RUSH: If you are still listening after I count down from five, and you are offended, the problem is all yours, because you have been warned, and yet you are still listening. So if you complain to the local station, the local program director — if you call the FCC or what have you — you will be met with no sensitivity whatsoever because you have been warned. So if you hang around here and are offended it’s your problem. It’s from the UK Daily Mail. ‘A virus spread…’ and this relates to Clinton, of course.
‘A virus spread during [a Lewinsky] is now the main cause of throat cancer in people under 50,’ not tobacco. ‘They say the human papilloma virus spread during unprotected [Lewinskys] is to blame for a disturbing rise in potentially deadly oral cancers in the last few decades. Doctors have called for boys to be vaccinated against HPV just like teenage girls to stop the spread of the disease’ that is spread during Lewinskys. It’s HPV. Have you ever heard of this, Snerdley? ‘The Human Papilloma Virus is now thought to be the main cause of throat cancer in people under 50,’ not tobacco. Now, if you’re still listening and your kids are out there asking (child voice), ‘Mommy! Mommy! Mommy, what’s a Lewinsky?’ that’s your problem.
I’ll leave that up to you, moms and dads, to explain to your youngsters, ‘What is a Lewinsky?’ I’m just trying to keep the program aboveboard. (interruption) Yes, Mr. Snerdley? You have a look of… (interruption) Boys hardest hit. Boys hardest… I actually have a couple stories in the stack here about some economic thing going on: Women and minorities hardest hit. You know, these people in the media understand. They know the cliches that attach themselves to their work, and yet they still use them! You know, Bill Clinton, he’s inspired a lot more deaths than any talk show host has. I mean, stop and think about this, now: A virus spread by unprotected Lewinskys. Who popularized them? Who popularized the Lewinsky?
Who made it…? (Clinton impression) ‘Heh, heh, heh. You know, Limbaugh, let me tell you something — and you know this ’cause I said at the time and everybody agreed. It all depends on how you define ‘sex.’ And I — I — I told people, anybody that would listen. I told Ken Starr. What a pervert, Ken Starr. You ever seen a more perverted guy on that, tracing around me on this stuff? But I told you there’s no sex with a Lewinsky. Everybody knows that. You gotta have a couple things happen for there to be sex, and that doesn’t happen.’ So everything’s cool with Lewinskys. I mean, there was less of a stigma attached to ’em so apparently there’s more and more of them going on out there and now we find out that they’re leading cause of throat cancer, not tobacco. (interruption) Poor Dawn’s in there just shaking her head. (laughing).
My brother, David, is here in town, and, let’s see, four of my five nephews and nieces are here and he’s wondering: Why did I bring them by today? (laughing) They are digging it. They’re in there loving it. David, you don’t have to write a column today, right? You don’t have to write a column because it’s Presidents Day. See? You didn’t need an excuse from the doctor, you didn’t need a fake doctor’s note not to have to work today. Here we’re, ladies and gentlemen. That’s the point: On these Monday holidays, only the important and relevant really matter — and we’ve got some audio coming up. You’ve probably heard by now: There are doctors in Madison handing out phony sick notes to these protesting teachers. How great it’s gonna be to be a student in Wisconsin from now on. I mean, you can skip as much school as you want and bring in a phony doctor’s excuse and who’s gonna punish you? You bring in a fake doctor’s note, the teacher can’t do anything to you ’cause she used one herself, or he.
RUSH: Okay, a couple e-mails. I checked them during the break. People think I’m making this up just for the fun of it. I am not. The truth is in the UK Daily Mail, and the headline — look, you all know what I mean by ‘Lewinsky,’ right? Everybody knows what I mean. ‘[Lewinskys] Are a ‘Bigger Cause of Throat Cancer Than Tobacco’.’ That’s scientific evidence now. There is scientific evidence, it’s a virus, it’s called the human papilloma virus, or papilloma, two L’s in there, now thought to be the main cause of throat cancer in people under 50. Not tobacco. Lewinskys. Somebody said, ‘What is a protected Lewinsky?’ I don’t want to go there, but there is such a thing.