“So here’s Michelle Obama saying, ‘If we’re going to get universal health care and a revamped education system, somebody’s going to have to give up a piece of their pie so that somebody else can have more.’ And who’s going to be in charge of that, Michelle?”
“From the BBC: ‘Italian opposition leader Silvio Berlusconi has claimed that right-wing female politicians are better looking than their left-wing counterparts.’ Who can argue with this?”
“If the Obama campaign ‘needs more white people,’ they should just ask Reverend Wright to go through his new neighborhood in Chicago in Tinley Park and say: ‘Hey, I got a bus coming through here that will take you to an Obama rally.'”
“What are you smiling at, Snerdley? Oh, Snerdley’s just loving that first hour. He thought the first hour was smoking. And it was.”
“If you are in the millionaire bracket — and many of you may not be, but you might want to be — how can you offset your coming tax increase? Easy. The Rinnai Tankless Water Heater. It’s cheap to operate!”
“It was rather obvious yesterday at the Petraeus hearings that Petraeus was being bullied by a bunch of zit-faced, self-absorbed, yapping teenagers in the sandbox. And, of course, Petraeus is just so far above that.”
“If you can separate yourself for a moment from the dire consequences of these little nerds — these liberals — ever coming to power anywhere, you can laugh at their absolute shallowness and lack of curiosity. They’re Stepford people!”
“You should know that Jimmy Carter has come out and said we need to start talking to Hamas. I can’t explain Jimmy Carter. I don’t know what’s happened to his mind. Actually, I don’t know if he ever had one.”
“My success doesn’t depend on who wins elections. I’m not trying to engineer any victory here for any reason other than for the future of the country.”