“If something by definition doesn’t strive to be conservative, it will become liberal. That’s a profundity.”
“A US air strike hit targets in southern Somalia where Islamic militants were believed to be sheltering suspects in the 1998 bombings of two US embassies, and some pretty high-up Al-Qaeda figures bit the dust. This, ladies and gentlemen, is more like it!”
“Time-outs as a disciplinary measure? The number one disciplinary measure? No wonder they’re not working. I mean, time-out? Time-
“The first time I met Arnold Schwarzenegger was when they were opening a Planet Hollywood in Dallas, back in the nineties. He walked up to me and said, ‘I love what you say about deh Democrats, deh way you screw dem up!’ — only he didn’t say ‘screw.'”
“Discipline is a character trait — and a good one. Few people have enough of it. The touchy-feelies are slowly taking over out there, folks.”
“I was once having dinner and this kid started screaming and crying. So I started crying, and I made sure that I was louder than the kid. The parents of the kid looked at me and said, ‘What’s wrong with you?’ and I said, ‘Nothing. I’m just trying to shame your kid into shutting up.'”
“You see, even though embryonic stem cells might be available from amniotic fluid, that’s not great news for the Democrats: ‘It can’t take the place of embryonic stem cells! We must kill those embryos!'”
“It’s been said that parents learn to parent from their own parents. Well, what do we know about baby boomer parents? They sucked!”
“Berlin, Dresden… those places were leveled. But we won the war, they were rebuilt, and guess what? We don’t have problems with either of them — except maybe the Germans now and then when it comes to diplomatic things, like taking bribes from Saddam Hussein.”
“Folks, there are some days where I think that I’m just too smart to live in this country and maintain sanity and happiness.”
