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“I know that the liberals will resent my contract, but I don’t resent it. I earned it! And if Obama becomes president, I won’t keep much of it.”

“For the most part what you’ve read about my contract is true, but I want to say a couple things: it’s actually a pay cut, because I was projecting much more. And since I didn’t get what I was projecting, I’m looking at this not as a raise, but as a cut.”

“There is a battle for the heart and soul of the United States of America, and the battle has one side that wants to tear down the traditions and institutions that have made this country great and reorder them so that they canfeel better about themselves.”

“You know what that New York Times picture of me says? That picture says dark, sinister, confident, dangerous. And if you look at the eyes in that picture, it also says something else –two words. No, not ‘Tony Soprano.'”

“It seems like every day or every week, one of these two candidates is asking for somebody to be repudiated or denounced or renounced. Come on, guys; this is the major leagues!”

“I really like hearing myself because I love saying what I believe, I love being right, and I love hearing myself be right in saying what I believe. You should try it.”

“There’s no way I can ever adequately say ‘thank you’ in a way that expresses the depth of emotion I actually feel about it. Our bond is just phenomenal, and it’s unique and it’s incredible. And that bond is what makes me want to continue to do this.”

“CNBC, if you keep this up — if you keep putting on inane, ignorant people who have no understanding of how media works to discuss me — I am going to buy your network and start doing things right, or else shut it down!”

“When you are too stupid and don’t live the way liberals want you to live, then you embarrass them in the eyes of the Europeans. And our elite, effete-snob Drive-By Media leftists do not want to be embarrassed in the eyes of the Europeans!”

“I must tell you that I will be out tomorrow. That’s right: sign the Contract for America, and then take a day off.”

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