“As an Operation Chaos operative, don’t bathe. Don’t shave. In other words, no grooming. Go out and get a pair of beat-up jeans, maybe some Birkenstocks. Tell them you don’t really know what Obama thinks about immigration, but you love it when he talks.”
“ABC did an investigation, and they found that the Clintons have earned more than $50 million since leaving the White House. It’s a great country, folks. If the Clintons can do it, you can do it.”
“Jane Fonda might have used the same anti-aircraft gun that they used to shoot down McCain, and now she’s endorsing Obama? Oh, no, this is the worst thing that could happen to him! There go the crossover votes!”
“Ladies, you can stop this: You can stop this tide of men moving over to Obama. That’s all I’m going to say. You know what I’m saying, but I’m not going to say it, but you know what I’m saying.”
“I’m going to this party tomorrow night; it’s a sixties jukebox party. I sent the host a note: ‘What are the ladies wearing?’ He said: ‘Dress cool. Skirt will be fine, and, of course, a top.’ I said: ‘Damn.'”
“Bill Richardson is still healthy. I saw him yesterday — he’s still walking around, and it’s been over a week since he endorsed Obama. So what’s happened to the Clinton enforcers?”
“The Associated Press today: ‘A young Barack Obama, searching for answers, perhaps a place to belong, decided to visit a fast-growing church recommended by friends. What he heard left him in tears.’ Oh, ho-ho no! Poor baby!”
“No one has a pleasant first experience with nicotine. You ever seen some kid take his first drag off a cigarette? ‘Hack, hack, hack!’ I can see that Dawn doesn’t think I know what I’m talking about.”
“Algore announced on 60 Minutes his $300 million initiative to really get people to believe what’s going on with global warming. What, the movie didn’t work, Al?”