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“By going back to military trials for the 9/11 terrorists — which is the right decision — Obama has now adopted all of George W. Bush’s major national security policies.”

“The question to be posed to Obama supporters is this: If George W. Bush was so stupid, and Barack Obama is so smart, then how do you explain Obama continuing every one of President Bush’s national security policies?”

“Did you see Elton John? He plays my wedding almost a year ago last June and gets his first Saturday Night Live hosting gig. I mean, what a career bump that was for Elton John.”

“I’m sorry, Katie Couric, but, you know, facts are facts. You guys might own the narrative, but we have the facts here, and the CBS Evening News ratings are the lowest in history.”

“I talked to Congressman Paul Ryan on the phone this morning. He is going to announce a major ten-year budget blueprint tomorrow and, folks, it’s wonderful, and politically, it’s brilliant.”

“These protests in Afghanistan about the burning of the Koran… never mind that the US burned Bibles in Afghanistan back in 2009. Do you remember that, Dawn? Well, you should, because we talked about it on this program.”

“Snerdley’s in there saying he watched the Katie Couric CBS Evening News one time, and that was the night I was on it. Snerdley, you are the biggest suck-up.”

“It wasn’t that long ago, 40 years ago, that JFK said, ‘Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country.’ Well, today the motto of every Democrat constituency is, ‘Demand what your country must do for you.'”

“So Obama and his hawk hens are waging war all over the Middle East. Ho-hum, no big deal. So Bill Maher gets a hair follicle out of whack. So Michael Moore puts on a few pounds. Big deal. Whoopee-doo.”

“So my question, ladies and gentlemen, is when can we start shipping some of these government jobs overseas?”

“We’re going take the fight to these unions, and I can’t wait. I’m jazzed about it. I want it.”

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