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“Harry Reid is so bad and so incompetent, we need him to stay in the Senate. I’m thinking of actually donating to his campaign in 2010. I really am.”

“Isn’t it great? I have learned how to play these people in the Drive-By Media like a Stradivarius violin, ladies and gentlemen. It’s one of the greatest achievements of my stellar broadcast career.”

“I never said I want more kids named after me! I mean, I’m honored when people name their dogs after me. But, if they take the dog to the vet, they need to be careful: Don’t say, ‘Mr. Limbaugh needs to be neutered.'”

“I’m 56, but it’s the last thing on my mind that I’m 56. I don’t feel it — I don’t feel it physically, psychologically, or emotionally. I feel young and spry.”

“What is going on here? This is two times in a row I have been discussed on The View, and they’re getting it right. It must be a little Christmas kiss from the babes at The View. The gloves will come back off after the joyous holiday season.”

“You ever seen an aging chimp, folks? When those things mature, they’re among the meanest monkeys out there.”

“Socialism goes back as far as human civilization goes. It’s failed every time it’s tried, but that doesn’t matter to anybody because the people who want power keep trying out new ways to sell it.”

“We need to recycle the whole concept of ‘it’s your money’; the tentacles of liberalism are very, very tangled and have wovena web of deceit that’s strangling the people of this country.”

“I understand that Dingy Harry has made a lot of money out of some land deals in our great West. It’s not too late for Dingy Harry to donate some of the money from his land deals — some of which have been rumored to be shady — to the Marine Corps-Law Enforcement Foundation.”

“Snerdley, you have to understand something: I am not going to avoid talking about Ron Paul just so you don’t have to deal with Ron Paul callers.”

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