RUSH: Jan in Billings, Montana, it’s great to have you on the EIB Network. Hello.
CALLER: Hi, Rush.
RUSH: Hi, Jan!
CALLER: Thank you for taking my call on this day of lowered standards for caller quality. I am… I’m, uh… I get so nervous. I’m a proud patriot with a Prius.
RUSH: What did you say? Lowered standards for call quality?
CALLER: Yeah, well, caller quality.
RUSH: Oh, you’re reacting to a couple days ago, earlier this week.
CALLER: Well, it was Open Line Friday, anyway.
RUSH: Yeah, but it was — no, it was Monday.
CALLER: Oh, yeah.
RUSH: It was Monday. Everybody thought I was getting — I’ll tell you what you’re reacting to. ‘My gosh, Rush, is this the best callers you could do?’ They were perfect for what we were trying to accomplish on Monday.
CALLER: I’ll give you that.
RUSH: Yes.
CALLER: But, anyway, I have a Prius in Montana, and I kind of got tired of enriching the Middle East and paying for both sides of the war. So I would like to have the opportunity to refute your claims that they are too small, too dangerous and too expensive.
RUSH: Uh… Now, have you heard me say they’re too small?
CALLER: Uh-huh! Oh, yeah!
RUSH: No, have you heard me say it or have you heard others say I’ve said it?
CALLER: No, no, I listen to you all the time.
RUSH: No, no.
CALLER: I heard you say it.
RUSH: I’ve never said they’re too small. Dangerous? I don’t know.
CALLER: Yeah.
RUSH: If you don’t mind the risk of being electrocuted by the battery.
CALLER: Ha! Ha! Well, technically they’re a mid-sized car. They got a four- and five-star safety rating. And with your standard business mileage write-off, you can get it to pay for itself — and they come in blaaaaack.
RUSH: I know. I see them all over the place, here.
CALLER: Okay.
RUSH: In fact, I have fun when I see people in Priuses.
CALLER: You what?
RUSH: I have fun when I see people in Priuses
CALLER: Oh. How do you have fun?
RUSH: Well, I drive a car that could eat one.
CALLER: Oh, right. (giggles)
RUSH: (laughing) So I give it an enema when I’m following it. I get real close in there.
CALLER: Mmm-hmm.
RUSH: If I’m parked next to one at a stoplight and the light turns green, I peel rubber, just to show the driver that I don’t mind destroying the planet.
CALLER: Oh, yeah. Well…
RUSH: So here’s the thing.
CALLER: I’m not worried about destroying the planet. I just don’t want to make the Middle East any richer than they already are.
RUSH: Well, there’s a way. I appreciate your —
CALLER: It would be nice if they drilled here. But it’s just not happening, you know.
RUSH: Absolutely, but I just want you to understand something about your Prius and my reaction.
CALLER: Mmm-hmm?
RUSH: I’m all for anybody getting the car they want.
CALLER: Mmm-hmm.
RUSH: If you love that Prius and you really want it, then go get it. I’m not one to tell anybody what they can and can’t do or should and shouldn’t have.
CALLER: Right.
RUSH: But what I cringe at is people getting swept up by the tug of popular sentiment, to thinking that purchasing a certain kind of car is going to save the planet.
CALLER: Oh, of course.
RUSH: Then these people end up thinking they’re better than everybody else. A Prius is no different than one of these colored ribbons that people wear.
CALLER: All right.
RUSH: For a lot of people. Not you, of course.
CALLER: No, no I’ve got a —
RUSH: Most people driving a Prius, they’re running around — you can see them in there. They’re all smug and they’re sitting up there like they’re saying, ‘I’m better than you.’ That’s why I peel off, leave a little rubber, and drive a car that could eat one.
CALLER: Oh, yeah. Well, I got a bumper sticker that says ‘Hug a Logger: You’ll Never Go Back to Trees.’
RUSH: (laughing) That’s great.
CALLER: Anyway, Montana is a really good state to buy any car. There’s no sales tax here, and in Wyoming there’s no state income tax, you know? So a lot of people drive into northern Wyoming and they drive into Montana to shop, and then you have Indian reservations right there for your tobacco products. So they don’t call us ‘the last best place…’
RUSH: Montana and Wyoming, the way America used to be.
CALLER Yeah!
RUSH: Indian reservations, free tobacco, no sales tax.
CALLER: You got it. Uh huh.
RUSH: Guns!
CALLER: Oh, yeah. Open carry.
RUSH: Deer, antelope, the fruited plain. Buy whatever car you want.
CALLER: You bet.
RUSH: And even have phone lines to call talk shows.
CALLER: Pardon me?
RUSH: You even have telephone lines to call talk shows.
CALLER: Oh, we’ve got that. Yeah. We gave up the smoke signals a while back.
RUSH: (chuckling) All right.
CALLER: (giggles)
RUSH: Well, Jan’s been on hold here for about 90 minutes. So I really appreciate your patience.
CALLER: Okey-dokey.
RUSH: Have fun with the Prius, and, by the way, you might call me back when you find out how much it costs to replace the battery. I didn’t say that. I didn’t say that. I’m torturing myself. (slapping sound) Slapping myself. (slapping sound)