Vice President Cheney Stand-Up

RUSH: We have Vice President Cheney last night at the Radio-TV Correspondents Dinner. He was hilarious. He was funnier than the scheduled comedian.

BREAK TRANSCRIPT

RUSH: We have Dick Cheney, also during the debate last night, was the final Radio-TV Correspondents Dinner for this administration. There are a series of these dinners in the spring, and one of them is the Radio-TV Correspondents Dinner at the Hilton hotel in Washington. The big finale for these things is the White House Correspondents Dinner which is April 26th, and the president was unable to attend last night the Radio-TV Correspondents Dinner because there was a dinner at the White House in honor of Pope Benedict XVI, who I don’t think made it because he was at a prayer group session with bishops. A bunch of people went to the White House anyway for dinner in honor of Pope Benedict, so it fell to Dick Cheney to go to the White House Radio-TV Correspondents Dinner, and we have three montages of the jokes that Vice President Cheney told.

CHENEY MONTAGE: You’d be amazed at how many guys want to go fishing with me these days. [snip] You all know how to make a guy feel welcome. Obviously you’re not the kind to look down on a bitter man who clings to his guns. [snip] I myself met with His Holiness this morning at the White House. So between that and this dinner with the media, it’s been quite a day for me. I spent the morning with one infallible authority, and now I get to spend the evening with a thousand of them. [snip] It’s always very exciting when the pope comes to town, and I am modest enough to realize that all of you would rather see the pope standing here than me. But instead of the successor to St. Peter, you’re stuck with me, the successor to St. Al.

RUSH: Meaning Algore. That one brought down the house. Here’s another montage.

CHENEY MONTAGE: Speaking of Vice President Gore, I’m sorry to relate that he’s a little bit sore at me. He’s convinced that on global warming, I just don’t get it. But lately with every passing day the evidence has been catching my attention. I have no doubt, none at all, that we are in the midst of a global warming, or, as I prefer to call it, spring. And I don’t want to sound like an alarmist, but it’s going to get a lot warmer before it gets cooler. [snip] But I want you to know I’m doing my part to meet the crisis by reducing my carbon footprint, big time. Every time I’m rushed to the hospital I insist on a hybrid ambulance.

RUSH: (laughing) And the last one.

CHENEY MONTAGE: At breakfast today I asked Lynne if, deep down, it bugs her that people have taken to calling me Darth Vader. She said, not at all; it humanizes you. [snip] I’m old news in this election but I want a piece of action. I’m fired up for my own candidate. But the feeling isn’t always returned. I feel kind of like Bill Clinton. I guess my cousin Barack has sat through some mighty riveting sermons over the years. If he gets elected, you’re not going to want to miss those Washington prayer breakfasts. [snip] You in the press need to go easy on Senator Clinton on the whole business about running and ducking from gunfire in Bosnia. She made an honest mistake. She confused the Bosnia trip with the time I took her hunting. [snip] Did you see that footage of Hillary knocking back that shot with the beer chaser? Looks like she replaced Mark Penn with Johnny Walker. [snip] Since it is our last time together at this dinner, I think it’s enough to leave you with words I once addressed to Senator Pat Leahy. Go straight home, have a good night, and thank you very much.

RUSH: Vice President Cheney last night at the Radio-TV Correspondents Dinner.