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“The dollar is rallying, the stock market is going crazy, and there’s one reason for all this: The NFL is back. All is right in the world.”

“This Gang of Ten is unbelievable. Well, actually, it’s not unbelievable. This is the exact kind of thing, folks, that gave us campaign finance reform. Lindsey Graham and some of these guys… I just do not understand the tone deafness that they’re exhibiting here politically.”

“Hey, Snerdley, are you an organic food guy? You are? Yeah, I figured as much.”

“Every time there’s bipartisan garbage, our side caves in. You know, they once asked Jesse Helms why he didn’t compromise more. He said, ‘If the arguments are between freedom and tyranny, why the hell should I give away anything?'”

“Yeah, I heard that Brett Favre is playing for the Jets now. I don’t remember where I heard that, though.”

“Sports is the one thing in which you can invest total passion without consequence. Well, a dog will love you no matter what you do, but you can’t do that with a cat. A cat will take advantage of it.”

“People don’t think of New Jersey as having an agricultural community — just nuclear waste.”

“So here’s a 7-year-old saying to Michelle Obama, ‘Finish what we started in Iraq.’ And Michelle (My Belle) — you know — she was probably expecting some question about SpongeBob SquarePants.”

“The media is asking, ‘Why is Obama not doing better? We can’t figure it out.’ Well, the guy went to Germany and ripped his own country. Then the guy came back and ripped his own country to a 7-year-old girl. And he thinks elevating pressure in your tires replaces drilling for oil.”

“We conservatives look at legislative bodies not doing anything as a victory, because what do legislative bodies do? They write laws limiting freedom.”

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