From the Convent to the EIB

RUSH: Laguna Niguel, California, and Pam, I’m glad you called. You’re on the EIB Network. Hello.

CALLER: Good afternoon, Rush. How are you doing, dear?

RUSH: Fine and dandy. Thank you.

CALLER: Well, good. Listen, I don’t have a big political comment to make per se, but I just wanted to share just a little bit of yesterday afternoon’s Easter dinner with family with you. I’m afraid I got raked over the coals. First of all, I’m a former nun and so after dinner everybody was sitting around the table talking, you know, just that normal benign chitter chat and so one of the girls, women there asked me, they were talking about, ‘Well, who would you like to go out with, who would be your fantasy dinner date,’ and all that sort of thing. They said it jokingly, they know I don’t go out, I’ve only been out of the convent now for seven months, six months, excuse me. And I just said, ‘Well, I would like to go out with Rush Limbaugh.’ And you could have heard a pin drop in that friggin’ room. Everybody’s head just snapped around, and I felt like I’d just lost my salvation, for God’s sake. And I said, ‘What? I think Rush would be a lovely dinner date. I think the conversation would be sparkling,’ and I said, ‘He just sounds like he’d give a great hug.’ I said, ‘I just love his tone of voice.’ So anyway, I have a lot of people not talking to me now just because I said you would be a wonderful person to go out with and how much I enjoy listening to your program, it’s helping me to get re-grounded politically and to know what’s going on. I hit the ground running.

RUSH: Boy, you talk about a conversion.

CALLER: Yeah.

RUSH: I mean this is a conversion, from the convent to the EIB Network.

CALLER: Yes, sir.

RUSH: Did you say these were family members?

CALLER: Yes, it was a family Easter dinner yesterday.

RUSH: Oh, my God, it’s your family?

CALLER: Yeah. Yeah. Nobody knew that I listened to you. I didn’t know it was any big deal. They’re also left-wing Democrats. But, oh, my gosh, I turned ten shades of red. And I just thought, ‘What?’ I could just feel everybody kind of lean back away from me. And I thought, well, crap — oh, I’m sorry —

RUSH: Well, what did they ultimately say? They had to ultimately say something.

CALLER: One girl said, ‘You would listen to Rush?’ And I said, ‘Yes.’ And she goes, ‘How could you? How could you? How could you listen to that?’

RUSH: The question is, ‘How can you not?’

CALLER: I know! I said, ‘He’s been getting me back in touch with everything.’ And I said, ‘I can tell he is telling the truth. I can hear it in his voice.’

RUSH: These people ever listen to me, Pam?

CALLER: Not that I know of.

RUSH: Well, I mean this is typical. This is very, very typical. So they’re not talking to you today?

CALLER: No. No. I haven’t heard from any of them. Actually I left early because I couldn’t stand any more of the silence. They started talking among themselves and I felt very put down.

RUSH: Did they ever get around to blaming me for you leaving the church?

CALLER: No.

RUSH: Well, that’s coming.

CALLER: (laughing) Oh, my gosh.

RUSH: Let’s do this.

CALLER: Yes, sir.

RUSH: What are the first names of your family members in Laguna Niguel?

CALLER: Valerie.

RUSH: Valerie?

CALLER: Janice.

RUSH: Janice.

CALLER: And Richard.

RUSH: Richard. There’s a guy wimp in here, too. Okay.

CALLER: Yeah, hm-hm. Yeah.

RUSH: Give me an age range because there could be a million Valeries out there in Southern California.

CALLER: Correct. They’re all in their forties, fifties, age range, in here —

RUSH: So for those of you in Laguna Niguel, if you know a Valerie and a Janice and a Richard in the 40-to-50 age range, the odds are they’re a bunch of closed-minded bigots.

CALLER: Amen. Yeah. Unbelievable.

RUSH: Well, I always come to the defense of people who engage in the great risk of listening to this program.

CALLER: Hm-hm. Yep. Oh, I’m proud of it. Proud of it.

RUSH: Well, you ought to tell them that you called.

CALLER: Hm-hm.

RUSH: That we talked about them, send them an e-mail. Do you e-mail?

CALLER: Yes.

RUSH: Yeah. Good. That way you don’t have to actually talk to them, if you send them an e-mail.

CALLER: Yeah.

RUSH: Tell ’em I said hello.

CALLER: I will indeed.

RUSH: Thanks for the call. I love stories like this. I really do. Pam, thank you so much.

CALLER: You’re welcome, my dear. Good-bye.

RUSH: Do you have more to say? If you have more to say, feel free.

CALLER: Oh, that’s okay.

RUSH: Oh, I thought you said ‘I hear a good-bye,’ like you thought I was dumping you.

CALLER: No, no.

RUSH: You said ‘my dear, good-bye.’

CALLER: My dear, good-bye, yes. I’m so used to saying my dear to people. I didn’t mean to sound patronizing.

RUSH: One question, I really don’t want to embarrass you but I’m fascinated by something here.

CALLER: Sure, go right head.

RUSH: In the convent did you use the word ‘frigging’ ever?

CALLER: No, actually I heard Sister Paula say the F-word one time, she was removing a tray of bread — she makes the most wonderful brown bread — was taking it out of the oven, and the edge of the pan caught the edge of the oven door, and it went flying, and I never heard anybody announce the F-word so profoundly in my life. Whoo, it startled me. Actually I was in a monastery, I wasn’t in a regular convent, I was in a monastic order, so we could only speak two hours a day. We observed grand silence, and there was a ten-foot wall that went around the perimeter so we could never leave the grounds, so my job —

RUSH: Only speak for two hours a day?

CALLER: Hm-hm. You’ve never heard 19 women talk so much in your whole life during those two hours.

RUSH: Let me tell you something, the other 22 hours would be heaven.