Rush Limbaugh

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RUSH: Ladies and gentlemen, you people know that I am a compassionate, thoughtful, helpful, and generous individual. Well, you may not know that personally, but you know people that know it, and you may have deduced it from your many, many years of listening to this program. I saw something yesterday that saddened me. I saw something yesterday that didn’t surprise me, but it saddened me. Katie Couric’s ratings, CBS Evening News, have now reached the lowest point since 1987. Now, that’s 20 years, and 1987 was back when the Drive-Bys still had their monopoly. If you add up the numbers of the entire population, all the ratings, all the numbers of the three Drive-By network newscasts, I think you come out something like 5% of the American people are watching.

At the CBS Evening News with Katie Couric, they have their lowest numbers since 1987. Over there at Black Rock, they gotta be wondering what to do — and I, ladies and gentlemen, want to help. So I, today, am going to offer to Katie Couric myself as an interview subject for the CBS Evening News. I’ve had 60 Minutes after me. I’ve had 20/20 after me. Good Morning America has been after me. Everybody has been after me, you know, for the last three or four years, and I’ve turned them all down. I was not ready to speak. I am willing. In order to help Les Moonves and CBS and Katie Couric, I will offer myself. I’m Rush Limbaugh. I am ratings, as I said yesterday, and in an effort to save the CBS Evening News with Katie Couric, I make this public offer today out of magnanimity, out of generosity, out of compassion and out of — (interruption)

Well, it’s hard. I would love to give her some of my rating points but I’d have to negotiate with the audience to watch her show, and I don’t know if they’d accept that. I don’t know if I’ll hear from Katie, Mr. Snerdley. I wanted to make the offer nevertheless. Well, I know. The CBS Evening News, they tried making things up to see if they could pass that off as news, and it didn’t work and maybe they need a real newsmaker. They need a real ratings grabber, and that’s me. Of course, I have a solid history with CBS and its affiliates. (Laughing.) This could be fun.

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