“I haven’t seen Wayne’s World, but apparently Paul Begala has, and apparently he’s a big fan.”
“I will accept no responsibility for a Republican loss in November. I am not the Republican candidate, nor am I the architect of a screwball Republican strategy that seeks the presidency by alienating the party.”
“I can’t record stuff on my DVR, Brian! There’s a show on the mating habits of the Australian rabid bat coming up, so I set it up but it said, ‘You’re not authorized.'”
“No serious conservative believes we need to create more international organizations to make decisions about American sovereignty. We don’t need a League of Democracies, Senator McCain. We need the United States of America leading, not subordinating.”
“Matthew, this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Realize the stories you’ll be able to tell your grandkids: that you were a covert op in Operation Chaos, that you successfully infiltrated the Democrat Party at their convention with a Bush bumper sticker on your car and got away with it.”
“Your best friend’s a guy? Is it your husband? Your boyfriend? No? Oh, that’s a dangerous situation.”
“I was a little surprised by that guy yesterday who said, ‘Hey Rush, I need some money from you for college education for my daughter.’ I was teetering on the verge of ripping into the guy, but I was just in too good a mood yesterday. Plus, you know, I’m a nice guy.”
“Andrew Napolitano — he’s a friend of mine, but he looks like an adult Eddie Munster.”