RUSH: This is Lynn in Chester County, Pennsylvania. Hi.
CALLER: Hi, Rush. I just want to thank you for an absolutely incredible time last night, although I was not lucky enough to be in the front row, if you know what I mean.
RUSH: (laughing) Now, that’s a little Inside Baseball. You’re making people wonder what happened to people in the front row. Even Snerdley is in there going, ‘What happened? What’s she talking about?’
CALLER: Well, you know what I mean, I think.
RUSH: How do you know, if you weren’t in the front row? How do you know what went on?
CALLER: Well, I was sitting sort of up in the balcony, not too far from Michael Smerconish [WPHT 1210 AM Philadelphia radio host], and I saw the whole thing.
RUSH: Okay, you can’t do this. Snerdley is now shouting on the IFB, ‘What did you do?’ You can’t believe the kind of curiosity you’ve sparked. You’re going to have to tell ’em, Lynn, what this is. You have to tell ’em because if I do, if I tell ’em, there’s going to be some doubt, because what happened is not that big a deal. You’ve made it sound like a major thing happened and they’re going to think I’m underselling it if I’m the one that tells it, and, frankly, I’m a little curious, too, about what you think you saw.
CALLER: Well, there was a major conservative in the front row, and she got a lot of attention.
RUSH: A major conservative in the front row. How do you know she was a conservative? You’re up in the balcony, how can you possibly know this?
CALLER: Well, you know, you’re right, she might have been one of the liberals to whom you referred, although I did not see her curiously exiting at five-minute intervals.
RUSH: Now you gotta go further here, Lynn. You have to tell the audience what happened.
CALLER: Well, what happened is you actually congratulated her at the end of your wonderful breathtaking performance, and I think she got her money’s worth.
RUSH: (laughing) You are really good. You know what? I think you’re jealous.
CALLER: You know, just a tad. Just a tad. I’m trying not to let it show.
RUSH: (laughing) There were 25 people. Since you’ve opened this barn door, there were 25 people that were brought backstage. They were friends of the radio station, advertisers, clients, and this woman was in the group. They came in groups of two for pictures, and this woman came backstage, and she was very effusive in her admiration for me. She called me her hero and so forth, and she was strikingly attractive, strikingly.
CALLER: She was.
RUSH: Strikingly attractive. As a man, I’m sorry, I notice those things and I celebrate noticing those things.
CALLER: Well, that’s fine, Rush. I appreciate that.
RUSH: Now, let me finish because you made it sound like something untoward might have happened at the end of this show. She was in the front row, and you can’t help but see who was in the front row. The spotlight’s in my face; I couldn’t see a whole lot of people outside the first two or three rows, but I could see the front row. She was hopping up and down all night. She was having a grand old time. So I decided, since she had been so kind and so effusive, so supportive during her performance, when it was over, I left the podium and I’m standing on the stage, and I’m waving at people, and my eye caught her one last time so I walked over, and I just checked to see if she’s married, and that’s all it was. I was looking for a ring finger to see if it had a ring on it.
CALLER: There was a ring check at the end.
RUSH: That’s all it was, a ring check. It’s something we guys do.
CALLER: Rush, I grew up in west Palm Beach County, so I’ve seen men do that before, albeit not on stage.
RUSH: Well, there hasn’t been a me on stage before.
CALLER: Well, this is true.
RUSH: All right. You’re just a tad jealous, and you admitted it.
CALLER: I did admit.
RUSH: Because this was innocent. This is Donny Osmond innocent. Nothing happened. Is it bad form to do that from stage, Lynn?
CALLER: I’m giving you the silent treatment, Rush.
RUSH: (laughing) Giving me the silent treatment. I’m not even your husband — are you married?
CALLER: Well, that’s an interesting question, actually. Legally, I am married, but I’m separated right now.
RUSH: Well, that never stopped a lot of people.
CALLER: No, no, it hasn’t.
RUSH: You have a great-sounding voice.
CALLER: Well, thank you.
RUSH: And Chester County is not a bad place to live.
CALLER: It’s beautiful here.
RUSH: I know that.
CALLER: As is West Palm Beach.
RUSH: No, it’s not.
CALLER: Well, Palm Beach, I should say.
RUSH: Yes. (laughing) I’m just kidding. West Palm Beach is my local Rio Linda ever since the Florida elections, the aftermath of 2000.
CALLER: Well, I spent my share of time on the island, so —
RUSH: You have?
CALLER: Oh, I have, yes.
RUSH: Well, Lynn, I’m giddy here because I didn’t get whole lot of sleep last night. It sounds to me like you’re making an application, in a very refined and female way. You’re expressing disgust over what you think was a public display of a lack of manners and crudity that made you jealous, and now you’re letting me know that you sometimes are in my hood.
CALLER: (laughing) I couldn’t have said it better myself.
RUSH: (laughing) See, here’s the thing. I don’t know your phone number; none of us know your phone number; we don’t know how to reach you.
CALLER: Well, we could possibly talk about that.
RUSH: Well, see, but if I do that, then the next caller is going to say, ‘Well, how come you never asked me for my phone number?’ and give me a little static for being unprofessional on the radio. I’m probably going to get that as it is.
CALLER: But I know you wouldn’t let that stop you.
RUSH: You are very, very wifey.
CALLER: Well, I have a lot of experience.
RUSH: Yeah. Yeah. Well, look at that. Five e-mails from the North Carolina mistress just during this call. Gotta run. Excuse me. It’s a hard break. (laughing) I cannot miss it.
RUSH: Everyone wonders what it’s like to be me. You just heard what it’s like to be me. The only difference is it usually doesn’t happen on the radio. But it just did. Get used to more of it.