“I’m not retiring until every American agrees with me on global warming. Well, I’ll have to exempt some. Gore & Laurie David will never agree, for example, but you get my drift.”
“Story: ‘Common vitamin pills may significantly increase the risk of death.’ Let me grab my little bottle of Centrum, here. Let me take a couple of them. Okay, swallow one. Swallow two. Ahhh.”
“Dawn, let’s say that you and I live together, all right? (Hypothetically here.) And you tell me that you think I need to go on a diet. I totally agree, and so we do the Algore diet, which is: I eat whatever I want, and you starve.”
“The theory is that now that the Iranians know we mean business, we can do business with them — as though we’re dealing with rational people. These are Islamofascists! How many times do they need to tell us how they intend to annihilate us before we realize that talking to them is not going to stop them?”
“Have you heard about what went on at the University of Missouri at Rolla? A student claimed to have a bomb and threatened terrorist-type actions. Now, we have to ask ourselves: Is there a common link with these little incidents of Sudden Jihad Syndrome?”
“We need street lights because of the rapists and murderers and purse snatchers that hide under underpasses.”
“If McCain had actually been a Reagan conservative and not a pretender, he could have won the nomination in 2000 and be president today — but he found the media more seductive than Reaganism.”
“The left hates preemptive war, right? But isn’t the left’s attack on global warming preemptive? There is not scientific agreement on this and global warming hasn’t attacked anybody. Wouldn’t it be more consistent of them to let the inspectors do their jobs before we go off all half-cocked here?”
“Snerdley was just telling me about a call that he could not convince to go on the air. She said, ‘James Baker and Condi Rice are running the world with Bush 41, and I’m a Muslim, I’m a Muslim, I’m a Muslim. I hate America.’ Oh, that would have been a fabulous call!”
“I am America’s Anchorman: always to the rescue, the bulwark and the rock of conservatism, never wavering despite whatever pressures may be brought to bear. On that you can depend.”
