObaMao T-shirts!”

“People form businesses because they have a passion to provide a service or manufacture a product that they love. And then, if they get lucky, they can sell it to some bigger corporation down the line and invest in something new, or go sip pina coladas in the Virgin Islands while watching the Clintons dance with no music.”

“Thomas Sowell has a bunch of great books on economics. And yeah, that’s right, I can’t for this new one — he’s got one coming in January on the intellectual class and what they have done to American culture. That’s going to be a biggie.”

“‘Slept their way to the top.’ Okay, we have about 30 seconds here to bleep this. I’m going to put this up to a vote of the staff. No bleep, Rachel? No bleep. Brian? No bleep. New York says no bleep. Okay, we’re good to go.”

“If this bill is signed into law, the Demcorats are going to get their lifetime supply of Viagra or Cialis — their choice. They’re going to get the 72 virgins in their offices or in the Capitol wading pool or wherever they want them.”

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“If Obama is not a Bolshevik, can point to one item in his agenda that the Communist Party USA does not support? I’ll give you a hint: No.”

“No, it’s not really called the iTampon, Snerdley — it’s the iPad. I made a remark, though, when I first saw it was named the iPad: ‘That sounds like a menstrual device!’ Then a bunch of bloggers actually gave it the name ‘iTampon.'”

“Obama knows he’s governing against the will of the American people, and therefore his definition of success is succeeding in defying the American people. That’s why I say I want him to fail.”

“I wonder how former Vice President Algore felt today when he found out that on his global warming team is none other than — dadelut dadelut dadelut dadelut dadelut — Osama Bin Laden. We have to sign that guy up for a Nobel Peace Prize. He should be a joint recipient.”

“If everything is Bush’s fault, then the GDP going up has to be Bush’s fault, too, no? Truman said, ‘The buck stops here.’ Obama says, ‘The glory stops here.’ Clinton says, ‘The buck never got here.'”

“We told you the other day that the administration is seriously studying the idea put forward by Hamid Karzai to float a hundred million dollars to the Taliban under the theory that they’re just terrorists because they’re poor. So, yes: We’ll put a chicken in every pot and a car bomb in every garage in Afghanistan.”

“Headline: ‘Overweight Elderly Less Likely to Die’. Are you fatties out there loving this? All these people telling you to go on a diet… Now you can say, ‘Screw you! I just found out that I’m going to live longer than you!'”

“Has anybody arrived at one of the most glaring contradictions Obama made during the State of Obama speech? He continually ran down Washington — yet he wants to turn every aspect of our lives over to it.”

“I got up at the pageant last night and I started dancing. I did the Jersey fist bump because that’s what they said they wanted. So I did the Jersey fist bump and I went kind of nuts there for about 30 seconds, and — lo and behold — if I didn’t win the judges’ talent show.”

“Doris Kearns Goodwin is married to Richard Goodwin, who is a funny guy. If I were a woman, I wouldn’t want to be married to him, but women look at men differently, I suppose.”

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“One of the biggest cultural and economic problems we have in this country is single mothers. Households without fathers.”

“If there are any surviving members of Waldo de los Rios’s family, they’re probably asking themselves, ‘What the hell has gone on this week?’ And you watch –somebody will say, ‘Oprah was plugging him.'”

“You House Democrats, listen to me on this: You know the polling. You know you’re going down in flames regardless of what you do, but you’re really going to go down in flames if you pass this.”

“So according to Pelosi, quit work, indulge your fantasies, become an artist or a documentarian, and let the rest of us pay for your healthcare bill. And, by the way, if you happen to get pregnant and want to have an abortion, no worries — we’ll pay for that, too.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if they try to cram amnesty into this bill, too. Why not? If you’re trying to get everything done in the Senate with 51 votes, why leave anything out of this? I probably shouldn’t have said that because I’ve given them an idea. Oh, well!”

“In this culture of ours, people have this insatiable desire to be known, insatiable desire for fame: Facebook, MySpace, Space-Butt — whatever it is.”

“Snerdley, we’re about to get creamed. Look at that squall line coming in. Holy smokes, we’ve got a tornado watch out there! I didn’t even know that. Cool! Flood watch, too? Oh, this is great! Count me in! I love inclement weather like this!”

“Story: ‘A union representing Dutch nurses will launch a national campaign today against demands for sexual services by patients who claim it should be part of their standard care.’ Why didn’t Bill Clinton think of this?”

“I love these guys at Gawker. They make up stuff about me all the time and they’re as snarky as they can be about me, but for some reason, I love these guys. You guys at Gawker? You’re priceless. We love you here at the EIB Network.”

“Oliver, have you ever said to this guy, ‘Zeke, have you ever stopped to think that it’s people like me paying you to do nothing like this?'”

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“We no longer have an administration. This is a regime.”

“Harry Smith is actually intelligent in one way. He knew that talk radio across the country, which has 15,000 times the audience of his piddling little morning show on CBS, would give him all kinds of publicity, and it’s worked. But we don’t mind. Happy to help our favorite liberal at CBS, Harry Smith.”

“Wherever there’s a problem with a business, odds are somewhere in the mix is going to be a union.”

“One of the most important people in Obama’s life as was Frank Marshall Davis, the avowed communist who raised him. Barack Obama also always honors the infamous Jew hater, Louis Farrakhan, with the title ‘minister’. And this guy’s worried about truthful, informed political speech?”

“Look at this headline from an approving Associated Press: ‘Obama talks jobs to NC audience; Payrolls improve’. Wow, wow, it’s magic! All he has to do is speak, and payrolls improve! Should’ve just done this sooner!”

“The thing the president needs to understand is that it’s not I, El Rushbo, who is troublesome. It is the facts that are troublesome. I happen to just be the vessel reporting the facts, and that’s why I’m troublesome.”

“Obama just said, ‘No company is going to make investments for a public good.’ Good Lord! What they hell do they do? I’ve always known that liberals despise corporations, but I never knew it was this vitriolic!”

“You know, seems to me Barack Obama was much more forgiving of Jeremiah Wright’s anger and vitriol than he was his own grandmother, the ‘typical white woman’.”

“I’ve had Harry Reid honor me on the Senate floor, I’ve had Dick Durbin honor me on the Senate floor, I’ve had Tom ‘Dung Heap’ Harkin honor me on the Senate floor, and I’ve had Barack Obama honor me two or three times — not bad for a little kid from Missouri. I wish my parents were alive to hear all of this.”

“Just got a very short message from a very close friend about the discussion of suction and breast-feeding on the program: ‘TMI, bye.'”

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“Palin is exactly right. How do you learn about nukes as a community organizer?”

“Most people don’t have the courage or guts to come down one way or another on an issue; they want to maintain some gray area so they can be perceived as open-minded. And, of course, when I add to my opinions my trademark braggadocio, people just go, ‘Hell with him! Who does he think he is?'”

“There is no greed in the insurance industry. They’re practically nonprofits at this point. They’re just trying to make enough money here to stay in operation in Massachusetts.”

“Stop and think of about that: In Massachusetts, the insurance companies don’t want to do business, but the governor is forcing them to sell a product. This is unheard of.”

“This is exactly how Obama envisions the private sector: There shouldn’t be any profit, and a company exists to provide health care and jobs. And if they make exactly what it costs them to operate, then that’s fine. Profit is an evil thing.”

“Do you remember Obama saying after the health care bill was signed into law, ‘Hey, the earth is not opening up, the birds are chirping, the sky’s blue’? Well, I think the earth just opened up and swallowed Bart Stupak.”

“Snerdley, I don’t even want to think about how much it would cost me to replace my air-conditioning unit. Besides, you think I’m going to pass any inspection when the Obama regime DOE guy comes to my house? The census can’t find me, but I’ll bet that clown could.”

“Stupak himself said, ‘I’m not scared, not at all. I just want to be home more often with my wife.’ That’s a new one.”

“The Iranians will never do it, the Russians will never do it; nobody is going to disarm their nukes — I don’t care if they sign a piece of paper saying they’re going to. But Obama… I mean, he really is one of these water-cooler idealists.”

“I once got ripped off nearly a thousand dollars by an auto mechanic who had a plastic Jesus on the cash register.”

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“Which side of the barricades in Greece would Obama be on? As I say, I’d love to hear him tell us where Greece went wrong that led to this unrest.”

“Has anybody looked at Obama’s fingers lately? Are his fingers fat? We already know Obama is somewhat clumsy, but could it be that he has been ramping up government spending by typing ‘billions’ when he just meant ‘millions’?”

“I think Obama looks at Tennessee and doesn’t see a risk reward there, he doesn’t see any benefit to going. I mean, those are bitter clingers.”

“The European Union, which is trying to bail out Greece, is demanding that they privatize their health care system. Where are we headed? You look at Greece, you see us. You look at Venezuela, you see us. You don’t have to time travel.”

“You have made my day: a submarine being steered in the Pacific Ocean to capture the EIB Network? Yes! Gosh, I love the military.”

“You know, folks, at some point I just get fed up with Obama and his BS and want to move on to something that’s really important and interesting. So I found something here. Here’s the headline: ‘Larger Breasts Pay Off for Waitresses, a Study by a Hotel Professor Finds’.”

“Okay, so the EU is going to give Greece $139 billion to bail them out. That is chump change compared to the numbers we are going to need to bail ourselves out! That wouldn’t even come close to covering California’s pension shortfall!”

“Mark Lindsay of Paul Revere & the Raiders could be liberal, but I don’t think so if he was calling me back in the early nineties.”

“I thought people like your mom defined tolerance and understanding and love, so for your own mother to say, ‘Unless you change your ideology, I want nothing to do with you’… You ought to try sending her some Pro Flowers.”

“You people that serve on submarines are a unique breed.”

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“We miss Alberto Gonzales yet, folks?”

“For every Republican who’s running for office and wants to hold it, Chris Christie is your model. Not only is he talking the game, he’s getting it done. He’s actually taking on all of these liberal special interests. He’s taking them on without any fear of reelection. He doesn’t care. He just loves the state.”

“So Obama said BP is going to pay for the damage caused by the oil leak. What I want to know is: Who’s going to pay for Obama’s damage to the private sector? Answer: us. But it ought to come out of Obama’s back pocket — he’s the destructor.”

“Too bad Obama’s not mad at 10% unemployment. I’d like to see him get mad at illegal immigration, too. I’d like to see him get mad that our southern border is one of the most dangerous places in the world. Instead, he’s mad at the state of Arizona for trying to protect itself.”

“They found three more people involved in this Times Square thing, and they’re not from Texas, folks — they’re from Pakistan.”

“Eric Holder’s law firm represented a bunch of terrorists at Guantanamo, as have some of his appointees! So he can’t blame terrorism on radical Islam because then he’s condemning his firms’ own clients. Stop and think of that.”

“Liberals have no problem drawing a straight line between Oklahoma City and me, but they can’t see radical Islam as the cause of a potential bomb blast in Times Square.”

“Elena Kagan’s passion isn’t for the law; it’s to equality of outcome as defined and determined by central government planners. I mean, socialism is her life partner.”

“Did you see Obama in Buffalo yesterday? He had a plate full of deep-fried Buffalo wings. Meanwhile, his wife is out there on this health food kick. I think half the reason he leaves the White House is to eat what he wants to eat.”

“I should never doubt myself when I’m analyzing liberals.”

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“We were told during the campaign that Barack Obama would be the first postracial, postpartisan president of the United States. Well, let me tell you what he is. Barack Obama is the first post-American president of the United States.”

“Jimmy Carter was a bumbling, stumbling fool. These people are bumbling, stumbling fools, too, but they know exactly what they’re doing — that’s the scary thing.”

“So here’s the bottom line, according to the Democrats: We cannot check whether people are in this country illegally, but we can damn well make sure that everybody’s bought health insurance. Okay.”

“This should show you how confident I am. I mean, here I am talking about another show on at the same time this one’s on, and I’m not worried at all that you’ll go watch it and abandon this. I know you never would.”

“Folks, the president of the United States used the body of Felipe Calderon to flip us off. That was a life-sized bird that we were flipped yesterday.”

“It’s so bad. Everything Obama is doing is backfiring. Key nations like Brazil and Turkey are supporting Iran, not the United States. So right now it’s Iran two, Obama zero.”

“It’s been posited that the world likes us but they don’t respect us anymore. Well, they never liked us, but they used to fear us. Now they no longer even fear us.”

“My question is, if America is so racist and discriminatory against Hispanics, if we’re so terrible on human rights issues, then why do they all want to come here?”

“Have we ever had so much blatant dishonesty from the White House in the history of this country? I mean, even Clinton backed down when he found the blue dress. Well, the Arizona law is the equivalent of the blue dress, and Obama’s not backing down.”

“Would you two stop playing kissy-face in there? We have a program to execute”

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“You know, we were promised a messiah. All we got was the mess. We’re still waiting on the -iah.”

“Now, look at what’s happened here. The administration goes to Bill Clinton because he’s famous for getting people jobs. I mean, isn’t it great, folks, that they’ve found a guy who they know will commit perjury to carry their water?”

“If what the White House is now claiming is true, that it’s business as usual that people are offered jobs to give up something else, well, didn’t Obama pledge to change business as usual in Washington? Wasn’t that part of the campaign?”

“Today Peggy Noonan, who was one of the early Obama supporters, said of Obama, ‘I thought he was supposed to be competent.’ So it’s taken her a year and a half to learn what all of us knew since 2007.”

“Ben Stein said, ‘You can’t blame Obama. He’s not Superman.’ All well and true, but he portrays himself as such, from the moment he started campaigning. Obama was the guy who was going to lower the sea levels, remember?”

“Words are failing me here to describe the impact George Kennan had on the whole concept of diplomacy. He was sort of like John Maynard Keynes and economics, and we’re paying the price for Keynesian economics all over the world today.”

“I guarantee you that these little elves on the left are going to come bopping out of their little mole holes because of what I said about the Marshall Plan. To the left, criticizing that is like criticizing the virgin birth, you know? You just don’t do it.”

“There’s one reason why the political class wants illegal immigrants here, and it’s not complicated. In fact, it’s so simple that it’s unbelievable: They want their votes.”

“What was Amy Carter at the time, eight? Nine? And the most important issue for her was nuclear weaponry? And, of course, Malia Obama: ‘Daddy, did you plug the hole yet?’ You know, if I lived and worked in Vegas, I’d take odds on whether that actually happened.”

“I know what you think about it: We redefine hip on the radio.”

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“Vice President ‘Bite Me’ will travel to the Gulf to review the efforts to combat the oil spill. This makes sense because he’s the man with the plugs, and Obama said, ‘Plug the damn hole!'”

“What is it with turtles? Every day turtles are in the news!”

“If you stand in Obama’s way, you are the enemy, you are to be besmirched, you are to be punished. Look at what he did here with the oil moratorium. When the judge slapped it down, he said, ‘Okay, we’ll just do it again. To hell with the courts.'”

“People continue to ask me, ‘Rush, is this guy really this sneaky smart or is he really just ignorant?’ My friends, like most authoritarians, Obama is an incompetent with no real-world experience.”

“Carter may have kissed Brezhnev on the cheek, but Obama was kissing Putin’s butt with that press conference. That was abominable, folks.”

“It’s been a year and a half since the stimulus, and we are ready to admit that it was a mistake. Yes, everybody knows it was. But to Obama? Not a mistake. He’s not capable of making mistakes. That’s his ego.”

“Obama’s a master of bow-boy diplomacy. In fact, we ought to establish that as a term for how Obama engages the world: ‘bow-boy diplomacy’.”

“Now, according to Obama, there will be one agency whose sole job will be to look out for you. Fox News already has that wrapped up, eight o’clock every night, Obama. Ted Baxter’s already looking out for us.”

“‘Arizona is a state that’s a long way removed from the border.’ It’s Ground Zero, you idiot! You people in Milwaukee, what in the hell are you doing? Who are you electing here?”

“It’s almost like Chris Matthews is in awe about me, but he’s not getting a tingle up his leg — that’s still reserved for Obama.”

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“Republicans have to stop thinking that circumstances are going to get them elected in November. They better start giving people a reason to vote for them — and it better be economic growth.”

“We played a sound bite of Obama saying that the quintessential American quality is the capacity to change. Let me ask you a quick question: Has Obama changed his views on a single issue since he’s been in the national spotlight? No.”

“So is Nancy Pelosi really this stupid, or does she think we are? It is not that easily answered, Snerdley. Snerdley is in there: ‘It has to be she’s that stupid!'”

“I think we face something we’ve never faced before in the country, and that is, we’re now governed by people who do not like the country, who do not have the same reverence for it that we do.”

“Obama says he’s going to do everything in his power to help our economy create jobs. You mean like shutting down offshore drilling in the Gulf of Mexico and Alaska, which is going to wipe out a hundred thousand jobs? Is that what you mean, Obama?”

“You know, a wonderful genre of love song pass away when Barry White passed away. What a set of pipes! And Barry White was great for fat guys everywhere.”

“Robert Byrd voted against Thurgood Marshall and Clarence Thomas, he filibustered the Civil Rights Act of1965, and he was a Democrat the whole time. That’s absolutely correct. I’m sorry, folks, but I just can’t sit here and let it pass by.”

“The Democrats have lost millions of votes since Obama was immaculated, and they want to try to get some of those votes back with amnesty, one way or the other.”

“Story: ‘A significant portion of recent applicants failed to show that they could read and understand math at a ninth grade level. The company has been disappointed by the quality of graduates from local training programs.’ But I’ll betcha the graduates know all about conflict resolution and have read Heather Has Two Mommies.”

“This still is the United States of America, and we’re not going to become a nation of mediocrity without putting up a fight to stop it.”

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“Obama’s slogan seems to be, ‘If it ain’t broke, reform it until it’s broken.'”

“When I was a kid, I cut my head — had a pretty big gash — and the coach said, ‘Just put some dirt on it, Limbaugh,’ and that’s what I did. I grabbed a handful of dirt and rubbed it on my head. Today this guy would be sued and run out of town, and yet here I am, alive to talk about it, my friends.”

“I just figured out that I ruined somebody’s day today: Sarah Spitz, that producerthat works for a station that carries NPR programmingand wants to watch me die. Can you imagine how upset she has to be today to learn that I passed my physical with flying colors?”

“Ieshuh Griffin describes herself as a community activist. This is a woman who wantsher campaign slogan to be, ‘Not the white man’s bitch’. A community activist. Fashion that.”

“The left is addicted to self-righteous anger, and they are never, ever satisfied. They are addicted to their own bile. Do you people know what bile is? Snerdley, do you know what bile is? It’s disgusting.”

“I’ve always said the ones who make the country work are anonymous, they’re not seeking fame. Ah, a couple of them may put their kids up in a balloon and hope to get a TV show out of it, but most people are not in it for the glory.”

“I’m trying to figure out why I get USA Today. I don’t order it; how does it end up at my house? Maybe USA Today thinks my house is a hotel. I don’t know.”

“As a conservative, the more outspoken you are, the more there will be attempts to shut you up or to intimidate you or what have you. Learn to deal with it now and do not fall prey to it. Do not let them shake your faith in what you believe.”

“If we had an American aristocracy, it would be the Kennedys and everything that manifested itself from their time at Harvard. Now we even have the Kennedy School of Government, and what is the Kennedy School of Government? It’s an explicit training ground for people like Tim Geithner and Barack Obama.”

“People say, ‘It’s gotta be more complicated than that, Rush,’ but it really isn’t. Liberals lie.”

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“I do not want General Motors to fail, but a failure is in charge of them.”

“This guy, Obama, has the audacity to go to Detroit and talk about 55,000 jobs created? How about the jobs destroyed right now in the Gulf of Mexico with this drilling moratorium? How about the jobs destroyed in Alaska right now? How about eight million jobs lost since this guy assumed office?”

“Anthony Weiner lost it. The Democrats know that their majority is slipping away. They are crapping up — uh, cracking up. That was a faux pas. That’s a Freudian slip. I did not mean to say that. I apologize, I take it back. It’s no big F-ing deal.”

“Pelosi protected Rangel for a long time, and even now she can’t bring herself to condemn what are serial violations of the law and ethics rules. Didn’t Pelosi say she was going to ‘drain the swamp’? Ha! All they did was restock it with a bunch of alligators.”

“The food that you’re eating at the White House mess is paid for by us, Mr. Gibbs. We pay for the food you eat, transportation, the jets your boss uses, and yet there’s never any gratitude — there’s just more insults.”

“As for the automobile industry, no industry can survive forever with massive subsidies paid for by the taxpayers in an economy where those same taxpayers are losing their jobs and homes and savings, and yet Obamabrags about this?”

“Mr. Gibbs, if government ownership and subsidies were the answer, then Zimbabwe would not be a Third World country, Cuba would be teaching us how to do things, the Soviet Union would not have failed, and North Korea would be the place everybody in the world wanted to go.”

“I keep seeing Charlie Rangel flash up there on the screen; I guess they’re going to have a trial. I’m just wondering if he changed his name, would he give himself a better shot at beating this? Like, Khalid Sheikh Ranglishi, or something?”

“This regime, folks, does not believe in you, and that’s the saddest thing. This is the first administration — maybe in history, maybe in my lifetime — that does not believe in the country. They don’t believe in the American worker, they don’t believe in the American dream, but they believe in big government.”

“We’ve finally reached the pinnacle of what it means to be a Democrat, and that is, ‘Screw you. You don’t like what we’re doing? Here’s more of it.'”

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“Obama is so out of touch, living in such a self-created fantasy world, and so full of himself that he’s starting to believe all of his own BS.”

“Michelle (My Belle) had a beach closed down in Spain after taking 40 of her best friends there and leasing 60 rooms in a five-star hotel (paid for by you) because they deserve it. But you have to pay up. The Obamaspreach against capitalism while living off of it.”

“I think it’s the 65th anniversary of Hiroshima today. So we’re going from the A-bomb to the O-bomb — the O-bomb being Obama.”

“Almost everybody who has guest-hosted this program ends up with their own show, so I wonder how long it’ll be before Karl Rove has his.”

“Let Obama invoke Bush all he wants. George W. Bush had 52 straight months of job creation.”

“When taxes actually go up, when energy actually becomes more expensive, and when the monstrosity that isObamacare actually takes effect, the name ‘Obama’ will be worse than ‘Herbert Hoover’.”

“Obama is out there praising himself for 9.5% unemployment, foreclosures, and bankruptcies. So here is the deal: If you like where the economy is and you want more of it, vote Democrat.”

“I think the Republicans — and there are exceptions — want to be part of the Washington culture. They don’t want to be dismissed, criticized, disrespected, or any of that. They just do not want to make a whole lot of waves.”

“I didn’t know that the White House knew it was my birthday when President Bush invited me over there, but I guess at the White House they know everything — you know, Patriot Act.”

“I’m watching Obama praise Kagan at the White House. This is the biggest bunch… I feel like I’m going to have an insulin reaction! So much syrupy BS here!”

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“Obama is doing to the US economy what Godzilla did to Tokyo — stomping all over it.”

“There was a study in USA Today that said that women would rather give up having sex than gain ten pounds. Now, this might be confusing to people in Rio Linda — I mean, there might be too many words here.”

“Obama wrote that Ramandan ‘is a reminder that Islam has always been part of America andthat American Muslims have made extraordinary contributions to our country.’ A list of those contributions does not accompany the president’s statement, however.”

“If Obama really wanted to support Gulf businesses that were hurt, he’d go talk to some oil workers, because they’re the ones he has put out of business.”

“If Alvin Greene’s a Democrat involved with pornography, he’s in the clear; that doesn’t harm Democrats. Hell, if you’re a Democrat, you can drive a woman off a bridge and if she dies, it doesn’t hurt you.”

“Speaking of Canada, there’s some really, really cool spots in Canada to go to. What? Mr. Snerdley says there’s just three.”

“I take pride in being a nonconformist, and it’s not all that hard to be a nonconformist — aside from the guts it takes. You just have to have a little intelligence, guided by experience and common sense.”

“There were no undersea plumes in the Gulf. It was light crude, and the stuff gets eaten alive by the ocean. It’s called mother freaking nature.”

“So Stephanopoulos and F. Chuck Todd, two pillars of the partisan political operative media, can’t understand why various people don’t like Obama and his policies. Hey, George and F. Chuck: Leave town for a minute — you’ll find that his policies are killing the country!”

“It’s not easy to suffer fools, but today they’re all just really getting to me.”

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“I’m sorry tohave to make a big deal about Obama’s halt…ting speech pat…tern. He’s probably tired. He hasn’t had a vacation in awhile.”

“I never knew Terry Jones was religious. When we were kids, he never set fire to second base. There was no indication that Terry Jones had any affinity for fire. And look wherever you want in the high school yearbook, and you will not find Terry Jones voted ‘Most Likely to Incite a Muslim Riot’.”

“Why do all these press conferences an hour before this program starts, knowing full well I’m going to have all this time to dissect it, Obama?”

“I shouldn’t admit this, but my parents have died, so I can’t get in trouble here: I cut two monthsof high school my senior year. Well, I hated it!”

“What we have here is a man wandering aimlessly in vain search of a thought in this press conference today. Obama has no answers for his failures — none — other than, ‘It was really bad when I got here.'”

“If I had been an accredited journalist at the Obama press conference today, I’d ask, ‘If the Ground Zero mosque is built, Mr. President, will you assist with the ribbon cutting, or will you send Michelle Obama to assist with the ribbon cutting?'”

“You’re part owner of your fantasy football team, Evan? Well, that’s very nice. At least you have an ownership stake in some team in a football league.”

“I don’t think the Manning Bowl is going to be bigger than the Super Bowl because it’s not going to attract the Muslim audience like the Super Bowl does.”

“Barack Obama sat in the pews of the Reverend Jeremiah Wright’s church for 20 years and said, ‘I don’t remember a thing.’ I was four years in high school with this Terry Jones guy, and they’re not believing me when I say I only remember him from Babe Ruth League baseball.”

“No, Terry Jones’ house is not a tourist stop in Cape Girardeau. Mine is.”

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“If Mickey Mouse could get on the ballot and vote against the Obama agenda, I’d vote for him. This is not nuance time.”

“The tail rudder of your airplane has to be wide enough at the top to get a DirecTV antenna in there, otherwise you’re just watching DVDs when you’re flying around, and that’s unacceptable.”

“I think the ruling class has no idea of the staying power of the Tea Party movement. And if they don’t, they’re going to learn the hard way — and that’s their business.”

“From Rasmussen: ‘Democrats in America are evenly divided on the question of whether George W. Bush knew about the 9/11 terror attacks in advance.’ I have to tell you: this depresses me and angers me at the same time.”

“Here’s the dirty little secret: We are themainstream, and they are the minority shrinking oddballs, the genuine extremist kooks.”

“There’s another reason why at some point marijuana is going to end up being legalized in this country: because the Democrats know that smoking pot causes chemically-induced Democrats. Well, have you ever seen otherwise?”

“You’re asking me about my all-time favorite corporate jet on the market? You realize this is the kind of thing that, if I answer it, I make more enemies than friends?”

“My dad never satme down and said, ‘Son, I want to tell you about the American Dream,’ but he lived it. It was always possible.”

“Congress’ approval ratings are at an all-time low, and they have a comedian up there in character to talk about immigration to mock the people who are in favor of closing the border. Considering we’re in the midst of an economic downturn, you could say that this is just a thumb in all of our eyes.”

“Liberals: Do I know these people, or do I know these people?”

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“So yesterday, remember, there was a guy who wanted me to take the day off today. Walter Williams would come in for me. Aren’t you glad that I did not listen to him?”

“All of you who sit out there acting holier-than-thou, saying that these Tea Party people are kooks… How would you do if suddenly your life was uncovered and plastered all over television? How would you do if the media was giving you an anal exam for the express purpose of making you look like an idiot?”

“Adults are supposed to look out for the younger generation, but Obama is ripping them off and telling them to thank him for it.”

“So Obama says, ‘Yeah, your premiums are going to go down, and if you like your policy, you get to keep it.’ Well, the smart money says it’s all a lie. Why? Because A, a Democrat said it, B, the Democrat was Obama, and C, everything he says defies economic and market reality no matter how much you wish it could be true.”

“Everybody wants to think they made a difference. You ever run into people like that? ‘Little Johnny, what do you want to do when you grow up?’ ‘I want to make a difference, Mom!’ ‘Well, little Johnny, realize Hitler made a difference.'”

“Personal insight on what it’s like to hang out with Clarence Thomas? Well, I think that you would be stunned. You would not find an angry, broken man. You would find someone who loves life and is thrilled and honored to be an associate justice on the US Supreme Court.”

“Obama said, ‘Ultimately we’ll make progress. It took time to free the slaves.’ It also took a civil war to free the slaves and 500,000 dead Americans to free the slaves, Obama.”

“I want people in office who have lived lives, who have made mistakes, who’ve learned from them, and who have moved on with their lives. I’m tired, frankly, of Republicans throwing candidates under the bus for not being the political equivalent of Mother Teresa.”

“Boy, how about that Meg Whitman? How about the abuse that she heaped on that illegal maid? You know, she was abusing that maid to the tune of $23 an hour. That’s $920 a week. That’s about $48,000 a year for nine years. I mean, that maid was just taking the abuse that American citizens won’t take. Amazing abuse.”

“Joe Biden is a walking gaffe. Thank God he’s a funny gaffe.”

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“Obama told his supporters yesterday, ‘Don’t make me look bad,’ thinking this election, even when he’s not on the ballot, is about him.”

“Most people, if you ask them as adults who was the best teacher they ever had, will tell you almost without fail that it was somebody in their life who showed them they were capable of much more than they thought they were capable of. Most people are not self-starters — they have to be pushed.”

“The women that I know who watch football are just… ‘What’s with Tom Brady’s hair? Why doesn’t he cut it?’ And, of course, there’s an obvious answer to this, but nobody wants to state it.”

“Snerdley just said, ‘I’ll believe all this when I see the WNBA wear latex gloves for Prostate Cancer Month.’ Latex gloves for Prostate Cancer Month… that was pretty clever.”

“There are people out there waiting for Obama to fix things — not just Obama to personally fix things, but the government, too. Now, these are people who have not the slightest idea that they hold much more great power over their destiny than the government.”

“Throughout our educational system, people’s failures and their mediocre behavior are being excused. In fact, we’re attaching self-esteem to it: ‘Two plus two is five? Wonderful, wonderful, little Johnny!'”

“Biden told his audience in Wisconsin that they were the dullest audience that he had ever spoken to before. And then audience said, ‘Why don’t you just take your butt out of here?’ No, they didn’t. But we can dream.”

“Obama’s a perfect example of what I’m talking about here. He blames everybody for everything, and never accepts blame for his own actions. You know people like that. They’re all over the place, and they irritate the hell out of you, don’t they?”

“The government losing employees is like God losing his angels. We must spend whatever it takes to get the angels back!”

“I checked the e-mail, and lots of people are irritated that I didn’t take a call for the first hour and a half on Open Line Friday. I just can’t win. I do a great, extraordinary show every day, and there’s no appreciation.”

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“Only Democrats care about the little guy — unless you’re unborn in the womb, in which case, you’re on your own.”

“If Harry Reid cannot verbally trounce Sharron Angle in a debate, if he cannot make a convincing case as to how his and Pelosi’s and Obama’s agenda has made us better off than we were two, four, six years ago, then there’s absolutely no reason to reelect him.”

“You heard Harry Reid describe a colonoscopy here: ‘If you do colonoscopies, colon cancer doesn’t come because you snip off the things they find when they go up, and no more.’ This is the reasonable intelligence of Harry Reid.”

“You know, in common, ordinary parlance, Harry Reid’s a liar — it’s no complicated than that. He’s a shameless little man.”

“The Democrats were demoralizing the US military on purpose in 2006; it was the first time in my life that a political party had sided against the United States in a military conflict. Now, Harry Reid can try to revise history all he wants, but we all remember that he said, ‘This war is lost.'”

“Newsweek referred to Dingy Harry as ‘wooden, inarticulate, and shiftless’. My guess is that Dingy Harry is probably scared shiftless today.”

“Who is it, Chris Matthews, that can’t survive in a classroom of eight-year-olds without a teleprompter? Is it Christine O’Donnell? Is it Sharron Angle? Or would it be Barack Obama? We all know the answer.”

“I’ve never divulged this before, but screening is an art, and Snerdley knows within the first five seconds whether you can cut it.”

“I guess politicians can be excused for thinking some people are stupid because they keep getting reelected. I mean, if you were Barbara Boxer and you kept getting reelected in California, you would have to think that half the state is stupid — but then you wouldn’t be smart enough to think that, because you’re Barbara Boxer.”

“All liberals are fools, and they make no sense. The difference is that they are not treated with disdain.”

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“Right now, George Soros is trying to figure out who he can pay to get me fired.”

“You Democrats had 60 seats in the Senate, you had a supermajority in the House, you had the White House, and you had a messiah. And look what’s happened: Your party is singularly being destroyed, and the Republicans don’t even have a nominee.”

“On November 2nd of this year, Democrats will choose which horse they want to ride in 2012: Obama or Hillary Clinton. It’s that simple.”

“There’s never been a better place than the United States of America. The United States of America has done more for people around the world and in this country than any other population or any other country has ever done.”

“The UK Daily Mail online: ‘I left Al-Qaeda because they refused to pay my health care,’ says Osama Bin Laden’s former pilot. How much do you want to bet that Al-Qaeda does notgive their suicide bombers any retirement benefits, either?”

“By the way, folks, it was Juan Williams who was fired at NPR, right? Because I was watching Fox last night, and I could’ve sworn it was O’Reilly who got fired by NPR.”

“Richard, honest to God, I’m starting to feel like I felt last night reading David Brooks’ column — like I’m drunk. And now I’m asking myself: Do you people understand now why we don’t do Open Line Friday every day?”

“My first major disappointment in life was when I was 16 and got to Dallas and found out that Love Field was an airport.”

“Of course, the know-it-all media is saying, ‘Well, you football players don’t know what’s good for you. We, the media, are socially conscious, and we’re worried about your brains.’ And the players are saying, ‘What brains? If we had any brains, we wouldn’t be playing!'”

“David Brooks is a man in search of an enema, engaging in mental masturbation without a climax — and certainly without pleasure.”

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“If you don’t fit in the Democrat liberal plantation, they’ll kick you out of it, and they won’t even give you a mule.”

“The Newsweek magazine cover that I told you I posed for Tuesday afternoon — that cover is out. It’s a great picture. Actually, if you are a fan, the picture says, ‘Come on in.’ If you don’t like me, the picture says, ‘Screw you.'”

“What’s a ‘sexless one-night stand’? What? No, no, no. The broadcast engineer said, ‘A date with your wife.’ Don’t say that. That’s not true.”

“Charlie Crist, hands down, despite the tan, is the whitest of these three candidates in Florida. And who is it that the Obama White House and the Democrat Party are arranging to win this thing? The white guy. Can you say, ‘civil rights’?”

“So John Kerry says that I have created a nation of know-nothings Yeah, right, well, Senator Kerry certainly knew enough to pick the Breck Girl as his vice presidential running mate.”

“Does anybody doubt that there’s bongs and pipes and doobies in the cubicles at Comedy Central? Anybody doubt that?”

“Third party is really not the way to go here. The thing to do here is what’s already happening: a conservative ascendancy that creeps up and eventually takes over the Republican Party.”

“Would somebody tell me how in the world you get innovation if you tax it? Somebody explain that to me. Fareed Zakaria. Smartest guy in the room. Okay.”

“What this is really about in Florida is denying Marco Rubio. The Democrat Party just can’t live with the possibility that a bright, young, vibrant, intelligent winner is Hispanic. I mean, the Democrats claim to own that ethnic group.”

“Story: ‘Many Democrats expected to retire, including Pelosi, if they lose the House.’ So if you needed another reason to show up, here it is.”

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“Thanks for a great week made possible primarily by one man, Barack Obama, because of who he is and what he stands for.”

“Check out this e-mail: ‘Dear Rush, It’s your fault we didn’t win the Senate and win bigger elsewhere because you wasted so much time talking football. If you took your position more seriously, we could have won big.’ I kid you not, folks.”

“To the left, diversity doesn’t really mean diversity. When the Democrats or the media say that they want diversity, they just mean they want no Republicans.”

“Republicans are all angry, rich white people — like Jay Rockefeller, the Kennedys, and John Kerry.”

“When San Francisco bans the Happy Meal and starts talking about ‘food justice,’ you have to figure it’s time to just saw the state of California off and let it float out there. It’s over.”

“Where were the feminists, by the way, when Chris Matthews was mocking Michele Bachmann? Of course, maybe that was considered girl-on-girl action and they decided it wouldn’t be worth the trouble.”

“When I was in college — and that would’ve been 1970 — we had classes for fat women, and they were called ‘feminist studies.'”

“Preexisting condition coverage is not possible. It’s not insurance. It’s welfare. The idea of requiring insurance companies to cover people for preexisting conditions is a recipe for driving them out of business.”

“The smartest people in the room were unable to see one flaw in Obama. They were unable to see that people would eventually rebel against Obama policy, but I wasn’t. I was totally able to see it.”

“No matter what Obama says about unity and working together and getting rid of the partisan divide, it’s not true. He’s a liberal, and liberals lie.”

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“The country was never set up and envisioned to have one political party use the public trough as significantly as the Democrat Party has to cement itself in permanent power.”

“Presidents don’t go to summits unless they have deals already in place, so how could this happen? Well, we’re dealing with an entirely different animal with Obama. We’re dealing with a narcissist-type ego that thinks that just by showing up he’s going to get what he wants.”

“‘Little Johnny, what do you want to be when you grow up?’ ‘Well, I really want to head up an organization to eliminate circumcision, dad.’ ‘Really?'”

“For those of you New Castrati listening, yes, our caller did say that she’s calling from a private Christian school where they listen to the program. I wanted to make sure that they heard that. Okay, Debbie, go on.”

“Will, you sound just like Harry Reid to me. Do me a favor. Say, ‘This war is lost.'”

“I like the theory that the communists and socialists of the world are upset that we’re not capitalist enough to provide them any money. That sounds entirely plausible to me.”

“A guy like Obama gets elected, and the EPA budget grows 129% in two years. And it’s not because of any necessity — it’s because these people are sponges.”

“If you can’t convince the ruling class that you hold the average American in contempt, you’re never going to be allowed in the club.”

“Story: ‘Body language expert says Barack Obama runs the show in meetings with Chinese premiere Hu Jintao.’ This is from the New York Daily News. Now, are you kidding me? They have to descend to this level to show this loser in a good light?”

“There are more and more guests on MSNBC that look like they just came out of the crypt — or is that guy a host?”

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“If people cannot even feed and clothe themselves, should they be allowed to vote? If people who are receiving taxpayer assistance weren’t allowed to vote, can you imagine the difference in the political makeup of this country?”

“Austan Goolsbee… I mean, he’s only marginally less sissy-looking than Julian Assange.”

“This commission was a fraud from the get-go. Any commission that has as its objective to reduce the deficit and does not even include Obamacare in the discussion cannot be taken seriously.”

“That’s what liberals do best — they ‘should’ people to death. I mean, you liberals are the champs at shoulding people.”

“The bottom line here is that keeping the Bush tax rate doesn’t mean I’m getting any additional money; it just means I’m not going to lose any more of it. What are you laughing at?”

“Pelosi’s idea of earning money, folks, is tweaking the tax code to help her husband avoid paying taxes. They all have their own definitions of it, but it doesn’t include helping you — only them.”

“So why did Obama have to go to Afghanistan now, rather than during the actual Christmas holidays? Because Afghanistan’s not on the way to Hawaii.”

“I’m convinced that a number of you, if you had to, would use string and tin cans to listen to this program.”

“Hell, the Ku Klux Klan was a bunch of Democrats, and one of them even got into the United States Senate, for crying out loud!”

“You know who I think will not make the playoffs in the NFL this year? The Philadelphia Eagles. I kid you not. And you can’t say this is because of McNabb bias because he’s not there anymore.”

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“Let the tax rates go up on January 1st. Democrats had two years to deal with this. The new Congress coming in will fix it, if the Republican leadership will allow it.”

“The Democrats are taking the occasion of this last piece of legislation to pack as much of their spending agenda as they can before the Republican cavalry arrives… and going right along with them is the Republican leadership. Sorry, but I have to have to say it.”

“The government is more irresponsible with money than the private sector. At least the private sector is not trying to pick our pockets at every turn, including even when we die.”

“I fully intended to get to your calls in the previous hour, but something went wrong: I just kept making more and more sense. I was on a roll, so I just kept on. Sometimes it happens that way.”

“Really, it isn’t any great shakes that we agreed to two years of the tax rates not changing. How about permanently the tax rates not changing? Then we’ll talk to you.”

“Well, this is what we’re up against. Not only are the Democrats wrong, they’re just plain stupid. I mean, I knew these people were angry, but I really didn’t think they were this dumb.”

“Going to get on an airplane in this country is starting to feel like trying to cross the Berlin Wall. The only difference is none of the women crossing the Berlin Wall were worth frisking.”

“Bernie Sanders is filibustering the tax deal as we speak. I don’t know how long he’s going to go, but imagine — Obama has actually brought some unity here: me and Bernie Sanders.”

“You take the biggest pile of money that exists in this world every year and you mismanage it, Bernie Sanders. And you take this country into bankruptcy, and you dare go on the floor of the House and complain and blame it on working people earning what they have.”

“What is this double-dip stuff? I mean, to have a second recession you have to get out of the first one, and we’re still in the first one.”

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“To paraphrase John Kerry, who served in Vietnam, the Democrats were against the Bush tax cuts before they were for them.”

“Aw, darn it! Does this mean there’s not going to be a government shutdown? That’s the only thing I really wanted for Christmas. I mean, I have everything else.”

“Dick Durbin, if not raising taxes is a brilliant economic maneuver in times of recession, then what the hell! Why didn’t you do them two years ago, Dick? Sorry, folks. I can’t listen to this stuff and have it go in one ear and out the other.”

“If we had a female guest host in here, the problem is, I may not get this show back. But if you want a woman, how about Julian Assange?”

“Brian, the broadcast engineer, in a panicked voice just said, ‘You hear the breaking news? The Redskins are benching McNabb!’ Man, this guy can’t catch a break — nor can he throw one.”

“A lot of people have been asking, ‘How’s Punkin?’ Punkin’s great. Punkin got out of the vet’s office and is back to her old self — ignoring everybody but me.”

“This regime is part of this radical left wing bunch that buys into this notion that oil is poison. Look, it ticks me off to even think about this. I mean, the oil business alone could be an economic revival by itself if the EPA would just get out of the way.”

“So Nancy Pelosi wants to reward work. Really? Ms. Pelosi, can you name me a policy of yours that does that? Name me one liberal Democrat policy that rewards work.”

“The Democrat Party profits off of the misery and suffering of the American people. That’s what is outrageous — that we have a political party in this country which benefits from their own self-imposed suffering.”

“I can sense my intelligence just oozing out of my brain. I mean, before this show’s over, they’re going to need to put me in a home.”

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“I swear — every time I see Nancy Pelosi, she looks just like those guys that have been displaced in a coup.”

“Open line Friday is one of the greatest career risks known to exist in modern media. It’s an even greater risk, folks, than picking up some mellifluous-voiced homeless guy off of a bench and having him voice your promos like they’re doing at MSNBC.”

“By episode three of The Haney Project, it was boot camp: six hours with one club, no break. The unionized Golf Channel camera crew took two breaks, but I didn’t get a drop of water.”

“How do you keep people away from the Democrat Party? Well, first thing is you don’t do anything the Democrat Party’s doing. So you don’t do anything to grow government, to expand or increase the debt, or anything that imposes further limits on liberty or freedom.”

“I just got an e-mail from the Hutch in Seattle; he’s doing chapel for the Saints tonight. He says, ‘Anything you want to pass on?’ I said, ‘Tell ’em to enjoy it because they’re going to see the Steelers again before it’s all over.'”

“Whatever you want to talk about on Friday is fine. If you want to do NFL games and picks, bring it on. I’m happier than shaved ice to do that.”

“Let me add something else to the mix here on the four NFL wild card playoff games: If we were to go theenvironmentalist wacko method this week, every bird team would lose, and lose bad. I mean, what’s happening out there? Birds are falling out of the sky.”

“Jay Carney is being bandied about as one of the potential replacements for Gibbs asWhite House press secretary. Jay Carney used to be one of the top writers at TIME Magazine — but the media is not biased.”

“The scary thing about death panels is leaving the authority over treatment — end of lifeor otherwise — to the very people who have a conflict of interest, and the people who havea conflict of interest are the government because they’re charged with reducing costs.”

“What is the left’s birth control education? Condoms, cucumbers. I kid you not! That’s what their birth control education is.”

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“I was gonna name my first child Krauthammer, even if it was a girl. But no more.”

“You know, we talk about what is smart on this program a lot, as Obama is naturally assumed to be smart. Well, name one smart thing he’s done! Outside of political craftiness and screaming, name one smart policy that Obama has given us to help revive a sour economy!”

“My dad, until a year before he died, was determined he was a failure because he couldn’t convince me to go to college. So my parents were far more like ChiCom moms than theparents of today are.”

“We’ve all known a Marcy out there. I’ve caused many Marcys in my life, by the way, and proudly so. What, you’ve never been the reason a women was left in tears, Snerdley?”

“In junior high marching band, they had to move the trombones to the front row because I kept poking people in front of me with the slide on purpose.”

“Here are your weekend NFL division playoff winners: The Baltimore Ravens, the Green Bay Packers, the Seattle Seahawks, and the New England Patriots. Although, I’m waffling about the Seahawks and the Bears. I’m choosing the Seahawks just because it would screw up the whole thing, but you never know.”

“No, Dawn, I never had a play date. We just went out and played, we didn’t have to make a freaking appointment for it!”

“When I was in Sacramento, one of the best billboard campaigns we had was just a white billboard with text: ‘Rush Limbaugh is a Wonderful Human Being’. And a couple weeks later, tomatoes and other vegetables had been thrown at it.”

“Rio Linda… You can’t really categorize Rio Linda politically — it’s more of an IQ problem.”

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“The president talks about growing jobs when he destroys them. He talks about free markets when he attacks them. And he talks about civility when he refuses to denounce the haters among his friends.”

“‘The governor vowed when he took office in December that he would do his best to end the debate over Obama’s birth, which began in 2008 during the presidential campaign.’ Now, what’s wrong with that sentence? ‘The governor’… Where’s the president on this?”

“Oh, come on, Snerdley! Come on! Look, I know Open Line Friday is Open Line Friday, but we’re not going to take a call from somebody who says she has Obama’s Kenyan birth certificate. What are you trying to do to me? I knew I should’ve taken the day off! Jeez!”

“I can’t tell you how many times in a week I get e-mails from people in Nigeria who claim that they have Obama’s Kenyan birth certificate and they’ll give it to me if I just give them my bank account information.”

“This is like a bald guy saying, ‘My hair’s growing, but not fast enough to replace all the hair that’s falling out.’ You can spot those guys — they’re the ones with the comb-overs — andthey’re still living in fantasy land, just like Obama is.”

“I’m telling you right now — with no offense intended for anyone, simply as a football fan — that of these four teams, there is no better Super Bowl matchup than the Steelers-Packers.”

“I have a question: Whatever happened to Obama’s deficit reduction commission?Remember, that middle class commission that Vice President Biden was to be in charge of? Nobody messes with Joe? No, seriously, what happened to all that stuff?”

“‘If you can point out where the sporting goods section is at Walmart, you can change a tire.’ I like that.”

“If the economy is growing — but not fast enough to make up for the damage done by the recession, as Obama said — well, then, how the hell can it be said to be growing? What the hell, folks? All of this is just gobbledygook PR blasphemy BS, and it’s all part of a reelection campaign.”

“There are 57 states. The president said so.”

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“Thank you for indulging me today in my love for the NFL and the occasion to use my show to talk with these guys to which I would never otherwise have a chance to talk.”

“On Fridays, if I’m not interested in your call, I’ll either say so and go with the flow or fake it. Well, that got Wendy laughing — ‘faking it’. Hmm. Interesting.”

“Mike, somebody like you just has to be defeated. There’s no crossing the aisle and finding common ground with you. You’re free to be who you are — don’t misunderstand, I’m not trying to be insulting — but you just don’t want to be reached.”

“The Muslim Brotherhood does not equal democracy to me. Sorry, I just can’t get there. They want an Islamic state.”

“Wow. Now, there is a true illustration of brevity being the soul of wit. Did I hear that caller right — don’t name a ship after Obama, but name an anchor after him? That’s brilliant.”

“What are you screaming about in there, Snerdley? What are you so upset about? You didn’t hang up on Farrior, did you? Whew. Snerdley is in there screaming at the callers again. It’s not worth it.”

“What does a woman want? You know, it’s an interesting question because oftentimes you have to figure that out with a wild guess. But what a woman wants is the final word. Whatever the final word is, a woman wants to have it.”

“You should hear some of the comments I’m getting about The Haney Project: ‘I had no idea you were so funny.’ Really? I’ve been doing this radio show for 22 years now!”

“They’re telling us there’s now a 26-year low in the workforce participation survey. A 26-year low. What that means is opportunity is at a 26-year low. And we talk about the United States as the land of opportunity. Breaks my heart.”

“I am the inimitable El Rushbo, the all-knowing, all-caring, all-sensing, all-feeling, all-concerned Maha Rushie. Admit it: you wish you were like me.”

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“If Egypt, my friends, has made anything clear, it’s that Obama has no idea what’s going to happen five minutes from now.”

“This is a rent-a-mob. I don’t doubt that there are genuine grievances felt by some of the people in Egypt, but this is not a spontaneous, gee-nobody-knew-this-was-coming moment. This is the result of organizing.”

“I wonder when The Oprah will figure out that she has just succeeded in positioning Obama as weak and failing: ‘Hey, come on! It’s a tough job! You try it! There’s a learning curve!’ She’s just begging America to respect the man-child who’s out of his league.”

“Eighty-four percent of Egyptians favor the death penalty for people who leave the Muslim faith, and nearly half of Egyptians support the terror group Hamas. So these are the people that you see protesting, folks.”

“Look, I need to stipulate something here. Even though I say it’s Open Line Friday and you can talk about whatever you want to talk about, we still are not going to relax our demand for overall cogence and intelligence.”

“Obama’s problem is that he’s obsessed with settling past grievances at the expense of future progress. He doesn’t seem to care so much about ‘winning the future’ as he does about redistributing yesterday’s transactions.”

“You can’t win the future with poor judgment, a mountain of debt, an addiction to spending, and an administration staffed with amateurs and radical leftists. We’re not winning the future, folks. Slogans be damned.”

“I have watched Snerdley screening calls during this entire first hour, and I swear I saw blood pressure rising. He was moments away from whipping that telephone headset off his head and throwing it down on the ground just like Rex Ryan.”

“Nobody’s talking about the fact that Mubarak was elected in 2005. Go ahead and throw in the fact that 30% of it might have been fraud, but he was still elected. I’m sure he stuffed the ballot boxes just like they do in Chicago, too.”

“The Egyptians can’t even do mummies anymore — it’s a shame.”

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“Ladies and gentlemen, have any of you heard how poorly paid Wisconsin teachers are? No. And why haven’t we heard that? Because they’re not poorly paid, that’s right.”

“AFL-CIO national president Richard Trumka is expected to join thousands of demonstrators at noon in Wisconsin today. That’s sort of like the head of the Muslim Brotherhood showing up at Tahrir Square in Cairo.”

“Have you heard Governor Walker blame his predecessor? Have you heard him talk about the rotten situation he inherited, like our boy-child President Barack Obama always does? No.”

“So the great constitutional scholar, Barack Hussein Obama, not only ignores rulings from the judicial branch, he ignores states and their laws. Apparently they didn’t teach federalism in community organizing school, which is where Obama has his real degree.”

“Public servants seem now to have become a protected species, like snail darters. When else in history have public servants gotten more pay, better benefits, and better retirement plans than the people who pay them?”

“Earlier when he presented his budget, President Obama said what? He said, ‘We must start living within our means.’ Well, if he were really and truly serious about living within our means, he would be cheering Governor Walker’s courage in Wisconsin.”

“If I had gone to college, Iguarantee you there would not have been one instructor who would have ever been able to indoctrinate me. I was just that firm in my resolve at what I knew and what I believed.”

“You unionistas and therest of you Democrats, you better think long and hard about whether you want mob rule in this country or not, because according to all the polls — and last November bears me out on this — we have by far the biggest mob. It ain’t even close.”

“I like the idea of people driving through Madison with their car windows down, blaring this show so the protesters can hear it. That would tick them off!”

“You know, female students hitting on male students… that never happened when we were in school, Snerdley, just like the chance to wrestle with girls never happened. I tell you, it’s just amazing how quickly cultural things change.”

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“Did you see where James Carville is one of the new spokesmen for Miracle Whip? You never know what you’re going to get when you start dragging $100 bills through the bayous.”

“You are coerced into giving money to the Democrat Party via your taxes via public employees. You don’t even know it, and there’s nothing you can do to stop it.”

“Essentiallywhat we need to do is take the public sector unions’ ATM card away from the taxpayers’ ATM machine. I mean, the taxpayers’ ATM machine is empty.”

“Our last caller seems to have converted from being a taker to a maker, which means, ladies and gentlemen, that it can happen. People are redeemable, and there are no lost causes.”

“I’m just getting a note here: Spitzer has prevailed, and the Ditzer is gone at CNN. You know, CNN… I still can’t figure them out. What a sexist move: Get rid of the lady and keep Client No. 9.”

“Moammar Khadafy is trying to buy off the protesters in Libya, offering them $400 per family. What a cheapskate! I mean, look at how much Obama spent for every public sector union job: $228,000. Khadafy doesn’t stand a chance.”

“Intellectually, I don’t understand how anybody claiming to be an advocate for African-Americans can sit idly by while half of black pregnancies in New York City are aborted.”

“The Recovery Act program has a $650 initiative called the Communities Putting Prevention to Work, or CPPW. That sounds communist-like.”

“The Honolulu city council has passed an official resolution condemning me over my so-called impersonation of Hu Jintao. Honolulu! My in-laws live there, for crying out loud! They’re afraid to show their face anywhere, outside the hotel.”

“I saw a picture of Mick Jagger the other day, and I thought, ‘My gosh, man, iron your face.’ I was stunned.”

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