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RUSH: Here is Jacob in Austin, Texas. Great to have you with us, Jacob.

CALLER: Happy Friday mega dittos, Rush, from the University of Texas in Austin.

RUSH: Great to have you here, sir.

CALLER: This weekend here is graduation weekend at the university, and thousands of us are graduating, and this morning I went to the graduation for the department of government and you got a round of applause.

RUSH: I got a round of applause at the department of government at the University of Texas at Austin?

CALLER: That’s right. The commencement speaker mentioned you, said he was honored to be the commencement speaker because he is a Rush Limbaugh Dittohead and he was proud to be selected to speak.

RUSH: Wait a second. This is the student commencement speaker?

CALLER: The official one for the department, the actual — has a Ph.D., and he was I think eight years as the chair of the Republican Party here in Travis County.

RUSH: Well, now, wait a minute. This is great news, don’t misunderstand, but this is not the big graduation commencement that takes place somewhere on the football field with gazillions of people. This is just your department commencement?

CALLER: Right, the department is so big we have to have little ones where people walk across the stage and get their name announced.

RUSH: Really? And so I was mentioned favorably from the stage of your commencement by a professor at UT?

CALLER: And the people gave you a big round of applause.

RUSH: See, this confirms everything that I’ve understood and believed out there: We’re loved out there. This country is made up of far more people like us than those of us right now probably currently constituted would believe.

RUSH: That’s right, Rush. But I want to ask you a question here, you know, it’s every Rush Baby’s dream out there that we have you, El Rushbo, as our big commencement speaker at the big one, the big one is the football field at the tower of the University of Texas —

RUSH: When is that, by the way?

CALLER: That’s tomorrow night.

RUSH: Tomorrow night, okay.

CALLER: Tomorrow night and we’ll have fireworks and a big, big show. My question is, what would you say, what would be your 10-, 15-minute speech to all the thousands of graduates graduating from college campuses across the nation as they go forth to be the future leaders?

RUSH: Excellent question. Before I answer that, I saw somewhere on the Internet a list of the remaining major — not even major, but I guess division 1, division 1A to put in a sports context, graduation ceremonies commencement speakers, and there’s not a damn conservative anywhere. I mean, it’s all liberals, some from media, some from the State Department. This is nothing new, by the way. I think P. J. O’Rourke wrote what he would say at Stanford. You know, Jacob, once long ago, I prepared a commencement address way back when I was still in Kansas City, what I would say to students if they were graduating high school. I’ve thought about it and I’ve updated it since. Ten to 15 minutes is tough, but the first thing that I would say is the world does not revolve around you, yet, and you are not the future leaders of this country, yet, just because you’ve graduated. Now it’s up to you to decide what to do with the education that you have. And I would launch into a spirited celebration of the American capitalist system.

I would tell ’em how much of a head start they have over quite a few other people because of their education. Their education was for a purpose. It was to get them into the free market and engage in capitalism and secure the growth of this country because, like their parents, they someday are going to be worried about the future for their kids and they’re not going to improve the future of their kids by joining protest marches or wearing ribbons or putting bumper stickers on the backs of their cars. They’re going to have to go out, roll up the sleeves, and start working and become productive and further the capitalistic engine of the United States of America. That’s how growth is created. I’d probably just continue with that theme. I’d spend some time inspiring them and teaching them a little bit about America to counteract what I thought they had been taught in their classrooms over the course of these past four years or five, depending on how long they’ve been there. But it would be optimistic, it would be upbeat, it would be positive: You live in the greatest country in the world, and you’re gonna hear every day how we’re the worst, you’re going to hear how we’re responsible for global warming and we’re destroying the world.

We are not anything but the world’s solutions. We are not the problem in the United States of America. I would try to instill in them a pride for being Americans, something that would swell their chests. I would take them through this country and various things that they should be proud of and can be proud of, because it’s necessary, because they’re going to be bombarded daily, in news, coworkers and so forth, with people whining and moaning and complaining it can’t get done, America is evil, and basically my objective would be optimistic inspiration. I would hope — this is a little bit of a stretch — but I would hope that immediately after the graduation they would eschew the party and head right to a job interview. They wouldn’t do it of course, and I want them to go to the party, but love for the country, appreciation for it, understanding their role in it, and someday they are going to be responsible for its greatness, but that has to be earned. It doesn’t just come to you because you’re an American.

CALLER: That’s awesome, Rush, that’s the best commencement speech I think I’ll hear all weekend long.

RUSH: Well, that’s just ad-lib off the top. I would have to put a little more thought into it, Jacob. Do I remember you, Jacob? You’ve called here before, right?

CALLER: I have, about two years ago John Kerry came to campus after he was done with his campaign and I called you up to see if it was worthwhile to go hear him speak.

RUSH: Oh, that’s right, you were going to go to a rally because I said, ‘You’re going to go to a liberal presidential rally, it’s a great place to pick up chicks.’

CALLER: That’s right, that’s right. And I came back next week and I reported in that I did, I did pick up a few phone numbers.

RUSH: You did.

CALLER: And like I expected, they were very enjoyable people to meet, but nothing that came to fruition.

RUSH: Well, you were at a Democrat rally. Be thankful.

CALLER: (laughing)

RUSH: If it didn’t come to fruition with a liberal babe, count yourself fortunate.

CALLER: I agree.

RUSH: I’ll tell you something else I would talk to these graduates about, and that’s failure, and how everybody does it. There’s not a book in the library on how to fail because we all know how.

CALLER: Well, Rush, before we go, I just wanted to take a moment and thank you because during this time of celebration I also want to give thanks to all the people that supported me, and you’ve been with us here, Rush 24/7, even if I don’t get to hear the program live, I’ve been with you three hours a day every day, and you’re the best three-hour course I’ve taken every semester here at the University of Texas.

RUSH: Well, you made my day. You know what I’m going to do? You deserve a graduation present.

CALLER: Oh, Rush.

RUSH: You do, you deserve a graduation present. What do you want?

CALLER: I appreciate that. I wish I could send one right back to you, Rush.
RUSH: No, no, no. You’ve gotta learn to receive. I had to learn to do that, too. It’s sort of like learning to deal with failure. Everybody does it, everybody knows how, it comes naturally, success, that’s not — I mean, look at the people that write books on how to succeed. They make millions of dollars telling other people how to do it, right? Same thing with thinking positive. You won’t go to a book, library, and find how to feel depressed, we all know how, but thinking positively, people make millions of dollars writing those books. By the same token, somebody wants to give you something, you’ve got to let them experience the joy of that. If you send it back to them, I know you think you’re being chivalrous and humble and so forth, but you gotta learn to receive.

CALLER: Well, I appreciate it very much.

RUSH: So what do you want?

CALLER: Hard to say, Rush.

RUSH: No, no, no, that’s another thing. Somebody asks you what you want, you tell ’em. Wanting something, there’s no sin in it, there’s no crime in wanting something. Doesn’t mean you’re going to get it.

CALLER: Well, I’ve been really — I just received an Apple iPhone, and I know you’ve heard the Apple products are great, I think my first purchase when I start my new job coming up next month is to get an Apple Power Book.

RUSH: An Apple Power Book?

CALLER: MacBook Pro. Excuse me.

RUSH: You want a MacBook Pro. All right, well how about this, because that’s something I think you should buy on your own. That’s something you should earn, go out there, you’ll get it in no time at all. But it’s graduation for you and so forth, it’s barbecue season, so I’m going to send you a bunch of goodies from Allen Brothers.

CALLER: Oh, that’s wonderful, Rush! I hear you advertise them all the time, and I can’t wait to try ’em.

RUSH: Well, I know you get a lot of great beef in Texas, and a lot of it may actually be supplied by Allen Brothers at some of the restaurants you go to there, because that’s what they do, they primarily provide steakhouses, not grocery stores. So you hang on here, Jacob, and we’ll get your information to send all this stuff, okay?

CALLER: I appreciate it very much.

RUSH: Thank you. You’re great to call, it’s very nice, the things that you said, and I appreciate it. I want you to know that.

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