RUSH: You are not… Yes, you are. You are going to believe this. Are you ready for this? From our old buddies at the Cybercast News Service: “The National Institutes of Health,” in the midst of sequester, “has awarded $1.5 million to study biological and social factors for why ‘three-quarters’ of lesbians are obese and why gay males are not, calling it an issue of ‘high public-health significance,'” and this is exactly what I’m talking about. What we need to find now are some 4,000-year-old lesbian mummies who are obese. I am not kidding. I’m not making it up. “The National Institutes of Health (NIH) has awarded $1.5 million” to some bunch of people “to study biological and social factors for why ‘three-quarters’ of lesbians are obese and why gay males are not, calling it an issue of ‘high public-health significance.'” This is in the midst of the sequester. “The investigators say there has been ‘almost no’ research devoted to this disparity, and they have set out to find the biological, psychological, and social factors behind it. …

“However, the NICHD said the future of the project is uncertain because of the sequester…” So 75% of lesbians are fat, and gay males are not, and that isn’t fair, and that is unjust, and so we’ve gotta allocate a million and a half bucks in the sequester to find out why, to get to the bottom of this. We’re going “to find the biological, psychological, and social factors behind it.” I only hope that some of these 4,000-year-old mummies can be shown to be obese lesbians so that we can show that this isn’t anything new.

Because I guarantee you what they’re gonna tie this to is the Republican War on Women. The whole point of this is, “You know, it’s not enough that Republicans hate women. Now Republicans want lesbian women to get fat and sick as punishment for being liberals!” (interruption) Well, you think that’s a stretch? (interruption) You think some…? (interruption) How can…? (interruption) Are you disputing the underlying facts in this survey? Are you telling me that 75% of lesbians are not fat?

(interruption) What do you mean, you don’t know? (interruption) Haven’t you looked? (interruption) You can’t? (interruption) That’s right. You can tell that they’re fat, but you can’t tell they’re lesbians. (interruption) How do they know? They are the government! They know. It’s the National Institutes of Health, and they know. It’s the government. They know everything. They know all. And whatever they say, you can’t challenge. It’s infallible.

So the government says 75% of lesbians are fat, and gay men aren’t, and that isn’t fair. And there’s gotta be a reason for it, and they’re gonna spend $1.5 million to find out why. We’re gonna keep tabs on this, and when they finish this, I guarantee you there will be, as part of the explanation, something to do with party politics. It’ll have to do with lesbians feeling oppressed and pressured by Republicans and conservatives and they eat more and so who knows? Why else do this?

You think this is stretch, Snerdley, but who would have thought that the War on Women would work? But it did with the low-information voters, and it was created out of absolute thin air. It was created out of a question to Mitt Romney about contraception and banning it, which nobody had even been talking about it. So now we got a new issue: 75% of lesbians are fat. (interruption) You’re not supposed to ask, “How do they know?” You’re supposed to already be feeling sorry for ’em, and then you’re supposed to understand why we’re spending $1.5 million to find out why gay males aren’t.

Why don’t they do a study of heterosexual women and find out why they’re not obese or are or whatever, and compare lesbians to straight women and fat or thin? Why don’t they do that, and then bring the Kardashians in it and then make some real inroads. But they’re comparing men and women. I don’t know. (interruption) What are the lesbians eating? (interruption) What is Mayor Bloomberg gonna do about it? Well, what are they eating? What do these fat lesbians eat that makes ’em fat?

Mayor Doomberg obviously knows, or could tell us.

He could do something about it.

BREAK TRANSCRIPT

RUSH: Beverly in Melbourne, Florida. Great to have you on the EIB Network. Hello.

CALLER: Well, I just wanted to give my opinion about how the government could save some money about this research about fat lesbians and skinny homosexuals.

RUSH: Yep.

CALLER: Okay? It’s like the lesbian woman, really, she doesn’t have to deal with a visual, shallow man. She just has to please her partner, and usually women are less concerned with physical attributes and more concerned with a internal, like, you know, the way they think in their personality and so forth. And the homosexual man, he has to please a man, who is visual and shallow. Therefore, if a woman doesn’t want to give up all her cookies and it’s okay with her partner, no big deal, okay?

RUSH: So, just to make sure I understand this, you think the reason that there are fat lesbians is that women are not that concerned with the physical attributes of the object of their love?

CALLER: Exactly.

RUSH: And men are? Men require the body; men require the good looks. So gay guys gotta stay in shape for the potential partner, but lesbos, it doesn’t matter, as long as there’s tea and cookies and a warm bed and love?

CALLER: And intellectual intimacy, emotional intimacy, intellectual intimacy.

RUSH: Yeah, right. Intellectual intimacy.

CALLER: That’s really not important to guys as long as she’s a big figure.

RUSH: There you go.

CALLER: And big boobs.

RUSH: Intellectual intimacy, yes. I’ve never thought of it that way. Well, you may have a point. Who really knows?

BREAK TRANSCRIPT

RUSH: You know, folks, our last caller may have really nailed a point, because I think women will agree with me when I say that just in the normal ebb and flow of things, appealing to men takes a lot of effort. You could say that if it weren’t for shallow men, everybody would be fat. But these shallow men focus only on looks, and so women work very hard to appeal to these guys, but women don’t care as much. That’s her point. She said, “Just give me the million and a half now, because I can tell you why lesbos are fat. Women are not nearly as judgmental. It’s not nearly as hard to please ’em.”

She may have a point.