“‘His approach is definitely something most hunters I know would never do,’ says a hunter hobbyist in Idaho. ‘Maybe that’s what they do in Massachusetts.’ And of course, Kerry does other ‘regular guy’ stuff like pheasant shooting, speeding around in a $200,000 cigarette boat, or on a $2,500 racing bike, or a $10,000 motorcycle, or wind or kite surfing. That was what Kerry planned to do on Saturday in Oregon on the Columbia River Gorge. But low winds and a vacation schedule in Idaho threw those plans off. But not to worry. Kerry intends to fly back to Oregon on Monday for his windsurfing expedition.”
Not enough wind. See, the windmills are in the wrong place. The windmills are up there, and they want to build them in Martha’s Vineyard and elsewhere. They need windmills at the Columbia River Gorge so Kerry can go kite surfing out there. Now, the cost for flying back to Oregon to fulfill his promise to Oregonians to go kite surfing there, “Kerry told reporters on the plane that any shlub would pay the $250 air fare to travel from one state to another to windsurf. Never mind that Kerry’s trip will probably run around $50,000, not counting the costs to the American taxpayer for security and preparations by the U.S. Forest Service. Kerry seemed to realize what he was telling reporters, because he quickly added, ‘Look, the guys who do this [i.e., windsurf or hunt pheasant] are local guys, like plumbers, construction workers.'” (Laughing.)
You know, I know a little bit about this. I don’t windsurf, but I know people that do. I mean, it’s not going to happen. You’re not going to find plumbers and construction workers out there unless they’re being organized now to be out there windsurfing when Kerry shows up. Nothing against them, don’t misunderstand, I have no special affinity for windsurfing or kite surfing or whatever you want to call it. I just have been on vacations with people who do it, and I can tell you where it’s done, and you’re not going to find plumbers there unless your yacht bathtub or toilet backs up. That’s the closest that you’re going to find a plumber to a kite surfer or windsurfer. Kerry staffer said, “With this kind of stuff, we’re in a no-win situation. Every candidate, especially a Democrat, feels the need to pass the ‘guy’ test.” Now, this is a Kerry spokesman here, folks. This is not me, and it’s not anybody else making this up. “Every candidate, especially a Democrat, feels the need to pass the guy test.” You know, Gore had to dress up in earth tones and go out there and hire, who, Naomi Wolff? And then Dukakis but on the Beetle Bailey helmet. It happens. “We have him throw a football around, or play softball. The hitch with our guy is that he likes to do stuff that most blue collar guys just don’t do. He really thinks windsurfing is a regular Joe kind of thing. He thinks pheasant hunting is a regular joe kind of thing. Cheney pheasant hunts with Supreme Court justices who are considering a case involving him — is that what ‘normal’ people do?” (Laughing.) They’re worried he’s out pheasant hunting because it’s what Cheney does. (Laughing.)
This campaign, I’ll tell you, if the book is ever written on what really goes on in this campaign, it’s going to be one of the most entertaining works of nonfiction that we’ve ever read.
END TRANSCRIPT
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