Sign Your Life Over to Obama

RUSH: This is April the 29th, 2009. What are you doing today, ladies and gentlemen, to honor this day? What are you doing to honor April 29th of 2009? It’s one of the greatest days in our nation’s 233-year history. April 29th, today. A day shall live in ecstasy. Because today, ladies and gentlemen, is the one-hundredth day of the reign of The One. The Messiah. Lord Barack Obama the Most Merciful. We are blessed with the smartest president in our nation’s history, but he is more than smart, ladies and gentlemen. He is wise. Barack Obama not only knows what’s best for our country. He knows what’s best for your family. He knows what’s best for your children. Barack Obama knows what’s best for you. Amidst such greatness, what are you doing to honor the one-hundredth day of Obama?

I’ll tell you what I would like to propose, ladies and gentlemen. I would like to propose, since most of the country — no, not most, but a decent portion of the country — has already effectively done this. I would like to propose the Obama Power of Attorney Letter for any and all Americans to sign on this, the one-hundredth day of his magnificent presidency. You can honor President Obama and at the same time sign over complete control of your life to him, because he knows what’s best for your country. He knows what’s best for your family. He knows what’s best for your children. He knows what’s best for you. Why not sign over complete control of your life to President Obama, with the Obama Power of Attorney Letter? No more worries about taxes. Obama will take what’s fair. Career decisions? You’re worried about career decisions? No problem!

Obama will tell you what to do. He will tell you where to do it and he will tell you what your compensation will be. (For those of you in Rio Linda, that’s your salary. For those of you in Port St. Lucie, it’s your wages.) Regardless, Obama will tell you what to do, where to do it, and what your compensation will be. Health care? No worries! Sign it over to President Obama in the Obama Power of Attorney Letter. Obama will assign you a doctor, Obama will tell you when you can go see your doctor, and Obama will tell you and your doctor how much your doctor can charge you. And you won’t pay. Obama will pay! Who wouldn’t sign the Obama Power of Attorney Letter? He’s gonna get you a job. He’s going to tell you where to do that job. He’s going to tell you how much you’re going to make. He’s only going to tax what’s fair. He’s going to assign you a doctor.

He’s going to assign you a health care plan. He’s going to tell you your doctor how much or how little the doctor can charge, and Obama’s going to pay for it. You will not have to pay a thing. You won’t have to worry about what to wear; you won’t have to worry about what to think. You won’t have to worry about where to pray. You won’t have to worry about what car to drive, because the smartest and wisest man in history will plan this for you. He will decide for you what you are to wear, what to think, where to pray, and the kind of car you should drive. Best of all, the power goes not to President Obama for a mere four-to-eight years, but to Barack Obama himself for his entire lifespan, because, ladies and gentlemen, do you realize how rare it is that a person of such magnanimity and greatness and compassion and intelligence walks among us?

Do you realize? Obama’s greatness cannot be contained by a four- or eight-year presidency. The greatness of Barack Obama is such that even after he leaves office, he should still run your life. He’s that good. He’s that compassionate. He’s that understanding. Turn over every aspect of your life to Barack Obama — not the president. Barack Obama the man. All it takes is your signature; notarized, signed by two witnesses and your spouse. The Obama Power of Attorney Letter. You will never again have to make one of our irresponsible, ill-considered decisions ever again. Obama will make all of the wrong decisions for you. As the years go on, we will have testimonials from people who have signed the Obama Power of Attorney Letter, who will tell us how Obama has just made their life perfect. I have a sample of what the Obama Power of Attorney Letter is. It’s very simple. I have it right here. (shuffling papers) I’m holding it here in my formerly nicotine-stained fingers.

‘I (fill in your name and address) do hereby appoint Barack Obama, my attorney in fact, to act in my name, place, and stead in respect to the following matters: the vehicle I drive, the salary and bonuses I receive, the job I get, the education my children get, all medical matters, and all tax matters. This durable power of attorney shall extend through his entire term as president, and beyond: through the rest of his remaining years as a mortal walking the sod of planet Earth,’ and then you simply sign it, and you get a notary public out there to day-date and signature it and so forth, and your problems are over. Your cares have ended; your worries cease to exist, all because you realize the greatness you found yourself among on the one-hundredth day of his presidency: blessed with the smartest president in our nation’s history, more than smart, he’s wise. He knows what’s best for our country; he knows what’s best for our allies. He knows what’s best for the world! He knows what’s best energy-wise. Why, you sign over your power of attorney to Barack Obama, and you never again have to worry about a thing! McDonald’s will always have McNuggets, and you’ll never, ever have to call 911 when they don’t. There’s also a simpler way, ladies and gentlemen, to sign the Barack Obama Power of Attorney Letter, and that’s just vote for the guy.